Lil Tin Flower Red Stitches & A Rain Soaked Angel
by Link Worshiper
Summary: A desperate Relena still clings to the hope that Heero might love her. But her obsession soon manifests itself into hatred for the one person she knows that Heero worries about the most, even if the perfect soldier himself is too blind to see it. 1x2x1
1. Prologue

**Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel**  
By the Link Worshiper  
  


~oOo@ **Prolouge** @oOo~   
  
_If I could have just a moment of you,   
Would I be wanting more?   
If I could have just a taste of you,   
Would I be addicted?   
If I could have just a touch of you,   
Could I tear myself away?   
  
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin,   
With no consequence.   
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth.   
Swallow me.   
  
If I could have just a breath of you,   
Would you, could you infect me?   
If I could have just a view of you,   
Would you leave your door ajar?   
If I could have just a part of you,   
Let me drink of your tides.   
  
I would pray to be the rain that runs over and in your skin,   
With no consequence.   
To be the liquid in your glass that falls around your lips and mouth.   
Swallow me.   
  
And after would the silence thicken, stiffen?   
Would I run home in the dark with something stolen?   
Would you be slinking in my conscience, laughing?   
Would this hunger ever cease?   
  
You are the cliff that I walk.   
Lord, help me if I fall.   
Are you more than my hunger?   
Lord, help me if I starve.   
  
If I could have just a taste of you,   
Would I be...  
Addicted?   
_  
~oOo@oOo@oOo~   
Deep space was streaked with thousands of tiny points of light all meshed together with the creamy purple of broken nebulas and the inky black of the black void all around. Approaching the outer rim of lonely Pluto's orbit was a sleek silver coloured starship, the sound of its four huge jet thrusters roaring in the deadly silence. It was an ominous sight that, alone in the undisturbed quiet of space, was threatening and somehow seemed to glow with a bright gloom, a perfect display of its deadly beauty.  
  
As the star cruiser sailed onwards towards the inner rim of the system, a lone woman stood in the bridge, watching as the stars streaked by in thin slivers. She was refined, standing fully erect, her shoulders proudly back and her chin held high. With a quick sweep of her hand over her hair, tightly wrapped up in a very ornate hair arrangement, she issued out a curt command to her crew as they solemnly went about the business of guiding the ship through the lonely reaches of space. "Bring it up on screen, Officer 2," she said in an authoritative voice. The young man complied almost immediately, tapping a series of keys on the control panel before him. There was the dull sound of the holographic screens popping up before them and the woman soon found herself scanning the five glowing windows before her, each an extensive profile on five very diverse and seemingly unobtrusive teenagers.  
  
"Is this satisfactory?" the officer swiveled around in his chair to ask his commander.  
  
"Yes, yes, very good," the woman was musing. She made a gesture with her head as she said in that solid voice, "Bring that one up on the main screen."  
  
Again there was the sound of the man's fingers flying over the keyboard beside him and the holographs rearranged themselves, four of them shrinking in size and falling to an out of the way corner of the screen as the one indicated by the woman grew larger and spread out in three more sections. The woman frowned at the picture of the stony youth with messy brown hair and piercing blue eyes.   
  
"He may prove to be a problem if he catches wind of Operation DIANA," she commented to herself, though her voice still annexed that hard leadership tone. Then she spoke in a louder voice to the five men that made up her cockpit crew. "Bring up all his stats. Where is he? I want him dead before we reach Earth's orbit."  
  
The little white words scrolled up the glowing blue screen. Name: Heero Yuy; Age: 19; Height: 156 cm.; Weight: 46 kg; Ethnicity: Japanese; Gundam: .01 (Wing Zero)….   
  
"Ma'am, with all due respect," the second officer who had been commandeering the holograms stood up beside his post and gave a stiff soldier's salute, "that's a very drastic sort of order… especially for just a boy…."  
  
The woman was quick as she whipped a black revolver from its holster at her hip. She held it in front of her as she spoke in that cold dictating voice. "Officer 2, I believe you are forgetting your place. Operation DIANA cannot commence until those Gundam pilots are all dead. And for all to go as planned, we must put Phase I into motion within the hour of entering Earth's orbit."  
  
"Ma'am, I still believe that these boys can no longer pose a threat. The Earth Sphere Alliance has outlawed MS machinery of all kinds, including Gundams and it's been three years since this and the law that prohibits unauthorized weaponry on Earth has been passed. There's nothing they can do to interrupt Operation DIANA without—" There was the sound of two quick gunshots from the revolver's barrel as the woman fired at the impertinent soldier.  
  
"Get that mess out of here and find someone to take his place," the lady jerked her thumb at the third officer sitting next to the dead solder's station as her other hand jammed the gun back into the holster. "And while you're doing that, designate a B-Class Helios for someone to take ahead of us to dispose of that—"she glanced up at the screen— "that Heero Yuy. Despite the protests of the late Officer 2, the existence of Earth's former Gundam pilots could still be a threat to our plans and this is a precaution I think we best take for everything to run smoothly."  
  
The soldier gave a smart salute and ran off to execute his orders. As he left, the woman crossed her arms, staring at the information display with a dark scowl. Then she grimaced and smiled, her lips turned in a cold grin. "Just you wait little Relena. We have a late Christmas gift for you and your damned pacifist Union." And then her lips parted into a dark giggle, which erupted into full maniacal laughter.  
  


~oOo@oOo@oOo~ 


	2. Gutter Flower

**Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel  
** By the Link Worshiper  
  
~oOo@ Part I ~ Gutter Flower @oOo~ 

  
  
Duo liked the rain. He always had, ever since he was a little child running around singing (more or less) punk rock songs through the silent halls of the monastery where he had been raised. He had loved the sound it made on the roof, pitter-pattering softly during quiet showers, or raging madly against the slate shingles during a moody thunderstorm. Rain had such personality, sometimes soothing and reassuring at one moment, only to become hard and violent at other times. But no matter what the rain was feeling, Duo adored it, and had always reveled in dancing in its moistened glory, for the sheer sensation of feeling alive, free and renewed. No matter what dreadful thoughts had been running through his mind (and there were more of those than Duo liked to let on), the rain could always wash away his sadness, like a baptismal rite… or something of the like, being as, despite his upbringing, Duo had never been a big believer in God and all that. And it was good during a long hard cry, because the rain could wash away tears and hide their marks.   
  
But that was all in the past. It did not rain in space. Not for real anyway. After the war with OZ had ended, Duo had found himself nameless and wandering the streets again, just as he was when he was a child, sometimes for days straight before he could find a roof to sleep under or a good warm meal to eat. Stealing just to get barely enough to scrape by, Duo was a fugitive of sorts, hiding in dark corners, watching his life pass him by. Only twenty and already he found himself in the winter of his life. Nameless, just like Shinigami…. No one had noticed him in all the joy of the world's newfound peace. Quatre had his excessively large family to return home to and Wufei found his country oozing with pride for their warrior. Trowa had faded back into the circus life though Duo was pretty sure that he was still visiting with Quatre. Even Heero had his moment of unwanted glory for a month or so when he was praised as some kind of national hero for "saving mankind from certain doom" (or so the headline read as Duo recalled) before he faded back into the woodwork, just the way typical Heero had always liked to be, alone, without a face or a name. But Shinigami wandered alone and at night, near death and with nowhere to go. He had been the only survivor of the Maxwell Church Tragedy and even though he was sure that any church would surely accept him, the life did not suit him, knowing also that they would not be too pleased to hear that any faith Duo had once had in a god of any kind (besides dear Shinigami, of course) was shot completely to pieces. It was pointless, frustrating and a waste of mind, energy and time. So there he was, all alone until a familiar face found him curled up in a gutter somewhere with a cheap little transistor radio pressed against his breast as the rain drummed against his prone near dead body.   
  
_"You?" Duo looked up, lifting his head as high as he could with such a weakened body. "What are you doing here? I thought you were dead."  
  
"I could say the same about you." His voice was deep and thick, sad and deliciously monotone, just as it had always been, never changing, even after all this time.  
  
Duo massaged his bleeding shoulder and then made a fuss of pulling his black baseball cap down over his eyes. "But I'm dead. Shinigami has come at last to take his faithful home."  
  
"Seems he's forgotten his most trustworthy servant," came the witty reply wrapped in that same unwavering tone, still melancholy, still miserable. "Obviously there is still something left for the Devil's advocate here."  
  
"Not here," Duo moaned. "Look at me! I'm about to die! I'm sleeping in a goddamned sewer drain for Chrissakes! I smell like dead fish, my clothes are a bloody mess and I'm near starving to death! How can you say there's more for me to do in this godforsaken life?"  
  
"There can be no light without shadow, just as there cannot be shadow without the light," he murmured as he stooped, discarding the large red umbrella he had been holding so he could slid his arms under Duo's knees and behind his neck. "It's uncanny the way I always seem to be coming to your rescue, even now that OZ has been eliminated."_  
  
It was such that Duo had come to live with Heero Yuy. After that chance encounter, Heero had carried Duo to his hotel and allowed him to wash away the stench of poverty before whisking the braided American away with him to his home on a new colony up in the L1 cluster by the end of the week. That was the last time Duo had ever been caught in the warmth of the Earth's rain. He hated to think about it and yet at the same time felt that it had been on that day that his life had started over. He really had missed Heero after the war, and it was depressing to think in his head that he had adored those days when there was abundant fighting and galactic unrest because that meant that he would be with Heero, the one person Duo would even consider being a real friend… not that the feeling was mutual or anything. Heero said time and again that it was his duty to a fellow comrade-at-arms and nothing more (Duo could swear that Heero would have to look the word friend up in a dictionary to figure out what the it meant), and it hurt Duo to think that he was only another soldier to Heero. And even at times, the feeling of being rejected was more evident than others, though Heero never quite understood when he came home to find Duo crumpled up in a corner, crying his eyes out.  
Furthermore, he was not sure if he was wearing out his welcome by staying with Heero after all this time, but after about three, going on four years of living in Heero's rather spacious apartment, he had grown rather used to the lifestyle and was not sure he could get back out on his own two feet again without falling miserably back into the gutter. And then besides, he was with Heero again and that meant that he would not be lonely… because Heero was all he had. Just unfeeling Heero and that crappy little tin transistor radio.  
  
The phone was ringing softly from the little kitchenette of the apartment as Duo awoke slowly, rubbing his eyes groggily. He could barely hear it from his room over the soft strains of his crackly little radio and wished hard that he were only dreaming it, because if there was anything that he hated, it was early rising. _Heero, go get it, will you?_ He squinted his eyes shut again and rolled over as the phone rang on.  
  
_All I can say is that my life is pretty plain.   
I like watching the puddles gathering.   
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two,   
And speak my point of view,   
But it's not sane.   
  
I just want someone to say to me,   
"I'll always be there when you wait."   
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today.   
So stay with me and I'll have it made.   
  
And I don't understand why I sleep all day,   
And I start to complain when there's no rain.   
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake,   
And it rips my life away,   
But it's a great escape.   
Escape…   
  
_ "Come on Heero, I'm trying to get some extra shuteye," Duo threw a pillow over his head angrily, completely unwilling to actually get up and walk the distance to the kitchen for one damn telephone call. Soon there was silence, and Duo took a brief moment to wonder why Heero, the most efficient machine in all the known universe, had not immediately gone to pick it up. And then it began to ring again, its droning buzzing only frustratingly annoying at this point. Duo rolled over again and reached over to the transistor sitting on the cluttered table above his bed and fumbled with the volume, pushing the little dial up as so to drown out that stupid appliance in the next room.  
  
_All I can say is that my life is pretty plain.   
You don't like my point of view,   
Well I'm insane.   
It's not sane. It's not sane.   
  
I just want someone to say to me,   
"I'll always be there when you wait."   
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today.   
So stay with me and I'll have it made.   
  
Oh and I'll have it made.   
  
_ "Alright, alright," Duo finally managed to sit up, the black comforter and sheets falling off his bed as he swung his legs onto the dark shaggy carpet blanketed with various this-and-that, rubbing his eyes. Slowly his disaster zone of a room came into focus, its black walls smothered with posters of bands and red spray-painted graffiti. Whoever was calling certainly was not about to resort to a simple voicemail message since every time the ringing stopped, there was only about five seconds worth of silence before the phone kicked in again. For the first time, he gave a quick glance at the bedside table and found a yellow post-it note stuck to the radio. In the neatest print imaginable was a simple message:_ Gone out on business this morning. Expect me back by six PM. –Heero. PS Don't break anything. _Duo gave an indignant snort as he tore the sticky note off the transistor and chucked it under his bed. "How typically Heero. He wouldn't trust me with a pillow and stuffed bunny rabbit, I swear!"  
  
Stumbling to the fine wood door, the only thing in Duo's room that was not painted black (it would have been black if Heero had allowed him to take a paintbrush to it, but apparently it was not the sort of thing Heero would have defiled; the state of Duo's room was bad enough), Duo managed to drag himself to the telephone and pick up the receiver. There was only one phone in the entire flat. Heero was not only disgustingly perfect and professional about everything, but he also insisted on being very practical. Hence, the one phone and the one barely adequate television set (by Duo's standards it was small anyway) and then the plain furniture that was attractive in a simple sort of way, but even then, only what was needed to get by. Nothing fancy, nothing unnecessary, just the basics, save a few black and white photographs Quatre had managed to snap of the two of them hanging in simple black frames on one wall. In any case, he thought it was a perfectly excellent way to make one of the most beautiful apartments he had ever seen look nowhere near as good as it had the potential to.  
  
Though Heero was generally pretty lenient as to what he allowed Duo to do with his own earnings, there were still times when the perfect soldier put a grinding halt into that little thing sane people liked to call "fun." For instance, Heero had absolutely no intention of allowing Duo to buy the magnificent stereo system on sale in the window of the electronics shop down the street. He told his loud American tenant that it was useless and just a waste of money, especially when Duo already had a radio and that the last thing he needed was a piece of equipment that would only allow Duo to make even more noise than he already did. At that Duo had snorted, flicking the rose etched on the round disc inlaid on the speaker of his poor little transistor, saying that a piece of shit radio like that had no business being put in league with a real stereo system. And even though Duo felt he was right on the matter, Heero closed the issue with one of his icy death glares and refused to hear any more on the subject. That was how Heero ran his household, his words few, but his influence great. And since Duo was virtually skidding along on Heero's coattails (Heero made most of the income with his work as a hacker and other such espionage jobs and Duo's small part-time employment just could not hold a candle as far as pay was concerned), Duo often felt that he had no right to pursue such matters with particular vehemence.  
  
"Hullo?" Duo said into the receiver, making sure that his voice sounded very sleepy and tinged with annoyance to let the caller know just how much of a pain it had been to get the stupid phone.  
  
"Hello? Duo?" the feminine voice on the other end of the phone said. "Duo? Is Heero home?"  
  
Duo rolled his eyes and pulled himself up onto one of the three stools that sat in front of the high countertop, leaning forward on his elbows and twiddling the curly phone cord around his fingers as he spoke. "Ah, Miss Relena! What a surprise to have you call on us. Nope, sorry to say that the prince of the stars isn't home now. Gone for the day, business, you know?"  
  
A sigh from her end, "Oh, is that so? Well do you know when he'll be around? I want to speak to him about a rather personal issue."  
  
"Hn, why don't you leave a message for him with me. He won't be back until late." A smugly amused grin crossed the American's face. He loved being his irritating self around people that really bothered him… and even people whom he liked… but that was another concern.  
  
"I don't think this is the kind of thing that you would be interested in," she said. She always treated him like he was a little boy, still ten years old. Duo grimaced at the thought of his younger self, a figment of a past that he was not too keen on being reminded of. And even though she babied a lot of other people too (Heero came immediately to mind), Duo always resented the fact that she treated him the worst. He never had been quite sure why, but it seemed like she acted that way around him more out of contempt than because of the notion that Duo was just a loudmouthed brat from the slums of L2.  
  
"Try me, ma'am," said Duo, scrubbing his nails casually on his tee shirt and then holding them out to examine them in the light. "You never can tell what I'll get a kick out of unless you ask me first."  
  
"Oh… just… just nevermind it Duo," she said quickly. "Look, just tell Heero that I called. I'll be waiting for him to give me a ring, okay?"  
  
"Sure thing," Duo yawned long and loud.  
  
"Don't forget," was the tart reply before the line went dead. Duo let the dial tone ring in his ear for a moment before setting the handset back down in the cradle. Then he slid off the stool, rooted through the well-stocked refrigerator and carried a large box containing half a sausage and pineapple pizza plus a two-liter bottle of Coca-cola back to his dark room and closed the door. Settling down on the shag carpet, he pushed some clutter out of the way (just a few CDs, a mug and some old paperwork) to make space for his food. Kicking back, he retrieved a comic book from beneath his chest of drawers and set about the issue of breakfast, the beginning of the long wait for Heero to come home.  


—O—

  
  
Heero was sitting at a traffic light in his sleek blue convertible, its brown ragtop down and the motor purring softly. His car was probably the only machine he had really ever loved nearly as much as Wing Zero in his entire life and the care that Heero put into the thing really showed it. It moved like lightning and shone like a star. With a little dedication, a near obsessive-compulsive attitude and a strict Duo-can-never-touch-my-car-or-I'll-break-him policy, any ride could look as beautiful as that of Heero Yuy.  
  
Three times a week on any given day, Heero rose before sunup, clambered into the classic BMW Z3 (exquisite mint condition vehicle that dated from the pre-colony era) and shot off to a confidential designated location for a meeting with whoever had a job waiting for him. The Internet and e-mail kept his occupation going strong, and he knew that he was well sought after whenever anyone needed restricted files or something of that nature, but secrecy was of the utmost importance, since most of his work was linked back to the Preventers and many of their top priority cases, surveillance or something of that nature in one way or another. But that had never really been trouble for Heero, being as becoming virtually nonexistent was second nature to him. At least the pay was quite good; it was enough for him to lavishly support himself and Duo with much to spare, though Heero was never one to be a spendthrift, unlike his longhaired companion. And by God, it suited him far better than trailing Relena and acting as her bodyguard. About a year of that had nearly driven him to the point of suicide (again), her constant and apparent favouritism just a bit over the deep end and the public spotlight way too bright to suit his liking. This was better for him, a quiet unnoticed existence, the only one that really knew who he was being one Duo Maxwell.  
  
_Duo…._ Heero rubbed his temples at the thought of the brash American that was living with him. _What the hell was I thinking taking that maniac in with me? Too bad he didn't stay as humble as he was when he was down and out on the streets. With health comes energy, and Duo has way too much of that. For his sake, I hope he was able to keep out of trouble today…. _These were the kinds of thoughts that usually crossed Heero's head when it came to Duo, aggravated and frustrated thoughts that often put Heero in a bad mood. He always wondered to himself why he let Duo stay when there were far more cons to outweigh the pros of having Duo around. Sure he was cheerful and funny all the time, and he was probably the only person in the universe who could get Heero to crack even the smallest of jovial smiles, but whether or not it was just his nature to think so or otherwise, Heero found Duo ridiculously annoying, loud, uncouth, rowdy, impetuous and a slew of other such things that nearly drove him insane.  
  
…Though he had to admit… it would be rather lonely around the apartment if Duo ever decided to pack up and leave….  
  
"Hey there," said a giggly female voice. Heero barely turned his head to the right, his eyes emanating that ever-so-classic death glare in the woman who had just pulled up in the yellow Volkswagen beetle next to him. She smiled nevertheless. "What's your name?"  
  
Heero ignored her and turned his eyes back to the intersection ahead of him, drumming his fingers impatiently against the wheel as he waited for what seemed like the colony's slowest light.  
  
"Huh? Don't you talk babe?" she went on, insisting on waging conversation with the callous Heero. "Oh, I get it. You already have a girlfriend, don't you?"  
  
Another darkly cast stare was thrown her way. "Don't even insinuate such an idea," he said coldly, his hand itching to reach for the handgun lying just to his right.  
  
"So then you're one to explore… other… amorous pursuits," she said, a finger to her chin. "That's alright. I think it's hot like that."  
  
Heero's eyes, wide with both horror and an ungodly amount of irritancy towards the VW girl, bore his stare right through her, and the somewhat air-headed woman was starting to get the message that this man probably had not been the best choice for a flirt.  
  
"I'm sorry if you've had a bad day, hon," she said, changing her tactics. "But there's no need to be so harsh to a pretty girl who's just trying to be nice…."  
  
"Go to hell," Heero snapped, tired of the one-sided conversation. He really, really hated people, sometimes wondering why he had spent most of his life trying to save them from destroying themselves in a full-scale war. In fact, there were few people that he would really let in close proximity of himself, and that got him back to thinking about Duo, wondering just what it was that he found so worthwhile in the longhaired brat, who probably had to be the most irritating person in the known universe!  
  
"Well sorry!" the woman finally got the message that she was not wanted and floored the gas, zooming through the red light just as a van was rolling casually across the intersection. Heero frowned, making a comment under his breath about how some people were such horrible drivers.  
  
He was just adjusting the mirror on the side of the car, grimacing to himself about having to return to a house that would probably be overrun with girls and Duo's druggie friends (recollection of a certain incident came to Heero's head), when he noticed something in the mirror he was fixing. Reflected in the shining surface was a motorcyclist clad in a red biker's suit, his face covered by a dark glassed helmet. Heero would normally have not paid any mind to it, but for the gun clutched in the biker's hand. After spending so much time on the battlefield, he was pretty in tuned to noticing a threat.  
  
His awareness of the gunman behind him could have not been any better timed, for right at that moment, the biker fired his weapon, a bullet exploding forward towards Heero's head. The bullet just narrowly missed pounding into the back of his skull, making it by with only a nick on the side of his face where the bullet grazed his cheek.  
  
Not even bothering to wait for the light to change, Heero swerved the car into the intersection, just missing a collision with an oncoming pickup truck. Speeding down the road, Heero threw a glance over his shoulder, his icy blue eyes narrowing as he saw the biker, ever persistent, come wheeling around the curb, firing his gun like mad at the brown haired boy ahead of him. Screams rang out from the pedestrians on the sidewalks at the commotion, particularly when Heero reached down to the passenger seat beside him and grabbed his own gun, absently pointing it over his shoulder and firing a few warning shots in the motorcyclist's general direction.  
  
Knowing that it was futile to continue this chase in such a manner, Heero swung the car around again in a perfect u-turn and sailed back down the street the way he had just come. The biker wasted no time in following Heero tightly. Soon Heero found himself flying down the street alongside the motorcycle, the rider trying to hold his hand steady for a shot and balance the bike at the same time. Rolling his eyes, Heero nonchalantly fired his weapon through the biker's chest. The attacker fell of his bike as his body went limp, the motorcycle skidding forward before crashing to the street with the nasty sound of crunching metal.  
  
Neatly pulling his car to a stop alongside the curb, Heero leapt out of his heavy machine, not even bothering to open the door, his gun cocked, ready to send the biker's head to a mess of bloody pieces if he were still alive. The pedestrians watching the whole affair stood apprehensively, waiting to see what Heero would do next. He walked over to the prone body lying beside the wreckage and nudged it with his foot. When the body didn't move, Heero fired a shot into the asphalt right next to it. There was a muffled whelp of fear from the biker and at the sound, Heero swiftly descended on the man, ripping the helmet off his head. Holding him fiercely by the collar, Heero snapped angrily, "Why did you try to kill me? Are you aware that this is an era of peace?"  
  
The man said nothing, turning his head indignantly away. Heero's face twisted angrily, maddened that he was not getting the answers he desired. He pressed the gun against the man's head and said in a cool voice, "How about now, hmm?"  
  
The man gritted his teeth and spoke in a forced voice, his face now wet with nervous sweat. "Commander Stella order—" he got no further than that, for at that moment, his head exploded with the sound of a muffled gunshot from far off. Heero's head snapped up just in time to see a black clad man hop onto another motorbike and take off down the street, much to quickly for Heero to ever have a chance of catching up. He dropped the body deftly and got to his feet, wondering what these events could possible mean. And who the hell was… Stella?  
His fingers flew over the little keypad beside their apartment door. After punching in the pass code, he heard the door unlock and he pushed it open, imagining the worst. The place was in surprising good order, however, Heero realized as he hung up his denim jacket on one of the two hooks in the little front vestibule. He walked into the kitchenette, expecting to find a disaster, but was surprised to find that the mess was limited to a few dirty pots and dishes in the sink and a tomato sauce covered spoon lying on the stove. Unable to walk away from even small disarray such as this, Heero immediately took to mechanically rinsing everything off and putting the kitchenware into the dishwasher.  
  
"Maxwell?" he called out into the suspiciously silent apartment. When there was no reply, he went back to silently scrubbing the spoon. Then he called again. "Dammit Maxwell, hello?" Still nothing. Looking up with a sigh as he dropped the spoon into the dishwasher, he saw a post-it note stuck to the white tile above the sink. With the slightest of amused smiles, he tore it off the wall and scanned it, finding their way of communicating somewhat entertaining. Scrawled in a sloppy script was a note from Duo: _Hey Hee-chan! I think you're starting to get a little out of it being as you were so late today, so I had to blow out of here for work before you were home. Have fun cleaning the kitchen up (I know you will) and I'll try not to come home too late or too drunk, hehe. Ciao! XOXO – Duo (Your neighbourhood Shinigami) PS Relena wants you to call her._  
  
"Hn, even his notes talk too much," Heero mused as he dropped the piece of paper into the trashcan. Satisfied that the kitchen was cleaned to a satisfactory condition, he picked up his laptop from the countertop where he had left it, closed Duo's door so he would not have to stare into that uncleanly chaotic room on his way to the sofa and sat down, booted up his computer and prepared for the long night and conveniently forgot to drop Relena a line.   
  


—O— 

  
  
Duo worked around the corner at a punkish underground bar and club. It was the kind of place where more diverse interesting people gathered as opposed to a regular club, and Duo liked the place because he found himself very much at home amongst those sorts of people. And while living with Heero was probably the best thing that could have happened to the braided American, sometimes Duo just could not help but feel just a little confined in such an economical household with the robotic Heero, which was why he and a few other not-so-mainstream friends of his got together and opened the _D. Maxwell's_, affectionately called simply _D's_ by the people of L1 for Duo's big hand in keeping business good there. So here Duo felt perfectly free to let loose and be himself without any fear of what others thought of him. And here, there was plenty of loud heart pounding music, free drinks for him and seas of dancing people to drown in.  
  
And in regards to his specific job at _D's_, well, Duo sung. The club had a pretty decent band and they had a pretty damn good lead singer, that singer being Duo. Heero never failed to let a comment or two about Duo's work fly around once in a while and Duo would just blow up and do something excessively irritating just to get back at him. But it was not like Heero had ever come down to the club to hear Duo sing, so he really had no right to judge him or anything. But no matter what Heero thought, Duo kept at it, because singing was one of the few things he felt that he could do well… and it was one of the few joys he had left in the lonely post-war life he led. So the moment he got into the club, he promptly forgot the outside world, mounted the stage and let his soul run free.  
  
_"I'm one of those things,  
You'll save forever, and never need.   
Like an old newspaper no one has time to read.   
This child has grown into a dead end,   
Since I lost the power to pretend.   
But it's alright; that's who I am inside.   
Not much to say on this nontoxic ordinary day!" _  
  
At this point, the club was going crazy. If there was anything that an attention craving nut like Duo liked, it was a room with a mash pit of drooling club hoppers bouncing up and down in time with the rhythm of the music. Duo winked at the audience, causing a girl close up front to swoon. And reveling in the heat of the moment, he sang on, his band jamming on behind him. No chance Heero would be caught dead in a place like this, much to Duo's dismay. He wished more than anything that he could make that poor boy feel more like a real person as opposed to a darkened soldier flying through the grimness of battle with hardly a care about it.  
  
_"That's no superhero,   
Standing right in front of us.   
So take this pocket full of kryptonite,   
And beat it back to Metropolis.  
There's only room for one on this microphone.   
In my finest hour, I'm still alone!   
But it's alright; that's who I am inside.   
Not much to say on this nontoxic ordinary day!   
On an ordinary day!   
  
But old news can change,   
As memories float downstream.   
So don't judge me by my failures,   
But only by my dreams!   
But it's alright; that's who I am inside.   
Not much to say on this nontoxic ordinary day!"   
  
_ What made Duo's songs more than just music was the passion that swelled in his words, the ardor with which he sang, that made him so wonderful. They had barely finished the one song before they launched right into another melody, with Duo putting on a real sexy act as he let his leather clad hips slowly grind with the beat. As he finished up and took an exaggerated bow, he heard someone call his name. Looking up, he saw an old friend of his sitting at the neon lit bar, waving like mad. Flashing a grin and saying something droll as he announced that he would be taking a quick break, Duo flashed a peace sign to the crowd and jumped off the stage, making his way towards the bar and a well-deserved drink.  
  
"Hey man," Duo said cheerfully as he hopped up onto the barstool next to the purplish haired young woman in the flimsy white artist's shirt and tight blue jeans.  
  
"Duo!" she said with a grin, punching him playfully in the shoulder. "What's up? You surprised to see me?"  
  
"Well gee Hilde, I didn't think that after we'd had that little argument and I'd stormed off on your business that you'd ever want to talk to me again, you know?" Duo said honestly. He shrugged, ordered a shot of amoretto and went on. "It was pretty stupid though, don't you think? I never realized how much I depended on other people until I was really out on my own."  
  
"God Duo, you're still just a little kid," Hilde laughed, leaning on the bar with her elbow. "You'll never change I bet. So what are you doing now?"  
  
"The question is what are you doing now? How did you find me all the way out here?" Duo asked as he fondled his glass of golden liquor.  
  
"I've got my resources," she said slyly as she downed the rest of her beer. After a moment of silence, she ordered another bottle and said, "You've got a real racket going on here, you know? You aren't half bad up there."  
  
"I know," Duo grinned. "They tell me that every weekend."  
  
"You only work on weekends? Duo, you can't hope to support yourself on only a weekend's wage unless they pay you more money than God!" Hilde exclaimed, looking at Duo with wide eyes.  
  
"I only need to work on weekends so it looks like I do my part to help keep the apartment running," Duo said realistically. "Let's just say my roommate isn't limited on income."  
  
"You're a dirty cheapskate," Hilde chided. "Who's your roommate? Do I know him?"  
  
"Damn straight you do," Duo slugged the rest of his amaretto. "Guess."  
  
"Quatre?" Hilde offered, thinking of the most well off person either of them knew.  
  
Duo laughed, flicking the gold ring in his ear. "Not that rich buddy. Try again."  
  
"I have no idea," Hilde rolled her eyes, deciding that it would be well worth letting Duo think like he had won the little trivia match. She had never been one for guessing games anyway. "Just tell me."  
  
"You're going to die when I tell you," he said with that childish grin. "Could you ever imagine innocent little old me living with everyone's favourite perfect soldier?"  
  
"No way, you're living with Heero?" Hilde's jaw dropped. Getting over her initial surprise, she cocked her head in thought, musing aloud. "Well, now that I think on it, it's not so weird. Figured if you'd end up rooming with anyone afterwards, it'd be Heero, though I could swear he was going to move in with Miss Relena."  
  
Duo laughed again, a hand on his forehead. "If only you could hear some of the things Heero says about that woman. Ooh, you would be on the floor laughing your ass off for a week. God knows I was, hehe. To think that Mr. Zero Emotion could say some of those things that he's been saying about Relena, well it's just pretty goddamn funny if you ask me."  
  
Hilde's interest was piqued. "Like what? I thought he liked her."  
  
Once more, Duo's face became thoughtful. "You know, so did I, now that you mention it, but I guess he just isn't one to have some woman doting on him left and right. It's more the other way around, her liking him. She's always calling and wanting to talk to him when all he wants is to be left alone. It annoys me almost as much as I'm sure it annoys him. Can't say that I particularly care for her myself anymore, being as I'm just about as good as chopped liver in her book. Though I do have to say, we've had some good chuckles over her."  
  
Hilde's face became overcome with shock again. "You've gotten Heero to laugh? I've never even seen him smile, much less laugh." "I said chuckle, not laugh," Duo snapped, crossing his arms and painting a kiddy little pout on his lips. "Like hell Heero Yuy would laugh. But yeah, it's a little easier get him to react to a joke now, I think because that damn war isn't looming over everyone's head. He's even gotten me with some pretty witty remarks here and then."  
  
"Wow, he's changed more than I ever thought he would," Hilde said, obviously awed at the influence Duo had on the former Wing Zero pilot.  
  
"Not that much, really," Duo tugged his long black shirt. "He's still very much the same old Heero."  
  
"Hn, I guess so," she shrugged, swishing the beer around in the bottle before taking another sip. "So what's it like then, spending all that time with him? Is he really hard to live with, being as he is?"  
  
"Well we always used to hang out anyway and it's not really much different… though nowadays he's not home very often," Duo ordered another shot of amaretto with a wave of his glass. "Sometimes I wonder if he even realizes that we're breathing the same oxygen. Don't think he likes me very much 'cause he always seems so damn annoyed with me, glaring and such at me and it's a miracle he hasn't kicked me out yet."  
  
"Well see, he's got to think of you as some denomination of a friend if you've been living with him for… how long?"  
  
"Three years almost."  
  
"There, you see?" she gave him a nod. "Don't worry about it so much. You and I both know that Heero is the kind of guy who isn't about to let you know what he's thinking. So you never know! He could be head over heals in love with you for all you know!"  
A faint hint of red danced across Duo's face at the thought, a colour that did not fail to be noticed by Hilde's ever watching eye. He went on quickly, "Yeah, you tell me that after three years of barely enough conversations to count on your one hand," Duo held up five fingers in front of Hilde's face. "Sometimes you gotta check the pulse on that guy to make sure he's still alive, he's so mechanized."  
  
"But that's just classic Heero, don't you think?"  
  
"It's damn frustrating though."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Duo was silent for a moment as he thought of how to phrase what he wanted to say without making it come out sounding wrong. "Because Heero's probably the best friend I've ever had and… and even though he never says much to me and acts like he wants to see me die slowly half the time, well, I sometimes just can't help thinking that he considers me a close friend too, no matter how hard he tries to hide it."  
  
"I think you're right about that," Hilde agreed. "He still thinks like a soldier, even after all this time, like having emotions will make you weak."  
  
"He'd hate to be put in the same sentence as that word," Duo smiled at the thought of the face Heero would get if he told him that. He decided to put that in his back pocket for later use one day. He'd either get a good laugh out of it or wind up dead. Either one would work out alright, he figured as he chugged the rest of his liquor.   
  
"Is he really that thick?" Hilde wondered aloud.   
  
"You bet your life he is," Duo winked.   
  
Hilde sighed, knowing that it was just Duo being playful old Duo and nothing more. He never looked at her with the eyes she had always wanted him to; she almost even thought that he looked at Heero with more affection than he did at her. But at least he was her friend, and she was happy to be at least that. After having to live the past few years alone, she realized that she would rather have Duo and be his friend, than love him and be without. The last thing she wanted was to be talked about the way that Duo complained about Relena.   
  
"So, you gonna be hanging around for a while man?" Duo asked, dragging her away from her thoughts. "This is a pretty nice colony… much better than L2."  
  
"It is but," Hilde shrugged again, "I can't hang around so long. I really just came up here to say hello to you. When I found out you'd moved up here, I just wanted to see you again. It had been so long and you had been so angry when you left… I just wanted to say I was sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, Duo."  
  
He was looking down at his glass, his finger tracing the rim. He looked up at her with a little grin on his face. "Well I really appreciate that, Hilde. You always were such a good friend that way."  
  
"Yeah," she sighed, the way he spoke sealing her thoughts about his feelings for her. _So he hadn't been thinking of me since he'd left. _She said to him, "I'm glad to be, Duo."  
  
"Of course you are!" he slapped her merrily on the back, making her sputter. "Well if that's the case, I guess I can't stop you. Feel free to drop on in any time. You can talk to the manager; he'll tell you where I am if I'm not around here."   
  
"Okay, that's good to know," she smiled. "Here, have my cell number. Don't you hesitate to call if you need anything, old buddy, alright? I've moved from L2 back down to Earth, back home to good old New York City to be exact, so f you're ever down there, make sure to visit, okay?"   
  
He took the little slip of paper from her and slid it into his shirt pocket. "Will do, Hilde."  
  
She got up to leave. "See you 'round Duo," she said.  
  
"You too, Hilde." He stood up as well, giving her a goodbye kiss on the forehead, her eyes closing as she felt his lips graze her skin, knowing it was the closest she would ever get to the real thing with Duo. "See you later."   
It was around 3AM when Duo finally pushed the door of the apartment open. Heero's jacket hung neatly on the hook in the hall. Duo hung his own black leather coat on the other hook, not even bothering to pick it up when it dropped to the floor.   
  
He stretched, tired from all the energy he had exerted during the night. Walking past the kitchenette and the closed door of Heero's room, Duo made his way for his own room when he noticed Heero's computer sitting on the coffee table in the center of the flat's main room. He was about to just ignore it when he realized that he just could not walk by that computer without rooting through some of Heero's personal files. Maybe there would be something there that would let some insight on what made the perfect soldier tick.   
  
Leaning over the back of the couch, he was about to jump over and land on the cushions when he realized that Heero had crashed on the sofa quite a while ago. Leaning on the couch, the braided American looked his roommate over, laughing to himself at the tiny puddle of drool on the pillow underneath Heero's head. "Working hard again?" Duo mused, ruffling Heero's hair in a way that would have made the perfect soldier rage were he awake. Walking around and plopping down on the carpet between the table and the sofa, Duo ran his fingers across the touch-pad on the computer, bringing the machine out of its lazy screensaver mode. "Heh, well let's just see what you were up to, hmm?"**  
  
  


~oOo@oOo@oOo~ 

**


	3. I Feel So

**Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel**  
By the Link Worshiper  
  
~oOo@ Part II ~ I Feel So.... @oOo~  
  


"What do you mean, 'he failed'?" the woman on the starship snapped at the transmission coming in over the video screen.   
  
"But Commander," the man said, the hand held over his forehead in a rigid salute quivering with nervousness, "the target was well armed and pulled some rather fancy tricks with his car. It was hard for our man to get a good shot at him from a motorcycle."   
  
"And how do you know this?" the woman asked calmly, stroking her gun.   
  
"I-I saw the whole thing," the soldier was starting to sweat furiously. He tugged at his collar as he went on. "I managed to execute the man before he gave away any real vital information."   
  
"You are sure?" the woman said.   
  
"Absolutely, Commander Stella," he saluted again. "I swear it on my life! I told you I saw the whole incident with my own two eyes!"   
  
"You were watching and you wasted a bullet on the biker instead of using it to kill the pilot?" Stella exclaimed, a hand clutched to her head in frustration, unable to believe that one of her handpicked squad could practice such poor judgment. She removed her hand from her face and replaced it on her hip where her trusty gun hung.   
  
"It was my training to kill someone in that position!" the soldier protested.   
  
"It was also your training to make sure the mission is completed at all costs," Stella rejoined. "Obviously, you were not trained well enough. How could you be so careless?"   
  
"I'm… I'm sorry!" the soldier tried to avert his commander's gaze, hoping to everything holy that she would cut the transmission at that and not exercise any further punishment.   
  
"You're sorry," Stella said in a mocking voice. "You're sorry? Is that all you can tell me? This whole operation rests on whether or not people like you can do their job right! Now all you have accomplished is making Heero Yuy suspicious that someone is after him. If I'm correct in my assumption, he will have looked into the matter further! And you can't even tell me what he knows or if he has any idea at all of what we are and what we want! Good job, soldier!" she added sarcastically. At that she ended the transmission and barked at a crewmember standing beside her; "Go prepare another B-Class and assemble a new team. Tell them that in addition to making sure that Heero Yuy is eliminated they must also be sure to kill that useless soldier who failed to properly complete his assignment. Dismissed!"   


—O— 

  
  
"Maxwell! Get the hell in here!" Heero's voice echoed through the apartment, bringing an expecting Duo walking innocently from his bedroom.   
  
"What is it Hee-chan?" Duo folded his hands behind his head, knowing full well what had pissed Heero off. The night before, when Duo had realized that Heero had password protected any files that would have been worth looking at, Duo decided to exact revenge by promptly logging online and book-marking a few of his favourite porn sites up on the laptop for Heero's viewing pleasure.   
  
"Get this trash off of my hard drive!" Heero growled angrily, jerking a thumb at the computer and glaring at Duo menacingly.   
  
"Can't you do it? I thought you were supposed to be all good with computers and stuff," Duo said sarcastically, purposefully walking to the kitchen to get some food for breakfast.   
  
"I could do it, but you're the one who put that crap up there and I want you to get rid of it because you're the one who did it," Heero snarled. "So forget your damn stomach and get over here."   
  
"What, you afraid to look?" Duo said sweetly as he sauntered over to the couch one which Heero was kneeling, staring that death glare at Duo as he approached, a leftover cold-cut sandwich and the rest of that Coca-Cola in his hands. "Ooh, I think we've found the perfect soldier's weakness! Haha!"   
  
"Don't joke with me. You know I don't like it," Heero dropped back down on the sofa, sitting regularly again, folding his arms as he waited sulkily for Duo to come over.   
  
"Oh come on Hee-chan, you know you like a good laugh once in a blue moon," Duo said, Heero's obvious discontent unable to phase his cheerful good mood.   
  
At this, Heero grabbed Duo by the black Nirvana tee shirt that he slept in and gave him a good shake, nearly making Duo drop his breakfast (which could have made for a very large mess for Duo to clean up under Heero's icy glare). "I dare you to call me that name again, Maxwell. Just know, I'll make sure to shoot you in the foot and in the arm before I blast your skull open."   
  
"Now don't go making idle threats like that, Heero," Duo said, sticking out his tongue. "That's more or less what you told me the last time I called you that and look, I'm still alive! Something tells me that you have a soft spot for Shinigami!"   
  
"Don't make me want to be sick," Heero rolled his eyes as he dropped Duo to the floor. Upon impact, Duo did end up dropping the sloppy chili smeared sandwich and Coke, making a rather sticky mess on the white carpet. "Hn, I hope you've got nothing planned for the day, because you'll be cleaning that up as well."   
  
"Figures," Duo muttered as he lethargically stood and made his way to the kitchen for some dishtowels, annoyed that Heero could barely take a joke. He hated it when his pranks backfired like this.   
  
"And none of your mouth!" Heero shouted after Duo's droopy figure as he walked into the kitchenette. Duo threw a thumbs-up sign over his shoulder, his head disappearing beneath the bar to get the towels.   
Around noon, after relieving the computer of the dirty web pages, Duo had finally finished scrubbing the stain out of the carpet, the reddish brown splotch barely visible anymore, though Duo knew that Heero would always notice it and always remind Duo his carelessness. Personally, Duo thought that it gave the place at least a smidgen of personality, a feature the rest of the apartment (aside from his room) sorely needed. But the fact that Heero could come at him with blows to his pride was enough to make him want to puke all over that horrible perfect white carpet.   
  
"You're finished?" Heero's dark monotone sprang from behind the cracked door of his forbidden Duo-safe bedroom.   
  
"Oh yes, Your Royal Highness, the Prince of Bitchiness," Duo called back in a sing-songy voice.   
  
Heero emerged from his bedroom, laptop tucked under one arm as he glowered at the braided American sitting on the arm of the sofa, a ratty old cloth slung over his shoulder. "That's another name that just might get you killed, Maxwell," he growled softly as he walked over to the sofa and sat down, bending over to set up his computer on the coffee table.   
  
"Whatcha doing there?" Duo asked, trying to be annoyingly curious, though he found his comments fell on deaf ears.   
  
"Sit down," Heero ordered. "There's something I want you to see."   
  
"Oh really?" Duo said in a devious voice. "What would that be? If it's porn or something, you can bet I've probably been there, done that, though I can understand why you'd be so excited about it since you've definitely never really looked before."   
  
"Shut up and stop being so damn crude," Heero threw an elbow into Duo's ribs a little harder than necessary. "This is much more important than any of your sick minded little games, Maxwell. There's some information on this… Stella…."   
  
"Who?" Duo was confused, and the flummoxed look on his face sure showed it as he slid onto the couch beside the messy haired Japanese boy.   
  
"Yesterday, a man on a motorcycle tried to kill me and before he died, he mentioned a person he referred to as 'Commander Stella,'" Heero explained as though he had memorized it by rote for some drill-sergeant teacher as he booted up the computer again. "I figured this person was the one who had ordered me to be killed, so naturally I wanted to figure out who it was, and here we are." Heero's fingers flew over the keyboard, typing in his password and then logging into some other password protected files. "I got these offline a few hours ago. Apparently a mysterious star cruiser is fast approaching Earth's orbit, a starship under the command of a woman named Stella. She left the Barton Foundation a few years before the commencement of Operation METEOR and has been missing ever since, classified as dead in some databases even. But here she is, coming out of nowhere."   
  
Duo looked over Heero's shoulder, scanning the information on the strange lady. "So what do you think she wants here?"   
  
"Can't be good," Heero said simply.   
  
"Well duh," Duo smacked his forehead deftly. "Maybe she wants to abduct Relena or something like that Mariemaia had done a few years ago."   
  
"I'm not going through the pain of going to save her unless not doing so puts the world in danger this time," Heero announced with crossed arms. "It's too much trouble for one woman who is simply always in the way."   
  
"Eh, politicians," Duo said with a shrug, "never did care for 'em much. Can't trust 'em too much either, you know?"   
  
"I agree."   
  
"You do?" Duo said with mock surprise. "Amazing. Maybe you're sick, Hee-chan, because you've been acting so delightful lately!"   
  
Suddenly Duo had Heero's gun pointed between his eyes. Duo let out a nervous chuckle as Heero said coldly, "Don't think I won't do it, Maxwell, because I will. If I hear that damn pet name one more time I swear…."   
  
"God, calm down," Duo threw his arms up in surrender. As Heero removed the gun and slid it back into his shirt, Duo decided to change the subject. But just as he was about to speak, a soft chime pealed through the apartment. "Huh, looks like someone's at the door. You go get it. I'm too incompetent."   
  
"You're damn lazy, that's what you are," Heero grumbled as he stood up and walked over to the door. He pressed the button on the intercom and said in his usual unwavering monotone. "Yeah, who is it?"   
  
"Heero? You're home!" Relena's disgustingly excited voice penetrated the room. Duo rolled his eyes and leaned on the arm of the sofa, amused at watching Heero's face twist heatedly. "You never called, so I just decided to drop on by. Can I come up?"   
  
"We're busy. Can't you come another time?" he half groaned, half snapped.   
  
"But Heero, I cam all the way from Earth to say hello to you! It's been so long since we saw each other," she complained. She probably had more to say, but Heero swiftly cut the intercom off and started to walk away from the door.   
  
"I thought I told you to call her!" Duo shouted across the room, only to get a stare of daggers from Heero.   
  
"I forgot," he shrugged.   
  
"People like you don't just forget," Duo accused. "Come on, I know you don't like talking to her, but it's not nice to totally ignore her like that. You treat her like you treat me, and as far as I'm concerned, it's okay, but that's not a very nice way to treat a girl."   
  
"I don't believe in changing your attitude towards someone based on their sex," Heero replied harshly. "If she's ever going to get the idea that I don't need her in my life anymore, then I have to treat her this way."   
  
"No you don't," Duo frowned at his companion, who was staring blankly at the computer screen, his face bathed in the white artificial light. "No matter what you feel, you can't just be that nasty old Heero to everyone."   
  
"Look, you don't know her like I do," Heero said, leaning forward, resting on his elbows. "So just keep to your own damn business."   
  
"Well I heard the conversations, I've talked to her on the phone. I think I'm involved now. Now I'm not saying that I take her side or anything, but…" Duo was saying in an assertive voice, when the sound of the lock in the door sliding back interrupted his train of thought. Heero whipped around to see the door glide open, Relena beginning to walk in, saying something about the wonders of cardkeys that had bypass codes. Duo could see the gears turning in Heero's head as he tried to think of something to do and fast. The hasty conclusion he came to, however, was the last thing that Duo ever thought that Heero would come up with.   
  
Without a word, he had grabbed Duo fiercely by the wrists and pushed him down on his back before pressing his lips hard against the braided American's mouth, kissing him with cold unfeeling lips. Duo's eyes widened with surprise, caught completely unawares by Heero's actions.   
  
Now Duo had kissed and made out with his fair share of boys, but there definitely was something in Heero's kiss was completely void of any and all passion and yet, somehow it felt uncontrollably right. If Heero wanted Relena to get the wrong idea, well, it had to look good, did it not? So Duo reached up and wound one around Heero's torso and the other around his neck, burying his long-fingered hand in the mess of thick brown hair as he pushed Heero's lips closer against his, opening his mouth slightly to let his tongue caress Heero's pretty lower lip.   
  
"Heero?" Duo vaguely heard Relena's voice as she walked into the room. "Heero? What is this? Who is that?"   
  
A small smile of bittersweet triumph crossed Duo's face as Relena took in the sight before her. Just to make the scene ever more erotic, he swung a leg around Heero's lower body, pulling the perfect soldier ever closer to him. Duo was really getting into this, having maybe a little more fun than he should have been. Then he went on to roll Heero on his side so that Relena had a clear view of just who her obsession had been crawling all over.   
  
"Duo?" her voice cracked. "Heero and… Duo?" Then her voice became harder as she said in a darker voice, "I always knew there was something not right going on between you two. I never could quite put my finger on it, but I knew I always hated the way he looked at you, Heero."   
  
Next thing Heero realized, he was the one on his back with Duo still kissing him a bit more passionately than what he considered to be in the safe-zone. He had not quite been sure what to expect out of Duo, this desperation move being the only thing that came to mind in an effort to get Relena out of the way for good. Now she had left, the sound of the door slamming shut making that evident. Mission accomplished, but Duo was still kissing him. It made him feel tense, putting thoughts in his head that he really did not want to even remotely consider. "Off, Maxwell," he muttered against Duo's mouth as he pushed the other boy off.   
  
"That was exhilarating, Hee-chan," Duo giggled, knowing that there was no way for Heero to get at his gun with him straddling the Japanese boy like that. "You could use some lessons on kissing though. I'd be glad to give you some pointers. You show potential to be perfect in that respect too."   
  
"It's not a field that interests me," Heero quipped menacingly, trying to push a relentless Duo off of him.   
  
"Aw come on buddy, it could be fun," Duo said with a smile, bouncing up and down on Heero's chest a few times before leaning down to try and kiss Heero again.   
  
"Get off you little slut!" Heero gave Duo a hearty shove upwards, sending the chestnut haired boy throttling backwards off the sofa. "She's gone, end of story. I don't need you—stop looking at me that way Maxwell!"   
  
But Duo found he was staring at Heero in a way he never had before. That kiss had done something to him, a new sort of feeling for the ex Wing pilot kindling inside. Never before had Duo noticed just how… beautiful… his roommate was. Every detail, from the tiny flecks of light blue in his Prussian eyes to the exact curve of his neck and the way his hair fell over his face were no longer lost on Duo. It was like the kiss had opened up a gateway to feelings that had always been there but just needed a little help reaching the surface. All that time, it had been an undying love that had kept Duo glued to Heero's side. But then there was that horrible glare Heero was giving him, a look that made Duo shudder internally.   
  
They sat there, their eyes combating in a facial stare-down, Duo's eyes riddled with a mysterious new passion for Heero, and Heero's face chiseled in a mask of unfeeling contempt. He snarled at Duo, "Don't you dare get any kinky ideas, Maxwell, as I know you're bound to with that perverse American brain of yours. That meant nothing to either of us, you hear?"   
…But nevertheless… Duo had decided right then and there that he had loved the way Heero tasted like sweet spring rain….   


—O—

  
  
Duo fell asleep that night clutching his flower inscribed radio to his breast. It reminded him of that day in the rain when Heero had found him in that drenched back alley and taken him in. And even after all these years, Duo still kept hold on that little transistor radio, unable to let go of it. _If I ever get that stereo, well, I don't suppose I would get rid of this old thing anyway,_ he said quietly to himself. _Maybe it can't really play music well and it's more static than actual sound but… it's scarred with so many memories…. I can't just throw my past away like that… it means too much to me. _He weaved his fingers into his braid, another memento of older days. He had his hair to remind him of that damned church and the day that ended his innocence and his tinny little radio to remind him of… Heero….   
  
He pressed the little round power button on the radio, the little red light glowing as it turned on. Fumbling around with the tuning in the dark, Duo tried to find a song that could lull him to sleep without thinking about that kiss he had stolen from Heero. Finding something satisfying, a quiet acoustic tune Duo often liked to play in the dark hours of night on his guitar when he could not sleep. Now its peaceful strains and the singer's beautifully raspy voice began to make his eyelids droop and his mind find peace.   
  
_ They painted up your secrets,   
With the lies they told to you.   
And the least they ever gave you,   
Was the most you ever knew.   
  
And I wonder where these dreams go,   
When the world gets in your way.   
What's the point in all this screaming?   
No one's listening anyway.   
  
_ With closed eyelids, Duo could do nothing but listen to the music in the shadowy darkness around him. The words, no matter how hard he tried not to listen, spoke of Heero and his angry, almost sad disposition. _Maybe… just maybe Heero feels unloved and ignored, _Duo mused to himself. _Is he just screaming to be noticed? Maybe that's why he keeps me around; he likes the attention I give him…. _Duo shook his head violently at the thought as another notion to counter the said theory popped into his mind. _Aw, but then why not Relena? God knows she gives lots of attention to him. So it can't be that…. And then there was that awful glare he gave me today. He's never looked at me with so much hatred before! Was it that… that kiss? He didn't talk to me after that… I bet he's going to kick me out tomorrow. _Duo shuddered at the thought, unable to imagine a life without that icy soul looming nearby.   
  
_ Your voice is small and fading,   
And you're hiding here unknown.  
And your mother loves your father,   
'Cause she's got nowhere to go.   
  
And she wonders where these dreams go,   
'Cause the world got in her way.   
What's the point in ever trying?   
Nothing's changing anyway.   
  
_ Duo, for the first time in all his existence, felt truly confused. Trying to dissect Heero's psyche and then bewilderment at his own forwardness that day when Relena had barged in. He found himself unable to fall asleep (as usual) and groping for the guitar that he kept leaning at the foot of his bed and took it up on his knee, strumming along with the tune and singing quietly along. _Aw, but why should it matter so damn much? There's always Hilde to go crawling back to… we're all patched up after that little incident again. She said I could call if ever…. But then there's Heero…. He'd be all alone….   
  
They press their lips against you,   
And you love the lies they tell.   
And they try so hard to reach you,   
But you're falling anyway.   
  
And you know I see right through you,   
'Cause the world gets in your way.   
What's the point in all this screaming?   
You're not listening anyway.   
  
_ Duo's eyes were wide now, his arms hanging over the body of the black guitar as he stared up at the anti-Christ symbol he had spray-painted on the black ceiling of his room, its red lines barely visible in the darkness. _Is that it? Heero doesn't want to be alone? I'd have to agree with you there, old buddy. Loneliness is a scary thing, I think. I'm more afraid of that than death. To be forgotten is worse than that. And if you're listening, Yuy, you arrogant bastard, well just know that no matter how hard you try to hide it, you're a human as well. I would swear on my life that you're just as afraid of that as I am... the loneliness that is… and your mortality…. After all… you let me you're your face…. _Those were the last things he thought as he crept into the realm of dreams, wondering what Heero would say if he ever tried to sit down and talk to him about his real feelings on life.   
Pretty sky, pretty beach, pretty sea… Duo found himself standing in the most picturesque world he could have ever hoped to imagine. It was quite pleasant fiction; probably the most inviting his mind had been able to come up with in a long while. His dreams were usually riddled with death and flashes of the more grisly moments of the war with OZ but this time… it was peaceful. How odd, his dream self muttered. I've never felt so calm.   
  
Suddenly, out of the mist came a slim figure, shadowed by the moist clouds that hung over the ground. Duo found himself stumbling towards the person, saying with his usual cheer. "It's amazing here, don't you think?"   
  
The person said nothing and just stood in the same place, watching the longhaired boy come nearer. As Duo approached, he saw the unknown person turn abruptly around and start to walk away, pausing every now and then to let Duo run and catch up, only to keep walking down the beach again. "Hey wait up!" Duo heard his voice echo through the dream. "Who're you? Don't you have a name?"   
  
At the sound of the question, the person turned around and Duo watched the stranger give a melancholy shake of the head. No….   
  
And then Duo found himself awake again, lost in the dark, with only his radio to keep him company in the ungodly hours of the morning, wondering who it was he had been dreaming about and what he was going to do the next time he saw Heero.   


—O—

  
  
The solar lights that illuminated the colony had not even begun to activate that morning yet, but still, Heero Yuy had risen, early as usual and ready for another assignment. He kept the information about the enigma known only as Stella filed in the back of his head, should anything else turn up and went about his usual morning routine of sipping a cup of strong black coffee while reading the morning paper.   
  
There was the sound of a door opening, and Heero instinctively looked up to see Duo walk out of his room, his usual Nirvana bedtime shirt half hanging out of his black sweatpants as he sleepily rubbed his eyes. Heero looked up for a split second, his eyes communicating his surprise that Duo was actually awake at such an hour. Without a word, Duo walked into the kitchen, eyeing Heero briefly as well, wondering what whether or not the Japanese boy still regarded yesterday's events as a problem or not as he filled his usual blue mug up with a good cup of java and dumped a generous amount of sugar into the brew. Then he hopped up on the barstool next to Heero's, reached for the comics and the Style section of the paper, two parts of the press that were always discarded by the perfect soldier and pretended to be absorbed in the articles printed on the pages as mulled over his own feelings from the night before once more.   
  
"Penny for your thoughts?" Duo asked after fifteen minutes of awkward silence. He was ignored by Heero, who barely even bothered to give him an acknowledging grunt in response to the question. Still without a word, Heero folded up the newspaper and tucked it under his arm, downing the rest of his coffee in a single gulp as he grabbed his laptop and silently made for the door. Duo called after him, his words only noticed by the slamming of the door; "You know, you don't always have to take everything so goddamned seriously all the time!"   
  
Being as Duo had never really been awake at such a time before to see Heero off, he did not know whether or not Heero was always like that in the morning or if there really was something on his mind. _Maybe he's thinking about Relena…. Maybe he regrets what he did to her…. I should perhaps call her and apologize? Though it would have never worked if I hadn't been so damn… enchanted… by him…. _Duo nearly spit out his coffee when his brain actually registered the thoughts that were streaming so easily through his mind. _Here are those disturbing thoughts come to riddle my poor head again! It was just the heat of the moment, that's all. Heero is just… well… Heero. Like hell I'd be attracted to that unfeeling lump of oiled machinery!_   
  
"Dear God, I'm letting this bother me way too much," Duo said aloud with a heavy sigh as he folded his hands behind his head, kicking his bare feet up on the countertop (a move that would have made Heero seethe, had he been home). "It's just because Heero was being his usual boring stupid self that I'm all worked up. The man just can't have fun with anything and I'm letting his nasty demeanor crunch my style, that's all." Duo nodded to himself, pleased with that assessment. "So I'll just call Relena right now and say that I'm sorry for being such an asshole. Even she deserves that, I think."   
  
He told himself that, but found a way to avoid really picking up the phone for about an hour as he deliberately went about making himself a large homemade breakfast and took his time about actually cleaning up his mess. Then he plucked up the courage, grabbed the phone and rang the operator up so that he could get a connection down to Earth.   
  
Ringing, ringing….   
  
"Hello? Vice Minister Dorlan speaking," her voice said over the crackly communicator.   
  
"Relena?" Duo said, nervously twiddling the cord with his free hand, a habit he seemed to have developed when he was having a really unwanted conversation on the telephone.   
  
"Duo," her voice became immediately stiff and cold. "Yes, Mr. Maxwell, what can I do for you?" The business-like tone in her voice made Duo even more uneasy, and it was then that he knew that she at least, had not forgotten what had ensued the day before.   
  
"Uh, Relena," Duo stammered as he clenched the cord in a tight fist. "You know, about when you came up to visit us yesterday, well, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."   
  
"Sorry for what?" she sounded curious, thought that hardened tone still remained in her voice, like she wanted to hear him admit to what he had done and then make him beg for forgiveness.   
  
"Well, you know," Duo started staring above him, noticing for the first time that there was a very slight erosion on the ceiling above the row of barstools from the plumbing of the flat above. "When you came in and all, you surprised us and I—"   
  
"Yes, apparently I did," she hissed almost unkindly. "What are you trying to say, Mr. Maxwell? I have a lot of work I need to get done this morning, so if you would kindly hurry up whatever it is you need to say…."   
  
"It meant nothing!" he spat out quickly, almost doubting his own words as he spoke them, wondering if he really meant that.   
  
"Did it?" She sounded skeptical to believe him.   
  
"You know me," he said, slipping back into his casual smart-ass routine. "Duo Maxwell here. I may run, I may hide, but I sure as hell don't lie."   
  
"There's a first time for everything," she said coldly. "I'm not as stupid as you'll take me for, Mr. Maxwell. I can tell a lie from when I hear it. I would appreciate it much more if you were straightforward with me. Tell me what you really wanted to say. I don't like you dancing around your point this way."   
  
Duo sucked in a breath, unbelieving of what he was about to say to her. "Alright, alright, you want the 100% Duo Maxwell truth, then you got it. I liked it, okay? I liked kissing your boy and there's nothing you can really do to change that. Did he? I don't think so; he said himself it meant nothing to him. But I just want you to know that I feel bad about touching the one you have your eyes on and if you want him, don't worry, I'll back off. I'm sure he'd even much rather you than me anyway."   
  
"Is that what you've wanted to tell me?" she asked, obviously giving thought to his words. He could hear the slightest sound of elation in her voice as she spoke. "Well Mr. Maxwell—err, Duo—I do really appreciate your call. I'll keep what you've said in mind. And please, don't hesitate to call… either of you." Duo knew that really meant, _have Heero call me, or you just might find your ass in prison, Maxwell._   
  
"Yeah," he said softly. The fluttering of his heart started to give him away. "Oh and Relena, just one more thing."   
  
"Hmm?" she seemed much more cheerful than she had when their conversation had started.   
  
"Don't think it changes what I feel." Duo could barely hear himself speak those words. He slammed down the receiver in a rush of embarrassed haste.   
  
Rubbing his forehead, Duo slid off the stool and thought about what he had said for a brief second. I love Heero? Like hell I do… I don't even know what the hell I feel anymore. Duo was skeptical to believe it himself, maybe because he was still a little dazed by the kiss and Relena and just everything that had come swirling by him in the last few hours or perhaps even because he had just enjoyed torturing Relena with suggestions such as that. But no matter what, Duo decided he needed to get his mind off these contradicting thoughts and went off to find some distraction to occupy him for the rest of the day until Heero came back, like the exalted television. It was frightening how Duo was nothing more than an insecure youth without him.   


—O—

  
  
Heero had found his way to a small sushi bar on the other end of town where he had just met with another client. Easy money, he mused as he thoughtfully chewed on a piece of tempura, his other hand flying over the keys of his ever-present laptop. _It's almost getting boring to do this kind of work anymore. _He shook his head, swallowing hard._ No, that's just your emotions getting the better of you, Yuy. Ignore it! Think of what you need to survive!_   
  
He went back to working on the codes he would need to hack into the database his client wished information from, still sucking on the same piece of shrimp tempura, his mind so involved in his work that he barely realized how rude he looked with the batter-covered fish hanging out of his mouth. He found himself wondering what Duo was doing with himself, hoping to high heaven that everything would be okay back at the apartment. After yesterday's little… incident… Heero was not quite sure how Duo had taken the whole ordeal. Even he had to admit he had been a little hard on the American, especially since he was just obviously trying to help him kick Relena out of the house. _I was unfair to catch him off guard like that,_ Heero was reasoning to himself. Then again, on second thought, he was not quite sure if it had been the actual act of kissing that would have stirred Duo's emotions in an unfriendly direction.   
  
"Excuse me Sir?" a voice said, interrupting his thoughts. Heero looked up to see a pretty young waitress standing over him expectantly.   
  
"What?" Heero's face was the very picture of annoyance. He hated being dragged back into reality when he had such precious little time to let his mind really wander.   
  
"Main course?" she asked, waving her little pad of paper for taking orders.   
  
Heero rolled his eyes, a little annoyed. He cursed silently under his breath in Japanese before rattling off a list of his favourite sushi and returning moodily to his work. She flounced off, glaring over her shoulder heatedly at the angry young man sitting by the window typing madly on his laptop.   
  
But inevitably, Heero found his mind bored with the mechanical mathematics of code breaking and soon his thoughts were back on Duo. He has so many different emotions, and he's not one to let you see the storm when it's brewing. Then there's me, who he seems to be able to read like a godforsaken book. Yes, he did remember the last time Duo had raged like that. He had come home, as usual, and found Duo sitting on the floor of his room, his knees pressed against his chest and an empty bucket of black paint and two used cans of red spray-paint lying at his side. Half his once white room had been attacked with a paintbrush, black colour sloppily smeared over the walls and then further assailed with rebellious words and symbols from the red spray cans. That had been a few days after he had just taken Duo in, after the apparent war to end all wars with Hilde.   
_ "What the hell did you do, Duo?" Heero exclaimed as he pushed to door open.   
  
"What's it look like I did?" His voice was low and morose, his eyes flashing lightning bolts in Heero's direction. "Leave me alone, Yuy. I don't need your bullshit right now."   
  
"If you wanted the walls black, I could have done it for you," Heero said, his voice dropping to that freezer like tone again. "You don't need to go mutilating a perfectly good paintjob with bad handiwork."   
  
"Are you still here?" he looked up again, his eyes still dictating a thunderous storm from beneath the brim of his black baseball cap, speaking in a tone that Heero was sure he had never heard Duo use before… not towards him anyway. Had he been crying then? He was sure that was the first time he had seen anyone cry. "A brick like you could never understand what I'm feeling right now! Just get lost!"   
  
_ Heero shook his head, unwilling to give much thought to that particular memory. It was depressing to see the only bit of cheerfulness in his world snuff out like that. To appease him, Heero had taken the time to nicely paint Duo's room black, though Duo insisted that he be allowed to keep the red spray painted marks. If it meant keeping Duo happy, Duo usually got it, so long as whatever it was was quiet and unobtrusive. Life was depressing enough with him in good spirits, no matter how annoying he got.   
  
Soon Heero got thinking about the day before once more. _So maybe it wasn't just kissing him. Aw, maybe it was the way I was silent this morning… or perhaps when I yelled at him yesterday? God knows what that bastard is really thinking…._ Suddenly his face became hard, chiseled into the stony mask of some bleak statue. _And God cares! I don't need to waste my time thinking about what he felt about it. Relena's out of the way, mission complete, end of story. _   
  
"Sushi," the waitress came back holding a large plate of the raw fish delicacies. That was something about thinking too hard; one never knew quite how long they had been doing so until reality kicked back in. She set it down on the table and walked off.   
  
Heero took his time eating. Dining alone did have its advantages, the first and foremost being that there was no competition with Duo for food though Heero knew his chopstick skills were infinitely better than Mr. Dive-Right-In-Screw-All-Else-and-To-Hell-with-Utensils.   
  
Just as he was about midway through his plate though, his laptop flashed a message across the screen. "Heero_Yuy/Urgent Message!" Abandoning his chopsticks, Heero was upon his keyboard faster than a bat out of hell. With a few quick mouse clicks, the e-mail was open and being read by Heero's darkened eyes. "It seems that Stella is more than I had previously reasoned. And so the waltz begins again."   
"Duo?" he opened the door, home earlier than the American would have expected, though it was still quite late (nearly midnight), calling out in his mysterious monotone. "Duo? We have work to do!" There was nothing but silence to greet the stoic Japanese boy standing in the front hall with his computer tucked under his arm. Hn must have gone out or something. Can't expect him to be home all the time….   
  
Taking his time, Heero hung his coat up on the peg in the wall without a second thought, his little habits so mechanical and repeated that he rarely had to think about them anymore. He fixed himself a cup of coffee and went carried it to his bedroom, opening the door with a thrust of his hip, as his arms were full with the computer and his red mug. Barely glancing up from his feet, he set the mug down and set up his computer. Hearing something that sounded suspiciously like the crackling of Duo's little tin radio and an occasional light snore, Heero turned around, nearly falling over when he beheld the sight before him.   
  
"Duo?"   
  
There lay Duo, freshly showered and wrapped in a large white towel, stretched out on Heero's large double bed, his long chocolate coloured hair, free of his braid, melting all over the sheets and the towel that once confined it, little droplets of water clinging to each silken strand, fast asleep. He rarely had seen Duo with his hair long before, and he found it strangely enticing, his fingers wanting nothing more than to weave themselves in that mess of beautiful hair. He found himself drawn to the edge of the bed, where he was soon sitting, watching Duo sleep, his back rising and falling slightly with each breath with the radio clutched tightly in one hand, playing softly.   
  
_ Sometimes, I wish I was brave,   
I wish I was stronger, wish I could feel no pain.   
Wish I was young, wish I was shy.   
Wish I was honest,   
Wish I was you, not I.   
  
'Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry!   
Feel so calloused, so lost, confused again!   
Feel so cheap, so used, unfaithful!   
Let's start over, let's start over….   
  
_ "Damn bastard, always going places he ought not to go," Heero muttered as he continued to survey the sleeping boy beside him. "You're lucky that you have some benefit around here, or I swear I could have killed you a long time ago."   
  
_ Sometimes, I wish I was smart.   
I wish I made cures for how people are.   
I wish I had power, I wish I could lead.   
I wish I could change the world,   
For you and me….   
  
'Cause I feel so mad, I feel so angry!   
Feel so calloused, so lost, confused—   
  
_ Heero gently pried the radio out of Duo's sleepy hand and switched the power off. Quietly, deciding that the way Duo's hair dripped in such magnificent torrents over his body was too… too pleasing, Heero set about to gently (yet still rather stiffly) braiding Duo's soft hair, still talking aloud to the sleeper in a hard unchanging voice. "Hn, you're pretty quiet when you're not awake," he mused as he slowly folded the pleats of hair loosely over one another as Duo often wore his braid. "You know, you really are lucky, Maxwell. You have that amiable personality. You're always the first to put out your hand and say hello. But I… well… let's just say that I like to keep my name a secret. And you know, I think you were the first person to ever call me… Heero… like it really was a name, because you were the only one who I had really allowed to see my face and know who I was." Heero shook his head with a small sigh, for the first time realizing just how long Duo had been there for him, and here he was, saying the most he had ever said at one time to the God of Death while he slept. _What was that word you use to call someone like Duo? Ah yes… a "friend"…._   
  
Heero still was not ready to talk to Duo face to face about anything really personal, worried what the bouncy American might think of the perfect soldier should he show any remote hint of emotion. It was that kind of fear that kept Heero bottling his own sentiments up even further than humanly possible. Worry of what others would think of him kept him constantly hardhearted and dispassionate. _And then I'm so cold but you still stay, so what the heck is with you?_   
  
In stone silence, he continued to quietly braid the sleeping Duo's hair, stopping and holding his breath for a moment as Duo groaned in his sleep and shifted slightly. But even after Duo had settled again, Heero kept his breath in, noticing for the first time the small tattoo of a devil's wing on his left shoulder blade. He let the braid drop, the long tassel of hair drooping over Duo's back as he did so. And hugging himself tightly, Heero slid his hand over the tattoo of an angel wing etched on his own back. _We must be fated to be friends then, _Heero thought as he clutched himself tighter, closing his eyes. _Fated…. Heh, what folly. But… we'll always be friends, right Duo?_   
  
Heero rose from the bed, ripping back the sheets of the bed with all the grace of a well-oiled machine and threw them over Duo's prone body. Then he walked to the bathroom that connected their two bedrooms and treated himself to a long invigorating and quite well-deserved shower, after which he stumbled sleepily into Duo's room and collapsed on his wrought iron couch-bed, tired from his mentally taxing day and figuring that the Preventers could wait one damn day for a response.   
Heero always kept the windows of the apartment double locked, his paranoia about being infiltrated at night always keen. Though it was a peaceful colony, he was one of those types who could never be sure. So there it was, a place that was nearly impossible to get into, being watched through a pair of infrared binoculars by a lone figure that had been sitting in the tree opposite the apartment for the past few hours, waiting for his target to return home. Checking the holographic data on his wristwatch, the stranger nodded his head, confirming to himself that the one he was after had just gone to sleep; he had been the one that just entered his room.   
  
Quietly, the man dismounted the tree and stole across the street, only to climb another tree that grew tall and strong in front of the building. Crawling out on a sturdy limb, he reached out and promptly set to picking the locks on the window. Aggravated with the stress of the minute little work of opening the window this way without any mechanical devices made him fumble the little tools in his big hands. After nearly dropping them, he got his act together and managed to pry the windowpanes open, climbing through the tall arched window with the sound of heavy combat boots on wood.   
Meanwhile, in Duo's room, Heero rolled over in his sleep, unsure of what was making him so uneasy. The bed was comfortable enough (at least it was after he had cleared all the crap lying on top of it and rolled between the sheets) and the pillows soft (once again, as soon as the random clutter had been fished out), but that was not it at all. Another disgruntled moan from Heero and he tossed over again, still restless, still tense.   
The man let his eyes rove the room he was now standing in. It was a good-sized room, not overwhelmingly huge, but not cramped and tiny, obviously the main room in the flat. Ahead of him, beyond the set up with the television, an overstuffed armchair, a couch and a large papa-sun chair, was a bar lined with green stools that opened up into a small little kitchenette. He could see the front door of the place, secured at least four times with manual locks in addition to an electronic locking mechanism. From there his eyes found their way to a pair of doors spaced out on the wall without any windows, adorning with nothing but a collection of photographs and he walked purposely forward, knowing that his moment of glory had finally come.   
  
There was the sound of a groan as someone having a hard time sleeping rolled over in his bed with the sound of squeaking springs and rustling sheets. The intruder froze in place between the two doors, inevitable finding himself staring at the wall of photographs. "Interesting," he mused as he examined the portraits. They were well done, though still obviously the work of an amateur. Five images hung in a row above the others, each of a different young boy. The man figured to himself that each had to be one of the Gundam pilots, though, which was which was a mystery to him. He had not been allowed that much information, despite the details of this mission: murder pilot .01, Heero Yuy. The other pictures were all of two of the above boys, one cheerful looking one with long hair and the other, an Oriental boy with messy short hair and a glare that could have frozen a volcano. The man noted with awareness that, even if in every picture the longhaired one was happily latched onto the other or hogging the frame with that sort of cute wide grin of his while the other just put up with the antics stoically.   
  
The restless sleeper moaned in his dreams again, making the man jump as he pressed himself against the wall, cursing himself as his action made the picture frames rattle. A few strips of negatives fluttered to the ground from behind one picture and the man stooped to pick them up, squinting to see a line of pictures that had not been developed with the rest. "Very interesting," he grinned to himself and pocketed the negatives, knowing that it could be something that would be of future use to his commander. Anything on the Gundam pilots at all would be appreciated, that much he knew… and blackmail was always best.   
  
Hearing no more sounds, he went on and pushed the door open, fixing the silencer on the end of his sleek silver handgun as he proceeded into the darkened bedroom. Lying, spread out rather ungracefully on the bed, was a brown haired young man with unruly hair. He fit the description of the pilot he had been ordered to assassinate in the assignment brief that had been sent to him via the communication frequency of his commander's starship. "Goodnight, Heero Yuy," the man muttered to himself, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of how many promotions he would get from his Commander Stella for a job so efficiently done.   
  
The boy rolled over onto his back, his face still buried in the fluffy mass of the white pillows. "Stop running from me, please!" he said into the pillow, his face damp with sweat and contorted in a frightened pose.   
  
"I'll end your pain," the man leaned over the bed and placed the gun against the sleeping teenager's head.   
  
Suddenly, there was a scream and the sound of a switchblade being swiped open. The man was taken totally aback, the gun flying from his hand in his surprise as he found the boy now fully awake and staring angrily at him, a blade now pressed under his chin.   
  
"Who're you and what the hell d'ya want?" the ex Gundam pilot asked in an unpleasant tone. "You better have a damn good excuse for barging in here with a gun and waking me up at—" he glanced quickly at the clock sitting beside the bed "—at three in the mother-fucking morning."   
  
The man, getting over his initial surprise at being caught off-guard, chuckled a bit as he said, raising his arms. "Why else do you think, Mr. Yuy? To kill you!" He slammed his arms downwards, smacking Duo across the wrists, making the braided boy jump at the sting and drop the knife into the folds of the sheets. They both went scrambling for it and soon found themselves in an all out brawl, each grabbing frantically for the other's throat.   
  
"If you wanted to kill me, then you could at least make sure you knew who I was," Heero's voice interrupted the uneven breathing of the attacker as he swept into the room and landed a muscled punch on the assailant's jaw. The stranger went flying backwards with the force of the punch and found himself cringing underneath the tip of his own gun, which had been retrieved by the real Heero and aimed at his forehead.   
  
"Heero, don't kill him!" Duo had wrapped himself up in the sheets that had been disentangled from the bed and crawled over to where the pair stood. "You'll make an awful ruckus and an awful mess if you put a bullet in his head right here. I really don't want to be scrubbing blood stains off your pristine walls at 3AM."   
  
Silence for a moment before Heero reacted to Duo's protests. He tucked the gun into the waistband of his boxers, pulling his green tank over the weapon as he said, "Fine. Get his arms, I've got the feet."   
  
"Okay," Duo said as he crawled over to where the man was pressed against the wall in fear. He reached back and slammed a punch of his own into the man's abused face, knocking him out. Then he grabbed him around the wrists and stood up as Heero took up the man's ankles. "Where to now?"   
  
"This way," Heero grunted, beginning to back out the room. Duo helped Heero carry the soldier to the window. And even though Duo showed a little reluctance as Heero gave a little nudge of his head towards the open window, he helped his roommate throw the limp body out of the window into the leafy boughs of the tree outside, listening to the sound of cracking wood and flesh hitting hard pavement. It was only one story, but it was still quite a way to fall.   
  
"You think he's dead?" Duo asked, peering out over the windowsill so he could see the crooked body lying on the sidewalk below.   
  
"Maybe," Heero shrugged, purposely looking away from Duo's bent half naked form. "Probably. Anyway, if anyone asks, he attacked us and we were just defending ourselves; simple story, simple solution. That's all anyone has to know."   
  
"Somehow I don't think that will fly too well with the cops," Duo mused as he pulled the window closed. He found a packet of guitar strings lying on the table nearby and pulled a few out, using them to tie the broken lock clasps on the window together. "Ah, that'll have to do for now I guess."   
  
"Just as that story will have to until I can hack into the police files and erase any report of it," Heero responded as he started to walk towards his room.   
  
Duo walked after him, stepping awkwardly as so he would not trip over the long white sheets wrapped around his waist. "Couldn't you at least be creative and make something up like he was some old OZ soldier who had a grudge against the Gundam pilots or something? Your stories are always so-o-o boring."   
  
"I don't believe in wasting time on fictitious stories when reality is much more prominent," Heero said simply as he sunk down into the chair at his desk where the laptop sat. "But that might not be so far off from the truth as you would like to think. Go get some clothes on and put some clean sheets on my bed. Then I have something else to show you."   
  
"Fine, fine, have it your way," Duo grumbled as he walked towards his room, the sheets dragging behind him on the floor. "And these are not dirty!"   
"So what's up?" Duo, now clad in his black sleepwear, leaned over Heero's chair, the only light in the room from the glowing laptop screen illuminating both their faces in the artificial white light.   
  
"It would seem these attempts on my—our—lives isn't so coincidental," Heero said with that damned emotionless monotone of his. He opened the e-mail he had received during lunch that day and let Duo read it.   
  
Send to: Yuy, Heero   
Subject: Operation ASTROPHYLL   
From: Poe, Sally   
  
Approximately three hours ago (0900 hours) an unidentified spacecraft was detected passing the orbit of Mars. The ship has barred all communication transmissions from space-traffic officials save one statement issued by the ship's commander, a woman by the name of Stella. She has threatened the Earth Sphere and her surrounding colonies with an Operation DIANA, details of which are still unknown. It has been generally assumed that plans for DIANA will put the safety of Earth in jeopardy based on records of past offences committed by Stella and her followers during her rebellious association with the Barton Foundation after it was decided not to commence with the original Operation METEOR. Make a trip down to see Vice Minister Dorlan regarding her safety and a plan of action to take against this obvious threat before her ship enters Earth's orbit. You are free to contact any of the other Gundam pilots for assistance though word of DIANA should be kept to a minimum to avoid interception by the wrong people. We're codenaming this counter-op ASTROPHYLL, so refer to it as such from now on. That is all for now. I'll patch you more news as we get it.   
  
Out – Sally   
  
"Hmm, don't think you can handle it yourself, huh?" Duo said in a sarcastic tone, leaning his folded arms on top of Heero's head.   
  
"I'm sure I could," Heero said grimly as he swiped his fist at Duo, who jumped back a few feet to avoid being clobbered, "but what if in the rare occasion that I should fail? What then? I need someone, no matter how childish, to take over if something backfires."   
  
"That's it? You want me to be backup?" Duo gave an indignant snort. "You're no fun Heero Yuy, always hogging the glory for yourself when you never even want it!"   
  
"It's my programming," he said the words exactly as if he indeed were put together like a computer. "I was created to fight. So don't worry; you probably won't have to see any more battles."   
  
"You always sound like a damned robot! Don't assume that I enjoy this whole peace thing! Quite frankly it's boring, especially when someone won't let me buy a Nintendo or anything," Duo argued, a silly grin unable to be seen by Heero in the dark on his face. "So why tell me all this now when you're oh-so-sure that you won't need me."   
  
"Alright, I lied," Heero rolled his eyes, unbelieving about what he was about to say. "I do need you right away."   
  
"For what?"   
  
"I… I," Heero faltered, amusing Duo to no end. Eventually, the brown haired Japanese boy spit it out. "I can't go down there to see Relena alone!"   
  
"You're joking," Duo responded, his mouth hanging wide open. "You, who can wander into the middle of a gun fray without a care in the world, is afraid to go see one harmless girl?" At this Duo erupted in laughter, much to the furthered embarresment of Heero.   
  
"Don't you get it Maxwell!?" he turned around in his chair so he could glower at Duo with the full intensity of one of his darkened death stares. "I can't face her after that little incident! Knowing her, she'd have me killed or something extreme like that! She's rabid obsessive! Why do you think I can't take her?"   
  
Duo shrugged innocently, ready to hear more on the subject. Anything at all that related to Heero's inner emotions was intriguing to him and when it came to Relena especially he liked to hear what was plaguing the perfect soldier's mind. "So, what're you going to do about it? You got to talk to her. Just make it pure business."   
  
"But she always has this way of making even the most professional of situations personal," Heero was tensely gripping the back of the chair, his fingers curling around the wood tightly. There was even the slightest sound of emphasis and emotion laced in his usually dry speech. There was silence for a moment as Heero stared at Duo with an imploring gaze that made the American's innards crumble. And then he said in a softer voice, "And I'm afraid to leave you and die. You'd be all alone again."   
  
"Heero?" Duo said, taking a few steps closer to where Heero sat, sinking down to his knees beside the chair and resting his arms on his roommate's lap. "You're afraid of leaving me alone? What about you?"   
  
"…And I don't want to be alone either," he finished his last train of thought, staring blankly at the wall behind Duo.   
  
"Hee-chan, you won't have to be alone, ever," Duo flung his arms around Heero's waist in a friendly hug, burying his head against Heero's muscled stomach. He could feel Heero breathing softly, the rhythm of his heartbeat under his chest and the warmth of his hand on top of his head as he held Heero tight in that embrace. The perfect soldier did not even make a comment on the use of the pet name this time. "As long as we're friends Heero, you won't ever have to be alone. And don't worry, I won't tell them your name. You don't have to worry about anything anymore."   
  
"Thanks… Duo," he murmured in a nearly inaudible voice. "It… means a lot to me."   
  
"I know," Duo smiled into the fabric of Heero's crisp white blouse, taking in his fresh scent. Duo had never thought that hugging someone as unfeeling as Heero Yuy could feel so warm and safe. Right there, by his side, was where Duo decided he wanted to be… forever.   


~oOo@oOo@oOo~ 


	4. Favourite Things

**Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel**  
by the Link Worshiper  
  
~oOo@ Part III ~ Favourite Things @oOo~   
  


"So, when's our flight?" Duo asked over a late lunch the next day.   
  
Heero sat down beside him at the bar with a plate of penne, ignoring the question for a moment as he slowly began to chew his food. After he had eaten his way through about a fourth of his rather large serving, he said in a quiet voice, almost as if he dreaded speaking about the matter, "Tomorrow, very early in the morning. We'll have to leave at least at 4AM if we're to catch our shuttle. We meet Relena at her offices somewhere around nine o'clock the day after."   
  
"Sounds like a plan," Duo said, dropping his fork on a plate devoid of any trace of food save a few smears of pasta sauce. "So where to from there?"   
  
"It all depends on what kind of information the Vice Minister has for us," Heero replied simply. "I can't say what course of action we should take right now, because, quite frankly, I have no idea what kind of enemy we're up against."   
  
"Do you think we should tell the others?" Duo asked as he sipped the glass of water he had taken with his meal.   
  
"Wufei's with the Preventers. If any information needs to be given to either Trowa or Quatre, he'll make sure of it. It's none of our concern," Heero said. "All that matters is the mission at hand. We can't let petty things like that get in the way."   
  
"It's always the mission with you!" Duo moaned. "The routine gets a little old, Heero Yuy! Try adding a little flavour into your life once and a while. It would do you a world of good. Besides, I don't understand what is so hard about contacting your friends about impending danger. They could help us out, you know."   
  
"If I wanted their help, I'd ask for it," Heero snapped. "We don't need it. I could do this myself even! It's what I was trained to live for! It's what I was trained to die for! This is who I am!"   
  
"Whoo hoo, excu-u-use me," Duo threw his hands up in defense. "I'm just saying that you could use some good old fashioned fun in your life. How is it that you can live every day of your goddamned existence this way?! Routines here and perfection there. Life isn't like that, Heero! Real life is not perfect! That's what makes it life! It's like you and your mathematics. When in your entire existence have you come across real data in the field that worked out with perfect numbers like the problems in a textbook? You gotta stop living your life like you're a fucking MS repair manual!"   
  
"Are you saying that I'm not alive?" Heero narrowed his eyes, sizing up his roommate, trying to understand what Duo was saying to him.   
  
"Come on, are you really happy like this? Don't you want to experience life? Don't you want to be happy?" Duo pounded his fist on the countertop, making the plates and silverware jump.   
  
"I am happy," Heero declaimed in a completely unconvincing voice.   
  
"You go on telling yourself that," Duo said with a sly grin. "You go on and think you're happy until you sit down and really ask yourself the question. Then you'll realize how empty your existence is."   
  
Heero looked away, not wanting to admit that Duo might have been onto something with his accusations. He hated it when Duo was right like that. Though Heero may have been the one who could recite any bit of information from a science text or mech tutorial, Duo was most certainly the more philosophical of the two. And nothing drove Heero more insane than when Duo came out with such spiels declaring the importance of life and love, two things that Heero knew that he had absolutely no knowledge of.   
  
"Aw, come on Heero," Duo said kindly. "Stop being that way. Look, look, let me treat you or something."   
  
Heero turned his head slightly, gazing over his shoulder at Duo with his cold eyes. "What do you mean?"   
  
"Ah, hmm," Duo scratched the back of his head, trying to think of something. "Oh I know! Tonight, why don't you come along with me to the club? I'll get you a drink or two, we could do a little dancing, meet a few people, and you can hear me sing."   
  
"That's not a place I'd like to be found in," Heero retorted, turning back away from Duo.   
  
"There's your problem right there! If it's not part of your damned everyday habits, then you don't want anything to do with it! God knows it would do you a world of good to see something new and wild! Ple-ease, Heero? For me-e-e?"   
  
Heero glanced back over his shoulder, to lay eyes upon a wide-eyed-sad-puppy-dog looking expression plastered on Duo's face. "Out of the question, Maxwell."   
  
"You really are boring!"   
  
"Go on and tell yourself that."   
  
"Just like you'll just keep telling yourself that you're happy?"   
  
"Is that what this is about?" Heero turned completely around again. "You want to prove to me that I'm unhappy? Let me ask you this: why?"   
  
"Because I don't like to see you sad," Duo said, his fingers fidgeting in his lap. "You just always seem so sad. I don't like to see that look on your face, where it looks like you might break down and cry at any time. It makes me sad to see you that way."   
  
"Would it make you happy if I came with you?"   
  
"It would make me happy to see you try and live a little," Duo said hopefully as he looked up again.   
  
"Fine," Heero said after a moment of staring at one another as if the one was trying to break the other's morality with his eyes. He hated it when Duo was right, and he figured it might as well pay off to prove to him that he could partake in anything the loudmouthed American could. "So long as you buy all the drinks."   
  
"I get 'em free, heh heh," Duo grinned. "But you're serious? You'll go?"   
  
"If it keeps you from crying like a three year-old girl."   
  
"Boys don't cry," Duo said proudly, his voice trying to cover up the fact that he was indeed a softhearted individual.   
  
Heero stared at him dumbly, knowing that he had indeed seen Duo with tears on his cheeks many a time, but chose not to mention anything about it, a move that was surprisingly generous of him considering his usual unfeeling demeanor and careless remarks.   
  
"Just… just be sure to ask yourself what you want out of life, okay Heero?"   
The day went on as usual, Heero holing himself up in his room with his laptop, now doing some in-depth research on the past of this Stella character and Duo busied himself with odd things here and there to keep his ever-wandering mind preoccupied and his ever-yapping mouth shut, determined to get Heero out into the real world before they went parading into death's playground.   
  
By the time eight o'clock rolled around, Heero seemed to have forgotten his promise to Duo that they would go out and Duo literally dragged Heero out of his chair and back to his bedroom where a short fight about clothes ensued. Duo had already dressed himself in a pair of tight leather black pants that laced up on the sides and a tight black sleeveless muscle shirt that had the word "Death" emblazoned across the chest in red letters. His eyes were lined with black eye makeup and his neck adorned with a choker of leather and metal, a little silver ring in his ear and an array of long black and violet ribbons entwined in his loose braid. Heero, refusing to wear anything other than his usual neat jeans, spandex shorts and green shirts, protested to no end and threatened to forget the whole thing if Duo went on being difficult.   
  
"You're the one being difficult Heero!" Duo frowned at his roommate, a long stylish black button-up shirt and baggy dark blue jeans hanging over one arm. "Heaven forbid that you have to do anything different with yourself! It's not going to kill you to look just a little American for one night of your life! God, this isn't even that suggestive!"   
  
"Maxwell, there's a difference between looking American and looking trashy," Heero snorted as he crossed his arms and looked away defiantly.   
  
"This is not that bad. We're trying to culture you here, buddy," Duo said, pouncing on Heero, wrestling with his resisting arms as he tried to pin him against the wall. "Come on, I thought you were going to humour me tonight!"   
  
"Humour you, not succumb to your morbid will," Heero managed to quip sardonically as Duo tried to make a grab at the buttons of the perfect soldier's shirt. Heero scathed, "And will you stop trying to ruin my clothes?"   
  
"This would be so much easier if you would just put the damned stuff on so we can go!" Duo whined, his tone of voice not really an appropriate choice for trying to sway Heero in his direction.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere with you acting like that. You still carry on like you're a little child," Heero accused threateningly.   
  
"Aw, Hee-chan, I thought we were going to make this fun!" Duo said in a more natural tone, though the use of the pet name found Heero reaching absently for his firearm. Duo, noticing the action, grabbed Heero's wrists, keeping his grabbing hands from wrapping around the weapon. "Stop jumping the gun there, Heero. It's not a big deal!" Duo managed to laugh feebly at the poor pun.   
  
"That name…." Heero grimaced, his eyes boring right into Duo's soul.   
  
Duo threw his arms up in defeat, the clothes flying like sails in the wind over his head. "God, okay! We'll compromise!"   
After that little fiasco and a few other minor setbacks (Heero refused to let Duo put makeup on him), Duo escorted Heero down the street towards D. Maxwell's in the black shirt and a pair of Heero's own tight-fitting jeans in addition to some black spiked bracelets and chains courtesy of Maxwell Wardrobe Inc. Heero had a look on his face that was a mixture somewhere between complete distaste and total shock that he was actually doing this with Duo.   
  
Since Duo was an employee, Heero and he were able to skip the line forming along the pavement in the dim streetlamps' glow. Pushing their way through the crowd, Heero soon found himself milling through a mob of people congregated in the large room. A bar lit with neon lights and other assorted glowing gizmos dominated one wall while another was taken by a stage a few steps above the ground illuminated with strobes and fancy tech effects sat waiting for the band to grace it. There were multiple platforms and catwalks around the upper eaves of the place where more people hung over the rail enjoying drinks or dancing to the DJ's music. Strobes, black lights and all manner of blinding lights ruled the semi-dark place, flashing over the sea of dancing people, all hanging off one another like one great big orgy.   
  
"Could it be any louder?" Heero winced as Duo ushered him towards the bar.   
  
Leaning on the counter top and wiggling two fingers to the bartender for some beer, Duo said to his callous friend, "Well Heero, this is what it's about."   
  
"Going deaf?" Heero shouted, slapping Duo deftly on the cheek for what the Japanese boy deemed as impudence. "I can't believe you waste all your time here."   
  
"But at least I'm doing something that I love," Duo shot back defensively. "Can you say that about what you rush off every day to do? Don't tell me you actually enjoy locking yourself away in your dark old room with that laptop, hacking into this and that for other people."   
  
Heero was silent for some time and did not say anything until the drinks came, waiting to down at least half the bottle before speaking. Then he said simply, "I used to like it."   
  
Duo smiled knowingly, thinking to himself, _Score: Duo – 1, Heero – 0. _"Really. So, why'd you lose it?"   
  
"What do you mean?" Heero looked at Duo suspiciously as though he suspected him of trying to pry information out of him.   
  
"I mean, why don't you like it anymore?" Duo reiterated his question. "Things don't just stop being interesting for no reason. And that's not exactly the kind of thing that I'd expect you to drop without a reason."   
  
"It… it got boring," Heero shrugged, drowning himself in the rest of his beer. He chose his next words carefully, constantly afraid that someone might pick up on his role against OZ even so long after peace had been attained. "During the war, skills like that were necessary if anything were be accomplished quickly and efficiently. The battles kept me alive, even though I knew that at any moment I was sure to die. But that was the thrill of it all. It was just a part of life then that was so natural to me that afterwards, it was the only thing I could think of to do with myself in an effort to blend in with a normal life. I guess I just over killed it."   
  
"Hn, interesting," Duo smirked, leaning on one elbow. "So are you saying that now that we have peace, you're nothing?"   
  
Heero shrugged, said, "Maybe," and refused to say another word on the subject. Duo shook his head and ordered another round of drinks and stood in silence beside Heero, casting curious looks at his melancholy friend between sips.   
  
"You were a soldier back in the OZ days, eh?" a new voice said. Heero looked up from his third bottle of beer to see the bartender giving the countertop a quick polish with his rag.   
  
"He doesn't like to talk about it so much," Duo cut in, throwing an arm around Heero's shoulders. He could feel the Japanese boy's muscles tighten beneath his touch and he knew that hardened look of contempt had been painted on Heero's face without even having to look at him.   
  
"Hey Duo, what's going on?" the bartender greeted the chestnut haired boy with a cheerful grin.   
  
Duo used his free hand to grip the bartender's hand in a hearty handshake. "Aw, not much. You know the usual. Hey, you know I'm going down to Earth tomorrow morning so I won't be around for a while. Figured I'd drop in before we all took off."   
  
"Really? That should be nice," the bartender said wistfully, noting quietly to himself that Duo still had his arm around the stranger who had come in with him. "What for?"   
  
"Business," Duo said vaguely, waving his hand around for effect. He felt Heero nudge him hard in the gut and stopped speaking right there.   
  
"Ooh," the bartender nodded with a whistle. He had noticed Heero's quick jab into Duo's side and wondered to himself what that had been about. Deciding that he wanted to learn more about Duo's accompaniment and what exactly was going on between them to make the mood so tense. "So Duo," he said, "who's your friend?"   
  
"Not his friend," Heero muttered under his breath. The bartender seemed to have heard what Heero had said, but was not quite sure he believed he had heard it right.   
  
Duo also glared sharply at him, a little hurt by the comment. He let Heero know it by moving his arm from a lazy position over his shoulders to a tight headlock around his neck. "Heh, this is my roommate. He's not really a people person so try and make him feel welcome, right? It's his first time spending time amongst the living."   
  
"Ooh so this is the infamous mystery roommate," the bartender whistled again. He leaned down close to Heero and spoke in a low voice, glancing up at the oblivious Duo. "You know, he talks about you all the time. All his stories are 'Well you should see what my maniac roomy did this morning' or 'Guess what happened with my old buddy back home.' You're pretty well known around here with Duo's friends, even if we've never seen you or even heard your name." At that the bartender looked up and addressed Duo, "Yeah, you know, I don't think you've ever mentioned his name."   
  
Duo tried to look innocent and casual as Heero snapped up and looked intently at him. A quick triumphant play-by-play crossed Duo's head. _Score: Duo – 2, Heero – still zip._   
  
"Never did tell us," someone else said, joining the conversation. "So this is the roommate of legend." He flashed a grin at Heero only to have one of those trademarked Yuy death glares fly back at him.   
  
"Well he's a big boy," Duo coaxed, rubbing Heero's back. "He'll tell you all when he's ready." That got a heated reaction from Heero, who turned his death stare from the newcomer back at Duo. Duo pretended to ignore the look and went on to say. "Hey, this is our drummer, buddy. Go ahead and say 'hello.'"   
  
"Hn," Heero grunted in the drummer's general direction. He barely noticed the man's heavily tattooed body or his dark green coloured hair. He just bent back down and stared back at his hands as he had been before.   
  
Duo flashed a grin at his other friend and imitated the dark look on Heero's face behind his back for the drummer's amusement. "That includes your name, my friend."   
  
"I'll get to it when I'm ready, just like you said," Heero snapped.   
  
_Wince, ouch. Point for Heero._   
  
"You gonna go dance or something? Just you wait 'till we get up there," Duo prodded Heero, making sure to be annoying and pestering about it.   
  
"I'm content here," he said, his voice traced with that ever-present bad humour.   
  
"Suit yourself," Duo said as he tapped his other friend on the shoulder, saying something about getting ready to go perform. Just as they were about to fade into the crowd, Duo bounced back to the bar, resting an arm on Heero's head as he said jovially to the bartender, a rather comical image considering the merry expression on Duo's face and the murderous gleam in Heero's eyes. "And let him have as many beers as he wants. I told him I'd treat him to all the drinks." Duo winked and planted a kiss on top of Heero's head, already feeling a little tipsy from the alcohol he had already had and deciding right then that he was willing to play it on the dangerous side as far as Heero was concerned.   
  
And when Heero whipped out his gun (much to the shock of the surrounding crowd), looking up again to scowl at Duo for his actions, the American found himself bending over to kiss each of his cheeks and lay another on his forehead as he levered the weapon from Heero's fingers. Another wink in Heero's direction, "Hey buddy, don't hesitate to look us up if you want to try that whole 'fun' thing out, right?"   
  
Heero was barely paying attention to his surroundings, making his own decision to just stake it out here by the bar with Duo's free drinks until the braided brat had decided that he'd had enough of the whole scene. Not quite sure how long that would be, Heero shook his bottle, asking in as few words as possible for a refill and only half listened as the crowd roared for Duo and his band and began to further tune out when they began to play.   
  
But then Duo started singing….   
  
_ "Wherever you go, you know I'll be there.   
If you go far, you know I'll be there!   
I'll go anywhere, so I'll see you there.   
You place the name; you know I'll be there.   
You name the time; you know I'll be there!   
I'll go anywhere, so I'll see you there."   
  
"I don't care if you don't mind.   
I'll be there not far behind.   
I will dare, keep in mind.   
I'll be there for you."   
  
_ Heero looked over his shoulder at the band rocking on the stage, having a genuine good time with their music. He was being as discreet as he possible could with his glances, a tactic that he was incredibly good at, though unbeknownst to him, Duo (who knew Heero's every trick like the back of his hand) was watching every move he made and noticed when he started making occasional glimpses over his shoulder to watch the show. Plus one for me. I'm still up two on you, Heero Yuy.   
  
_ "Where there's a truth,  
You know I'll be there.  
Amongst the lies,   
You know I'll be there!   
I'll go anywhere.   
So I'll see you there.   
  
"I don't care if you don't mind.   
I'll be there not far behind.   
I will dare, keep in mind.   
I'll be there for you!   
  
"All right!"   
  
_ "They're pretty good, aren't they?" the bartender commented to Heero, noticing how he had taken to constantly staring over his shoulder all of the sudden. The bartender wondered to himself whether or not Duo's enigmatic roommate was looking because he was beginning to get a feel for the music or if there was something more interesting than that up on that stage the stranger found worth looking at… namely Duo…. The bartender was not blind; he had seen the kisses and watched the hugging. He grinned to himself, figuring that this friend of Duo's was not the type to notice or pay any mind to flirtation. And, having seen it from Duo before, it was damn obvious that was what Duo trying to do.   
  
_ "If you should fall, you know I'll be there.   
To catch the call, you know I'll be there!   
I'll go anywhere, so I'll see you there!   
  
"Oh I don't care if you don't mind.   
I'll be there, not far behind.   
I will dare, keep in mind.   
Oh I don't care!   
I'll be there for you.   
  
"I'll be there for you."   
  
_ Duo was all the while going on with his seductive dancing and Heero, now well beyond his fifth beer, could barely tear his eyes away from the skin exposed between the laces of Duo's skintight pants or the rocking of his hips, the "come-hither" look in his violet eyes or the fine definition of his muscled arms as his lips virtually went on making love to the microphone.   
  
They played a few more songs, most of which Heero barely paid attention to. Three more drinks later, he found himself too busy being completely in awe of Duo and everything about him. Maybe it was because Heero had never been so drunk before or maybe because of the obvious allure that Duo was specifically sending his way (or a combination of both thereof), but Heero Yuy was definitely feeling much different than he was used to. It was a sort of free released kind of feeling, like he was floating, and it was something like he had never experienced before.   
  
"Hey," he vaguely heard the bartender say as a slightly familiar voice piped up behind him. "You guys kicked ass tonight. Good show as always."   
  
"Thanks dude," the drummer replied. There was the sound of clinking glass and ice amid the blanket noise of the roaring droves of people around them. Then the drummer spoke again with a gesture towards Heero. "He's still here? Guess Duo was right in that he wasn't such a people person."   
  
"Ah, we've been good," the bartender slapped another beer in front of the smashed Heero as the Japanese boy finished up his previous one. Heero feebly groped for the beer as though it were the very essence that was keeping him alive. "We've got an understanding here."   
  
"He's going to drop dead," the drummer cautioned with a little chuckle.   
  
"His choice," the bartender shrugged.   
  
Heero looked up again and, realizing who was standing there, managed to say in a voice that was surprisingly well controlled and understandable considering all the alcohol he had been drinking, "Duo? Where's Duo?"   
  
"Ah, he lives!" the drummer said in a sarcastically overdone stage voice.   
  
"Can't you see him?" the bartender pointed over Heero's shoulder. The perfect soldier whipped around to see where the bartender was gesturing. "See, he's over there, dancing," the bartender let a sly grin fall upon his face as he spoke.   
  
A sudden jealousy that others would dare be so close to his friend washed over Heero. Grabbing his beer, Heero pushed away from the bar without another word, shoving his way through the crowd towards the sensuous Duo. The drummer watched him go and then said to the bartender, "You just have to be in everyone's business, don't you?"   
  
"Ah, even Duo would have trouble cracking that stone exterior. You know, Duo said he's known that guy for years, he's been living with him for nearly three, and he's always been that way," the bartender shrugged again as he cleared away the bottles left where Heero had been standing. "But you know what they say; in wine there's truth. Let's just say we're giving Duo's buddy a shove in the right direction."   
  
"You're a dirty bastard," the drummer grinned.   
  
"What can I do, I'm a hopeless romantic," answered the bartender. "Besides, haven't you been watching the way Duo's been looking at that guy? I've never seen him get a look in his eye quite like that around anyone else before, not even that cute Hilde girl that came to visit a bit ago. Never heard as much about her as we did about the roommate, even if he told us her name and all that. You know I'm right."   
  
"I don't doubt you that there's something going on there," the drummer nodded as he turned to see Heero stalk right up to Duo and grab his shoulder, spinning him around to face him. "But you're just lucky that he's so damn drunk. I bet if he was sober, Duo would be a mess of blood and bullet holes on the dance floor with some of the shit he's been pulling with him tonight."   
  
"Uh huh," the bartender whistled in agreement. "Ah, God, look at them! How can you not say there's something going on!?"   
  
"I think someone has a little crush on his roommate, hehe."   
  
"Which one?" the bartender said with a hearty laugh, which the drummer soon joined in on, as the pair watched the entertainment unfolding before them.   
What had ensued on the dance floor, had the two of them been close enough to hear, would have only furthered their speculations. And while neither of them really knew a whole lot about Duo, and even less about Heero, it usually tends to be the causal observer who notices those kinds of things before the people in question actually did.   
  
"Hee-chan, he-e-ey," Duo winked when he saw it had been Heero who had suddenly spun him around, taking the braided boy totally by surprise. "What's up?"   
  
"Drink?" Heero held up his beer, offering it to Duo. Duo, sticking his tongue out just a bit to look cute, took the bottle and gave it a quick chug before handing it back to the glazy-eyed Heero. The perfect soldier, after taking back his drink, wrapped his free arm around Duo's neck and pulled him close, saying simply, "Dance?"   
  
"Hot damn, yeah," Duo, not entirely sober himself, murmured, with a quick lick of his lips as he threw an arm around Heero's waist, pulling him even nearer to his body. "Hmm, you're so adorable when you're drunk Hee-chan," he said, leaning down to purr softly into his friend's ear. Soon he had taken to gently kissing Heero's neck and jaw as they danced on, grinding lightly against each other.   
  
"Duo," Heero found himself groaning against the American's shoulder. "Duo, Duo… Duo!" The chocolate haired boy was slinking down the length of his body, gently undoing the buttons of his shirt with his teeth as he went, kissing his flesh and soon nuzzling Heero in places that the perfect soldier never dreamed he would allow anyone to go.   
  
"You're so pretty, Hee-chan, do you know that?" Duo whispered into Heero's thigh before sliding his way back up his dance partner's body, showering his stomach and chest once again with a flourish of soft kisses. They went on in that fashion for quite some time, Duo's lips taking full advantage of the intoxicated Heero. After a while, he looked up long enough to comment, "And you taste pretty too, did you know that as well?"   
  
Not aware of what he was saying or doing, Heero taunted Duo by moaning against his neck. "Do I, Duo?"   
  
"Mmm, like the rain," was the delicious reply. "Just—" Duo kissed Heero's neck again "—like the—" another kiss "—sweet—" yet another kiss, this time, upon his brow "—spring rain."   
  
"I've forgotten the rain," he said in a sad voice, reminiscent of the regular Heero.   
  
"Oh but I haven't," Duo went on, sliding the hand around Heero's waist underneath his shirt and up and down his back. "I won't ever forget it now, especially with you here."   
  
"Hn," Heero grunted, just like the regular anti-social Heero everyone had grown to know and love.   
  
Duo realized that the alcohol was starting to lose its influence over Heero and any moment, the Japanese boy would realize just where he was and what Duo was doing with him. And to save himself a pre-mature severe pounding (he knew he was in for a beating anyway), Duo figured he had to take action quickly. So some hasty thinking found Duo nailing Heero on that sensitive spot at the base of the neck until the perfect soldier fainted into his arms. Picking him up gingerly, he eased his way out of the crowd and slid back onto the street by way of the back entrance. Making sure he had a good grip on the boy in his arms, Duo started to head home, whispering into Heero's mess of brown hair, "Hey thanks, buddy. I had a really good time tonight with you. I hope you did too."   
  


—O—

  
  
Heero groaned and rolled over as his alarm went off at three that morning. His head still hurt and he could not remember for the life of him what had happened the night before. And even though he was still dead tired, his mechanical clockwork forced him out of bed in the freezing hours of the early day and forced him towards the bathroom. He was still wearing the black shirt Duo had given him and his jeans, though by then it had become tussled and undone in his restless sleep.   
  
Leaning over the sink, he splashed his face with a handful of cold water and groggily looked up at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were dark as though he had not slept in weeks and his neck was covered with a series of mysterious reddish bruises. "Goddamn it, I'm starting to look like Duo," he muttered as he threw another splatter of water on his face. "I guess I had better wake the lazy bastard up or we'll never make it to the spaceport on time."   
  
The one bathroom in the apartment connected the two bedrooms. Heero soon found himself opening the other door and picking his way through the darkened room over a floor littered with a carpet of clutter towards the iron-framed bed where Duo lay rather ungracefully in a deep slumber, a black pillow crushed between his arm and his head. Grabbing the black bed-sheets that were wound around Duo's body, he gave a harsh tug, ripping Duo right off the bed and onto the floor.   
  
"Owww," Duo moaned, rubbing the back of his head. Looking up to see Heero standing grimly over him with the sheets draped over his shoulder, he said with a childish frown, "Aw, Heero, didja have to come and wake me up so rudely?"   
  
"How else was I supposed to wake you?" he said crossly, folding his arms.   
  
Duo crossed his legs and put a finger to his lips as he responded thoughtfully, his eyes tracing the spray painted lines on the ceiling. "Well, you could come in quietly and shake me gently while you whispered something like 'Time to get up, Duo,' in my ear. And then you could turn on the radio and put it next to my bed so that I could have some music to help the waking process."   
  
"What do you think this is, a full-service hotel?" Heero snarled, throwing the sheets over Duo's head. "Get yourself ready quick. We have about an hour before we need to leave."   
  
"Aw, what's in this all for me? You're the one always asking me these… favours," Duo said, lifting the sheets from over his eyes.   
  
"If you're good and hurry up, we'll see what's in it for you," Heero said with a sly grin as he started to walk back towards the bathroom.   
  
"I didn't think you swung that way," Duo called after his roommate as he stood up and rearranged himself, dusting off some imaginary filth from his shirt and pants and attempting to fix his messy half braided hair.   
  
Heero leaned back into the room long enough to give him the death glare while holding up a hand in a rude gesture.   
  
Duo returned the motion, shoving his middle finger up with a goofy sneer on his face. "Didn't think you had the balls to pull a move like that! Hehe, Hee-chan's growing up!"   
  
"I'll kill you!" Heero's voice rang from the bathroom irately.   
  
"It'd be a fucking pleasure to die! Come and let me have it, Hee-chan! Be my guest!" Duo retorted with a laugh. "Come off it Hee-chan, and stop being so damn serious all the time! It's so depressing!"   
  
Heero did not say anything in return, tired of this useless banter and the battle of wits. He hated to admit that Duo was actually better with words than he was and the sooner that he ended the whole conversation meant less reminders of it and no more of Duo's annoying guttural voice. If there was one thing that Heero could not stand, it was the thought that there was something, anything, which Duo was better at than him. _  
  
And then there's that goddamned name he keeps insisting on calling me! Not even that Relena has a stupid pet name like that for me. _Heero was thinking as he went about brushing his teeth quickly and almost too efficiently, even for him. _But he always rushed through things when he was preoccupied with thought…. Then again, Duo I could let get away with it. If that damned Relena so much as even thought of trying to call me… Hee-chan… I'd fucking kill her so fast she wouldn't even know what hit her! He spat into the sink, rinsing his mouth out with a quick swig of water. God, it's going to be a long day. _   
Soon he and Duo were standing outside the apartment, Duo throwing their belongings into the back of the car and Heero busy pampering the hood of his car with a soft rag, the smear some inconsiderate bird had left on the blue body, driving his near obsessive compulsive nature mad.   
  
"God, sometimes I get the feeling that you love this car more than you love me," Duo said with a sigh as he hefted his guitar bag onto his back, straightening his priest's collar as he did so.   
  
"I do," Heero said simply without looking up, though there was a grin of triumph obvious on his face.   
  
_Shit, point, Heero. What's the score since last night, three for me, two for him? _Duo shook his head hopelessly, pulling the baseball cap off his head and smoothing his chestnut coloured hair before slapping it carelessly back on.   
  
"So what is it with you and that stupid guitar of yours?" Heero asked a little later in return to Duo's comment about the car as he started on the task of pulling back the convertible roof for some open road driving. "You take it everywhere we go. Is it really necessary to bring it with us for this? Just extra unneeded weight if you ask me."   
  
"Well I'm not asking you, am I? It's a comfort, like that transistor radio I got lying around," Duo answered as he gently laid the guitar in the trunk before slamming the lid down.   
  
Heero rolled his eyes as he strapped the brown ragtop down, "Don't tell me you're dragging that thing as well."   
  
"Damn straight I am," Duo replied indignantly. "Can't go anywhere with out it. You can kill me first."   
  
"It could be arranged," Heero said grimly as he opened the door on the passenger side.   
  
"Hey, I'm the one going with you because you're too chicken to go see the Vice Minister alone. And what are you…? Hey, aren't you driving?" Duo looked a little confused as he watched Heero not take his regular spot at the wheel. Usually, Heero was so overprotective of his car that it made Duo want to be sick. He had never taken so much care in even his Gundam, more or less a stupid car… even though he had to admit, a BMW Z3 was a very sexy vehicle. For one brief moment, he wondered what it would be like to kiss someone, perhaps Heero again, in such a sweet machine.   
  
"No," Heero said, throwing the keys at Duo, who caught them deftly. "You are. Now hurry up and get in here or we'll miss our shuttle." Quite frankly, Heero still felt a little lightheaded from all the beer he had the night before, and his head was hurting so much that he felt that his precious ride might even be safer in Duo's hands than his.   
  
"I'm not going to ask, because I'm sure this is all some kind of weird fantasy dream and any minute I'm going to wake up," Duo said, twirling the keys round on his finger as he hopped into the driver's seat. He was going to pinch himself just to make sure but then decided against it, realizing that a dream this good could not be wasted so casually. "Ha, but then again, how do I know what reality really is? Maybe what I call my 'waking life' is just another dream…."   
  
"Scratch her even a little, and I'll run you over with her," Heero warned darkly as Duo pulled out into the empty street, not wasting any time in hitting the gas full throttle on the tiny road.   
  
"Aw, I got you covered. Don't worry, she's in good hands," Duo said with a cheerful grin in Heero's direction.   
  
"Don't you dare," Heero barked coldly at Duo when he saw his companion's hand snaking towards the radio. "Keep your damn eyes on the road. I want to get there alive."   
  
"No fun at all, Hee-chan!" Duo pulled that childish pout again, glancing quickly up into the rearview mirror. "Guess I'll have to do the entertainment myself. I can't deal with such a long drive in stone silence."   
  
"What the hell…?" Heero wondered aloud at what Duo meant.   
  
_"I'm thinking of my soul's sovereignty,   
And I know everything you hate is me.   
Fill me up with over-pious badgering.   
Throw them up, one of my favourite things.   
Too bad the things that make you mad,   
Are my favourite things!"   
  
_ Duo sang loudly and drummed his hands on the wheel as the sped along the road out of the colony's downtown district towards the spaceport. He would twist his head to the side, leaning it on his shoulder as he glared mischievously at Heero with the last line of each verse. _Aw, pissing Hee-chan off should be made a sport or something! It's so much fun… and so-o-o easy!_ Duo laughed aloud at the thought, which just got a confused angry stare cast at him from Heero before returning to his song.   
  
_ "Remember all the lessons fed to me.   
Me, the young sponge, so ready to agree.   
Years have gone; I recognize the waking dead,   
Now aware that I'm alive and way ahead.   
Too bad the things that make you mad,   
Are my favourite things!   
  
"And I'm so happy!"   
  
_ "What?" Duo asked, his voice cracking a little as he spoke, when Heero sighed and leaned his arm on the door, looking away from the braided American.   
  
"You're so… so not what one would expect in a soldier," Heero said coarsely as he watched the landscape rush by at top speed.   
  
"I'm not a soldier anymore, so you can't say that," Duo said with a shrug as he accelerated the car, his braid whipping out behind him in the wind, his hat threatening to be lost to the violent breeze. Heero glanced briefly over his shoulder to see the braid fall out, Duo's hair flying free and loose all around his face as he took to singing (or screaming, whichever) again. There was something very different about his appearance without the braid, though Heero was not quite sure what that difference was.   
  
_ "I see you looking, I know that you're thinking,   
That I'll never go anywhere.   
The things that I've done and the things that I've seen,   
I don't really expect you to care, CARE!   
Too bad the things that make you mad,   
Are my favourite things!   
  
"And I'm so happy!   
  
Too bad the things that make you mad are my favourite….   
Too bad the things that make you mad,   
Are my favourite things! Yeah!" _  
  
Duo was head banging along with the tune that was playing in his head. Heero, never really one to pay attention to music or anything of the like, just watched Duo out of the corner of his eye with fascination, wondering if it was an American thing to be so loud and obtrusive with songs. When his eyes were not focused on Duo and his wild musical ways, Heero was staring at the scenes that sailed by alongside the road, a joy that he never could relish when he was behind the wheel, concentrating on the road. And then, he sometimes found his eyes falling upon the mirror on the side of the car, where he watched his gloomy reflection stare sadly back at him from behind the shinny surface. His fingers traced his jaw and stroked the side of his neck, his fingers playing over those still present marks, as he sized that reflection up, wondering what it was that made those eyes in the mirror so lonely and unhappy all the time. "Stop the car, Duo," he said suddenly.   
  
"Huh?" Duo looked over his shoulder at Heero, who was still staring out the side of the car. "Why do you want me to—"   
  
"Stop the fucking car!" Heero roared, cutting him off, still not looking to Duo, though the tone in his voice said all.   
  
Without another word of protest, Duo pulled the car over onto the shoulder of the lone road that ran through the colony's countryside, wondering what was on Heero's mind. "So, what's up Heero? You want to drive now?" He knew it had been too good to be real.   
  
"No, that's not it," he said plainly, still staring at his reflection in the mirror.   
  
"So-o-o, what is it?"   
  
"Duo, do you really think I'm unhappy?" he asked, still refusing to look Duo in the eye.   
  
Getting over the initial shock of Heero actually using his first name, Duo swallowed and said after some hasty thought, "Well, I don't know, Heero. You never tell me anything about what's really going on between those cute little ears of yours so I really have no idea what to think."   
  
"You told me you thought I was," he said glumly.   
  
"It would seem that way to the casual Heero Yuy observer," Duo said, leaning on the steering wheel. "But that's just what I think, and I'm never right, so don't listen to me." Duo laughed nervously, his effort to cheer an obviously newly lost and confused Heero falling short.   
  
"I don't know what to think anymore," he answered. "You said that when I asked myself if I was really happy, I would realize that I wasn't. Dammit Maxwell, you were right about that."   
  
"What, you asked yourself if you were happy?" Duo asked. "Didn't know you were into all that kind of deep thinking and shit."   
  
"I'm not," he said quickly, curt and defensive, as if he had something to hide. "But I…."   
  
"You're confused?" Duo prompted.   
  
"I'm always confused," Heero said sadly, looking for a moment at Duo.   
  
"You never seem confused," Duo said seriously. He slapped the wheel, "Goddamn it, the one person I thought had a handle on the way stuff works is breaking down right in front of me. What am I going to do if my Heero Yuy can't get a grip on life anymore?"   
  
"I think you're the one with any real grip on reality," Heero said, another comment that shocked Duo entirely.   
  
"If you think that, then we're both screwed," Duo retorted with a smile. He noticed the faintest of grins on Heero's face as he said that. But it was so brief and minute, that Duo was sure that he had only made up seeing it.   
  
They sat there on the side of the road, the weather system's artificial light beginning to fill the air as the colony spun slowly around the Earth into the sun's warmth. Duo watched the half natural, half simulated sunrise (it was all solar energy) with eyes as large as a schoolboy's, reveling in the simplicity of its beauty whilst Heero sat beside him, lost in thought as he stroked his neck, watching his reflection in that side-view mirror, his eyes still dark, like he might start to cry. But boys don't cry, just like Duo always says, he found the soldier's part of himself thinking. So I won't cry. It's weak. I'm perfect… a perfect soldier….   
  
Duo was reaching for the ignition when Heero grabbed him suddenly by the arm and held him in place. "Not yet, Maxwell. There's still one more thing…."   
  
Duo put on his best cheerful face and looked happily at Heero, ready to try and make him smile again. "Sure, go for it Hee-chan!"   
  
"You… what happened last night?" he asked, shaking his head a little as Duo watched him stroke his neck again, his fingers still playing over the red marks where Duo had kissed him so passionately the night before, aggressively and yet softly at the same time.   
  
Duo, deciding it would be in his best interest to try and avoid saying what he knew would get him thrown out on the side of the road, kept his explanation simple. "Aw, you just got real drunk and passed out." A nervous chuckle came from Duo's lips as he went on, "Had to drag you all the way home. You know, you're not that light!"   
  
"Then what are these," he pointed at his neck, his eyes hard and cold as he stared at Duo, trying to dig the response out of him with that intense gaze.   
  
"This," Duo said, turning to face Heero with a smile and a wink, one elbow resting on the wheel as he touched his index and middle fingers to his lips and blew Heero a kiss, a sly and slightly seductive look on his face, long hair falling around his cheeks and down his shoulders.   
  
"Kiss?" Heero asked, his obliviousness towards such romantic actions quite deep, almost pathetically so. His eyes narrowed as he said in a suspicious tone, "From whom?"   
  
Duo just pulled his hat down over his eyes and winked again, licking his lips with the tip of his tongue. "Payback's hell, Heero, old buddy."   
  
"You?" his face twisted in the contorted look of a madman. "You're the one who marked me all up like this? Dammit Maxwell, they're everywhere!"   
  
"What can I say, you taste good," Duo reached up and pulled some of his hair behind his ear. "Besides, you shouldn't be the one getting all mad about it. You started it after all."   
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
"You kissed me first, Hee-chan," Duo wrapped an arm around the back of his seat and used the steering wheel as leverage as he leaned forward just a bit so he could get in Heero's face about the whole issue. It was the first time either of them had addressed the incident so blatantly. _Aw, I should get three points for this: Duo – 6, Heero – still just 2. _"Don't argue; you know I'm right."   
  
"That was a little different," Heero said, leaning forward, towards Duo, their noses practically rubbing against each other, his ire starting to rise within. He simply could not believe that Duo had done that to him! All those kisses… it almost got Heero worried about what else Duo had done while he was drunk. Their noses were still inches apart as they just glowered at each other, Heero oozing with anger and confusion, Duo bursting with sardonic triumph.   
  
"A kiss is a kiss," Duo said, his eyes dancing with sarcasm. "Ha, I bet you liked it. Getting Relena out of the apartment my ass. You just couldn't resist charming sexy little old me!"   
  
Heero rolled his eyes, his hands nearly flying forward to choke the breath out of Duo's throat. "Don't be absurd or perverse. You know why we did what we did that one time and it was all legit. We got rid of her, didn't we!? And if anyone was enjoying it, it was you."   
  
"Me?" Duo put a hand on his heart, drawing back with a huge sucked in breath, feigning supreme astonishment and insult.   
  
A slight smile formed on Heero's face as he said, his voice beginning to mount with the passion of argument. If there was anything that living with Duo had taught him, it was how to get a good rejoining comment into a fight. "Yeah you, with that tongue of yours and your stupid arms all around me. Please, how can you say that you didn't like it?"   
  
"Never said I didn't," Duo snapped back quickly with that suggestive smile tacked on his face once more.   
  
"You're sick," Heero grunted under his breath, settling back regularly in his seat and crossing his arms, that ever-so-classic Heero Yuy death stare on his face.   
  
"Not that it matters or anything," Duo shrugged absently, trying to shake that frightening glare of Heero's off of him. "Guess you really do miss Relena. Otherwise this wouldn't be such a big deal for you. Probably feel like you betrayed her or something."   
  
"I've never kissed her, never even wanted to, so there's nothing to compare with," Heero responded, his voice bland and devoid of passion once more.   
  
Duo's eyes became wide, a huge (hu-u-u-uge) grin of realization spreading on his face as he began to add two and two together. "No way, Hee-chan! That was your first kiss! Ha, I gave you your first kiss?"   
  
Heero frowned, crossed his arms and looked away. "So what if it was? It's not like it meant anything."   
  
"Tch, yeah, right," Duo grinned as he reached for the ignition again and started the car's engine. "You go on and tell yourself that. You know you want me."   
  
"Stop joking. You know I hate your cynicism," Heero growled softly.   
  
"Just as much as I love yours," Duo laughed as he pulled back out onto the road. "Come on, cheer up. We'll really be late if you keep this up. So just smile, Heero! We've got a whole new mission, just the two of us, in store, so you better at least pretend to be happy once in a while."   
Br> "That's just what I'm afraid of," he mumbled, turning away to stare at his reflection again, his arm resting once more on the door.   
  
"So serious all the time. It's gonna be the end of both of us, I swear!" Duo reflected out loud (though more to himself) as he floored the gas again and shot off down the road towards the spaceport, knowing that only some serious speed was going to get them to their flight on time.   


~oOo@oOo@oOo~ 


	5. Stairway to Heaven

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel

Part IV ~ Stairway to Heaven 

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

—O—

Their flight from the colony was eventless and quiet, neither of them speaking to each other for the length of the nearly twelve hour flight. Heero spent most of the time staring out the window into the depth of space, contemplating his puny existence in the bigger scope of things while Duo slept throughout a good portion of the journey, his head cushioned on a small pillow that had been provided by the shuttle's crew. 

The shuttle touched down at an airport in California, from where the boys caught a connecting flight to France, where Relena had taken up office on the outskirts of Paris. Heero, ever the language master, got the two of them from the French airport down to Relena's rather spacious and ritzy apartments with little trouble and they soon found themselves sitting in an elegant parlor, waiting for their appointment. 

Duo threw his arms behind his head and crossed one leg over the other, leaning back on the soft sofa. "Gee, I dunno Heero, it's all kind of… too nice here. I feel so out of place."

"You are," Heero said with that faintly traceable smile. "But I agree, it is a little overbearing." 

"Since the war she must have been doing really well to be able to land herself in a dream palace like this," Duo nodded as he let his bug curious eyes roam around the lavish room. Unlike their very practical apartment back up on the colony, this room was decorated ornately with everything from extremely fine European furniture to tiny trinkets on the bookshelves for show, and though Duo liked a place with a little personality, he thought Relena's home was a bit overdone. So much that it even failed to communicate her personality at all, save that it was extremely superficial. 

"She used to be a queen of the Peacecraft family, a good name in a powerful position. And then, of course, she's become Vice Minister and is apparently very popular with the people. She's a good figurehead, what with her ability to speak so well to a crowd and her former title and everything," Heero said casually, leaning back in the wingback chair that sat opposite the couch Duo was sitting on and touching his palms together. "I'd say she's got a little bit of money to throw around." 

"You don't say," Duo mused as he took another look about the place. 

"Hn," Heero mumbled in response to Duo's roving gaze. He never quite understood how someone who was nearly twenty years old could still act like such a little child, as if he were new to the world and had to absorb everything as if it were the first time. And when the thought started plaguing him for some time, even after Duo had stopped peeking around the room like a schoolboy, he decided he just had to ask. "Maxwell, what is it with you and your incessant curiosity?"

"What? I don't understand," Duo looked thoroughly confused at the question that seemed to appear from nowhere. Then again, he had grown rather used to that, as a lot of Heero's questions seemed to generate from seemingly nothing. 

"I mean, why are you always looking at things as if you've never seen them before, or like you might never see them again?" Heero asked, his voice a little soft, as though he were embarrassed by the question and wished he could take it back. "You and I both know that you've seen things that some men lying on their deathbeds have never dreamed of seeing, even in their worst nightmares." 

Duo smiled warmly as he answered, always willing to try and help Heero ease into the world of a civilian. Though Heero was pleased with the peace, Duo knew that at heart he was indeed a soldier who could only really feel in the heat of battle, no matter what he said. "Because, Hee-chan," he smiled, despite the obvious anger that was shot in his direction at the use of the epithet, "I've never had time to really look before. Now that peace has finally been attained, I have all the time in the world to just enjoy life for what it is. And you know what, now that I think about it, after seeing all those horrible things when I was only a child has taught me that everything is beautiful and that I can't dare to take anything, not even the smallest breath of wind or tiniest insect, for granted. You're always sitting around waiting for big things to happen, but when you do that, you miss all the little things, the things that make life worth living." 

Heero was silent as Duo finished his little speech and ended up only giving him a grunt in return. Duo understood that Heero often did not say anything in return when whatever had been said to him had really struck a chord. Perhaps Heero would take him to heart on this. It seemed that it had more meaning to Heero than Duo (or perhaps even Heero himself) would ever know. 

The perfect soldier found himself rising to join Duo on his couch. "So… maybe I should enjoy your company," he said quietly, jamming his hands between his knees as he bent forward a bit so he did not have to risk looking Duo in the eye. 

Duo grinned and leaned forward as well, mimicking Heero's position as he said, "Maybe you should. You never know when I might just"—he snapped his fingers—"disappear into thin air." 

"You're not planning on going anywhere, are you Maxwell?" Heero said suddenly in a voice that sounded rather fearful. "You… you wouldn't ever just pack up and go home, would you?"

"Home? Home where?" Duo laughed. 

"With Hilde maybe?"

"Ha, I've burnt my bridges with Hilde no matter how friendly we may be. I could never go back to her without dragging myself there on my hands and knees," Duo clapped a hand on Heero's back and gave him a quick hug that somehow strangely resembled a headlock. 

Heero pushed himself away from Duo, already angry that the conversation had become so amiable and friendly. He turned back to his cold stoic soldier-like attitude quickly, before things became too close. "Nevermind that, Maxwell. It's not important. I have no right to tell you how to live your life." 

Duo laughed out loud again and grabbed Heero around the neck with both arms, pulling him closer. Though Heero was struggling slightly, trying to free himself from a gesture that he felt was far too welcoming, he soon found himself calmed and relaxed against Duo's chest. "Don't worry, Hee-chan. My home is with you. I have no where else to go and no one to go to."

"So that's it? I'm just a last resort?" Heero blurted out into Duo's black shirt, his voice losing that melancholy diction it usually carried. 

Duo looked shocked as he pulled Heero away and sat him straight up, a hand planted firmly on each shoulder. "Heero Yuy, you know that you're the only person who's always been there for me, no matter how cold you like to pretend to be. You're my best friend. How could I ever leave you?"

"You will want to move on, eventually," Heero shrugged Duo's hands off his shoulders. "You'll get sick of me. Someone as happy and outgoing as you… you'll just get bored with me."  

Duo grabbed Heero by the chin, forcing him to look into his eyes as he spoke. No matter how Heero tried to avert his eyes, Duo kept his grip firm, his big soft violet eyes raining down on Heero in a warm gentle shower. "You know that's not true. You know I love you too much to ever leave." 

There, he had said it. Heero's eyes were wide with shock at the power of the words while Relena's eyes were wider, more like dinner plates, not because the words held any power for her, but because she had heard them just as she had walked into the room to receive her guests, catching the last phrase Duo had said to a Heero locked in his grip and gaze, totally out of context. And being as quick to jump to conclusions as she was, she took it immediately the wrong way. "Ahem, excuse me for interrupting boys, but I believe we have some business to attend to?"

Duo whipped around to see the Vice Minister standing rather apprehensively in the doorway, her long white coat falling around her britches and stocking clad legs and her arms crossed over her chest, pressing a clipboard tightly to her breast. "Ah, Miss Relena! Hiya!" 

Heero just nodded in acknowledgement to her presence, unwilling to actually look up at her and make eye contact, especially after what she had just heard. 

She gave an indignant snort, cleared her throat again and said, "Well boys, we have matters to attend to and time waits for no man, so let's to my offices and see what we can work out in regards to this Stella woman and her Operation DIANA." 

Next thing either of them knew, they had followed Relena to a quite spacious office with a huge bay window that overlooked the magnificent French countryside. Sitting down behind the great oak desk and motioning for the pilots to pull up chairs, she proceeded with matters in an extremely businesslike fashion. The sexual tension in that room was so thick, it could have been spliced with a knife. 

"So you two will be making up our Team ASTROPHYLL?" she said, her voice hard and calloused, though not in the way Heero's voice was. Hers sounded more jealous and condescending than Heero's tone, which was riddled more with confusion and misery.  

"Team ASTROPHYLL, star chaser, I like that," Duo whispered to Heero as Relena went on about details of the mission that Sally had already mentioned to them via e-mail. 

"So you do have a brain underneath that head of hair," Heero retorted blandly, the half grin still managing to make its way to his lips whenever he pinned Duo with a comment like that. "I'm glad to know that you actually feed it with some actual intelligent material instead of just that comic book crap of yours." 

"Excuse me Mr. Maxwell!" Relena slammed her hand into the desktop impatiently in way that she would have reserved only for him. She would never dare to raise her voice to Heero, both because he was the type who would pull a firearm on her and because of her silly girl's crush on him, but Duo! Duo was just a meddling brat who was always in the way, and needed to be eliminated quickly, though there never seemed to be a way to get rid of him without angering Heero, who obviously kept Duo around for some reason or another, whatever kind relationship it might be. It was clearly the reason he had decided to have Duo with him for this mission. "Mr. Maxwell, I am trying to conduct a mission briefing here, so if you don't mind, will you please stop moving your mouth and listen? Or else I will have to ask you to wait for Heero outside." 

"I'm sorry ma'am," Duo said, stretching back in his chair and folding his arms behind his head as he often did when he wanted to look cool and relaxed. "I was just commenting to Heero on the poetical and classical roots of your codename for our counter-op. I figured our star chaser might find it interesting and I wanted to tell him before it slipped my mind." 

"Well anything else on the matter will have to wait," she sunk back down into her chair, reassuming that phony sense of calm. "Now please, listen to what I have to say… and no more interruption!" 

"Relena," Heero groaned irritably, annoyed that so much precious time had already been wasted. "Please just continue. We still have a lot to discuss." 

She straightened the scarf around her neck and started to speak again, mentioning that the starship had reached Earth's orbit and that a message from her Commander Stella had been patched to her within the hour. 

"I don't think she's so good at this mission briefing thing," Duo muttered to Heero, who smiled at the comment, agreeing totally. Sally had a much more efficient way of communicating information, even through e-mail, than Relena did. 

"Mr. Maxwell!" she fumed again. "If I have to say anything to you again, you will have to wait outside, or I will cut you from the mission!" 

"Relena, please, calm down," Heero said in his unwavering monotone voice. "Duo's just being Duo, so just let him be. If you cut him from ASTROPHYLL, I'm afraid I will have to withdraw as well and act on my own accord."

"You could never hope to do this on your own," Relena argued. "If you heard what Stella had told me, you would never want to try and attempt this without the government's help." 

"I have alternate means of getting around the galaxy," Heero said calmly. "The Preventers can aid me, as can the Winner family and the three other pilots in addition to Duo, so don't threaten me with cutting us from ASTROPHYLL. Now if you will, show us what Stella patched to you so we can get a sense of what her motivations are."  

Duo pulled a grin on his face, not able to resist hissing into Heero's ear, "I thought we were too good for help from other people, Mr. Yuy." 

Shaking her head, upset by Heero's cold and brutal words, she pulled up the video message that had been sent to her. She hated the way Heero would always come to Duo's defense, no matter how wrong the stupid American prat was. Opening it up, she turned the monitor on her computer around so that the pilots could see clearly and played the communication to them. The image was full of static and her voice sounded mechanical, however, both boys knew a threat when they heard one, and Stella certainly offered that. 

"Miss Relena, former Queen of the Cinq Kingdom, I am Stella, the head of an organization created within the Barton Foundation soon after the eradication of Operation METEOR. We broke away from the Foundation soon after the Gundams were sent to Earth from the colonies and took to the stars to escape the humdrum of Earth and her peaceful colonies. I am told that war ensued because of the Gundams descent and I am terribly sorry that I missed so many magnificent battles fought in the name of peace. You say that you have finally attained it, but how can you be sure? Do you really know what peace is? Just to prove that there is no such thing, we have hatched out the plans for Operation DIANA, which has already been put into motion. Despite a few minor setbacks, everything has been going as originally intended. But we of course, need you to keep our plans rolling smoothly. Our spacecraft is fitted with a plasma cannon, which we will use to attack an unspecified location in either space or on Earth every three days until you turn yourself over to us. From there we will proceed with DIANA until you and your puny United Nation cronies have realized that there is no such thing as peace."

"That's it?" Duo asked, resting his head on his folded arms that lay on the desk. "No explanations about why or who or what. Just… to prove that there's no such thing as peace, that's their motivation?" 

"She just wants to see bloodshed," Heero said reflectively. "She and her group were probably angry that the original Operation METEOR was not carried out. Evidently she wanted revenge on the space colonies because of family members who were died during the first colonial launch. There were a lot of accidents during those experiments, and her friends are probably people who had similar situations. Where she and her group differed from the Barton Foundation was that while the Foundation wanted revenge for the real Heero Yuy, Stella wanted to see the colony drop to make a statement about her hate for the whole idea of living in space. I looked it up in the old Barton Foundation databases. It's all there, before her alleged death. They considered her quite dangerous to their cause, even before METEOR was abandoned." 

"Obviously she's not dead though. I can't blame them for their anger, but revenge is not the course of action they need to let the people of Earth know about it," Duo said thoughtfully.  

"Not everyone is willing to be peaceful. That's why there will always be war," Heero said, standing up as if he were preparing to go. "It is human nature to crave things like murder and revenge. Violent as it is, it's what they like to see, no matter how twisted it may seem. Stella just happens to be an extremist in that respect." 

"But look at how far we have come with our peace now, Heero," Relena said, looking up at the distant face of Heero. "There has to be a peaceful way to get around this. Maybe I will just turn myself in to her to avoid bloodshed."

"And then what? You'll just let them go on with DIANA?" Duo asked her, his voice rising passionately to a decibel that was much louder than probably necessary. "Think about it Miss Relena, why would you do that and play into their hands? You don't know what they'll do when they have you, or how many other people might have to die after that. You know it's absurd to think that once they have what they demand they'll just take off into the stars as quickly as they came. It's naive to think so, and you know it, ma'am." 

"He's right," Heero agreed with a nod. "The best security we can offer you and the people of the United Earth Sphere is that you stay right here."

"But here I can't do anything for the people!" she protested as she ran around the desk, past the pair of them and to the door so she could cut them off. "I must do something!"

Heero walked right up to her and smacked her hard across the face, barely batting an eyelash as he did so. "Relena, the only something you can do is to lay low and keep quiet. This situation is obviously more dangerous than we had previously assumed. Do you want to see DIANA commence? Do you want another Operation METEOR?" 

"But I—"

"If you're not content with this arrangement, I'll contact Sally or someone else who you can stay with," Heero said coldly. She was still standing in his way, blocking his only exit from the room. 

"But I want to go with you!" she protested, hanging in the doorway and staring up at him with pleading eyes. Her imploring look had no effect on Heero; it never had, no matter how much she liked to think so. "I want to help." 

"Duo is coming with me, not you," he said in that drab monotone, as if he were commenting on the weather. It was not an excuse or anything of the like, just a statement, a pure fact of life.  

"Why is it always Duo this and Duo that?" she looked as if she might throw a hissy fit at any second with the way her eyes were become puffy and wet, her skin red and blotchy as her blood pressure boiled with ire. "Whenever I call or try to visit, it's 'Duo and I are doing this,' or 'I can't go out until Duo is back' or something, but it's always you and your stupid whore, Duo!" She covered her mouth in shock at what she had just said the moment it came out, regretting it instantly. 

"Now just you listen here, Miss Relena," Duo started to say, his face the very picture of offence, though he found himself sending a look at Heero that said Oh really? Heero neatly avoided seeing the stare he knew was aimed at him, a little embarrassed that Duo had found out about his way of excusing himself from her presence… though it was true he would rather spend time with Duo than her any day of the year.  

"Forget it, Duo," Heero silenced him with a sharp glare. "If Miss Darlian does not want to listen to reason and would rather attack her team on a personal level to gain whatever she is angling for, then that's her problem. Quite frankly, I don't have time to listen to this bullshit." 

"Heero," she said, pressing her hand against her breast, an idiosyncrasy that Heero had found incredibly annoying since the first time he had seen her. She stared at him for a moment, before regaining her composure and then snapping back into attack mode. She frowned as she spoke. "Why him instead of me? What makes him better than me? Tell me! That's an order!" 

"An order?" Duo raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you were in the position to make commands like that. I'm pretty sure that instructions can be limited only to the mission restraints."

"This is part of the mission. It regards me and the two men carrying out ASTROPHYLL!" she argued in that politician sort of voice. "I want to get anything out of the way that might hamper a smoother operation."

"You're getting in the way of a perfectly fine friendship is the only thing hampering the operation, Miss," Duo said, leaning on Heero's shoulder, much to the perfect soldier's apparent distaste. 

"A friendship, is it?" she crossed her arms, staring at the pair of them suspiciously. "You think that after all the kissing and the little sweet nothings I hear from you, Maxwell pointed at my Heero that I'm supposed to believe that this is just a friendship? Duo Maxwell, you even told me yourself that you enjoyed kissing my Heero."

"Yours?" Heero frowned, her reference to him as such so insolent to him that he even forgot to glare at Duo about the mention of taking pleasure that kiss, as he started to make his way towards the door, with every intent to shove Relena as harshly as he could out of the way. "Excuse me, Miss Darlian, but I belong to no one, least of all you." With that, he heaved her from the doorway, wrenching her backwards and sending her careening into a surprised Duo. 

"Eh, excuse me Miss Relena, but I got to go catch up with my buddy," Duo unceremoniously detached himself from the seething woman and slinked towards the door. Just as he was about to disappear around the doorframe, he leaned back into the room and said with a wink. "Hey Relena, don't take it personally. You and I both know that a guy like Heero wouldn't know how to make a move on anyone even if he wanted to, so don't worry. No matter how beautiful he is, no one will ever get much closer to him than 'friend' if they're lucky! Not you, not me, not anyone, and that's no lie!" 

"Hey, Heero!" Duo skipped down the front stairs of the mansion two at a time to the foyer where Heero was standing, his denim jacket draped over his shoulders and his arms crossed as he stared at the stairway, waiting for Duo to hurry up. 

"Let's go," he said simply. "We can find out anything else we need to by our own means. The Preventers obviously don't understand that I like to handle things my own way. If it hadn't been for their orders, I would have probably done a lot more on my own. It figures that coming to see Relena would be of no use. Something like this was bound to happen."

"Maybe I shouldn't have tagged along then," Duo said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he followed Heero out of the front door. "She wouldn't have gotten all huffy if I hadn't been here with my big stupid mouth." 

"She'd find a way to make the situation uncomfortable no matter who was with me," Heero responded insipidly as he led the way down the gravel drive that wound up to the house, idly kicking dust and stones with his sneaker clad feet as he walked. "She just doesn't like you, I guess."

"Yeah, 'cause she's jealous," Duo laughed, his voice rich and bursting with an overabundant cheer as always. He was so good at finding comedy in even the most unfunny of occasions. "Who could be jealous of poor little old me, aside from the fact that I have looks to die for and a sense of humour to boot!" 

"Why would she be jealous of you?" His voice was laced with the coldness and inexperience of his usual unfeeling personality. 

"Why do you think Mr. Perfect Soldier?" Duo bounced into Heero's path, grabbing him by the shoulders and smiling a big wide grin. "She's jealous that you spend more time than humanly possible with loudmouthed uncouth American me instead of her, Little Miss Refinement." 

"But that's part of what annoys me about her," Heero said, still not quite sure if he understood the competition that was going on between Relena and Duo. "…And it's part of what I like about you. You're not fake like she is, with all her rehearsed words and such. You're more interesting to be around. More genuine…." 

"Am I now?" Duo said, casually trying conceal his surprise at the comment. 

"I guess," Heero replied blandly. 

Duo felt his spirits waver slightly at his brush-off. Aw, just when I thought we were getting somewhere… at least a little chink on that cold rock façade. 

"So let's go get something to eat and we'll head back to the hotel, alright Maxwell? I'll even treat you to make up for this dishonour." Heero was saying, sounding ridiculously like Wufei, interrupting Duo's little mental tangent. "Maxwell? Let's go! I want to get out of here. As soon as possible." Heero was already far ahead of him when Duo realized what was happening, waiting for him now at the gate that barred the edge of the property. 

"Coming Hee-chan!" Duo exclaimed happily, covering for his previous moment of reality lapse, bounding out the gate after Heero to where they had left their rented moped parked underneath the shade of a large oak. "Can I drive, please, please, please?" 

"What, after that little incident with my car on our way to the spaceport? Are you nuts?" Heero said, his attempt at sounding playfully angry falling through the roof with his slightly nasal monotone still rippling in the words. "You were going so damn fast, we could have been airborne and flown down here in the car!"

"You're a dreadful liar," Duo said as he muscled his way around the moped and made a grab at Heero's waist pocket, where the silver ring and its little key hung tauntingly. "Aw, come on!" 

"Damn Maxwell, just let me drive. Get on back," Heero said with a roll of his eyes, no longer quite sure what he had been talking about when saying that he liked Duo's immaturity. Yeah right, he's easy to live with… and I'm the Queen of England. His mouth faded into that faint smile for a split second at the thought, a gesture which he was sure that Duo could never have seen, though even such a tiny motion could never be lost on Duo's eyes. 

"Fine, fine, have it your way, you selfish prat," Duo mumbled as he slammed his helmet on his head with all the flourish of an embellished and faked moodiness before hopping up on the back of the moped behind Heero. He would have wrapped his arms around his companion's waist to hold on, but figured that it was probably a bad time to try Heero's patience, so he settled for holding on tight to the back of the vehicle. 

"Are you ready?" Heero called over his shoulder as he revved up the purring motor. 

"Hell yeah, buddy!" Duo roared with an enthusiastic throw of his fist in the air. "Born to be wild!" 

"Good. Hold on, 'cause I'm not slowing down if you fall off, Maxwell." He eased the moped off its kickstand and then threw his feet up onto the sides before hightailing it as fast as he could away from the Darlian estates. 

Relena stood in the large bay window in her office, watching as they walked hastily away from the house, Duo buzzing gleefully in circles around Heero, who seemed to favor whatever the American boy was prattling on about with a series of nods and occasional stops in his pace to speak before they disappeared down the quaint little countryside road that ran in front of the property on their moped in a cloud of dust and the roar of an excited engine.

"Heero," she said to the diminishing silhouette of their moped as it vanished over the hill, though this time her voice was not the dreamy wistful one usually reserved for such utterances. Now it was bitter, it was angry, and Relena found herself almost quivering with resentment at the thought of Duo Maxwell. She was envious, envious of a boy, and she knew it. She leaned her head against the glass, staring down at her feet as she muttered under her breath, "You think that you can just get away with that? I see the way you look at him, Duo, and I know he notices it more than he's ever noticed the way I look at him. And then you think you can just pop in here, smile, and then it will all go away? Your stupid smile doesn't work on me! I'm not Heero!" She was nearly screaming by the time she finished her out-loud thinking and practically banging her head on the window as she moaned, realizing what she had just admitted to herself about Heero's sentiments towards herself and that braided loser from the slums of L2. "I wish… I wish I could just make that stupid smile go away forever. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!" she sobbed, sinking down to the floor, leaning back on her desk, the crumpled form of a desperate and covetous woman who was unable to let go. "I… hate… your stupid smile…." 

—O—

"Hey Hee-chan! Catch!" 

Heero turned around abruptly, still he fumbling with the lock on the door of their Parisian hotel room just in time to see Duo wing a baseball at him from beside fold-out sofa-bed. Absently catching the ball with his one bare hand, Heero turned the key around in the lock again, pocketed the key and then promptly took the baseball and threw it into his duffel, which sat beside his feet. 

"What the hell, Maxwell?!" he said in his annoyed I-Don't-Have-Time-For-Your-Shit voice, his eyes radiating with that death glare of his. "Aren't you a little old to be playing games?"

"It's baseball, Hee-chan," Duo shrugged. "American pastime. You're never to old for baseball." 

"Hn," Heero grunted as he shouldered his bag and made his way to the adjacent bedroom to drop his stuff, pushing past Duo on his way to the door. He reappeared in the other room again, only to lean on the doorframe and stare at Duo blankly. 

Duo, a bit weirded out by Heero's hard unchanging glare, felt himself caving into that chipper annoying disposition, just to get Heero to lighten up a little, which would eventually save the both of them a lot of heavy-heartedness in the long run. "You know, Hee-chan, baseball?" 

Heero turned and walked back into his room, pulling the door closed behind him most of the way without a word, not in the mood to converse about the nuances of baseball with Duo. Truth be told, he did not want to be embarrassed by trying to talk baseball with Duo, because, quite frankly, he had never tried the game out and barely knew the rules. It would just be a gloat-fest for Duo that he really did not need to attend.

"You've… uh… never played, have you?" Duo's voice infiltrated the room. Heero looked up from the baseball that he had found himself tossing from one hand to the other in the darkness of the barely sunlit room to see Duo's outline bathed in a bright corona set off from the light spilling in from the other room. 

"So what if I haven't?" Heero snapped, quickly shoving the ball beneath the pillow of the bed. "It's a silly game for children. We're on a mission. There's no time for… baseball…." 

"I told you Hee-chan, it's an American pastime! Okay, lesson number one about real life: There is always time for baseball," Duo said as he walked into the room and switched on the lamp beside the bed. He sat down beside Heero, who was curled up cross-legged on the edge of the mattress, staring out of the large Parisian window at the shining city of lights that sprawled out before him. Duo cupped his chin in his hands and stared out the window as well, saying with a sigh, "Though I'll have to admit… I haven't had as much time for baseball lately as I would like. Never really have much time for anything anymore." 

"What are you talking about? You have days to waste with nothing to do," Heero commented, wondering what Duo could possibly do with himself that kept time away from him to play a game. 

"Heero, baseball is a game that you play with friends. You can't play it alone," Duo said, staring intently at his friend. "Sometimes you're gone so long, that I don't have anyone to play with." 

"There are many other people on the colony who I'm sure would be more than happy to play baseball with you," Heero said somewhat cruelly. 

"Heero, it would be nice to do fun things with you too," Duo shrugged. "Sure, we play baseball a lot when you're gone, but I like to do things with you! Of all my friends, you know that you're my favourite and—hey stop looking so shocked, you know it's true—and it would be nice to play a game with you once in a while. It's what friends do," Duo said, reaching under the pillow for the ball. "That's why this is the American pastime, Heero," Duo went on, holding the baseball up, "because people always would get together as friends and play a pleasant game with one another. It's kept people together for generations." 

"How can a game do that? Why would you keep a stupid game around to keep friends?" Heero wondered aloud, not even realizing that he was voicing his thoughts until Duo was responding to his questions. 

"People've been playing baseball forever, years and years before the first space colonies were ever launched, before people had even gone into space at all," Duo was explaining as he spun the ball around in his fingers. It was an old tattered ball, the red stitches somewhat loose and the white canvas wrapping dulled and brown, so much that the word Rawlings could barely even be seen on the thing's surface anymore. "This ball, well, I've had it for a long time. It used to be… well, Father Maxwell… ah, nevermind." 

Heero, no matter how ignorant he was pretending to be, was alert and listening to every word Duo said, watching his every move from beneath heavy eyelids. He found himself urging Duo to say more, his voice gentle and friendly, a tone that surprised not only Duo, but him as well. 

And Duo, deciding that he had to reward Heero for being so patient and kind for once in his life, carried on to explain to him the history of his baseball. "Ah, well this one used to belong to Father Maxwell way back when I was still living at the church," he said, his eyes clouding over for a minute as if he were journeying back in time. He seemed to be in another existence all together, and when he spoke, it sounded like he was talking about a life that did not belong to him, a life he only wished were his. "Yeah, and me 'n' Solo would always go and play catch in the ratty old yard behind the church. Sometimes we'd get the other kids to play with us and we'd make a whole afternoon of it. Father would be the umpire and Sister Helen kept everyone fed… well as much as rations would allow. I remember once I pitched a ball for Solo, which he nailed hard, making it fly way over the fence. The son of a bitch had hit some old lady on the street with that stupid ball and dammit Heero, you would never believe that some grandma could yarn together so many cuss words in one sentence!" Duo laughed at this, the memory obviously an important one to him. 

"So what happened then?" Heero said, his voice slipping back into that darkened slightly nasal Yuy monotone. 

"When she got over it and realized it had just been a bunch of orphan kids from the church playing a game, laughed, gave us back our ball and a little packet of mints she had in her purse. She was glad that we were trying to make the best out of a dark time. She said she liked seeing kids at play, especially since it was so rare to see happy children back then," Duo said, his smile melting into a sad, sort of reminiscent look of past days long gone. He tossed the ball to Heero, saying, "Yeah, that little ball sure has seen a lot. It's got so many memories stitched into its dirty old body, it's no wonder it's falling apart." 

"This is that ball? You still have it?" Heero asked, turning it over in his hands. For the first time, he noticed that written beneath the Rawlings logo was a message scrawled in the messy hand of a small child. For Duo, so he can always have a friend to play ball with. –Solo 

"I like to hold on to things like that… so I won't… forget who I am and where I come from. It's the same with the transistor and the braid, you follow?" he fingered his long chestnut plait lovingly. "The future evolves because of our pasts. I don't think that you should let the past dictate who you are, but it should certainly be a part of who you become."

Heero was silent for a moment, slowly sucking in deep breathes as if he were gathering up the courage to speak. After a while, he finally opened his lips and let out his thoughts. "A wise man once said to me: 'However carefully you plan you never know if some fool is going to change the future." He stopped for a moment, staring out t he window with his eyes glazed over by the glow of the city lights as he sucked his forefinger nervously, still contemplating whether or not to go on. Duo had to slurp up the tiny trickle of drool dripping from his lips as he watched Heero sitting there, looking so sad and yet so beautiful at the exact same time, like a melancholy angel, the one who's tears made it rain. He was about to urge Heero to go on, when Heero slowly began to speak again. "'So you may as well do as your heart tells you… so you won't regret it later. That's the right path, for people who live life in the present.'"

"That's a very beautiful piece of advice, Hee-chan," Duo reflected, his soft voice only deepening the mood of their conversation. "Do you live by it?"

"I try," he responded in a voice that was equally tender and muted. "It was the last advice I ever got from the man who was about the closest thing I ever had to a father. It is all I can do to honour his memory."

"But you believe it, don't you?"

"Hn," he grumbled, his usual response when he did not have the right words for an answer. It came to him eventually though, and after a few more minutes of that reflective silence, Heero said, "Of course I do. That's why I don't think you need to be so unhappy because of things that happened in your past, Duo."

His expression became forlornly peaceful as an unreadable smile spread across his face. "But Hee-chan, my past doesn't make me sad. Of course, there are things that happened that were not good. It was all just my bad luck. Luck's what's kept me alive so long anyway… that and my bargain with Death." He laughed at that before going on. "But I think that there's always a reason for why fortune decides to draw the lots she does. If Maxwell Church hadn't been destroyed, I'd have never met Professor G, which would have meant that I would have never stolen Death Scythe and would have never met you." His smile became more cheerful at that. "I'm glad that I met you. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I don't believe in luck," Heero said simply in response. "I believe that I am here because I chose to be here. Luck is just a lazy man's excuse." 

"Ha, typical of anyone who's just had too much of it," Duo said smugly. "Fortune smiles at some and laughs at others. How does she favour you?" 

"I don't know," he said, not quite sure what to make of that statement. Once again, Duo's values were confusing his carefully disciplined emotions. After enough of listening to Duo talk, Heero never knew what to think anymore, which was often why he would just grunt and walk away after Duo said something that was particularly life questioning.

"I think she laughs at me," Duo said darkly, staring down at his fisted hands, white at the knuckles and covered in sweat. He looked up to see that sad angel lightly fingering his old baseball, trying to grasp the true meaning of being alive. Twenty years old, that angel is, and he still has no idea why he was born, Duo thought with a smirk. Poor angel….

"Hey, Hee-chan, why don't you just keep it," Duo said, that smile erupting on his face suddenly, startling the angel's fingers away from the ball, the moment immediately gone when that more shadowy Duo, the real Shinigami, had emerged. "Gotta keep the dream alive! Hand to hand, friend to friend. That's the story of that baseball." 

"No way I can keep this, Maxwell," Heero said, rolling the baseball quickly back to the other boy. "I can't take something that precious to you." 

"Yes way, Yuy. You can take it because it's that precious to me," Duo said, mocking Heero's tone. "Here, look what I'll do. You'll have to keep it now." He jumped off the bed and bounded out of the room. Heero watched him skip around the corner into the other room. There was the rustling noise of Duo rooting through his duffel bag and then the faint sound of a pen clicking. When Duo returned about five minutes later, he tossed the ball into Heero's lap without a word and sat at the foot of the bed, waiting for the perfect soldier to speak. 

"For my Heero, so he'll finally understand what it means to be friends. –Duo," Heero slowly read the new message penned beneath the old note from Solo. He looked up at Duo, who was still kneeling at the foot of the bed, his head cradled in his arms. "My Heero?"

"My Heero, my Hee-chan," Duo said, closing his eyes, his sly I-Know-Something-You-Don't-Know-Haha smile barely visible in the poor light. "Just take the damned baseball Heero. You can't forget; it's a promise between friends. You'll always have to be my friend, so we can play baseball together, one day when there finally is real peace. That's a promise, okay? We threw the opening pitch; can't just leave it like that when there's still so many more innings to play." 

He nodded, saying nothing, as was his way, obviously taking time to reflect on the oath before he spoke again. Then Heero, for the first time that day, really smiled as he said. "Would it make you happy to go out and have a catch?" 

"Yes, Hee-chan, it would!" And Duo smiled back, leapt on Heero to give him a huge tight hug, much to Heero's discomfort, before tugging him gently by the arm towards the door. 

Heero was one of those who would once in a while cave into Duo's whimsical wishes, usually after the braided American had smoothed over Heero's perfect soldier attitude with a philosophical word or two about the importance of "carpe diem," or to seize the day, about not letting life pass you by and the wonders of the littler things in life, like the baseball discussion of earlier that day. But every time Heero let himself slip from the emotionless stature of a soldier because of Duo's ever chattering mouth, he would get this sense of guilt, like he had betrayed the reason he existed (not that he knew for sure what that was outside of war), and lock himself up alone in the dark to let his seeming weakness diffuse out of him. That is what happened after about an hour of throwing the baseball back and forth on the street corner in front of their hotel. They had talked, laughed and had one the most genuinely good times they had ever had together in a long while playing a seemingly useless game until Heero decided that an hour was far more than enough and robotically stalked back inside with hardly a word only to fade away into the darkness of his room... with the baseball…. 

After Heero had wandered back inside to wash himself of the stench of normalcy, Duo was left standing on the street corner with nothing to do. He was not quite sure he wanted to burst into the room when Heero was so tense. He was always tense after times like these, no matter how enjoyable they were. Yeah, but that's just Heero being Heero. Typical Hee-chan, Duo thought as he found himself walking down the street, not really paying attention to where he was going. It was a bad habit of his, when lost in thought about Heero, life, ego, commerce, art and other such random ponderings, to go walking and not keep his feet, never knowing where he would end up. There were times when he would end up on completely other colonies, particularly when he was trashed and homeless after the war, not even caring about it so much. And though he considered his home with Heero now, sometimes home with Heero was not the safest place to be, especially when he was in one of his… moods…. 

Next thing Duo knew, he was jamming his hands in his pockets, fishing for that little slip of paper Hilde had given him at D. Maxwell's what seemed like ages ago. Finding it, though the blue ink numbers were a bit faded and the tiny scroll of paper kind of worn and delicate from so much time in his pockets and the washing machine, he picked up the handset of a payphone about ten blocks from the hotel (his feet had gotten carried away again, and he had meandered kind of far… again). Yeah, it's a whim… but a long walk like that, thrust in thought will do that to you. Dammit, all I've done is confuse my emotions more, he thought, fingers flying over the keypad, he shoved the paper back into his pocket, cradling the phone between his shoulder and his chin as he waited for her to pick up. 

Ringing… ringing… dull ringing…. 

"Yep?" her voice was soft amid the static of the long-distance call. 

Kind of sounds like she's playing on that stupid transistor radio with all this noise, Duo thought grimly to himself as he opened his mouth to speak, while at the same time thinking. Damn, this call is probably costing a fortune too.

"Duo?" she said, her voice cheerful all of the sudden. Obviously she liked having something different happen to her out of the blue once in a while that interrupted the dullness of routine. 

"Yeah, hey Hilde," he said, fishing around in his pockets for no apparent reason, jangling a mixture of American, Japanese and French coins around with his fingers for lack of anything else to do with his hands. "Uh, what's up? Still hammering the old company?" 

She laughed, evidently happy to hear from her friend. "Yeah, it's just like the way you left it, though now we've moved off the colony. Nothing out of the usual, except for you calling me out of nowhere like this." She laughed again, "Business going on as usual, a little slowly without you, but still going nonetheless." 

"Well anywhere that lacks a wonderful ball of good looks and cheer like me is bound to get a little boring once in a while," he said, his commentary idly crackling over the telephone wire. "But at least Paris gets to have a little taste of Shinigami goodness."

"Paris?" Hilde exclaimed, her voice dripping with romance at such a magical city. "Ooh, what are you doing in Paris Duo?" 

"Ah, you know, this and that," he said indistinctly, not wanting to say too much over a public phone line. Glancing quickly around though, he figured he could risk it a little, not wanting Hilde to be totally in the dark. He dropped his voice low and cupped his hand over the receiver as he whispered into the phone, "To tell the truth, me 'n' Heero are here tying up some loose ends on our information about a new threat. We've been given another mission." 

"No way," Hilde gasped. "Even after all that warring and fighting to get peace, there's still a threat?"

"It's fairly new," Duo explained. "We're not even really sure what their true motives are yet or even how detailed and well thought out their planning is, however, we know they have their eyes on Miss Relena, and have threatened to use force if she isn't turned over soon. I'm kind of worried that we're running out of time."

"What's there to do? Anything I can help with?" she asked, her voice wrought with worry suddenly. "God Duo, I sure hope it's not as bad as you make it sound."

"I really dunno," Duo said with a shrug, still folded up against the wall where the phone hung, trying to make his conversation as quiet as possible just in case someone came wandering by. "That's the thing. We really don't know much at all, and I couldn't tell you how much danger there really is at this point. But… uh… Hilde?"

"Yep?" 

"There is… uh… something you could do for me," he said, his voice becoming so inaudible that Hilde had to strain her ears over the weak connection to hear his voice. 

"Sure, anything to help out the mission," she responded jovially. "It'll be just like old times!" 

"Err, not really," he confessed, his mind straining to remember what had possessed him to ask of Hilde what he was about to. He just could not figure anything out on his own anymore. He had to talk to someone… fast. "It's kind of personal. In fact, it's got nothing to do with the mission." 

"It… what?" she sounded confused. "Duo, what could you possibly need from me? I thought things were going so well." 

"They are… and then they aren't," he shook his head in frustration, unable to explain to her what he was experiencing inside. "What I need from you is your friendship, Hilde. I got to talk to you. God, where should I start?"

"From the beginning, of course," she said as if it were obvious. "Duo, what's wrong? You suddenly sound… distant."

"My mind likes to take breaks without letting me know in advance," he quipped. "This is so hard over the phone. I can't explain it right." 

"Why not just talk to Heero about it? I thought you two were so close." Hilde sounded like she was not quite sure where Duo was trying to go with this conversation. And she wanted nothing more than to help Duo in whatever way she could, but she somehow felt that whatever it was, Duo would end up being the one to help himself. He had always been like that, as far as she could remember anyway, no matter whom he hit up for advice. Usually he just liked to get his feelings out on the floor before he self-destructed from the inside out. 

"Heero," Duo muttered, sliding down to the ground beneath the phone. "No… no I can't talk to him about this. You don't know him like I do. Not only would he not care but he…."

"He what?" 

"He's the one," Duo gasped, his eyes wide with shock that he had actually blurted that out. "He's the one who's been making my emotions do things I never dreamed they could." 

Hilde sucked in a breath, not quite sure how to take that last comment. It could have meant so many things, and Duo sometimes had a way of being vague about things that made him nervous or were secrets. She decided to nudge him further, perhaps getting a little more information under the pretense that there was no way for her to help if he was going to be so unclear about what was bothering him. "What did Heero do to you, Duo? I swear if that heartless son of a bitch laid a single finger on you I will tear him apart!"

"Hilde!" Duo cried, his voice cracking, becoming somewhat hoarse. "Don't say things like that! Hee-chan would never hurt me. He didn't do anything…. It's… nothing like that…. He might be a coldhearted emotionless bastard but I…" 

"Hee-chan?" she cut him off. Never before had she heard Duo refer to Heero with the nickname before, and it caught her slightly off guard, really making her wonder what it was that Duo was calling about. It was definite that there had been some subliminal motive for Duo's call; it had been a little strange for him to call so randomly, so casually, so soon after they had just patched things up between them and returned to being friends, and in the middle of a top secret mission no less! 

"Ah, sorry. Heero," Duo cursed to himself at letting the pet name slip out in front of someone other than Heero. God, if he finds out about that… this whole conversation… I'll be sushi by afternoon. 

"What about him?" 

"I… I think I…." Duo just could not bring himself to say it. It had been that damned kiss that began it all. Innocent of course, just to clear their apartment of unwanted company, but that taste of the rain… Duo wanted it more and more everyday. And as each day went by, he kept thinking that his futile efforts to break into Heero's universe were beginning to pay off, noticing the Japanese boy warming up to more and longer conversations about more than just politics and the weather. He saw the way Heero had begun to take his thoughtful ramblings more to heart and the way his eyes were not always so hard when he stared at him. It made Duo want to sing. Closer to the only person he really had left to be close to… the only person he wanted to be close to anymore. 

"You what? You think you what?" Hilde cut him away from his thoughts, desperate to know what Duo was trying to say. She had a sinking feeling….

"I… can't say it," he admitted, leaning back against the wall, staring up past the chimney topped Paris rooftops. "I just can't say it like this. It's too important for me to just say so plainly long-distance. Goddamn, I'm so lost, Hilde. Can't you hear it in my voice? I'm lost." 

"Duo," she breathed. 

"You really aren't that busy over there, are you?" he sort of whined and begged at the same time. He was sending so many mixed messages!

"Well…." she said, suddenly realizing what Duo was aiming for. 

"Please, Hilde," he sounded so pathetic and she was sure that if she had been standing there with him, he would have been flashing those big sparkling sad puppy dog eyes shining beneath those knitted brows. "You gotta get over here. We're going back up to L1 in a few days and I just have to talk to someone before I got insane. You know I can't keep my feelings bottled up forever without cracking…. You learned that the hard way." 

She bantered back and forth with him about it, haggling money issues and moaning about air travel until he finally convinced her to relent (granted that he pay her back for the plane ticket eventually). She did have to admit that she could not bear to sit all cozy at the helm of her successful New York business knowing that her friend Duo, her old partner, her one love, was going crazy and she had been too busy to help. It was killing her thousands of times over as she said goodbye to the braided idiot in Paris. After all, in the back of her mind, she had known it forever… that Duo had always loved Heero Yuy. 

The nights in Paris were beautiful, with a shimmering display of white lights dancing over the rooftops and the romantic hum of the late hour crowds on the streets. Heero found himself skimming like a flat stone over water between the world of dreams and the dreamy world of Paris, unable to settle down into a restful sleep. He kept having the same dream, like he was plummeting past thousands of stars into the dark of space, with no one to hear him and no one to save him. It would frighten him awake, that fear of being forgotten and alone. He would never, never in a thousand years were he at gunpoint or whatever, admit to anyone that he was afraid of being alone. Least of all Duo. It was a thing that neither of them would like to consider, Heero upset that it would phase his perfection and Duo… well Duo would just probably cry, like he always did when the feet were knocked out from underneath him. 

"Holy gods," Heero rolled onto his back, throwing his arms behind his head as he stared straight up at the ceiling, the sounds of the city still ringing in his ears. It was not an unpleasant sound to hear, but this night, it was distracting. It kept him from falling back asleep. It kept him from falling, kept him from being weak, kept him from sobbing and screaming out into the night. He turned onto his side so he could stare out of the tall window out over the city and at the magnificent splatter of stars on the inky blue sky, shoving his arm beneath his mess of brown hair. "The hell am I doing here? There's a spaceship somewhere out there that might just blow everything we know to pieces if we don't act soon, and I know next to nothing about how I should approach this. They're so careful about everything, that Stella and her ship. She's even crippled the perfect soldier…." 

"I'm finding my way back to sanity again,

Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there.

I take a breath and hold on tight,

Spin around one more time,

And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace."

There was a new sound mingled with that Parisian traffic suddenly. Heero propped himself up on his elbows, his ears suddenly aware of the new voice. It was Duo, of course, singing quietly as he strummed expertly on his guitar in the other room, his husky voice quiet and melodic, and yet it seemed to echo all around Heero, draining out all other sounds in the busy city outside. His song was soft, almost mournful and full of longing, most unlike the loud punk songs he had heard him play at the club. 

He slid silently out of bed, the crisp white hotel sheets rolling off his body with every little motion his body made. Standing straight up and running a hand through his hair, still staring out at the city and listening to the lulling hum of Duo's guitar just on the other side of that door, Heero closed his eyes and lost himself in deep thought. 

"'Cause I'm hanging on every word you're saying,

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight, 

That's alright, alright with me.

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door,

And listen to your breathing.

It's where I wanna be, yeah. 

Where I wanna be…. 

Still quiet, almost as silent as Shinigami himself, Heero padded around the bed and towards the door, pushing it open as noiselessly as he could. He found himself staring through the crack between the door and the wooden frame at the bright image of Duo, dressed in his midnight attire of sweatpants and the Nirvana shirt, his nighttime hair falling free of confinement in its braid as he sat in the brightly lighted room on the ground, framed by the open doors of the huge window, his black acoustic guitar mounted on his lap as he played on, still not aware that Heero was watching him. Heero found himself picking up tiny details about Duo that he had never bothered to notice before, like the troubled murk that clouded his eyes' violet orbs beneath those long black lashes, or the exact way his chocolate hair melted over his ears and over the back of his long neck, the exact shape of his thick pretty lips and the curve of his nose and the way his long fingers curled round the neck of the guitar as he gently caressed the strings. That damned white devil, Heero found himself commenting to himself as his fingers gripped the door tightly, I gather he doesn't realize what a sin he is…. Heero bit his tongue almost hard enough to draw blood as if to punish himself for daring to think such a thing. Damn white devil…

"I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth.

And I'm trying to identify the voices in my head.

God wish, won't you?

Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel,

And break these calluses off of me one more time. 

"'Cause I'm hanging on every word you're saying,

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight,

That's alright, alright with me.

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door,

And listen to your breathing.

It's where I wanna be, yeah. 

Duo was staring out at the star littered sky, the space colonies nothing more than large bright glowing points of light in the sky from his vantage point here on Earth. He was so far from home down here, and beautiful as these old Earth cities were, he felt so distant from the places that really mattered to him. So far from home… though what's a home where Heero isn't? He wondered to the heavens, still caressing the strings of his guitar and singing softly. Heero is my home. Where he goes, I'm gonna be the idiot following in his tracks. It's where I wanna be….  

"Oh I don't want a thing from you.

Bet you're tired of me waiting for,

The scraps to fall off your table to the ground. 

La da da da… 

'Cause I just want to be here now.

"'Cause I'm hanging on every word you're saying,

Even if you don't wanna speak tonight,

That's alright, alright with me.

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door,

And listen to your breathing.

It's where I wanna be, yeah. 

Where I wanna be…."

"Maxwell?" Heero finally gathered enough courage to open the door all the way and step into the room. 

Duo snapped up, his fingers slamming hard against the still quivering strings, silencing the guitar's dying strains. "Heero? Damn, I thought you were sleeping." 

Heero just shrugged, settling down on the fold out sofa bed, crossing his arms and legs as he stared at the American bathed in the moonlight. "Couldn't sleep," he said simply. 

"Hmm, couldn't sleep either," Duo said with a nod. "I don't know what it is…. Goddamn, yes I do! It's just everything! Stella, Relena, this whole stupid mission! … And then there's you…." 

"What about me?" he asked, not even bothering to look up at him. 

"I'm so confused by you," Duo said, shaking his head, not wanting to say anything to Heero until he had a chance to meet up with Hilde. He was so afraid of Heero's unpredictability, though the man was seemingly about as easy to read as a book on the outside, one never knew what he was really thinking or how he truly felt about anything. Duo knew that he was one of the few people who had realized just how layered Heero's personality was, and he was beyond certain that Relena had never bothered to dig beyond skin-deep to search out Heero's emotions, which was probably what kept Heero from opening up to her in the first place.

"How so?" Heero was really drilling the questions tonight. It was probably the most inquisitive Duo had ever seen him about something outside of a mission. Sure, it was about himself, but Duo also knew that human sentiment was something that Heero knew nothing about, even his own. 

Duo sighed, staring back out at the stars, though his eyes slowly wandered back down to Earth, gazing at Heero's hazy reflection in the window's glass. "You know, I heard somewhere that unhappy people fall into two categories. There's the people who are immersed in life too much, and then the people who don't live at all. Somehow I feel like the two of us are in the same boat except one is at the stern and the other at the bow, you follow?" 

"Are you trying to drop another hint?" Heero asked, looking up at Duo's reclining form for the first time in a while, noticing for the first time in a while, how much he really liked the way Duo's hair spilled down the sides of his face and cascaded over his shoulders and back in chocolate coloured rivulets. "You're suddenly into telling me all these points of view on life." 

"Because I think it's time we started to realize that we're here on Earth to live, not to throw ourselves away in some stupid battle," Duo answered, barely even stopping to think about his reply. 

"Funny thing for the God of Death to say," Heero said, raising one brow. 

"Even the God of Death can realize the importance of life. He takes it away so that people can learn to appreciate it more. Things that get taken away are always the things that people cherish more," Duo shot back. "So I've decided that before I go back to Shinigami, I'll give my life meaning. I want to die knowing that I was worth something." 

"But you are worth so much," Heero found himself saying softly. "Much more than me." 

"That's a lie and you know it, Heero Yuy," Duo said, gripping the neck of his guitar tightly as he spoke with such adamancy that Heero almost did not recognize Duo's voice. "You're worth everything… to me at least." 

"…To you…?"

"You're my… best friend, after all," Duo said quietly, looking down at the ground, a wistful smile traced on his pale rose lips. "I would die if anything happened to you, Hee-chan. You're all I got left in this godforsaken universe." 

"What about Hilde… and Trowa and Quatre, Wufei and all the others? Aren't they close to you as well?" Heero's monotone voice asked as he sat down cross-legged across from Duo. "Don't you have them too?"

"Not like I have you," Duo said. "It's different with you, Hee-chan. Don't you get it? I love you more than all of the others together… even Hilde. I don't see them every day! And even if I did, I would trade it all to be with you." 

"You… love me?" Heero's eyes were wide, even though he had heard the exact same words from that bow shaped mouth earlier that same day. He was not sure if Relena had ever even told him that. Now he was hearing it from his… best friend…. "Why?"

Duo chuckled, his face once again unreadable, like he knew something Heero could never hope to guess. "Okay Hee-chan, time for lesson number two on life. People are ruled by emotion and love. It's a blessing. It's a curse. But it's what makes a person human." 

"What's that got to do with you wanting to stay with me all the time?" he queried, still not grasping what Duo was going for. 

"Hmm, let's just say that it hurts to be with you, hurts more to be without you," Duo said, looking up at the bottom of the balcony above that reached over top of their window. "Sister Helen told me once that a nun from the before colony era once said that love was a paradox that way. When you love someone so much it hurts, it only leaves room for more love." 

"Then why do you stay with me?" Heero asked, wondering what Duo meant. It was all so confusing to him and sometimes he felt that Duo's poetry was the most complicated code he had ever been assigned to break. 

"To that, well, let's just say that I've elected the way of less pain," Duo answered with a devious smile. "I want to stay with you because you make my life have meaning. I don't feel empty when I'm around you."

"How could that be when my heart is empty? I can't fill you with anything, Duo." Heero spoke sincerely, his soldier half and his human half becoming entwined and confused with each other, which only left Heero as a whole completely lost. 

"You can't really believe that, especially if what you said about following your heart is true," Duo pointed out quickly. "Ah, ah, no protests Hee-chan. You know I'm right, as usual." 

"But I don't know what to feel around you!" he exclaimed, rising up on his knees. He was so close to reaching forward and shaking Duo in frustration and Duo could see it in his eyes. It was almost frightening to see the perfect soldier so broken down and emotional, tears nearly brimming in his eyes. It was not that it was particularly disturbing or anything, but it was certainly something that Duo was not used to seeing Heero doing. "You're annoying and loud and everything in a person that should drive me absolutely insane but I… I don't like to do anything without your stupid aggravating laugh or that dumb smile you get on your face. I like seeing it… your smile makes me happy and your songs give me peace, even when the world is raging on some ludicrous pointless war. I guess it just reminds me that there's… still things worth living for." 

"Well I don't know what to feel around you either, so we're even," Duo shrugged with a smile, idly strumming his guitar. "I don't know why I would want to be friend with someone who you would have to literally beg to speak and can barely tell the difference between human emotion and weakness!"  

They sat there, watching each other in silence. Duo had taken to playing his guitar absently, his eyes still roving over Heero, wondering if he would ever get the perfect soldier to understand what his feelings really meant… that they went beyond the duties of a soldier, beyond the love of a friend… beyond everything. It seemed to Duo that every day his love for Heero transcended space, time and all physical reality. But he swore to himself that he would never say anything to frighten Heero away from him, no matter how ridiculously out of proportion his feelings became. He would never let it become an obsession that would smother Heero's want of a relationship of any kind, friendship or otherwise, just as it had happened with one Relena Darlian. 

"So Heero," he said offhandedly, his eyes still watching him, bathing the Japanese boy in the torrent of his warm gaze. "Have you been thinking about it?"

"About what?"

"What you want in life," Duo explained. "What is it that you really want?" 

"I don't know."

"Still?"

"Still," Heero confirmed with a sad nod of his head. Duo found himself thinking again, Poor angel. "Always."

Duo shook his head violently as he spoke, his voice rising with passion. "No Heero, not always! You'll figure it out one day. You'll know one day." 

"So, what do you want, Duo?" he asked suddenly, looking up from the floor with those beautifully poignant cobalt spheres of blue glimmering dully in the night air beneath his long thick eyelashes.   

"Can't tell you," Duo replied with by far the most devilish I-Know-Something-You-Don't-Know-Heero smile he had ever put on that cherubic little face of his. He winked at him, a gesture that did nothing to Heero but confirm that Duo certainly had something going on between those elfish ears of his that he was not going to say right away, no matter how much his mouth moved in idle chatter. "Not yet anyway. You'll just have to wait." 

"I guess I will, though with my self-control, I'm afraid that whatever you're trying to hide isn't going to work as a bribe or anything," the corner of Heero's mouth rose in a wily smirk. 

"Don't plan on using something this important on something so childish," Duo mimicked the expression on Heero's face, knowing how ironic that sounded. "Wished it on a falling star, you know Hee-chan? It's really is very important to me."

"I don't doubt it." 

More silence ensued, as did their staring contest, Duo still absently plucking his guitar to an extremely old American song that Heero vaguely recognized as "Stairway to Heaven," a song that Duo had overplayed to the both of them for years. Now whenever he heard it, be it when Duo played it on his guitar or on that metal red transistor radio with the roses all over it, he always, always thought of Duo and their time fighting OZ, the Barton Foundation and the treasure trove of other enemies that had popped up during the war. 

"Why do you like music so much, Duo?" Heero asked after Duo had managed to play almost all of the eight-minute song. 

Duo stopped playing, the sound of his first name coming from Heero's mouth so easily catching the attention of his ears so quickly that Heero might not have even realized what had made the other boy suddenly look up at him, his mouth already moving in response. Not that a quick answer was unusual or anything, but that look of relief and happiness on Duo's face really imprinted itself on Heero's memories. "Music… it's like any other art, Hee-chan, self-expression. With music I can never be alone. I can hear other people's stories, their pains and triumphs, happiness and sadness, 'cause that's what art's about, Hee-chan, life. And sometimes, I can even hear my own story in other people's music. I like being reminded what my life is about. It's so easy to forget."

Heero was mesmerized by the passion with which Duo spoke. He could see the fire dancing in Duo's bright violet eyes and the ardor in his expression. Of course, Duo always spoke with passion, but never quite like this. Music was his burning zeal. Of course he would speak with the utmost passion about it. Somehow, Heero felt himself comprehending what Duo meant, for the first time in his life. "I think I understand." 

"Am I getting through to you?" Duo asked, a hopeful smile on his face. When Heero nodded, Duo had to do everything in his power to keep from leaping up, throwing his guitar aside and pouncing upon Heero to attack him with kisses. With a very reserved look on his face and a deep swallow, Duo said in lieu a simple, "Finally." 

Heero smiled, a smile that soon faded into an aching line of indifference. He rose silently and started to walk back towards his room, though he found himself unable to walk the whole distance knowing that Duo was left sitting behind him, waiting for a response. He sat down on the edge of the sofa bed, his back still to Duo, figuring that it would be good enough until he found something to say. It was probably one of the strangest silences they had ever shared. 

Duo, realizing that Heero was at a loss for words, something that often happened when Heero was in deep thought, rose as well, carrying his guitar along with him as he bounced onto the bed, plopping down cross-legged behind Heero. He knew that Heero was aware of his shift in positions even though the perfect soldier had barely even made a move to turn around. It was just his nature to know. He took to quietly strumming the guitar again, the notes fading into the reminiscent sound of "Stairway to Heaven" once more. 

"Why do you like that song?" Heero asked quietly, still not bothering to turn and face his companion. 

"It's just very beautiful," Duo shrugged. "I like the lyrics and the way it sounds. Besides, it fun to play." 

"Oh." 

"Do you like it?" Duo asked, stopping his skilled fingers from dancing over the strings as he asked the question. 

Heero was silent for a long time, and it was not until Duo had begun to play again and come to the end of the song before Heero gave his reply. "Yes." 

"Hmm," Duo smiled, as he went about changing the tuning of the guitar, pretending to be far more absorbed in getting the sound just right than the heavy notes of Heero's breathing. Looking up for a brief moment to steal a glance at Heero, his face became flushed with embarresment when Heero turned to see what had made him stop playing, his deep indigo eyes falling back to the dexterous fingers that were nervously playing over the black guitar's strings. 

The nothingness of the random chords once again began to melt into the strains of another song, one that Heero had never heard before, but immediately decided that he liked. Soon the sounds faded away, much to Heero's dismay. He heard the rustling of sheets behind him as Duo moved across the bed and he soon found the braided idiot's right arm snaking around his neck, his hand sliding down his chest as he brought his left around Heero's waist, his hand clutched around the neck of the guitar. Settling the instrument on Heero's lap, his arms still wrapped around the perfect soldier, Duo whispered, "Let me teach you, Hee-chan." 

He did not even react to the name anymore. He would never ever in a thousand years tell Duo (he's sooner inform Relena that he would like to see her drop dead), but he secretly decided that he liked the name… Hee-chan…. It's very Duo anyway. I can't take away his charm about him and the name is definitely a part of that charm. "Okay," he found himself saying in that softened dull voice of his. 

He could feel Duo pressed against his back, his lithe muscled body well defined beneath the flimsy cotton of his Nirvana shirt. Moving his fingers over the strings on the proper frets and sliding his right hand from Heero's chest to the strings that stretched over the guitar's body, he played the chords slowly so Heero could see how it was done. The resonance of the vibrating strings resounded the beautiful song that Duo had just been playing, the one that Heero had right away fallen in love with. After playing the sequence twice, he reached for Heero's fingers and arranged them on the fret board, his other hand guiding his right hand to the strings that lay over the guitar's round cavity, his own fingers still lying on top of his as he guided a surprisingly adept Heero through the music, singing the words softly in his ear. 

"I think about you all the time,

But I don't need to sing.

It's lonely where you are.

Come back down,

And I won't tell 'em your name."

Duo lead Heero's hand in a few quick strums to finish off the song before giggling into his ear; "Heh, Hee-chan, you're not bad for a beginner. It's almost annoying how perfect you are." 

"I'm not perfect," he stated in that sweetly bland voice of his. Duo nearly dropped all his weight on Heero's shoulders in frustration at Heero's attacks at himself, his dignity towards the other boy being the only thing keeping him from doing so. 

"You just say that 'cause you wanna hear me tell you that you are," Duo playfully flicked Heero's cheek. "Stop fishing for compliments you loser! It's not becoming of the perfect soldier." 

"Stop it," Heero moaned in a voice that would have sounded annoyed to an untrained ear, rolling his shoulders back to push Duo off. He suddenly was aware of just how close Duo was to him. And he was also aware of how easily Duo had latched onto the true intent that little verbal maneuver. "Why is it that you always know what I'm thinking, Maxwell?" he asked, turning around to face the boy behind him while thinking back on all the times that Duo had nailed him on other such occasions. 

"Because we're friends," Duo shrugged with an innocent look on his face. "A friend is someone who knows everything about you and nevertheless, still wants to be your friend." He grinned smugly at that. "And dammit Yuy, if some people knew what I knew about you, they would either run away screaming or freak out and die of a heart attack." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Heero said inquisitively, his eyes narrowing as he tried to beat his way into Duo's head with his icy stare. 

"It means that it's pretty hard to find someone who would put up with as much of your shit as I do," Duo retorted tartly with his hands on his hips, though his mouth was wide and grinning. "Have you ever watched yourself in action? I'll be damn honest Hee-chan, but you can be a real bitch sometimes." 

"Why should I care what you think of me?" Heero snapped, suddenly setting the guitar aside as if it were kryptonite. It was Duo's after all; in this situation, Heero figured he didn't need to be fondling the stupid instrument on his lap. "I'm a soldier! I don't need to waste my time thinking and worrying about emotions. You of all people should have realized by now that the perfect soldier could not possibly be human!" 

"That's just what's so thoroughly twisted about you," Duo said in reply, openly trying to fight down the clear fever in his voice. "The way you were raised to think and live, that's not normal, Heero. I've told you once, and I'll tell you again: LIFE IS NOT PERFECT!" 

Heero said nothing. He knew Duo was right. Duo was always right when it came to the matter of his waking life. 

He even started to appreciate what Duo was trying to communicate to him when the braided American started to speak again, his voice now calmed and sounding as it naturally did, somewhat raspy and deep, but somehow melodic. "Hn, and no matter how hard you try to pretend that your life is so damn perfect, well, don't take me for the fool I seem to be, Heero Yuy. I can see behind the mask. I bet I know you better than you know yourself."

He was not about to argue Duo there. 

And Duo was still talking. Heero really did have to hand it to the man; when he got going on a subject that he felt strongly about, not hell or high water was going to get him to shut up. Ah, but that mindless prattle is what makes Duo… Duo…. 

"So you just ask yourself again, Heero, what the hell do you want out of life?" he was saying, his hands moving in wild gesticulations to further accentuate his points. "Because if you keep living in that stupid little egg shell of yours, you'll never see the light of the sun or feel the warmth of the stars on your back. I swear to God, I've made it a personal goal to be the one to slam that damn shell to tiny little shards and make you a real person." 

Heero was suddenly listening. "Do you really think you can do that?" 

"Fuck yeah," Duo said, his brows raised and his voice riddled with a tone that seemed to dictate Duo's one thought about the question, Well duh!

"Why would you even waste your time trying?" Heero frowned, crossing his arms and looking with hard questioning eyes at Duo. He really wanted to hear what Duo had to say. And knowing you, you wouldn't dare lie… especially to… me…. 

"I don't know how many times I have to say this," Duo said, the tiniest hints of frustration beginning to shine in his tone. He was suddenly on all fours, leering in Heero's face, his nose inches away from that of the perfect soldier, his eyes zinging their violet radiant passion into that of Heero's unchanging Prussian blue stare. His voice words were chopped for emphasis as he said again. "Heero. We. Are. Friends." 

 Duo could feel the moment starting to slip through his fingers, and without another thought, not even bothering to think what Hilde would think when he told her, he kissed Heero's brow, friendly of course, but it was damn apparent that Heero was shuddering beneath his lips. Why aren't you reaching to rip my lungs out, Heero? Duo wondered as his lips slid down the gently curve of Heero's nose, gazing his mouth briefly against the other boy's. The instant was brief, short-lived and gone before Duo even realized what he had done. He was rocking backwards on his haunches, watching Heero's sullen reaction with great curiosity.

"Why did you do that?" was the darkened reply to Duo's proceedings. 

"Actions speaks louder than words," Duo said, waving his fingers around as he said the old phrase. "And as far as you're concerned, well, actions are the only things that seem to get any points across to you. So there you go. Friends, got that yet, Hee-chan?" 

"Friends…." Without warning, Heero smiled at the word. "Yeah, I got it." 

"Good." Duo gave him a curt nod. Then, shoving him quite unceremoniously off the bed, sending the perfect soldier into a crumpled disorganized heap on the floor, he said. "Now get your ass to bed and catch up on some shuteye. Something tells me we've got a long few weeks ahead of us." 

Heero rose from the bed silently and walked to his room, closing the door behind him, pressing his back hard against the door, sunk to the floor, his hands pressed against his face, and spent the night confused and unsure of where to go from there. 

—O—

The next two days found Heero being dragged all over the city by tour-happy Duo, much to his unwilling displeasure. He was glad when Duo announced that he wanted to spend the next day relaxing before they took off into space that night. At least it would give him time to catch up on some much needed information on Stella. The government was not going to be much help in this mission, and Heero knew he would need all the time he could to work out the kinks of whatever plan he would come up with. This time, he was working from scratch, from the ground up. No orders, no mission restraints from any authority. Just everything his way, and no one, not even God, was going to stop him from carrying this mission out for the Preventers. 

So there was Heero, sitting with his back pressed straight up against his chair as he mechanically went about his work on his laptop, Duo flopped on the now folded up sofa bed, reading. 

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?" Duo started reading aloud from the pages of the worn old manuscript that he held lovingly in his hands. He saw Heero stiffen with irritation at the disturbance and he thought to himself, Mission successfully commenced. He kept at it. "It is the East, and Juliet is the sun! Oh rise fair sun and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou, her maid, art far more fair than she." 

"Quiet Maxwell," Heero growled, his eyes locked on the screen on his computer. The mission came first, and he was in no mood for Duo's games, especially since he had favored the braided brat's incessant whining that they hit every tourist spot that Paris had to offer. 

Duo made a loud stage gasp, his eyes still wide as he continued to read from the page, rising to his knees as he fell into the part. "She speaks, yet she says nothing! What of that? Her eye discourses. I will answer it."

"Let's see, Barton Foundation records," Heero was muttering to himself as he scrolled through a list of old databases and reports. 

"I am too bold! 'Tis not to me she speaks!" Duo flew backwards with the words, his exaggerated (and loud) collapse onto the sofa gaining him a sharp glare from Heero, one that dictated insane vehemence. Still, Duo persisted, keeping in mind that he was out to make Heero notice what it was like to live a little... and him while he was at it. His feet still stuck straight up in the air, the book held aloft over his head, Duo skipped down through the speech a little and read some more. "As daylight doth a lamp; her eye in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night. See how she leans her cheek upon her hand? O, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" 

"Ay me," Heero said in that deep guttural monotone of his, a smirk on his face as he kept at his research. 

Duo smirked as well, dropping his legs over the sofa's arm as he read the line to himself just as Heero spoke it. "She speaks," he read as launched right into the rest of Romeo's speech, after a while not even bothering to read it out of the book, his arms flying around for emphasis as he dictated the love oration from memory for Heero's audile pleasure. No matter how little credit Heero would give him, Duo was more intellectual than he liked to let on. "O speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as is a wingèd messenger of heaven onto the white upturnèd eyes wond'ring eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air." 

Duo paused, waiting to see if Heero would take up the cue and go on with Juliet's next line. When the only sound that responded to his act was the incessant tap, tap, tap of computer keys beneath Heero's manipulative fingers, Duo sighed. Couldn't count on being that lucky. He stood, folding the book up and laying it ceremoniously on top of his duffel, which sat packed and ready to go beside his guitar bag beside the sofa. "Well Hee-chan, I'll leave you to your ways. I have a date with Hilde before we sail out of here into the stars and probably our deaths, so if you don't mind, which I'm sure you don't, I'll just be going for about an hour or so." He chuckled, having fun with this teasing, rolling his eyes at Heero's seeming obliviousness. "Oh don't bother to get up, I can let myself out. See you in a while, Hee-chan. Have fun being perfect!" 

Heero heard the door close behind his partner, silencing that mindless chatter. Oh yes, he had heard every word. He was going to meet up with Hilde. Awful nice of her to fly all the way over here for a visit, Heero thought to himself with a wistful smile, not able to think of anyone he liked well enough that would do that for him… except for maybe Duo. And then he could not help but wonder why he felt the tiniest surge of jealousy in his leaden heart that Duo, his one real friend in the known universe, had just taken off to see one of his friends, one of zillions, he was sure, for God knew what. I shouldn't care what Duo wants for himself. It's his life. He can ruin it with love if he so chooses…. And refusing to think on it any more (because it was starting to hurt his head) Heero threw his whole mind and being into his work, the perfect soldier half of him dominating his brain once again as he lost himself in his work, the only thing that kept him from immersing himself too much in Duo's waking life, the world of the living. 

"He that jests at scars that never felt a wound," Heero whispered bleakly as Duo's vociferous footsteps faded down the hall. 

"I know it was a lot of trouble for you to come all this way," Duo said, staring at his rippled reflection in the dark pool of coffee that sat in the warm mug between his hands. He was sitting across from Hilde at a small round table in a classy little French café near the River Seine. "And I really appreciate what you're doing for me. I hope you know how much it means to me that you're a good enough friend to come all this why on my whim." 

"That's what a friends does, Duo. You of all people should know that," she said. She went on with the rest of her statement, though she knew what the answer was going to be, and that it had to do undoubtedly with Heero. Otherwise, why would he have bothered to call on her, when she knew that he and Heero were much closer friends than she could ever hope to be? She was not blind. She could see it. She always had. "So what exactly is this whim you're calling me out on anyway?" 

"Uh, it's—"

"Heero isn't it?" she finished for him. She ignored his dropped jaw and wide eyes as she calmly sipped her coffee. "That much I knew the moment you called me up a few days ago. Hell, I knew that much the day you walked out on me. It's always been Heero with you."

Duo shrugged modestly, a habit he often preformed when there was a lack of anything to say. Duo was never one to just let a comment go without a reaction. He swigged his coffee quietly for a few more moments, just letting the steam curl around his face in the oncoming winter chill around them before actually speaking. "It just didn't feel right without him," he said simply. 

"Doesn't feel right without you, but you don't see me wandering the streets looking for a man that was as good as dead to you four years ago," she answered, mimicking his shrug. 

"There's where you and I are different," he said, turning his head slightly to the side and looking at her from the corners of his eyes with a self-satisfied look on his face. "Aw, Hilde, you're just one to be content wherever you are. But me, I'm always looking to make it better. I won't just accept things because someone told me that's the way it's supposed to be. If I don't like it, then hell, I'm gonna change it."

She smiled. "Typical. You always were a more a 'doer' than anything." 

"You know it," he smiled back, going back at his caffeine energy filled mug with a rude slurp and a wink. More silence. 

"Duo, why is he so important to you?" 

He smiled down into his mug again, before saying softly, his violet gaze still fixated on the brownish liquid still steaming before him. "He completes me." 

"What?" she looked at him quizzically, gripping her large yellow mug tightly by the handle as she stared at him, at his long mess of a braid falling over his shoulder and his pretty lashes sweeping out over his misty eyes. He had never said anything that deep about her, even when she had the faintest hopes he might have loved her. 

Duo finally looked up at her, sifting his hand through the warm steam that rose from his mug. "Can't have the light without the dark, nor the dark without the light. The dark angel of heaven and the rosy God of Death, that's us," Duo smiled his wide innocent smile at Hilde. She could see there was still more to this than Duo had said yet. He liked to have people beg information out of him. He never changes. 

"Hmm," she whistled, not sure what to make of the comment. It was one of those deep philosophical comments of Duo's, and while his words were not as lost on she as they were on Heero, often what Duo had to say was so beautiful, that she had trouble coming back with something that would give the statement the credit it deserved. "Is that why you left me then?" she just spat the question out. There was nothing else on her mind but that, and she had to know for sure, even after all this time. 

"I didn't love you… not like that," Duo answered honestly, his eyes riddled with a mysterious tone that Hilde had never seen before. "You're my friend, and damn good one at that, Hilde. Don't forget it, okay? I'll love you a lot forever… but there's just… something more that I need… that I feel…."

"You love Heero?" She said it without even thinking. The language just flowed from her lips without even bothering to think what Duo would say about it. What if that's not it at all? She wondered for one brief horrible moment, Duo would drown me in that river out there for saying something like that about his best friend. 

All her fears and hopes about Duo were both confirmed and shattered with only one little word. "Yes," he breathed. "I've fallen head over heels in love with Heero Yuy, the most callous bastard in the entire universe, and there's nothing you or I can do about it. Not even the Vice Foreign Minister could sway me away from him." 

"Duo…." 

"And don't you say anything Hilde," Duo held up a hand, his eyes closed and downcast. "I know you're thinking that I'm crazy to want him and even crazier to try. But you said it yourself. I'm a 'doer,' and I'm going to do anything I can to let Heero know how I feel." 

"So why did you call me here? Just to tell me that?" Hilde could feel a lump forming in her throat. 

"No, that's not all," Duo dropped his hand limply to his side. "Hilde, I need your advice. Dammit, Hilde! You know Heero! I can't tell him! I'm deathly afraid to!" 

"You're afraid? You, the God of Death, are afraid of one man?"

"God, Hilde, you'd be afraid to talk to Heero Yuy too, if you realized that you were in love with him, knowing full well he would pummel you with six rounds of lead before he would even consider forgiving you for saying so," Duo crossed his arms. He swore again, that frustrated gleam in his eyes as he smacked the tabletop, making everyone in the café jump and turn around to stare. "Dammit Hilde! He's my fucking best friend, and here I am wishing I could be so much more to him. I just don't want to be another Relena to him. God, he would hate that. I would hate that! And if that happened, then who the hell would be around for him? He's all alone, Hilde."  

"He's got friends. What about the other pilots?" Hilde wished she could have said that again in a kinder voice, but it was too late to take it back. "You don't always need to be the one there to support him when he's falling, Duo! You have other obligations too!"

He raised one brow, curious as to where she was going with this. "Yeah? Like what?" 

"Like to those very same other pilots! To me!" she exclaimed, her voice getting louder with every word. The whole damn café was staring, much to Duo's dismay, though he figured they probably deserved the whole room of Yuy death glares with all the commotion they had been making. 

"But unlike you and the other pilots, Heero can't work on his own!" Duo argued back. "The man may claim being the perfect soldier and all that shit, but the truth is, that guy couldn't make it for a day in the real world without someone else there. God, three years of living under the same roof as him has definitely proven that."

"But why does that someone have to be you?" Hilde asked, calming down once more. She sounded like she might cry, and for a second, Duo wished he had not been so exorbitant with his overreactions. 

"I'll say it again, who else has he got?" Duo asked very seriously. 

"Well what about Miss Relena?" she asked. She had a look on her face that gave away the name was the last ditch effort she could throw Duo's way to argue her feeble case. She knew Duo was right. Duo was always right. 

"We've talked about this before," Duo said idly, reclining in his chair, throwing an arm over the wooden back. "There is no way Heero would lower himself enough to go crawling to her door. Not only is it totally not his style, but the last thing he needs is her simpering possessive and damn obsessive self running rings around him. He would think the whole idea weak." 

"He would think you were weak for loving him, friendly or otherwise," Hilde grumbled under her breath, not really intending for Duo to hear, though by the way he was pouting at her, she knew he had anyway. 

"You're right, he would," Duo said in response to Hilde's mutterings, smiling grimly at the fleeting thought that Wufei would find this whole conversation on weakness delightfully amusing. "Which is exactly why I won't tell him what I feel, because he would think I was weak. I will not be weak in front of Heero Yuy!" Duo slammed his fist into the tabletop as he said that last sentence. More death glares from the other customers and a sheepish wave from Duo as he regained control of his passionate outburst. He turned back to his friend and went on.  "And you know better than anyone Hilde, that I can't keep my emotions bottled up for long. I had to tell someone, even if it was only you." 

She smiled weakly, sadly, her eyes unfocused and blurry as she fought to swallow he sorrow and her sobs. "Even if it were… only me. I understand Duo, even though it's only… me…." 

He cocked his head to the side, looking at her strangely. "What's wrong Hilde? Why do you look like you might burst into tears? Tell me." 

"Because what you want isn't what I want," she said with that softened subdued smile. "You might not have ever loved me Duo, but I did. I loved you a lot, even though you were never there. You were always out amongst the stars, with Heero." 

"I'm a dreamer, what can I do?" Duo shrugged. "I could get lost in outer space, just floating past all the stars, dreaming, watching them just fall to Earth, full of hopes." 

"You're a falling star, Duo," Hilde said, cupping her chin in both her hands. "You're just falling faster and faster, waiting and praying for Heero Yuy to catch you. You know he won't. No matter how much you love him and care for him, he'll never catch you." 

"That's not true at all!" Duo exclaimed, jumping to his feet with the sound of chair legs screeching on the tile floor and the clattering of mugs and teaspoons. "He would so. He's caught me thousands of times before and I swear to God that I'll always be the one to catch him, no matter what. He might want to take off to the skies and become a star and I want to be ready to catch him should his light begin to flicker. So even if he's too thick to notice that I'm always there for him, or too cold to realize that I love him, I'll always be there, only for him. That's all there ever has been for me." 

"I know," she whispered. "I know it all too well. But Duo, is that what you really want? You're content to be just right there at his side, waiting for a moment you know will never come?"

"I want to be there, so it won't pass me by. Life is so much bigger than any of us, you know? Something as small as this could be swept up into eternity before I even knew it had come," he said, picking his chair carefully back up and sitting down again. He thought he could hear someone complaining about rude Americans under his breath, though he chose to ignore the commentary, not wanting to lose the mood of the conversation. He was finding more emotions inside that he never knew that he had. "And even if it did, I think I'd still be standing there, stuck in that moment forever. It would be worth waiting until the rest of my life if it meant that I might one day get to hold him and kiss him and love him without fear of death or loss or anything. It's all I want." 

"If it's what you want," she began to reply slowly, taking her time with the words, clearly having trouble getting the emotions in her heart right and the courage to say the one thing she knew would destroy her, but keep Duo nearby for a least a little longer. "If it's what you want, Duo, then it's what I want." 

"Hilde…." 

She smiled again, that melancholy look still upon her pretty face. "Duo, you have to tell him." 

"I can't," he started to protest before Hilde cut him off, rattling the table as she smacked her hand against it in frustration. 

"Goddamn it Maxwell!" she shouted, gripping the edges of the round table so tightly, her knuckles were white. "You complain that he's distant and cold, but look at you! You're making the biggest mistake a person could ever make, and that's keeping your emotions a secret. Can't you see what suppressed emotions did to Heero? Do you want to be like him?"

"He never notices anything I do," Duo said with a subtle gesture of his hands. "Why should he notice if I told him that I wanted to make him mine? He wouldn't care. He'd just… smile that cold knowing smile of his and turn away…. He would walk away." 

"How do you know that?" Hilde quarreled back. "You've never tried. You've called him your friend, you've told him you'd always be there for him, but that's not enough. You have to tell him all of the truth. It would be a lie if you didn't. And Duo, you don't lie." 

"You're right, I don't," he frowned. "I don't lie, but there's a difference between a lie and withholding the truth, Hilde." 

"Duo," she whispered, her voice hoarse and ragged. "Duo, the biggest mistake I ever made was not telling you that I loved you that day you left. I guess I was just expecting you to come back one day, but you never did. I never got a chance to tell you what I really felt, and I thought I had lost you forever. Not that I could ever be more to you than Heero is, but you know, I blew any hope of ever spending my life with you because of two seconds of pride and hesitation. I… I let the moment pass me by. If you really want to make sure that Heero won't leave you, tell him what you're feeling. Even if he does seem aloof for telling him so, well, that never means a thing. You said it yourself that Heero is never one to show what's going on inside his head. A reaction like that would almost guarantee that he's hiding something else. You never know, he just may love you too." 

"Maybe…." Duo pondered the thought, seeing the wisdom in what Hilde had to say. I knew she'd come through, he thought as he mulled over it in his head, debating what he was going to do. He smiled, not wanting Hilde to notice how much more depth she had just added the whole situation. 

"And you know, you're not much better," she went on to say. "You say Heero hides behind a mask? So do you, Duo Maxwell. Perhaps his mask is just a white face with no emotion painted upon it, but the cover you wear, you know, the smiles and the laughing, just to hide what you don't want other people to know…. Don't think it's something I can't see around. I can tell when you're hurting and the bigger you smile, the cheesier that grin of yours is and the louder your laugh, the more torn apart I know you are." 

"I'd never let anyone see my real face," Duo said darkly in response. "Heero hides himself more blatantly than I do, but I've got my own secrets to hide, though I guess mine aren't so obscure anymore. You could see behind the mask, and I didn't even let you in." He laughed cryptically. "You knew I was in love with someone else." 

"You let Heero in, though, didn't you?" 

"I try." 

"And?"

"He's still standing out in the rain without an umbrella," Duo answered with a flick of his wrist. "He doesn't want to be let in. I told you before Hilde, he doesn't want anything to do with my love. He'd rather die in the cold than come in where it's warm." 

"So all you two are is a pair of lost little boys, looking for a place to hide," she summed up briefly. "Just hiding behind each others back in the shadows, hoping that no one will see who you are."

"So what are you trying to tell me?"

"Step out into the light," she smiled at this, the first real genuinely happy smile she had flashed Duo's way since she had arrived, "…and pull Heero with you by the hand." 

—O—


	6. Antigravity Love Song

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel

Part V ~ Antigravity Love Song 

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

—O—

A small blipping noise drew Heero from his doze. Not more than a half an hour after Duo had left, Heero had leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his muscled chest and closing his sad ice-filled eyes for a moment as he sought to muse over the irritant thoughts plaguing his mind. As the sound persisted, he slowly opened his eyes to narrow slits, barely glimpsing through his thick eyelashes and wet vision, the blurry vision of his laptop craving some attention with its incessant beeps and whirrs.

A transmission? Who would know to…. He was still half asleep as he lethargically reached for the keyboard and went to connect the message. As Relena's face appeared on the pale screen, Heero's expression hardened ever so slightly in motions so minute, it would have taken only an expert soldier like one of the other pilots to notice his reactions. 

"Heero," Relena said, her face coated with that babyish little girl expression. "Heero, are you going to stay on Earth much longer?"

"No," was the plain and distant reply. 

"Is it something I did? I'm sorry if you thought I was too hard on Duo. Please don't forfeit ASTROPHYLL because of my reactions," she said, her voice almost so sugary, Heero felt like being sick all over the floor, and his face most definitely showed it. 

He was curt, honest and straight to the point. "I'm not abandoning ASTROPHYLL. The mission will be carried out, though not through you and your department. I'm acting on my own now." 

"You'll surely be killed," she said fearfully. "Heero, if you don't come back, what will I do? We never had time to just sit down at really talk with one another." 

"We don't need to," he said in that same abrupt manner. "Relena, what is there to discuss?"

"So many things!" Her face became warm, that naïve persona of hers really shining through. "What about our futures? There are still so many things I want to do with you!"

"My future is to die," he responded deftly. "I'm a soldier. Shinigami will bring me home when the time is right."

"Shinigami?" He could see her face darken. "You've been spending too much time with Duo. You're even starting to talk like him. A dirty vagabond like him rubbing off on a respectable person like you, tch, is something I won't stand for!" 

"Are you calling just to bash Duo around?" Heero frowned. He may have found Duo at fault for a myriad of things, but there was always more that he could pin on Relena, instances like this being a prime example. "Why do you hate him so much?" He was not even sure why he asked the question, but the thought had come up, and before he had even realized it, the words were out there. Yes, Duo really is rubbing off on me, he smiled to himself, a look that almost escaped Relena's watchful eye. 

"I don't hate him!" She knew that saying otherwise would only get her cut off sooner than she was hoping. "I'm just saying that you don't always need to be hanging off of him like a security blanket." 

"I need to take care of him," Heero responded, his voice hinted with the slightest twang of passion as his fingers absently reached for the old baseball lying right beside the laptop. "It's my duty as a solider… it's my duty as a friend. I will not abandon Duo to be left alone to die on the streets. He's different from the other pilots that way. They had places to go but Duo… Duo has nothing." 

"He has Hilde!" Relena snapped, immediately wishing that she could have honeyed that over with some sweet glaze before letting her jealously dart through so easily like that. She saw Heero's image absently tossing an old ratty baseball from hand to hand with gentle ease as he pretended to listen to what she was saying, and she knew the second she laid eyes upon it that it had been a gift from Duo. Heero was never one for such trivial things as a game as far as she knew, and it was the only logical explanation she could come up with for the ball, an explanation that, needless to say, drove her even madder.  

"Hilde and he have gone their separate ways. Their destinies won't cross like that again… not that they ever really did in the first place," he told her. "Perhaps Duo has friends, but no one to go to but me. And for this last mission, Duo will come with me. He's my… partner…."

"You're partner?" She was scowling now, a look that Heero decided really did not become her at all. "Then why does he seem so close to you? You let him bounce around and hang off of you like he's so much more to you than that."

"Maybe," Heero smiled cruelly, knowing full well that the ambiguous response would drive her insane, hopefully to the point of finally leaving him alone. Let her think what she wants about Duo and I, he reasoned. If it keeps me alone and strong, so be it. It doesn't matter who needs to be hurt. For the sake of the mission, her feelings are a sacrifice I'm willing to make. 

"You can barely let me touch you without that repulsed look crossing your face."

"Can't you take a hint?" he snarled. "I want to be alone. I want to be distant and far and unnoticed. I'm a face without a name, and I want it to stay that way, you got it?"

"Then what about Duo?" she had confronted him at last, her envy towards Duo at a peak and her bitterness towards Heero for being so unfeeling growing with each second. 

"If you have nothing to say to me, then I'll be leaving," he stated as he reached to close the transmission. As her face blacked out in mid-sentence, Heero sunk deeper into his chair, crossing his arms again and closing his eyes, hoping to return to that stony dreamless sleep once more. He did not want to see her whining at him for things he should have done or things that he still had yet to. Follow my heart, no regrets, he repeated in his mind over and over, not feeling bad for a single word he had said to the woman. She deserved that. She can't just throw Duo into the drain like that. She doesn't know him… like… I do….

_Beauty and grace is what touches me most._

_Good times can put me in fear._

_I always feel safe when things are bad, _

_So I cannot let you come in._

_It seems that I fight on the dark side of things,_

_And I always feel alive when the death bell rings._

_Now you come and you bring out the tears in me._

The sound was muffled and indistinct, but there was no mistaking it. Heero found his eyelids slowly pealing up over his clouded Prussian irises as his killer instincts darted about the room, searching for the source of the throaty voice that had infiltrated his peaceful room. Eyes darting about, he silently rose from his desk and surveyed the shadowy, seemingly empty room. He was always suspicious, always the warrior, always Heero…. 

Pain never makes me cry but… 

_Happiness does._

_It's so strange to watch your life walk by,_

_Wishin' it was._

_Wishin' it was more like a fantasy._

_Every day surprises me. _

_Oh wishin' it was._

_This feeling won't last 'cause I cannot survive. _

_I tell you, I've been here before._

_You're moving so fast, it's a matter of time,_

_Before one of walks out that door._

_It seems that I fight on the dark side of things,_

_And I always feel alive when the death bell rings._

_Now you come and bring out the tears in me._

He stumbled as if he were blind from the desk over to where Duo had left his red duffel by the sofa, unzipped and oozing with rolled up clothes and other such things. He knew it was here, that music. Rooting through the mess of black clerical shirts and pants, he unearthed it, that stupid little transistor radio of Duo's. Somehow, in the disarray of crap that Duo had crammed into the duffel, the thing had found a way to switch itself on, picking up the frequency of some signal through the unclear static. Staring at the little round image of a rose etched into the thing, he felt the tiny machine quiver with the sound in his strong hands, making it seem so delicate and insignificant, that Heero almost felt that the slightest motion would break it to pieces, no doubt breaking Duo's heart to pieces as well. "He's just a little tin flower," Heero said softly, his thumb running delicately over the transistor's speaker. "Just like this stupid radio…." Heero sighed and closed his eyes. 

But just as he was about to turn it back off, he heard the words of the song penetrate his skull. He began to think on it. And soon Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier, was caught wondering if he really was… alive….  He wanted to know if he really was just letting his life pass him by and beginning to think to himself if there was something more to it all than his plain existence. 

Pain never makes me cry but… 

_Happiness does._

_It's so strange to watch your life walk by,_

_Wishin' it was._

_Wishin' it was more like a fantasy._

_Every day surprises me._

_Wishin' it was._

_Give it some thought,_

_I'm sure you will know,_

_This is the way it must be._

_Emotions will rise,_

_Emotions will flow. _

You bring out the tears in me.

"Sometimes I think the gods are laughing at me," Heero murmured, still transfixed by the radio and its enchanting sound, weak, crackly and vague, though still strong, powerful and commanding, an irony which Heero saw not only in the radio, but in his dear partner as well. "Why do I feel so unsure of myself all of the sudden? Am I becoming… weak?" His face hardened, determined to tell himself that this was not the case. It could not be, would not be…. His fingers tightened around the radio, loosening immediately when he realized what he had done. The device still felt weak in his strong grip, and he would not let his pride shatter it. "A little tin flower," he said again, examining the fine lines that wove around the radio's body, forming the roses that decorated its otherwise plain appearance. "All folded up, waiting to bloom. I wonder what kind of secrets a flower has… and not a disgusting rusted flower like me, but a real beautiful tin flower, delicate and simple… like Duo…. Christ, I wonder what kind of secrets does Duo have?" His face darkened as he looked away from the radio, "And why is it that I care?" 

Pain never makes me cry but… 

_Happiness does._

_It's so strange to watch your life walk by,_

_Wishin' it was._

_Wishin' it was more like a fantasy._

_Every day surprises me._

Oh wishin' it was.

His thoughts were interrupted as another beep from his computer forced him to throw his sharp gaze up from the radio to the machine's glowing screen. Finally turning the power off and stuffing the radio back into the bag, Heero stood and rushed to the desk where he was just in time to receive a public transmission from the Star of the spaceship high above. 

—O—

Duo said his goodbyes to Hilde and gave her an affectionate hug of thanks before turning on his booted heel and walking down the street, hands thrust in pockets and head thrust in thought, as he heading back towards the hotel to meet up with Heero. He turned the corner onto their street to see Heero standing on the curb by the moped, the bags already loaded into the vehicle's compartment beneath the seat, the only thing left out being Duo's guitar bag, which rested against Heero's hip beneath his folded arms as he waited as motionless as a statue for Duo to come back. 

"What's this, Hee-chan?" Duo asked, lifting his head from its downward gaze at the pretty brick sidewalk beneath his feet. "I thought we didn't leave for at least three more hours." 

"We have to go now," Heero said simply. "We'll get an earlier flight. We just need to go now." 

"Why?" Duo asked, confused at Heero's sudden need for haste. 

"That Stella woman issued a statement while you were off with Hilde," he explained coldly. "We don't have much time at all. They've already selected a target in the L3 cluster, which they will fire mercilessly on if Relena is not turned over to them within the next eighteen hours. I doubt we'll even get back to L1 in time at this rate."

"So what do you propose we do?" Duo asked, taking the guitar bag and the other biker helmet from Heero. 

"Fight," he answered in that beautiful deep monotone. "It's all we can do to avoid another war like the one with OZ." 

"The two of us versus a big old space vessel like that, without our Gundams? That's pushing it a little far, don't you think?" Duo looked a little skeptical at the whole idea. 

"We'll find a way," Heero shrugged, straddling the moped as if to tell Duo to hurry the hell up. Duo slammed the helmet on his head and slung the guitar over his back as he clambered onto the moped behind his companion, this time bothering to wrap his free arm around Heero's torso. "Besides, I thought that explosives and slinking around were your specialty." 

"Well if you put it like that," Duo said haughtily as they sped off down the street, "I can get you exactly what you need and a pretty fireworks display to go along with it." 

"Good," he gave his usual simple reply and said no more as he geared up the silver motorcycle-like vehicle, splotches of water falling upon them as the skies opened up and began to sprinkle down a shower of blissful water droplets. Duo gripped Heero tightly, thinking back to what Hilde had told him he needed to do, as they sped off down the street, away from the hotel, away from Paris, away from Earth… away from the rain….  

—O—

 Relena played the statement from Stella once more, not sure if she had really heard what this maniacal woman was proposing just right. The rain cascaded down outside the huge window in her offices, pounding loud and angry against the glass panes as she sat in the semi-darkened room, staring at her computer screen. Here was the woman, threatening the L3 colonies with her nasty weaponry unless the Former Queen of the World was delivered to the sleek starship that sailed in orbit around the earth above before the day was out. She was at a loss. Confused, angry and blinded by the red that Heero had dyed her vision with, she was almost ready to succumb to Stella just to get back at him… and Duo…. Most of all Duo…. 

Almost as if to echo her thoughts, a transmission popped up on Relena's computer screen, Stella's unmistakable image appearing in the window. She was smirking somewhat, obviously pleased with her ability to bypass all the security codes that protected direct uninformed contact with Relena. 

"You know, even the most well thought-out plans leave a little room for luck and improvisation," the hard voice said over the computer's speakers. 

Relena turned slightly to face the screen, her interest captured at this casual remark from the woman who was planning to send her pacifist nation into an explosion of revolution and insane war within the day if something was not done soon. She sat down at the desk, folding her hands on top of it as she queried, "What do you mean? What are you planning?" 

Stella shrugged, a cool knowing smile crossing her hard lips. The woman's militaristic attitude reminded Relena of what Une's split personality had been like during the war with OZ. "I had wanted anyone who could have put a damper in DIANA killed before we even got here. But when two attempts on the life of a certain individual proved fruitless, I decided to just let it drop and see how DIANA would come along without it. Hmm, thank high heaven it worked out this way, because I now see a way that you and I can both get what we want. You do know what you want, don't you Miss Relena?" 

"What are you trying to get at?" she asked suspiciously. Though the woman's offer was starting to sound tempting, she was still wary that Stella was an enemy of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation and her colonies. Besides, she told herself, how could this woman know what I want? How could she know that I would give anything to move Heero and Duo as far away from each other as I possibly can?

"You want him, don't you?" It was almost as if the woman were psychic, her words always coming at the exact right time, interrupting thoughts of the exact same nature. 

"What are you talking about?" she snapped, though she had this nagging feeling like the woman truly did know what she wanted. 

"Oh it's not hard to find things out about you," Stella went on, looking somewhere off to the side. "With a little old fashioned research, database hacking and determination, any fool can find out everything they could ever hope to know about the former Queen of the World, ne?" 

"And?"

"So it's not hard to see that it was fate that I did not kill Heero Yuy." That did it. She had said the magic words. Relena now was giving Stella her full and undivided attention and the commander of the attacking star ship most certainly knew it. The girl was eating out of her hand. "Now tell me, do you want to cooperate with me? If you're good, I can easily get you just what you want and a little more." 

—O— 

Heero had taken his rightful position at the wheel of his Z3 when they returned to the colony and without a word, sailed back down the road away from the spaceport towards their home downtown. Duo figured that Heero probably had a plan already worked out in his head and would brief him on it when he was ready. Duo had learned pretty early on not to egg the stoic Japanese boy on unless he wanted to see Heero get really pissed… not that he did not do it for that very reason ever so often. 

"Umm… Hee-chan?" Duo ventured after the silent car ride as they ascended the stairs up to their apartment. Heero turned slightly, his body language the most of a response Duo got. A little sad that it was the best Heero ever gave, but accepting that he was being acknowledged at all, Duo went on. "Err… this mission, you don't think that we'll have to sacrifice any innocents… do you?"

Heero stopped walking, his eyes narrowing as he turned completely around. Duo was standing there on the stairs behind him, his guitar hanging over one shoulder, his duffel gripped tightly in the other hand that was wrapped so tightly around the banister that his knuckles were white as a sheet. Eyes downcast and trembling a little, the braided American tried to ask the question again, but found he was unable to say anymore on the idea without tears welling in his eyes. Heero saw the sparkling droplets drip from beneath Duo's dark lashes and fall on the tops of his black boots, and for a moment, he wondered how long it had been since Duo had last really cried. All he knew was that he hated seeing it. He almost wanted to come back down the steps to where Duo stood and hug him reassuringly, to tell him that it would all be okay. But he found himself coldly swallowing such sentiments, telling himself that it would be crueler to Duo to lie to him and riddle him with false hopes. "I can't say for sure." 

"Oh," Duo choked out. Heero could hear the pain in Duo's voice and wished he could make it go away. It was hurting his usually callous demeanor. It was making him feel… human. They kept walking up the stairs, the silence revisited once more. Heero was fumbling with the lock, his fingers unable to stop shaking as he punched in the pass code and still more when he went at the manual lock in the door with his keys. Duo's comment kept replaying in his head. Killing civilians… not again… I swore I would never kill an innocent person ever again… that I wouldn't have to anymore…. But it's true what Duo says… there is an excellent chance we might have to sacrifice colonies to protect… to protect peace…. 

"Heero?" Duo reached out to touch Heero's shoulder, noticing how he had stopped trying to open the door, his body and expression frozen as if he were locked away in his thoughts. "Heero, what's wrong?" He knew it was stupid to ask, one, because Heero would never open enough to tell him what was on his mind and two, because he knew full well that it was the mission that was driving the perfect soldier nuts, making him break down right in front of him. 

"No!" he heard Heero growl under his breath as he gripped the key in his fingers so tightly that it left a red impression upon his palm. "Wufei is right. Peace is not worth the lives of innocents! That is not what peace is!" 

"Hee-chan?" Duo's fingers stretched out once more, barely grazing Heero's tense shoulders. 

Heero was quivering with emotion as he finally got the door open and stalked inside. He let out a deafening roar that shook the walls of the apartment as he flung his bag as hard as he could into the living room. "It's not worth it! It's not worth it!" he kept repeating as he beat the bag senseless with his sneaker-clad foot. 

"Whoa, Heero, please," Duo leapt into the apartment after him, dropping his things in a pile at the door as he flew to Heero's side and grabbed him by the shoulders, whipping him around to face him. Shaking him violently, he said, his voice slightly louder than it perhaps needed to be. "Heero, get a grip, please! Calm down!" 

He stopped right off, drooping slightly in Duo's steel-like grip. "G-gomen nasai, Duo," he muttered in his native tongue, looking down at his feet and the mess of clothes that had erupted from the bag while he had been abusing it. He snapped out of his daze and quickly switched back to English. "Oh God, Duo, I just don't know. I have this horrible feeling that many colonies will be destroyed in order to protect Relena. She may be an overbearing snotty naïve little girl, but what she represents to the people, we can't let Stella have that, ne?"

"No, Heero, no we can't," Duo agreed with a solemn nod of his head. 

"So we'll have to hurry," he went on. 

"Yeah, but Heero…." 

"Nani?" Heero slipped again. He always did that when he was beginning to lose a grip on reality, usually whenever they were engaged in a mission, one that would surely cost many lives. 

"Look," Duo held out his wrist in front of Heero's eyes. 

The perfect soldier's eyes glanced down at the silver watch that adorned his hand and realized what Duo was saying. The time limit was up. The colony should have been destroyed already, according to Stella's threats. He narrowed his eyes and stared at the still open door behind Duo as they braided American let his arm drop back to his side, his large indigo eyes watching Heero with intensified curiosity.  "Something is wrong. Stella doesn't seem like the type to make idle threats. If the colony is still there she obviously—oh shit…." 

"Heero?" 

"God, I thought we made it clear that she had to stay on Earth!" 

Relena was up in space with Stella, and everyone from Heero to Duo to God knew that things were falling in a noticeable downward spiral. It could have taken them less than an hour to throw themselves together and fly right back out the door, which was what Heero had actually been angling for if it had not been for Duo and his simplistic sensibility.

"Heero, Heero," Duo shook his friend silly. "Look, you're angry and blind with your emotions. Do you really think that it would do anyone any good to go rushing out of here with barely a game plan and nothing but a sightless rage to fuel you along? That won't hold out. It won't do well for anyone, not you, not me, Relena or the Preventers. All that would happen would be a surefire way to get the both of us killed."

"But God knows what Stella will do now that she has Relena," Heero protested unsuccessfully as Duo steered him deeper into the apartment and to the sofa. 

Duo forced the Japanese boy onto the couch with a downward shove onto his shoulders before jumping off the kitchen to fetch a cup of ice water. Brining the cup back to the still shaking Heero, Duo said as he offered out the glass, "Is it really you're nature to go charging in there without a single thought? Jesus Heero, think of it more like umm…" 

Heero raised his brows expectantly as he sipped from the glass, unused to this pause in Duo's usual unending prattle. 

"Uh, like baseball, Heero," Duo grinned as he slapped his fist into his other open palm. 

"Baseball?" Heero arched a brow even higher. "Why does it always come back to games with you, Maxwell?"

"Aw when I joke, I tell about life or the truth," he said, waving his hand nonchalantly. "That's the funniest joke of all. Anyway, I'm not kidding. Like, when you play baseball, you gotta make sure you got a plan. I mean, should you strike the guy out? Or maybe you 'ought to let him walk so you can try for a double play."

"What are you trying to say?" Heero would never get used to Duo's analogies. 

"So hold off, make a plan, and we'll go for a double play!" Duo said excitedly, throwing his arms up over his head with a little hop. "Let 'em think they got a spot on first, but just wait 'til you chuck that ball at 'em on they're way 'round to second and then slam the bag out from under the feet when you blow out them right back off first. Clear the field and next thing you know, you'll be back up at bat." 

"You have very… interesting ways of describing things, Maxwell," Heero said, glaring up at Duo from beneath the cascade of brown fringe that hung over his eyes. "But I suppose you're right in any case… as usual…." He added that last bit under his breath, disguising it with a wicked un-Heero-like slurp from his glass.

"What was that?" Duo cupped a hand around his ear and plopped down next to Heero, shoving his ear close to Heero's lips. "Didn't quite hear you there, Mr. Perfect Soldier." 

"I mean, we'll wait. We'll see exactly what they're planning to do with her and then act. I can cook something up in the meantime," he covered quickly, though the both of them knew full well exactly what Heero had said. Heero turned away, red with embarresment that he had let such a thought cross his lips and Duo was simply wallowing in the triumphant moment. 

"Damn straight," Duo patted Heero's shoulder reassuringly, letting his fingers linger on him for perhaps a second or so longer than need be. "Now we're talking, buddy." 

Heero uneasily pushed Duo's hand off his shoulder, not quite sure what to make of the little waves of tension his touch sent rocketing through his body. Heero had found that the best way to deal with things he did not understand was to shut them out and make them go away. "Good then. In the meantime, you go get some sleep. You don't look so good." 

"Since when did you care about poor little old me?" Duo ruffled Heero's hair and he knew just how edgy it made the perfect soldier feel when he did it (which was most of the motivation behind the action). "Hmm, it's so obvious that you care Hee-chan." At this he curled his arms around the other boy and buried his nose in Heero's mess of thick brown hair, relishing the warm scent of the stoic boy beside him. 

"Go lay down before you hurt yourself… or to be more exact, I hurt you," he said coldly, pushing Duo away. He really was not keen on the sensations Duo's touch was sending through his nervous system. It was confusing him, and Heero hated being at a loss almost as much as he hated things he did not understand. Combine the two, and you have one apprehensive young man. 

Duo slinked back to his room with a slightly upset frown placed on his delicate lips, the sight of the place almost taking him by shock; it had been a while since he had slept in there. He kicked his duffel in the room ahead of him like a soccer ball, closing the door gently with a nudge of his foot. Glancing over his shoulder as the door swung closed, he got a quick glimpse of Heero as he reclined back on the sofa, stretching out over the long piece of furniture as if he were pleased to be home, peaceful and free of stress… at least for a little while. 

"Aw damn you Heero," Duo managed to mutter, ripping the rubber band from the base of his braid as he collapsed backwards on his unmade bed. "You always have to be so-o-o hard and unfeeling about everything. Jesus, I'd pay money to see the day when it all comes around to bite you in the ass." 

He reached off the side of the bed, nearly rolling over onto the floor as he groped around in search of his bag. Finding it, he rummaged through it until he had found that little rose engraved radio. He turned it on and fell asleep with the music playing softly in his ear as he cradled it against his breast. 

I'm home alone tonight.

Full moon illuminates my room,

And sends my mind alight.

I think I was dreaming,

Of some thoughts that were seemingly possible,

…With you…. 

Heero heard him as he shuffled to his room and fell upon the bed with the sound of creaking bedsprings and the faint whirring of his radio. He tried to ignore it, flopping over on his side and smacking one of the sofa's cushions over his head as he stared at the bland scene before him. But he could not ignore it. His mind kept listening to that stupid damned radio of his, and thinking of his music no doubt made Heero start thinking of him, which just confused and angered Heero even more. Is friendship supposed to be so frustrating? He wondered that for a bit until memory of Duo's words from their last night in Paris sprang into his head. A friend is someone who knows everything there is to know about you and still stays your friend. Heero groaned at the thought. Am I really that hard to get on with?

So I call you on the tin can phone.

We rendezvous at a quarter to,

And make sure we're alone.

I think I finally found a way for you and I to finally fly free. 

When we get there,

We're gonna fly so far away,

Making sure to laugh,

While we experience,

…Antigravity…. 

A sold shaft of light penetrated the darkness of Duo's black, black, black room as Heero pushed the door open. He stood there, enveloped in the blast of light that surrounded him, just watching Duo's lax form stretched out on the bed, asleep and breathing softly. For a moment, he found himself entranced by the way the beam of light curved over Duo's lithe form, tracing each and every turn of his body in the pale glow. His fascination grew still more at the way Duo's half unmade braid fell in three long golden chestnut pleats and poured generously over the edge of the bed. And then he sucked in a breath as the American pilot, allegedly sleeping, stirred and forced himself up on his elbows. "Heero?"

Heero narrowed his eyes, his mind working fast to try and come up with an answer as to why he had been standing in his doorway, watching him sleep. Just when he thought he had come up with something, Duo's mouth proved to be quicker, and he found himself cut off by Duo's ever-playful words. "I'm cute when I sleep, eh? Admit it, you think so."

"Duo," he started to say, but was lost for words when Duo just winked and giggled, wilting back onto the mattress, yanking the blankets up to his nose, just laughing in a way that proved to Heero once and for all that the braided brat knew something he did not and its whimsical strains left Heero leaning against the side of the bed, back to Duo, with nothing to say.  

For years I've kept here to myself.

The potentialities abound,

Are living under my shelf. 

Simply choose your destination from the diamond canopy,

…And we'll be there…. 

So I call you on the tin can phone.

We rendezvous at a quarter to,

And make sure we're alone.

I think I've finally found a way for you and I to finally be free…. 

Duo's bed squeaked almost unbearably as he moved to turn the radio off and discard it next to Heero on the floor, before he rolled over and threw his arms around Heero's shoulders, placing his chin on top of the perfect soldier's head. "Aw, or is it that little Hee-chan can't sleep all by himself in the dark? Is little Hee-chan afraid of the dark?" 

"I am not," Heero snapped defensively. "Stop being so childish Maxwell."

"It's okay, Heero," Duo whispered into the back of his head so softly that Heero almost did not hear it. His words came in fluttering little breaths that made seemed to make the tiny hairs on the back of his neck freeze, a feeling that Heero had not felt come over him since Odin died. "I won't tell anyone your secret. It's okay to be afraid. I'm afraid too." 

Heero shook a little with his slight laugh at the irony. "Death is afraid?" 

"In more ways than a man like you could ever know," Duo muttered back, wrapping his arms tighter around Heero, threatening to fall off the bed and onto Heero's back. "In more ways than any man could ever know. I'm afraid of everything."

Heero looked down at his folded hands, now twitching uncontrollably with fidgety nervousness as he spoke. It was not so much talking to Duo that made him so uneasy; it was more the way Duo was draped over him so luxuriously. Not that he had never done it before, but this was the first time Heero really noticed how clingy Duo actually was, almost as if Heero were some kind of safety for the poor American boy.  "What frightens you most, Duo?" 

The other boy said nothing, simply rubbing his nose affectionately against the back of Heero's head, nuzzling the crook of his neck and gently nipping his skin with his lips. "You, Hee-chan." 

"Me?" Heero wondered aloud, sinking further towards the ground and forcing Duo to drip a little more off the side of the bed so he could keep his arms around the stoic Japanese boy. 

"Yes, you," Duo murmured against Heero's burning flesh. "I'm frightened by the way you never seem to feel anything and by the way you were ready to die at only fifteen years old. I'm afraid of the way you glare at people with those cold eyes of yours like you mean to kill them the next time you see them, by the way you're so quick to pull that gun from nowhere and threaten death as casually as if life were a throwaway thing. I'm so afraid of you, Hee-chan, that I don't know why I follow you around like a lovesick dog… how or why I love you." 

"L-love me?" He had heard this so much from Duo in the past few days that it seemed certain that the braided boy was certainly trying to push a point upon him… a point that Heero was not sure he quite understood. Love is what frightens me, he thought to himself, not willing to tell Duo such a thing, afraid to admit a weakness such as that and worried what Duo might say if he mentioned anything of the like. "I'm afraid of being close to anyone. What happens if I lose someone I loved? All it means is more heartbreak."

"It does mean heartbreak," Duo said softly, still swathing Heero in the warmth of his long arms. "But, like they say, it is better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all. It's a risk that I think most people should be willing to take. You know, the greatest thing of all is to love someone and be loved in return, Hee-chan." 

"Everything you say always takes everything I've been disciplined on, turns it upside down and throws it out the window," Heero sighed. "I'm so confused by you. You make me think about myself." 

He erupted into little chuckles. "Actually, I got that last line from a really old Earth movie. So don't go tossing me credit when half the stuff I say I've ripped from somewhere else. Aw, but that's what wisdom is. It gets passed on like that, which is why it's so wise!" Then he huffed and scoffed. "Hmm, besides Heero, discipline is for the birds! You gotta be able to do things your own way once in a while. Come on, Heero, if you're so afraid of being close to someone, why are you such good friends with me?" 

"Baka," grumbled Heero. 

"Aw, you just say that when you can't think of anything else," Duo teased. 

"You're still a moron anyway."

"But that's what you love about me, yeah?" Duo cuddled closer. "Do you love me too, Heero?" 

"Hn," Heero made a sound that somewhere resembled a snort and a grunt. He was starting to think about what Duo had been saying to him all this time, maybe not as directly as the last few days, but most certainly, since he had first met the guy, there had been something the American had been trying to say and had only just gotten the courage to say it... or to even realize it.  

"Do you have to think about it so hard?" he asked curiously. "Does it really take that much for you to register emotion? It shouldn't. You should know what love is right away. Like a lotus of blood erupting after a gunshot or a… a MS scattering to pieces in an orange starburst in the sky… that's what love feels like." 

"Yeah, but what is it?" Heero asked flatly. 

Duo traced flowers on Heero's forehead, smoothing the brown curtain of hair that hung over his eyes with his other hand as he did so, much to Heero's distaste, who was straining to look up at Duo's hands in vain. "It's what makes you want to keep me around, what makes friends and lovers." 

"Am I your friend?"

"My best, best, best friend ever," Duo smiled. He reworked his arms around Heero's neck and shoulders, hugging him tightly. "I'd follow you to hell and back." 

Heero leaned his head back a little so he could look above him at Duo. He said with a sort of amused grin on his face, "I'd be the one following you to hell, Maxwell. Aren't you Death?"

"Damn straight I am," Duo giggled. Then his voice dropped into a lower more serious tone. "But you would?"

"Would what?" 

"Go with me to hell and back," Duo repeated. He flicked the back of Heero's head playfully. "You're not just saying that to get the last word, are you?"

"I never get the last word with you," Heero answered plainly. He paused, one of those strange contemplative silences befalling the small black room for a moment as Heero reclined more, falling deeper back into Duo's arms and Duo just nuzzling the side of Heero's head, waiting for him to either keep on speaking or gouge his eyes out for being so forward. "Yeah," he said at long last. "Yeah I would. I would go with you." 

"That's good to hear," Duo said sincerely into Heero's cheek, his lips lightly brushing against Heero's warming skin. He could feel Heero shivering with all the tension building up inside of him, despite how hot his flesh felt to touch. "'Cause you know, a trip like that would be awful lonely. I'd like to think that if I were going to journey all that way, I'd at least have someone to go with me." 

"Hn." Heero was falling drowsy in Duo's grip, leaning back into the American's circle of arms. 

Duo slid back into a more natural position on the bed, dangerously close to the edge, his one arm still draped around Heero's body, pressing him against the bedside. "Just go to sleep, Hee-chan. You won't have to be afraid of the dark anymore. I'm here. Always been, always will, even if you're too stupid to notice." 

When morning rolled around, Heero awoke to find himself still slumped on the floor of Duo's room, lying against the side of the bed with a very possessive set of arms knotted around his shoulders. He shifted a little bit, finding that no matter how he moved, Duo's arms stayed locked about him. Heero let out a heavy sigh of serenity, something he had not done in so long he could barely remember the last time he had felt so at home… or if he had ever felt that at all. Maybe this was the first time, but there was a first time for everything, he supposed. 

Duo was humming softly, some faint lullaby that Heero thought he remembered hearing somewhere a long time ago. He closed his eyes again, just listening to the sound of Duo's voice, lulling him back into that dreamy state. This is wrong. What is this calm? When there is a mission even! I cannot have this peaceful feeling… not now…. 

"He-e-e-ero," a soft drawn out whisper escaped Duo's lips. 

"What?" he snapped fully awake, defensive and punitive once again, that dreaded tranquility gone before it had even really set in. 

"It's morning." 

"I know," he grumbled after a brief pause. 

"You're still here," Duo pressed. "Sleep well?" 

"Hai." Simple answer for a simple question. 

"Good. Me too," he murmured, finally letting his hands fall free from Heero's body and flopping backwards on the bed, arms folded behind his head, weaved into that thick pool of brown hair. He frowned at the back of Heero's head, seeing how tense he still seemed. "You really aren't a morning person, are you?" 

Suddenly, Heero felt cold and naked the moment Duo's fingers lost contact with him. He almost wished that it were midnight instead of first light. Then he would have had hours to just rest there with the shield of Duo's protective arms encircling him all night, though why he would wish for such a thing seemed beyond him. It was… flummoxing beyond the sense of all reality. He pushed away from the bed, standing up and pretending to occupy himself with preening his rumpled clothes, watching Duo watch him out of the corner of his eye. "I'll… make breakfast," he said slowly, turning towards the door. He could still feel Duo's eyes glued to his back as he walked from the room. He hated making weak excuses like that just to get away from one person because of the mystifying feelings he sent surging through him, but it was all he could do to hide those feelings

"You do that, Hee-chan!" came the cheerful cry from Duo's room. "I want waffles!" 

Heero grunted audibly from the kitchenette as he went about preparing the morning meal. Duo rolled out of his room after a few minutes in a tangle of tousled clothing and sloppily braided hair before bounding over to the barstools that sat beneath the counter opposite Heero. Duo slid onto one and leaned his arms on the countertop, staring at the mechanically working Japanese boy in his neat-as-a-pin perfect kitchen as he went about the process of preparing Duo's waffles… from scratch. 

"Oh, that's so sweet," Duo said with a cheesy sort of grin at Heero's back. He could see the muscles tense beneath that green tank top as he spoke. "Going through all that trouble to make a nice breakfast for me. Aww, you can be so cute sometimes, Hee-chan!"

"Stop acting like you're five years old," Heero stated coldly, not even bothering to turn around as he reached up to a cabinet to get some flour. "You should know the importance of a good meal. That frozen crap never did anyone any good."

"Now you sound like Sister Helen," Duo commented, resting his cheek in his palm, a wistful smile crossing his face. "Always worried about her charges, keeping them healthy and energetic, making sure they don't do anything too stupid." 

"Not that it could stop you," Heero muttered under his breath. 

Duo raised a brow, ever amused by Heero's stabs at humour. His sarcasm had become much more sharp since the pair of them had started living together, no matter how dark it tended to be. Don't know if that's a blessing or a curse, Duo thought to himself with another unreadable smile. "So Heero, did you think about it any more?"

"Not this again," Heero turned around to look at Duo directly for the first time that day. "Why are you so worried about whether or not I'm happy! It's none of your damn business! I have my life; you have yours. I don't tell you how to run it, so don't worry about how I run mine." 

"The problem is, you don't know how to run your life," Duo retorted quick and blunt, banging a fist passionately onto the countertop, making Heero's bowl of waffle batter jump. 

"If that's the way it's going to be, then it would be perfectly fair for me to say to you that you don't either," Heero snapped with a smirk, brandishing his batter dripping whisk at Duo. "Look at you! You're going to be twenty years old in a few months, and you still whine like a child when you don't get your way and cry like a girl when even the slightest thing goes wrong! Hell, you were ready to give up and die when I found you again after the war." 

Duo sucked in a breath. Heero really knew how to downright obliterate the nail on the head. He stroked his chestnut bangs ruefully, silent for once in his life as he said quietly, "You're right, Heero, I am just a little kid at heart. I just can't let go." 

Heero narrowed his eyes, dropping the whisk into the bowl. Running his hands under the fount of warm water from the sink's faucet, he said, "Let go of what? You're past, or the people in it?"

"Both." Duo shrugged with an absent hazy look in his eyes as he stared past Heero at the small round black clock that hung on the wall behind him, sadly ticking away the seconds of his life. "I miss everyone. Even you have to admit that it's hard to let go of people who meant a lot to you."

"But they're gone," Heero said grimly, flicking the water off with a deft throw of his wrist. "There's nothing you can do about that. Not all the praying and hoping in the world could bring a dead person back to life." 

"Don't you ever miss anyone?" Duo asked the stoic boy before him, who was gradually going about putting a scoop the batter into the hot waffle press that lay on one of the gas stove's forward burners as though his mind were far from the place and conversation at hand. 

"I don't like to get so close to people. Saves on the trouble of hellos and goodbyes." Duo grimaced as that damned silence fell over them yet again. Either Heero was ignoring him or was lost in his own little world, far from reality. At long last, as Heero was just flipping his first waffle onto a large white plate for Duo, he spoke with the slightest sound of a wistful sigh. "Though, after the war… I missed you. It wasn't really an accident that I found you that day. I had been looking for you." 

"You missed me? You wanted to find me?" Duo breathed. He could hardly believe that he had just heard the perfect soldier utter those words. "Me?" 

"Yeah." His voice was so soft that Duo was almost positive that he was not speaking at all, that this was all some twisted fantasy in his head, that the clock on the wall would start to tick again and soon he would be back in the world of the living, with a cold roommate robotically making him waffles. "I was lonely." 

"Are you still?" Duo leaned over the countertop as so he could lay a hand on Heero's limp shoulder. 

"No," he spoke in that faint low voice. Looking up at the braided haired boy sitting across from him, extending his arm out to bridge the gap of solitude hanging between them, he finished the thought whistling through his head before he even had time to wrestle it down and confine it to the privacy of his mind. "I have you again, don't I?" 

Duo chuckled softly as he began to dig into Heero's impeccable cooking. "Yes Heero, yes you do." He looked up from his meal to stare at an expectant Heero with the most serious gaze he could muster (while his face was smeared with syrup) and, pointing his fork straight at the other boy, he said, "And I'm not going to go anywhere, Heero Yuy. So don't worry. You'll never be lonely again." 

He smiled weakly at that, knowing that when Duo said things like that, he was being as serious as he ever could be. A curt nod and a slight grunt, soon he was back to making breakfast for himself, (and second, third and probably fourth helpings for his roommate), Duo munching away in silence beside him, watching him with a tender loving pair of violet eyes as he worked. 

The day was another slow one. All the tension hanging, musty in the air, was beginning to try both the young men's nerves. Heero was trying his hardest to concentrate on the mission and solely the mission, wasting most of the morning shut away in his room, laptop keys beneath one hand, pencil, paper and a plot map of the L3 sector in the other. Duo had spent those hours restless, pacing, fidgeting, and jumping from one thing to the next in a nervous wreck, unable to keep his mind to one thing without slipping into a deathtrap of thoughts that plagued his mind like a screaming banshee. 

He eventually found himself bending silently over an overly absorbed Heero's shoulder, so quiet that the Wing pilot obviously had not noticed Death's presence looming above him. "Heero?" 

The wooden pencil in Heero's hand snapped as his overwrought grip of iron tightened around the writing tool when he suddenly heard Duo's voice vaporize out of nowhere. I must really be out of it today; I didn't even hear him come in, he thought as he tersely went about picking the long thin splinters from his palm. He let out a heavy breath and said to Duo without even a backwards glance, still working out the wood bits from his now bleeding skin. "Maxwell, what is it? Can't you see I'm busy?" 

"Tch, aren't we edgy," he said with a laugh as he ran his fingers through his brownish locks. He slapped Heero playfully on the back, trying his best to cover up his own insecurities. 

"You're one to talk. I saw the way you were barely able to keep to one thing for five minutes all day, Maxwell." 

"So you were watching me?" 

"Hn." He did not say much more than that and continued to pick at his bloody hand, irritated that he had been found out, wincing slightly as he pulled a particularly nasty looking piece from his flesh. Suddenly, he saw a wiry pair of pale hands cover his wounded palm, dabbing at the blood splotches with a corner of black cloth. Twisting around in his chair, he saw a bowed head of chestnut hair leaning over his shoulder, gently cleansing his hand with a scrap torn from his sleeve. "Duo?" 

There was the faint sound of him chuckling as he shook his head. "You're doing such a sloppy job of this, Heero. Let me clean this for you." 

"Duo, you don't need to—"

He pressed his fingers into the wounds purposefully, making Heero gulp down a yelp. "Don't give me that shit, Heero. I'm to help you whether you want me to or not. I'm going to be your friend whether you want me or not and I'm going to be here for you no matter what! So don't give me that lie that you don't want me around here, 'cause I know you want nothing but to have a close friend… even if it is only me." 

He found a small grin crossing his face at that. Refusing to address Duo directly on the matter while the braided American went about dressing and wrapping the hand with scraps torn from his own sleeve, Heero found himself lost in a string of alien and strangely comforting musings. Aah, Duo, how is it you know me so well? You seem to know more about me than even a "friend" ought to. Not that you're closed to me at all; more like I'm just too callous and proud, but I wish… I wish I knew more about you…. 

"Heero," he felt a shake rattle through his body. "Heero, you know, it's getting sort of late. Why don't you take a break and get something to eat? I'll even cook for you." 

"I guess," he said quietly, dropping the remains of the pencil onto the L3 map. He massaged his forehead gingerly before rising to follow Duo out of his darkened room. "This is all really trying my sanity. I don't know what to do anymore." 

"Well neither do I!" Duo said cheerfully as he walked into the kitchen, giving Heero's shirt a hard yank, sending the Japanese boy practically toppling into the little tiled area after him. When he finally regained his composure, standing up straight and fixing his slightly messy appearance. Duo went on as he stooped beneath the counter to fish a skillet out of a cabinet. "But you don't see me locked away in my room pretending to be pouring over mission details."

Heero's eyes narrowed as he watched the black clad figure paused on the ground, his eyes shadowed by his bangs and baseball cap, his pretty rose pink lips twisted in an obvious smirk. "What do you mean?" 

"Aw I'm not as stupid as you like to think I am," Duo whistled innocently. "I saw you sitting there, barely keeping your eyes on either your computer or your map. Naw, I thought it was pretty amusing the way you would switch between staring blankly at the wall above your desk and watching me goof off all day from behind your halfway closed door." 

Heero clapped his mouth open and closed a few times, his eyes a bit wide with shock that Duo had noticed him observing. Duo had just seemed so much more… interesting… than the mission. He had smiled to himself whilst Duo slept, bare legs and arms informally draped over the sides of the large armchair that sat adjacent to the couch and had leered darkly when the braided boy accidentally slipped on a puddle of water in the kitchen, barely able to catch himself (and his bowl of ramen noodles) before a real disaster could occur. It was actually rather amazing how much of Duo's actions Heero had been able to track during the day from his immobile spot in his room.

"Hah," Duo let out a tiny sound from the back of his throat as he bounced back to his feet, drumming the bottom of the copper skillet with his fingers. He winked, "Gotcha!"  

Suddenly there was the low rumble of thunder from outside. Duo looked up from his pan, one chocolate hued brow arched curiously as he turned to see the first few droplets of rain fall outside the arched windows in the living room. The lights in the apartment all flickered in unison for a moment as a vibrant crack of lightning lit the air outside. Duo let out an exasperated sigh, pulling off his cap and swatting it in an annoyed fashion against the countertop. "God, when will those weather control fools realize all the trouble they cause the colony's power systems whenever they try to do thunder…? Stupid bastards up there, running things, you know?" 

"That's the way it works," Heero shrugged as he walked over towards Duo, taking the pan from him as he passed by and set it on the stove. "But there's nothing we can do about the idiotic decisions of others, so we might as well deal with it. Besides, I thought you liked rain."

"Real rain, Hee-chan," Duo smiled as he moved towards the refrigerator to forage for ingredients to toss together into his stir-fry. "Like on Earth." 

"Oh," he answered simply before moving back out of the kitchen, saying something about shutting down his laptop should the storm short circuit the colony's power sources, as it was most likely to. When he came back, he found Duo silently yet animatedly going about his cooking duties in the pleasant smelling kitchen, the steam rising from the pan swaddling the American in an ethereal kind of appearance. When he was finally finished, he dumped the meat and vegetables into two bowls, offering one to Heero. The Japanese boy just waved a hand at the bowl and shook his head. "I'm… not hungry anymore. Gomen, Maxwell." 

"Now Hee-chan, you have to eat," Duo said in a mocking voice, shoving the bowl towards Heero again. "I'll force feed you if I have to! Don't look at me that way! You know I'll do it!" 

"Fine, if it makes you happy!" Heero threw his arms up in irate defeat, an over exaggerated motion that made Duo snigger. Heero fished around in a drawer until he was able to produce a pair of matching chopsticks before snatching the bowl from his roommate and stalking to the bar to eat. 

"Hmm, food always makes grouchy people feel better," Duo waved a finger around as he spoke, standing in the middle of the kitchen, his own dinner carefully balanced in his other hand. He went to tucking in, his hand working so fast to shovel food down his throat that it seemed almost inhumanly possible that he could still manage to watch Heero from beneath his dark eyelashes all the while. 

"It seems you take to watching me as well," Heero commented knowingly, looking up briefly as he swallowed his last mouthful of meat, laying the chopsticks formally over the lip of the bowl. 

Duo's large violet eyes darted upwards, still roving over Heero's form. He said in a darkly seductive voice as he laid his bowl aside and sauntered over to the counter, leaning over so his face was barely apart from Heero's. "What can I do? You're a beautiful thing to spy on." 

"As are you," Heero said with a grim lick of his lips, watching Duo's face for his reaction to that comment. There was another loud and noticeable roar of thunder outside as the weather started to get a little out of hand. The hiss of the rain pouring like a waterfall from the colony's weather mechanisms echoed through the silence that hung between the warm breaths between the two ex pilots. The lights all dimmed again at the following crackle of lightning that ripped through the stale colony air.  

Duo narrowed his eyes as he nibbled the tip of his tongue. He was about to open his mouth when there was the sudden sound of shouting and banging from outside, loud enough to drown out even the drumming pound of the phony torrent. "The hell?" he wondered aloud as he pulled himself up off his elbows. 

Heero swiveled around in his seat to watch Duo as he made his way from the kitchen towards the windows. Duo pressed his face against the glass, peering out into the wet darkness outside to the faintly glowing street below. Amused, he watched as Duo's mouth dropped into a frown and reached to wrench the window open. "Hey, you kids!" Duo shouted out into the night as he bent over the windowsill, his braid dripping over the ledge and out the window. "Yeah that's right, you in the orange! Can't you shut the hell up? Have you no consideration that I'm trying to make a move on my roommate up here while you bastards are screaming bloody hell down there!? What time is it anyway? You and your little friends should be in bed! …Eh? Same to you!" Heero shook his head hopelessly, Duo's lack of tact never failing to entertain him. Duo had never been one to butter things up with needless details to make it sound good. Whatever was on his mind was what came out on his tongue, no filter between the two. Duo turned around a little and said apologetically to Heero, "Hey, Hee-chan, just sit tight. These little puss ball suckers will be out of here in a minute—" Duo snapped back around, hanging even further out the window, pulling a knee up onto the windowsill as he screamed back down at the troublemakers on the road. 

Heero almost had to physically use his hand to turn his head away from the taunting sight of the leather material tightening over Duo's luscious little bottom as he drooped himself more out the window, and then had to mentally reprimand himself for letting his eyes stray like that. When he had gotten through all that, he had to try and figure out why he had been looking in the first place.

 "Huh, what's that you little punk?  …Goddamn, kid, stop trying to be all tough. Do you really think wandering around in a fake thunderstorm in the dead of night makes you a hero? …Huh, believe me, I do know about it so just shut up!" 

"Duo," Heero said quietly as he stood and started to walk over to the window. Duo's only reaction was to wave his hand back at his friend dismissively, as if to say he had it all under control. He kept at it anyway though, "Duo, just let it be!" 

"Like the song?" he turned around and grinned, water droplets flying from the tail of his braid as he whipped about, flashing Heero another wink from across the room before taking back to chasing away the loudmouths outside. "I'll tell you monsters again! Get outta here! …Huh, what will I do about it? Either I'll come down there and break every bone in your stupid little body so quick you'll barely know what hit you or I'll get my roommate over here to just kill you." 

"Now Duo, that's a little extreme, even for me," Heero chided with a warm smile that seemed very out of character to the American as he came over to join him by the window. Peering over Duo's shoulder he saw a group of teenagers all bunched together and waving their arms up at the window and shouting obscenities. 

"Ah, is that your roommate, you girly looking bastard?" one of the kids shouted up at Duo. Duo stuck out his tongue and waving his fist menacingly as the boy went on. "Hah, you're his little feminine man-whore, huh?" 

"Oh God, I'll kill him," Duo had his hands balled in two tight fists and was full ready to jump out the window, the only thing restraining him being Heero's tight grip around his waist. 

"Duo, Duo, stop being a moron!" Heero grunted as he jerked his friend away from the window, rather ungracefully dumping him on the floor beside him. "Why do you think he said that at all? You're getting worked up is exactly what he wanted to see. Don't reward him!" 

"Aw, easy for you to say," Duo grumbled, picking himself up and dragging himself back to the windowsill, large amethyst eyes peeking over the wooden ledge to see if they had gone yet. I just want some nice quiet time with my Hee-chan before I die; is that so fucking hard to ask?

"Duo, they're gone," Heero rocked Duo's crouching form gently with the back of his hand, his other deftly twirling his handgun around on his index finger. "To think that such a simple device could send such a rowdy lot scattering so damn quick." He laughed darkly as he laid the weapon down on the table beside the window. 

"You're a sadistic bastard," Duo said with a vicious grin up at Heero as his fingers started easing the green twisty that held his braid together. "God, look at how wet my hair is. It'll take a damn year to dry." 

"Serves you right for leaning out into the rain like that," Heero shrugged, pulling the window closed and locking the latch tightly, giving the thing a light rap to make sure it was secure. 

"Not that I mind or anything," Duo was saying from his spot on the floor as he flung his head forward, letting the long mane of chocolate tresses leak over and around his face, sweeping downwards into a damp puddle on the floor before him. "It's nice having my hair down like this, you know?" 

"It makes you look… different," Heero said in his nasal monotone, touching his lips thoughtfully with his thumb, his other fingers curling beneath his chin, still trying to figure out just what was changed about Duo when his hair was spilling free like that. He almost had it too, when he suddenly lost his visual. The lights softened again before snapping out in a white flash that seemed to engulf everything in its brief moment of dominance. 

"Gre-e-eat," he heard Duo whistle in the newfound darkness. He could barely make out Duo's lithe shape in the gloomy shadows, his wiry form outlined by the metallic bluish-white of the lightning outside when it crackled overtop of the city, painting highlights in the thick flow of brown hair that poured over his shoulders. "Shit, Heero, I can't even see three feet in front of me." 

"I'll get some candles," was the methodical answer to Duo's comment. He heard the shuffle of sock-clad feet on the wooden floor before the footsteps were muffled on the white carpet that lay between Duo and the kitchen. Leave it to Heero to know his damn apartment like the back of his hand, even in the godforsaken dark…. 

There was the sound of drawers opening and the faint chink of glasses, the swish of some kind of liquid and then those sock footfalls again. More clinking noises, this time much nearer, and the faint image of Heero stooping down to the floor, the whites of his eyes shining the blackened room. Duo soon found Heero pressing something somewhat soft into his hand, soon realizing that it was a candle. A burst of light as Heero kindled a small spark on the tip of a match and reached forward to light the wick of Duo's candle before going about setting light to the six other candles he had sitting on the floor beside him and the one he held in his own hand. 

The soft illumination rose upon a bit of a surprise. Duo's eyes widened a bit as Heero settled down more comfortably on the floor and pushed one of the goblets filled with dark red wine set on the ground amid the circle of flames towards his roommate, still without a word. Leaning against the wall beneath the window, he looked at Duo expectantly as he took the other glass himself, twirling the elegant stem of the vessel between his fingers, his eyes falling from Duo back to the wine. 

"This… this is nice, Hee-chan," Duo said, not quite sure what to make of the whole ordeal. It was more like some kind of crazy hopeful dream come true, only Duo was not sure that it was really happening. He can be so damn confusing sometimes, the American thought to himself as he lifted the glass. He was about to slam back the entire cup (God knew he needed something to settle his nerves), when he decided otherwise. Lifting the goblet out forward a bit, he said, "To life, Hee-chan." 

He looked up again, staring at Duo awkwardly, as if he was not quite sure what Duo was doing. Then he slowly extended his arm, even leaning over a bit so that he could click his goblet against Duo's as he responded, his usually dull voice drenched with an emotional sort of connotation that neither had ever heard before. "To… to life, Duo." 

Duo winked at Heero for the third time that night as he indulged in the pleasant taste of the wine. Good choice, Duo idly thought as he drained the entire glass in one gulp. He peered over the transparent rim of the cup to see Heero fondling his own goblet almost lovingly as he took his time, savoring each tiny sip of the tangy liquid. The only noise was the calm resonance of the rain falling steadily outside and the occasional thunderclap, which were now becoming less frequent. Whether or not the storm ended was not going to bring the power back, so they figured they would just enjoy the vintage feel the candlelight gave off in the cool night air. 

"So," Duo said with a heavy sigh and a little shrug as he sunk down against the back of the armchair so he was able to sit across from Heero. He was almost too busy drowning himself in the pool of enigmatic beauty opposite him, glowing like a real angel in the golden light right there before him, to bother paying attention to anything he was saying. But Duo was always like that when he was talking. "So, have you decided what's going on yet? When do we get to kick some shooting star ass?" 

Heero's lips cracked into a short-lived smile at Duo's comment before sinking back into that usual serious demeanor. "Tomorrow… tomorrow we are to with Wufei to meet at the spaceport. The Preventers have arranged a stealth shuttle for us and everything we'll need to get the job done. You'll have about, hmm, an hour or so I would estimate, to plant twenty remote mines on the ship while I go and make sure that Stella is taken care of."

"What about Relena?" Duo knew it was a touchy subject and he knew that Heero was probably not keen to talk about it. He also knew that Heero had been giving the woman a lot of thought. 

"We'll see when we get there," Heero said loosely, waving his almost empty glass in a neat 360 as he spoke. "It all depends. Her position is a very delicate situation, you know. I have no idea what in the hell she was thinking, turning herself over like that, unless there is the rare chance that she was kidnapped." 

"Do you think that's it?" Duo asked, lowering the candle he still held in his other hand low into his lap. The explanation seemed to fit the bill and it made sense enough to Duo anyway. 

"No," he said simply. He looked almost as if he were in disbelief about what he was going to say, his eyes still solemnly contemplating the glass in his hand as he went on. "She's protected far too well nowadays. After the Mariemeia incident, you know that there's no chance that anyone would let the same thing happen again. No, there has to be something else… some other motive as to why she would go up there on her own, especially when we told her specifically not to make herself conspicuous." 

Duo looked over at Heero from behind the strands of wispy chestnut bangs hanging over his wide violet eyes, saying uncertainly. "Maybe that's why she did it."

Heero narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe she turned herself over because we told her not to," Duo said pensively, touching the rim of his empty class against his cheek. "Though I think it's all sort of a silly notion—" here he laughed nervously—"Why would she do that, when you, no less, told her to stay put?"

Heero shook his head as if to say, "I don't think that has a thing to do with it." Duo could see how unbelievably stressed out the perfect soldier had become over all this. His hands were rattling and his eyes were dark, his lips pale and his hair even messier than usual. Suddenly, Duo's eyes widened. It seemed to be one of those slow-motion things that appears to come about over the span of an hour but really only occurred in split seconds; Duo watched in complete distress as the nerve wracked Heero went to try and take another taste of wine, only to bite right through the glass, the translucent lip of the goblet exploding into a burst of tiny fragments and wine. 

"You're so accident prone today!" Duo said, scooting over to where Heero sat, spitting up little pieces of glass into his hands. His lips were now cut and bloody, a dribble of the crimson liquid starting to leak from the corner of his mouth. Duo, without a single thought about it, reached to his sleeve and tore another strip of cloth from his shirt, using it to dabble at Heero's wounded lips. Wiping gently, he used his cloth-swaddled fingers to tenderly pry Heero's mouth open a bit, darting inside with the fabric to wipe away any glass shards that might still be inside. "At this rate, you'll kill yourself by just worrying about this mission." 

"Thinking about the morals and reasons is worse than the actual mission," Heero managed to spit out as Duo pulled the rag away from his mouth. His torn flesh was still bleeding freely, though the flow of the blood was not as thick as it had been before. 

"But you do anyway," Duo said softly, leaning his chin on Heero's shoulder. 

"You do, and then you get me thinking about it," Heero accused, fingering his tender lips. "I never used to question the missions until I met people like you… most of all you." 

"Hmm," Duo sighed into the fabric of Heero's green shirt, tapping his thigh in deep meditative considerations. He said nothing, for once not able to think of anything to say in response to such a comment. Besides, he was far too engrossed in being so close to Heero to bother with thinking up something witty to throw back in his face. Too busy torturing himself with that heavy scent of his and the warmth that the feel the bare skin of his shoulders sent coursing through his body, making him quiver, shivering. Glancing briefly to the side, he noticed that Heero had closed his eyes and was now leaning against the wall, obviously tired and hassled from the mind-taxing day. Blood still glistened in the creamy mixture of yellowed candle glow and the silver auxiliary lighting that faintly illuminated the wet outside world. He pulled back just a bit as so he could swallow the beautiful image of Heero dozing beside him, for the first time in a good few weeks, looking relaxed and peaceful as he ever had. Gingerly, Duo found himself fingering Heero's abused mouth, gently flicking blood droplets from those enticing pale lips curved in a sad frown. Soon he found himself softly burying his own mouth against the sleeping Heero's, licking away the reminiscent blood that still lingered on the skin of the object of his affection. 

Heero stirred, feeling the blanket of heat that poured over his skin. Half open eyes, Duo cuddled close… he was too tired to make a production out of it and let himself drift back to sleep…. 

—O—


	7. Stellar

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel

Part VI ~ Stellar 

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

—O—

Duo reclined back on the long red bench in the main terminal at the space port, his arms tucked behind his head, long chestnut toned braid snaking its way over the edge into a coil on the floor. His narrow body was covered with his long leather trench coat, serving as a sort of blanket in the chilly spaceport. The spaceport was a section of the colony that was separated from the rest, basically just a series of gateways for incoming and outgoing ships that were connected by a complex network of offices and passageways. Here in the main atrium, there was the quiet humdrum of people rushing to catch flights they were late for, checking baggage and buying tickets, though all the commotion was lost on Duo. From beneath his heavy eyelids, all he could see was the great expanse of outer space as it lay sprawling beyond the great skylights that covered the metallic ceiling above. He could see the watery glow of the Earth, hanging like a great shining sapphire in the galactic sky. 

Heero stood nearby, behind the bench, arms folded over his khaki buckle covered jacket, waiting crossly for Wufei. The Chinese boy was more than a half hour late, a detail that was driving Heero virtually insane. Obsessed with punctuality to the very second, Heero thought it should be common courtesy from the rest of the world to at least exercise similar habits. And while Duo seemed to be lost in his own world, staring up at the fading stars above, Heero could barely stand still, constantly shifting his weight, Prussian eyes darting over the crowd, ever searching out the tardy Wufei. 

"Where is he?" Heero grumbled under his breath, jamming his hands into the deep pockets of his coat. "This is getting to be ridiculous. He of all people should know that time is not something we have a lot of." 

Duo made a sound that resembled a hum and a sigh before he spoke dismissively. "Aw, don't worry about it so much Heero. 'Fei's probably got just as much as you on his mind. Give the poor guy a break." 

"He's not the one who has to actually go up there, Duo," Heero growled defensively. Fishing around in his pockets, he found his fingers toying nervously with the random objects stuffed into them: some old bits of paper and paperclips, his thin wallet, and taffy? Must have been Duo, Heero let his unsympathetic accusing stare fall onto the napping boy lying beside him as he fished out the few remaining pieces and the used candy wrappers, discarding the litter unceremoniously onto Duo's chest. God, he's always got his hands all over my things. 

"Hey," Duo groaned, shifting about on the bench, a motion that caused all the paper and sweets to roll onto the floor. "Hey, just because you don't like my little gifts doesn't mean you have to be so blatant about it."

"My jacket," Heero said possessively. Duo could feel those beautiful dark blue eyes, flecked with danger, glowering right through him without even having to turn around in the slightest bit. Heero's dark monotone cut across him like whiplash. "Ruin your own clothes, Maxwell. You can be so immature!" 

"Whatever you say," Duo closed his eyes again, tugging his own coat to cover his body more. He was freezing in that damn terminal! "It couldn't kill you to share once in a while."

"It couldn't kill you to ask," Heero answered tartly. "There are just some things that I don't need other people constantly pawing." 

"Yuy!" a deep familiar voice called out over the crowd. Heero turned his attentions away from Duo to see a heavily breathing Wufei, clad in a Preventers uniform complete with green and blue denim jacket and tight jeans, come walking (more like jogging) towards them, lugging a heavy black suitcase in one hand and a small palm computer unit in the other. "Goddamn, I'm so sorry! Got held up at the office, so I had to catch a later flight and then—"

"No big deal, 'Fei," Duo said with a wave of his hand from beneath his trench coat. He had pulled the beautiful garment up so that the collar was concealing his nose and mouth, his half lidded eyes barely visible from beneath the shadow of his messy bangs. His legs were casually crossed, one arm still shoved beneath his head. "Just don't let it happen again. It's almost like you wanted us to turn into icicles waiting for you here." 

Wufei arched a slender black eyebrow as he noticed Duo for the first time since he had arrived, obviously amused and a little bewildered at Duo's antics. He's one who doesn't change, Wufei mused to himself as he turned to face Heero again. "Anyway, I hope you both will forgive me for this terrible injustice. It's not fair of me to have you go through all this trouble for the Preventers and me and then we can't even get a representative to you on time." He offered the suitcase to Heero as he went on. "This is everything you two will need. The uh… 'package,' a few weapons you might find useful and all your flight information. That includes clearance codes, security details and such." 

"Thank you, Wufei," Heero said with a slight formal bow as he accepted the suitcase. As he set it down beside the bench, he reached over and ripped the coat from over top of Duo, slinging the fine black leather garment over his shoulder as Duo leapt to his feet, arms wrapped around his torso and jumping about in exaggerated frigidness. Heero barely gave Duo another glance while Wufei could hardly tear his eyes from the hyperactive American, the look on the Chinese boy's face a strange concoction of embarresment, confusion and delight.

Shaking his head, he too turned his focus away from Duo and went on speaking to Heero. And though it seemed like Heero was the only one paying any attention to what the ex Shenlong pilot was saying, Duo was full aware of every word that poured from Wufei's mouth, though his clowning around sure as hell did not let on. "You'll find you're spacecraft waiting for you in one of the private hangars on the other side of the facility. It's a new model, a speedy little stealth vessel that will get you over there in half the usual clocked time. The ship also is equipped with a mechanism for hacking into databases and changing anything that might make your approach look suspicious on enemy radar. The software you'll need is in the briefcase. …I think that's everything." Wufei absently tugged at the tongue of ivory hair at the nape of his neck as he pondered, hoping to high heaven there was nothing he had forgotten to say. 

"I can still contact you from the shuttle, right?" Heero asked. Wufei gave a quick nod, to which Heero said, "Then I will let you know if there is anything we need from you, alright?"

That seemed to comfort the normally well-composed Chinese. Wufei stood up straight, dropping his hands to his side, shaking his head as if to rid him of any weakness that had taken over in the past moments. Obviously Heero and Duo had not been the only ones mired in tense anticipation of Operation ASTROPHYLL. Then he put a hand to his forehead in a rigid salute as he said to the pair standing before him; "Good luck, Heero, Duo. We're all praying for you." 

"Good luck and goodbye, Wufei," Duo waved cheerfully before standing at attention and returning Wufei's good form. Heero also gave his Preventer friend a similar salute before turning quickly on his heel and tramping into the crowd, Duo quick on his heels, bomb filled suitcase in tow. 

Duo stood just behind Heero as his partner put in the security codes giving them clearance to the restricted Preventers hangar where their ship awaited. The door slid back with a quick hiss as Heero punched the last key, giving them entrance to another long corridor that branched off to separate launch docks. They walked along in silence, Duo barely able to keep the smiling mask on his face as they marched towards the end of the hangar the mood was so strange. He even had trouble making a comment about their dock number when they finally reached their destination. "Hn, 666. Hee-chan, we got the Devil's number! Guess it suits one who always had the Devil's luck!" 

"Hope your luck doesn't run out, Maxwell," Heero said forebodingly as he waited for Duo to step through the door. 

"I thought you didn't believe in luck, Mr. I'm-Too-Good-For-Chance," Duo jested tauntingly as the door slammed shut behind him, making him jump a bit in surprise before he nabbed the suitcase again and hurried after Heero across the catwalk.

The walkway wound around the perimeter of the large two storied room, surrounding a sleek green coloured spacecraft with short swept back thruster equipped wings and a small tail fin adorning its dorsal aft end sitting on a rotating turntable for launch. The ship was also outfitted with three good-sized booster rockets and seemed to be capable of donning additional rockets if necessary. Heero was silently trotting down the straight metal staircase that led from the catwalk down to the ground. Duo watched as the seemingly pitiless boy slowly treaded heavily around the craft, examining her underbelly and other mechanical endowments with obvious interest and fascination, each time his sneaker clad foot hit the floor, a loud hollow echo resonating through the hangar. 

"Pleased, are you?" Duo called, setting the suitcase down and leaning on the railing that lined the catwalk's edge. "She's a very beautiful ship, a work of art if you will. Hmm, like my old buddy. I remember being told the very same thing about Deathscythe."

Heero made a noise of affirmation, confirming to Duo that he had heard and acknowledged the remark. Either the young Japanese was too engrossed with surveying the vessel or that he was barefaced ignoring Duo. Whichever it was, Duo shrugged it off with one of his classic smiles, letting Heero go on being himself. After all this time, Duo had accepted that Heero just sometimes dealt with things that way, that's all. 

"It's obviously a very advanced shuttle," he said after a while, climbing back up the stairway to where Duo stood. "It will get the job done." 

"Yeah?" Duo raised a brow, spinning around as so he could lean on the banister, draping his elbows over the cold iron rail as he slouched into a lax half standing, half sitting position, one leg bent at the knee, the other stretched out before him. "Hmm, but do you think that we'll be able to get the job done?" 

"It all depends on how things play out," Heero said somewhat grimly. "Let's hope for a little of your Devil's luck, shall we?" 

Duo touched his forehead in a playful mock salute as he winked and said, "Got a lifetime's worth of that and then some to share!" 

The corner of Heero's mouth rose into a hardly noticeable smile that probably would have been lost on any eye but Duo's. The smile gone almost as quickly as it arose, Heero got back to business before Duo had a chance to say a word about it. "Seems like we'll have a good deal of viruses to upload onto their mainframe if we're going to get anywhere near them without notice. I'll let you pilot so I can concentrate on doing just that." 

"Well it is a stealth ship," Duo rolled his eyes with a joyful laugh. Then he went on to jest at Heero's pride, an ever-amusing way to spend words. "Ha, are you sure it's just that you know that I'm the one who's got slick shuttle maneuvering down? You just don't want to have to admit that I'm better than you at something."

While Heero knew that he and Duo's skills in the cockpit were pretty much even, what Duo said was true: there was no way he would ever admit aloud that there was something Duo could do better. And just so it would not seem that Duo was the wittier of the two (though the truth on that was also something Heero did not want to come to terms with), Heero found time to snap at Duo before heading off to retrieve some spacesuits from the lockers by the door, "You've got one immature head on your shoulders, Maxwell. It's idiocy like that which will get us killed." 

With his back was to Duo, he missed seeing the braided American stick his tongue out after him.

Slouched in the pilot's seat in the cramped cockpit was a very chilly Duo. He had left his leathers behind in the hangar's locker and was now wearing nothing more than an almost scandalously short pair of old worn boxers and a loose fitting sleeveless tee that proclaimed the words "Sex and Candy" in scrawled black letters. Uncomfortable in those constricting spacesuits, his space gear was crammed beneath the chair, rolled up and stuffed into his helmet until he was ready to slip into it... right next to where he had ditched the suitcase and his tin flower embossed radio, an item he could barely even dream of leaving behind. Heero sat beside him in the other seat, arms folded and eyes closed, his usual green shirt rolling off his shoulders and his legs covered in that delicious tight spandex, not leaving much to Duo's very inventive imagination. 

They were waiting for Heero's computer to finish uploading the mission data into the ship's files, and while Heero seemed to be taking it all very calmly no matter how mad his insides were, Duo was physically going nuts. Squirming for what seemed to be the hundred thousandth time in his seat, changing positions yet again, he said, "Aw, is it finished yet, Hee-chan?" 

A narrow cobalt eye slit open the tiniest bit, surveying the computer that sat wired to the control panel before him. "Almost. Give it five more minutes. You can go ahead and start activating the dock's turntable." 

"Roger that, .01," Duo said with a gleeful wink in Heero's unnoticing direction, finally glad to have something to do. Heero might have been able to wait patiently a half hour for an upload, but Duo could barely sit through five minutes of cartoons without fidgeting, so it was pretty imaginable what agony he had been going through during that time. He reached over and lifted the clear cover that capped the red switch that controlled the large rotating wheel beneath the ship. Surprisingly adept fingers flying over the keypad beside the red switch, inputting the degree of turn he wished the wheel to move, the ship began to slowly revolve clockwise until its rounded nose was facing the enclosed runway, the end of which was still air locked. The second Heero's records finished downloading onto the ship's CPU, Duo was ready to punch in the airlock codes and send that baby hurtling out of there. But until then, Duo could only wait. Smoothing his hair for the twenty-eighth time (that he had been counting), he weaved his fingers together and slid them between the back of his head and the chair's headrest and closed his eyes. Silence…. 

"Hee-chan?"

The response came slowly, as if from a man who was slowly waking up. "Yeah?" 

"What would you die for?" 

A quick undisputed answer this time; "Peace." 

"Oh," Duo sighed, sinking deeper into the chair. It was always hurt him to think that Heero was so willing to die for an ideal that was inconceivable to attain perfectly. "But Heero, if you did die, what would that prove? You'd never get to see if what you were fighting for was ever attained. Wouldn't you want to be able to embrace whatever it was you had been willing to dedicate your existence to?" 

"Well if that's how you feel, what would you die for?" His voice was direct and concise. 

Duo had not expected the question, but he knew that Heero was waiting for a sincere honest answer. When he spoke in reply to Heero's question, his words came from the heart. He wasted no time thinking; everything he said was exactly how he felt at that exact moment. "I would die to protect my friends… for you…. If dying meant that I could leave a safe world behind for them to live in, then it's all okay."

"But you just said that it was not worth throwing your life away for something you could not enjoy afterwards," Heero said quickly. His words had come rapidly, as if to beat Duo at his own game, though confusion and curiosity could most certainly be heard on his tongue. 

Duo shook his head with one of his bleak mysterious smiles as he sat back up, dropping his hands into his lap. "If it's a thing, then it's not worth it, but when it comes to people you care about, then it is." 

"You care that much about the others, even though you've barely spoken to them in years?" Heero asked as the computer let out a solid little chirp to signal the success of the upload, leaning forward to finish the process. His fingers stopped working over the keys for a second as he finished his train of thought. "You care that much about me? You treat me like I'm your brother." 

Duo reached across the console that rested between the two pilot's seats and covered Heero's hand with his own as he said reassuringly. "Of course I do Heero. You're closer to me than any brother could be. You know, I understand how hard life's been for the other guys. It's been hard for us too, but we still find reasons to keep on living."

"Hn," Heero nervously jerked his hand away from Duo's warm touch, quickly returning to his work on his laptop. The encouragement from Duo only managed to make Heero's sentiments do cartwheels and other ridiculous aerobatics (the kind of stuff Trowa would be proud of), mudding his true feelings even more. He had no idea what to think anymore. "Ah, you can launch now, Maxwell," he said efficiently, trying to rid the strange amiable mood in the air between them. 

"You got it, .01," Duo winked again, his jovial facial expression this time discerned by a somewhat pleased Heero. Duo went about preparing the launch, opening the locks that kept the ship firmly clamped to the turntable and opening up the airlock at the end of the runway. He could see the glowing route markers that extended from the end of the shielded runway before they melted into little white dots that were indistinguishable from the rest of the twinkling stars. Then, gripping the double handled thruster lever, he rammed it forward with all the passion of one who was destined to live amongst the stars, sending their ship sailing out into the depths of the universe, towards death, life and the future. 

Hours had passed and now they were just outside of the L3 sector. Duo slowed the powerful ship to a more natural speed, watching as the grey L3 colonies sprang out of the gloomy black before them, looming up in a dark grim kind of beauty. But just outside of the sector was something that most certainly did not belong amongst the peaceful space colonies. It was a long silver spacecraft, obviously qualified for intergalactic travel and a vast array of other sophisticated untapped capabilities. 

"That's it?" Duo said solemnly as the ship grew larger before them. Then he commented in a much more leisurely tone, "You know, at this speed, it will be another hour or so before we get there."

"Yeah, I know. It's fine" Heero said simply, twirling a compact disk loaded with the essential virus to jam the enemy star cruiser's radar and cover up their approach. His eyes skimmed the control panel, searching for the required driver to use the data. "Hn," he grunted when he found it, fixed above Duo's seat on the curving roof of the cockpit. "Excuse me, Duo," he said as he leapt from his chair and, before Duo even realized what had happened, was straddling the American boy in a rather suggestive arrangement as he reached up to the device, fumbling with the disk as he slid it into the drive. "Damn silly place for the system," Heero muttered as he worked. "I hope I'm not in your way, Maxwell," he said with a slight twinge of concern in his tone as he gave the top of Duo's head a quick glance before returning to his codes. 

"Not at all. It's on autopilot for now, anyway," Duo said with a sly grin. Heero was obviously too dense to realize what a position he was in while he was so preoccupied with his hacking. Not that Duo minded or anything. He was rather enjoying the view. 

"Hn, okay," Heero said with a furrowed brow, "because this might take a little more time." He shifted the position of his knees, in avertedly brushing his hips against Duo as he strained to get closer up to the console above. His sharp ears piqued at the low groan Duo made as he did so, and a quick glance downwards found the braided boy cuddled rather comfortably against his thigh. He shook it off, telling himself that it was just the close confines of the cockpit and nothing more. Nothing, nothing… or it's just Duo being himself… so it's just nothing…. 

Heero altered his knee positions yet again, looking down for a moment once more, hesitating about whether or not he should ask… he did anyway. "Un, Duo, can you give me a leg up?

"Gladly," Duo answered, that devious grin still adorning his beautiful pale rose lips. He had to suppress another moan as Heero lifted his knee to Duo's shoulder, the other now resting on the narrow armrest. Duo found himself with his hands beneath Heero's one thigh, pushing up upwards, not about to miss the chance for such close contact. Duo closed his eyes wistfully, Better enjoy it Maxwell, 'cause it's the closest Heero Yuy would ever let you get to him. You could love him with every inch of your soul, but he could never love you back. Not the way you love him…. 

There was a beep from the control panel, a real time message from Wufei coming up on the main screen between the two seats. The somewhat distorted picture of Wufei on the screen seemed a little intrigued by the sight he beheld on his end of the line. Behind him sat Sally and Lady Une, each showing their equal amusement in her own way. 

"I do hope we're not interrupting anything," Une said with a little knowing grin. 

A beet red Duo peered around Heero's slender body to see the screen and the three Preventers smiling back at him. He waved and said in his usual cheer ridden voice, "Aw, yeah right. Like there would be much to interrupt here." 

"Well you just seemed… occupied," Wufei said blankly, trying his best to avert Duo's not so innocent curious countenance, keep a straight face and not let either of the women behind him realize it. 

"Oh I was," Duo answered ambiguously, his shining indigo eyes narrowing slightly in a devilish gaze. "So what's up 'Fei? Anything so out of shape that it required you, your boss and your boss's boss to send a message all the way up here?" 

"Nothing of the kind!" Wufei said indignantly, the look on his face radiating a want to reach through the screen and strangle Duo with his own braid. "You really are still that bumbling little brat I knew so long ago. How discriminatory of you to assume so!" 

"We were just worried," Une said kindly, placing a calming hand on the young Chinese boy's shoulder. Sally nodded in agreement as Une spoke. "It's been so long since we saw either of you face to face, and Wufei said that you both seemed so worked up about this… I hope it's not asking too much of you to carry out the mission."

"It's nothing," Heero's voice boomed over Duo's little whimper of dismissal at their concerns, his body accidentally slamming against Duo once more, the action stifling anything more that Duo was going to say. "This is nothing we can't take care of."

"Are you sure?" Une asked. "Wufei said that you would have to be blind not to notice how tense the pair of you seemed. Because it's not too late for you to pull out—"

Heero cut her off, not bothering to turn around anymore as he went back to his files, speaking shortly and somewhat frigidly. "I would never even consider it. There is far too much riding on this to stop now. There's just been a lot of… stuff going on right now." 

"Heero," Sally tried to say something, but Duo didn't give her the chance. 

"You heard the man," he said gleefully. "We have it all under control! It's like one great big video game! Turning off the system now only means that you lose. Losing is not an option with Duo Maxwell! Especially losing video games!" 

"If that's what you feel is justice," Wufei said with an indistinguishable sigh, "then by all means, Godspeed. I wish you well on your mission to regain peace. An autocracy is not what the world needs right now." 

"You said it, 'Fei," Duo winked and gave the trio a thumbs up sign. "Well we really should be going now. Time waits for no man, and it certainly ain't going to slow down for the likes of us." He cast a quick look up at Heero, his mouth pursed in a tight unemotional line. But I swear it would wait for you, he thought as he let his eyes rove the fine definition of Heero's jaw. He reached forward, his arm snaking around Heero's muscled legs, shoulders rubbing against the Japanese boy as he did so, and cut the transmission with another wink serving as a goodbye before any of them could say another word. He had never been one for drawn out goodbyes and all that sappy jazz. It hurt too much, and Duo liked to avoid as much of that as possible. 

"Duo, did you really mean what you said about giving your life for your friends?" Heero asked when they were surrounded by silence once again, his question tumbling from an unknown realm that Duo had barely even expected, much less prepared to greet. 

"Of course I did," Duo said proudly, a little hurt that Heero would doubt anything he had said. "You know I don't lie. Why would I tell you something if it weren't true?" 

"I don't know," Heero said quietly. Realizing what he had said, he quickly amended for it. "I'm sorry, Duo. I didn't mean to doubt you." 

Duo smiled, pleasantly surprised and quite touched by Heero's apparent concern for his feelings. "It's absolutely okay, Heero."

"Would you… die for the mission?" he asked, his eyes still focused on his tinkering above, not looking once down at Duo, though whether it was because he was truly absorbed in his work or because he did not wish to meet Duo's eyes. Somehow, Duo felt it was more the latter than the former. 

"It's a thing, Heero," Duo shook his head. "It's not worth dying for. I told you, only the ones I care about. This mission is something that will make the world a better place but… no one I love is in jeopardy right now, so there isn't a sense of urgency that I must carry this out at the expense of my life." 

"Hn." He was quiet for a while, not saying anything more as he went about with uploading the compact disc's data into the computer, unaware of how his tiniest movements and rubs affected his chestnut haired partner. He seemed to be musing over what Duo said, tossing it around his logical brain until he could not bear it anymore. "But Duo, God knows what could happen if Stella is allowed to survive! You know, it could mean the end of many colonies, many lives, including Quatre, Trowa, Wufei and the others." 

"I want to live for this moment right now!" Duo argued back. "I can't be like you Heero! I wanted to, during the war. I tried really hard to be like you, cold and uncaring, always worried about the mission, never questioning orders… but I can't do that! I can't be like you!"

"So you think that just doing whatever you want is the way to go about things? Do you really think that's wise?" Heero's voice was defensive and on the attack simultaneously. Duo could feel Heero's muscles tensing up beneath his fingers as he spoke, his whole body quivering with passion or rage (though which, Duo could not tell). 

"You have to be able to go on without regretting anything! That's what you said!" Duo snapped. He could see his words had hit home. Heero's gaze tightened as his motions became more and more mechanical. 

Nevertheless, Heero found it inside himself to pursue this battle of words. He said in a rather callous voice, "But just pretending like everything will be okay isn't going to work all the time. Sometimes you do what you want to, but others you do things you have to. This mission is something we have to do."

"No it's not!" Duo dug his fingers into the smooth fabric of Heero's black bicycle shorts, offering a bit more leverage and five finger presses of pain. "You didn't have to do this. You did it because your heart told you to, didn't you, Heero? Heero!" 

Heero was not saying anything as Duo shook him roughly until he could not take any more of the American's incessant badgering. "Yes, it's what my heart told me to do. So why do you question my motives? If you don't like putting your life on the line for the greater good, Maxwell, then why come with me? If you're just so selfish to only worry about the people you know… then why did you…?"

"Because I wanted to. You're putting yourself in harm's way and I care about you!" Duo sent his language rocketing up at Heero with another fiery shake. "I couldn't let you go and risk your life alone! Not when you're the most important person in my life right now." 

"Duo—"

"And what about you?" Duo went on, his voice rising in volume. Heero could feel the sharp movements of his friend as he reallocated himself in the seat. "Why are you doing this? Why not just leave it to the Preventers?"

"Because they asked me to do it," Heero answered blandly. "…Because Wufei and Sally asked me to do it. You might call it a favour. Besides, you must not have forgotten that I am employed by their department for just this kind of thing." 

"You're sure it's not for… for her is it?" 

"Of course it's not," he snapped, offended that Duo would even dream of suggesting such a thing. "She just happens to have put herself in the middle of much bigger things." 

"As always, it seems," Duo mused dryly. 

"She has mistaken my dream to keep peace a living reality for a dream that I protect her because of… love. It was all honor that kept me protecting her, and she thought that was love!" He was cold as he spoke. Duo could tell by the way he spoke his words that he was often troubled by this very issue. "I don't want that. She doesn't realize that not everyone's dreams are the same! I don't need a sugary relationship like that! It's fake and idealistic and she knows it. She doesn't love me for who I am, as an equal." 

"Is that true, Heero? You're not just telling me that because you don't want me to see into your heart!" Duo exclaimed in that loud passion filled voice of his. "Because you have a tendency to do that, you know? Hiding your emotions and all that shit! Did you ever love her?" 

"Maybe," he said softly, his tone completely different than it had been before. Then he shook his head, "No. No, that was not love. She helped me see the world differently, but then again… all of you did. So no, I did not love her. Not like that." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Why… do you care so much?" His voice was seeking truth beneath that gruff snarl, Duo could tell. There was something in his eyes that said it. Heero's dark cobalt eyes… they spoke volumes if one was willing to look. "You could die up here! There's a good chance that neither of us will get out of there alive! Do you understand me, Duo? We could very well be killed! We might be dead in a few hours!" 

"…I'm in love with you." Duo blurted it out, his tone quieter, voice cracking as tears budding in the corners of his eyes as the words spilled out. He could not hide it any longer, nor try to suppress the growing feelings for his friend that had been kindling inside. It hurt too much to keep it a secret… hurt far too much. Heero's fingers stopped. Duo could feel the perfect soldier's body seem to just freeze in time right there. Oh he heard it all right, Duo thought as he squinted his eyes shut, waiting for Heero to come flying down to tear his hair out and rip away his tongue. He kept speaking, his voice tiny and meek, suddenly quivering with fear at what Heero thought about him now. "It's true; I am. I've always been." 

"Duo," Heero breathed. The words kept replaying over and over in his head. I'm in love with you…. But by the time it actually registered what Duo had said, the braided pilot had slid from the pilot's seat and was now climbing out from between the two chairs. 

Before he made his escape from the cockpit, reached down and pressed a large white button saying in a voice that concealed any emotion Duo might have been feeling at the time from the perfect soldier, hiding the confusion, fear and bewilderment that swirled through his conscience. Suddenly Heero felt the gravity simulation on the ship fade away, his body beginning to float upwards. Wrapping his legs around the headrest to moor him in a suitable position for his work, he quietly went about finishing up his job as he heard Duo mutter. "There, that'll save on power. I'm sorry, Heero." 

It had been barely five minutes since Duo had gone. Five agonizing minutes during which Heero quickly finished uploading the virus into the enemy starship; five silent minutes without the mindless prattle of the American chatterbox; five lonely minutes since the braided one had admitted that he was in love; five minutes… alone… 

I'm in love with you…. 

He sank down into the pilot's seat Duo had just been sitting in. The fabric was still warm from where Duo's bare legs had stuck to the brown leather and Heero could feel the way the chair had molded against the American's slim form after so much time being situated there. He gripped the thin armrests beneath the thruster levers on either side of the chair, keeping himself mired down on the seat in the zero gravity. Why do I care so much…? 

I'm in love with you…. 

Heero could see the starship in the inky sky ahead, still at least twenty minutes away from their current position. He let go of the armrests, savoring the weightless feeling that surged through him as he floated out of the chair. He let himself topple around there, not paying any mind to where or what was around him. Closed eyes, crossed legs and folded arms as he spun around in the cavity behind the pair of seats that were sunk before the bright control panels. It feels… like I'm falling…. I've never felt so lost and alone. Why now? Why can't I keep my mind on the mission? His eyes squinted shut tighter, his brow crinkling as the thoughts tumbled through his mind just as he tumbled about the cockpit, unable to find direction or meaning in anything. 

Heero…. 

His eyes slowly opened once more as he swam over to the other seat and descended down into it. He pulled the harness around his body to keep him in place as he reached forward and typed a code into the computer's mainframe. A small screen slid out from beneath the panel beneath him as he went on keying more into the control panel beside him. 

Heero… I… 

The screen illuminated and brought up an image split into four quarters, each revealing a camera's view of different regions of the ship. Though it was not a very large craft, and finding Duo would have been simple, Heero was not willing to intrude on his solitude. If Duo wants to be away from me right now, then I need to respect that, he reasoned as his eyes fell upon the little screen. He saw a black and white image of Duo holding himself beneath a small window in the living quarters towards the rear of the ship, watching the stars, his slender bare feet hanging in midair. Punching a few more keys, he made the image grow to take up the entire monitor, sound now filling the tiny speakers that flanked either side of the unit. He could hear him singing. Singing…. 

"Meet me in outer space.

We could spend a night,

Watch the Earth come up.

I've grown tired of that place.

Won't you come with me?

We could start… again…."

"I want to hear you sing to me more often," Heero said to the colourless image before him. Duo was still holding onto the white metal handle beside the porthole with one hand, the other touching the glass of the window as if he wanted to melt through the transparent barrier and meld with the heavens. "Don't go away, Duo. Don't leave me. If you go, how can you sing for me?" Heero would certainly miss hearing his voice. 

"How do you do it?

Make me feel like I do?

How do you do it?

It's better than I ever knew.

"Meet me in outer space.

I will hold you close,

If you're afraid of heights.

I need you to see this place.

It may be the only way,

That I can show you how it feels,

To be inside… of you…."

The white shirt was slipping down over Duo's muscled shoulders, the fabric floating around him in the antigravity environment. His little red shorts hugged his lithe form tightly, his long chocolate tinted hair swelling about in every possible direction, each pleat of silky brown lingering as if frozen in the air. Duo touched his forehead against the window, no longer looking out at the expanses of space as it lazily meandered by. Heero tapped a few more keys, making the camera zoom in closer, towards his friend's pale figure. It was only when the frame was almost nearly filled with Duo's head and upper torso that Heero could see the tiny round tears floating around his large eyes, dampening his dark lashes and shining on his cheeks. He had never seen tears in zero grav before. He had never cried in space. 

"How do you do it?

Make me feel like I do?

How do you do it?

It's better than I ever knew.

"You are stellar…

You are… stellar…

…Stellar…." 

Heero smiled quietly as he heard Duo's whimsical voice crackle over the speakers. Duo could listen on his radio to music however much he wanted; Heero would still rather hear Duo sing. "Just don't… go away. You can… love me if that's what will keep you by my side." His face became gloomy at this, his eyes more downcast and clouded than usual as he went on whispering to himself. "It's me who should be sorry, Duo. No matter how much you love me, I can't love you back. I can feel nothing. A soldier can feel… nothing…." 

Heero… I….

"Nothing…."

Heero… I love you…. 

—O—


	8. Big Machine

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel

Part VII ~ Big Machine

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

—O—

"I know you're blackmailing me," Relena said to the woman sitting across from her, as she fingered the object Stella had just handed her. One glance at the finer details printed on those strips of negatives had done nothing other than boil her blood. "I know you're trying to get at me for some motive that is not yet clear, and by God, you are doing an excellent job." 

"If you are so apprehensive about my doings, then why cooperate so easily?" Stella raised a brow as she brought her teacup to her full red lips. Peering over the rim of the little white cup, she watched the young woman with dirty blondish brown hair, waiting for her reaction to these words. Seeing no change in her face, Stella went on. "Do you really think that I would be so dishonourable as to forget our agreement? If you cooperate with us, then Duo Maxwell will be dead by the end of the week."

"What is it that is so important to you that you would bother to go through this trouble to please me?" Relena said, her voice still ringing with that diplomatic air that she had developed over the years of political speaking. She still thought that killing Duo was a bit drastic, but whatever it took to keep Heero free for her to move in seemed fine by her, and since this was how Stella seemed to operate, so be it. 

"We are all that remains of the old Barton Foundation, as I'm sure you know," Stella replied, her voice dangerously calm. "As the Foundation was associated with the colonies and their want for revenge on Earth… well, let's just say any action we take can be traced back up here, to the space colonists."

"You're going to make this look like a kidnapping, aren't you?" she said, realizing what Stella's need for her was at last. The puzzle pieces were beginning to slide together and even she did not need Heero's strategist brain to figure it all out anymore. 

"Something like that," she said with a knowing smile. Her expression was dark and cold, like an iron mask that meant nothing but evil ambition. "We can spin together a good story that everyone will eat right up. You're abduction will lead to nothing but another war. Don't you see, Miss Relena? All you can bring to the people is war. You're thoughts that you can do more to bring about a peace that is as fragile as a wisp of smoke, with which one breath of air, can vanish forever until another match is lit, only to be blown out once more, are naïve and wrought with the misconceptions of an innocent mind that has not seen the true extent of war. You have not been on the battlefield. You do not know the life that fighting brings to the everyday soldier, to the everyday man!" 

She lowered her head, knowing in her heart that at least part of what Stella had told her was true. She still was like a little child who had only caught brief glimpses of the real world through barely ajar door. "I suppose there is nothing I can do to stop you then," she said at last. 

"No, no there is not," Stella answered, setting her tea aside and crossing her legs neatly at the ankles. "Not this late in the game anyway. But that does not mean that it is too late for you. As I said, I would still like to help you attain what you desire. All this time you have been arguing and fighting for other people. Don't you think it's time you took what you wanted? Don't you think it's time you did something for yourself?" The look on Relena's face said everything Stella needed to know without any words at all. She had the girl trapped, her naivety being her ultimate weakness in the end. "Besides, you are my esteemed guest. Anything at all to make your stay more enjoyable…."

"You would bring Heero to me?" She looked hopeful. Her little girl's infatuation with the perfect soldier still remained, even after all these years of Heero dropping subtle (and then some not so subtle) hints about his feelings towards her. She would not accept being a mere acquaintance. The former Queen of the World would not settle for second best, especially when second meant falling a slot behind one Duo Maxwell. 

"I get to eliminate a Gundam pilot if I do," she said with a forbidding laugh. "And then I can rope in another. Your request benefits me as well."

"It seems you win out no matter what happens," Relena muttered under her breath.

"You are not in a position to make commentary about what is fair," Stella snapped, hearing the grumbling of the Vice Minister. "Besides, if I help you with your one selfish little wish, then what should you care about anything else?"

"Selfish?" Relena had never tagged the word with her want for Heero before, but suddenly it seemed that there was no other word to describe it. She decided she did not care. I have to do some things for myself, she told herself determinedly. At least about that, Stella is correct.

"Don't tell me you never thought of it like that before," the woman scoffed. It was frightening the way she seemed almost psychic, able to pick up on whatever train of thought had been chugging through her mind at the time. "But it's alright, Miss Relena. It's okay to be selfish once in a while." 

Relena narrowed her eyes. She could see how Stella was angling this. "Ma'am, a person in my position can't afford to be selfish. Look what it will do now." 

"Well maybe you should have listened to your friends," Stella remarked, her eyes boring right through the young Vice Minister. "Don't think like we're some kind of trite operation here, Miss Relena. While our attempts to finish of a few of the Gundam pilots might have backfired, bugging your offices seemed to be no problem. Quite simple, really," at this she let out a wild laugh, covering her mouth with the back of her hand until the dark giggles subsided. "Funny that now you want to betray the very two who had been working to protect you." 

"Heero always protects me," she said sharply in the perfect soldier's defense. "He loves me, I'm sure of it."

"He protects you out of love?" Stella raised an eyebrow. "Love or duty?" 

"Of course love!" Relena exclaimed. 

Stella shook her head, realizing how insecure the girl was in her emotions. Stella had never even met Heero Yuy face to face, and still, she could tell from her soldiers' reports, profiles and other such data, that the ex pilot worked to uphold peace, peace and nothing more. "If that is what you believe, then it is true as far as you are concerned. And if it's not true, then perhaps you will learn the truth… unless you feel you can teach him to love you." 

"I can," she nodded resolutely. "I know I can. Once he gets around the obstruction of his responsibilities, his obligations to protect his fellow comrades-at-arms, then he will have a life with which he can love." 

"Is that why you want pilot .02 out of the way?" Stella prodded. Not that she cared much for the Vice Minister's reasons, but it would have been an interesting thing to hear. She was… curious. 

"I…."

Stella heard the hesitation in her voice and understood immediately that Relena was indeed jealous of all the attention that pilot .02 received from .01. No one needed magic or clairvoyant abilities to be able to determine that much. "You want to be the sole person in his life?"

"I… I know it really is selfish to want something so extreme," she whispered softly to the sweaty ball of hands that lay nervously in her lap. "But I…." 

A soldier suddenly burst into the little conference room. Standing at rigid attention, his hand pressed to his forehead in a salute, he said efficiently. "Commander! There is something on the main screen you should see."

Stella stood, the friendly airs she had exercised between the Peacecraft girl and she suddenly gone, the connotations of a leader now back and flowing through her veins like blood. "What is it, soldier?"

"You should really come see it," the soldier motioned for his commander to follow. Relena found herself being dragged after the pair, listening with intrigue as the combatant filled Stella in on what the crew up on the bridge had been alerted of. "An unidentified ship," he was saying as they entered the bridge area. "It's sitting right there in the docking bay, but no one here has been able to understand how it got so close to us without any warnings. And another thing…."

Stella arched a brow quizzically, waiting for him to go on.

"All the soldiers stationed in the docking bay are dead." He spoke somewhat nervously, the quavering in his voice giving it all away. "Shot neatly from behind, through the head, every one of them, like some kind of grotesque assassination." 

"Is there something wrong with the security on the ship?" Stella asked, her voice suddenly tinged with the poison of a viper. One wrong answer, and the soldier was sure to end up dead.

He chose his words carefully. "We're not sure. Everything was in order when we ran the system's virus scan. If there is something wrong, it's not coming up on the check." 

Stella crossed her arms in thought before turning to face the screen again. That little ship…. 

"I know that ship." Stella looked up to see Relena staring at the screen with wide eyes. "It's a Preventers stealth craft. Top secret weapon actually; they're still developing it." 

"Interesting," Stella mused. 

Just then, another soldier made a cry of alarm. He jumped from his seat, throwing his headset to the control panel as he shouted up to his commander in a worried and urgent voice, "Unauthorized movement down in the ship's hold! Looks like an intruder!" 

"Bring it up," Stella ordered. The image of the Preventers ship slid to the corner of the screen as the officer maximized the surveillance footage of the entire ship. Many split screens came up, showing different areas of the star cruiser, dark and shadowy and indefinite in picture. 

"There is nothing," another soldier commented, looking up at the screen.

"Wait, just wait," Stella waved the comment off, her eyes still fixated on the screen. Then her brow furrowed. "There! Did you see it?" A dark shadow that melted into the rest of the darkness flitted across one screen. "Get a team together to find out what it is!" 

"It's pilot .02," Relena said blandly, staring up at the screen as if in a trance. "Duo Maxwell is on board this ship, with Heero, I'm sure. They've come to stop you, Stella." 

—O—

Duo was crouched in the black shadows, curled up in the piping that ran along the ceiling over a passageway that cut along the keel of the ship. His legs and arms were wrapped around the piping as he fixed another one of the round palm sized explosives to the ceiling. His purple eyes were focused so intently on the tiny yellow numbers that glowed in the shadows, that he was barely able to keep a watch from the corner of his eye. He had to be careful, constantly looking out for anyone who might have been wandering down that corridor. Quick to duck up into the shroud of darkness above, kill or be killed, was the only way that Duo saw fit to run the operation. Dangerous work, sure, but someone had to be stupid enough to do it. 

"Twenty minutes, he says," Duo growled under his breath as he finished setting the weapon. "He's pretty fucking self confident to think that he can pull an assassination, save the damn girl and pull his partner out of here in twenty fucking minutes! So much for having a damn hour, for Chrissakes!" 

He shimmied about two meters along the piping, further down the corridor. He reached down to the pouch that hung about his waist, feeling past the remote detonator (just in case a premature explosion proved to be needed) for another mine. Last one, he thought with an evil smile. The fireworks sure as hell will be pretty. Just call it an early Fourth of July present, courtesy of Duo Maxwell, L3. 

He had been so wrapped up in his work, he really had lost track of peering out of the side of his vision for anyone sneaking up behind him. It was rather unceremonious the way someone had padded up beneath him and yanked him from the ceiling with a hard tug on his stray braid, almost as if whoever it was had known his every trick and tactic, known just how and where to look…. Once he got over the initial shock of being wrenched away from his explosives and actually opened his eyes, letting the large violet orbs focus on the smug looking blond figure bent over him, he could do nothing but suck in gasps of shock. "Miss Relena Darlian! The hell are you doing!? What makes you think you can just go around touching my hair like that! Way uncool!" 

"Thought you would be up to try and stop this, Mr. Maxwell," she said darkly as she squatted down next to his sprawled out body. It hurt him to move. There was some mysterious pain shooting down his back and pounding through his chest. "Hmm, you two really are something else. They would never have known what was going on if it weren't for me."

"Have you gone completely off your rocker?" he exclaimed, trying to sit up, failing miserably. "I thought you were Miss Pacifism, Miss Don't-Fight-Chuck-Your-Weapons-Down-the-Shit-Hole-and-all-that-Jazz!" 

"Long winded title I seem to have gotten for myself," she snapped maliciously. "You're not really in a spot to be making smart remarks."

Duo managed a tiny shrug. "Never am, but that don't stop me, now does it, Miss Darlian." 

"No, no it wouldn't," she sighed. "You always were the tenacious one."

"And Heero's the indestructible one, so there!" Duo stuck his tongue out at her, scrunching his face up as he reveled in the action he had wanted to perform in her presence in quite a long time. "What're you gonna do about that now?"

"We'll see," she said with a dark grin that Duo decided he did not like seeing on her face. She may have been kind of cold towards him more often than not, but such a sadistic expression most certainly did not belong on the face of darling little innocent idealistic romantic girl next door. It was definitely one of the more frightening things he had seen. "Hmm, you could do with a little… hmm…." That look still would not go away as she looked up as if contemplating just "what" Duo could use a little of. She stood and made a motion with her hand. From the darkness, two soldiers came out of nowhere, clad in their smart boy scout looking uniforms, machine guns hanging over their shoulders menacingly as they approached Relena and the barely conscious Duo. "Pick him up. Don't bother being delicate," she was saying. "I think it's time the two of discussed what we really want out of life."

He could taste the blood pouring from the corner of his mouth, both from biting his own tongue and the pistol whippings he had received from the two soldiers as he was escorted to some unknown location on board the star cruiser. The almost sweet warm liquid was mixing with the river of the same substance that poured from the bottom of his eye and his temple. And he could barely see straight, not much more than the curtain of red that drenched his eyesight and clouded his thoughts. 

The pain is all in your head, Maxwell, he told himself as he was forced into a chair that sat in the corner of the rather luxurious office by the rough hands of said soldiers. If you pretend like it's not there, then it won't hurt. Think on something more pleasant… like the aqua hued sea or… the Earth's wide blue skies… Heero's Prussian eyes…. 

"Ecstasy is all you need,

Living in the big machine.

Oh, you're so vain.

Now your world is way to fast.

Nothing's real and nothing lasts.

And I'm aware,

I'm in love and you don't care."

"What are you doing?" Relena asked in that frozen out-of-character tone of hers as she walked into the room. 

Duo stuck his tongue out at her again, squirming in his bonds. He could feel the ropes digging for blood the flesh that covered his poor already abused wrists. They had been through a lot of pain over the years, facing knives, handcuffs and all other sorts of ghastly tools of wickedness and depression that could be acquired by a fifteen-year-old soldier during a useless war. And just when most of those scars had faded, here was something new to mess up his porcelain skin again…. "Keeping my mind elsewhere," he said snidely as he turned back to his song.

"Turn your anger into lust.

I'm still here but you don't trust at all.

And I'll be waiting.

Love and sex and loneliness,

Take what's yours and leave the rest.

So I'll survive.

God it's good to be alive!" 

He sang that last line loud, right at the calm looking Relena seated opposite him on a nice wooden desk, her ankles crossed as she fingered a long brown envelope with her dainty fingers, ever so often looking up to glare at him. "Will you be quiet?" she said in a voice that sounded almost like the sugary girl he once knew. 

He glowered, a cruel smile crossing his lips. "Heero likes my singing. Shouldn't you as well?" He stuck his tongue out yet again, the gesture never failing to make Relena snarl, much to Duo's contentment. 

"I'm torn in pieces.

I'm blind and waiting for you.

My heart is reeling.

I'm blind and waiting for you." 

Maybe Heero will hear me making a racket and he'll come to save me… again, he thought smugly, knowing that the chances of that were just about as great as they were for Steve Caballero to come skating through the room on a pink board with bunny ears on his head and a bouquet of roses in his arms. 

"I don't care," she said quickly as she slid off the desk and stepped brusquely towards him, brandishing the envelope. "As soon as I say what I have to say, you're going to be as dead as Trieze." 

"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked angrily, shifting in his seat. His body may have been bound, but his anger was damn well leaping out of his eyes and crashing across the room like a tsunami. 

She was calm as she pulled up another chair and sat before him, so close that their knees rubbed. Speaking in that diplomatic voice of hers, she said, "You know, you and I are very much alike. More so than either of us is willing to admit, I think."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Duo groaned. He hated it when people tried to skirt around answering a simple direct question with a simple direct answer. As much as Duo liked talking and words, he hated seeing them wasted, and when he wanted an answer, he was not about to listen to a thousand sugared over wasted words. He was good enough to do that for others; other 'ought to be good enough to do it in return. 

"Shh, dear," she said sweetly, making Duo cringe at both sound and touch as she leaned close. "Hmm, is this what Heero smells like? After all, he's always so close to you." As she laid a tiny kiss on his cheek, asking if that was what Heero tasted like, Duo wanted nothing more than to die right then and there. There was precious little that was worth this obvious extreme in hateful torture. "We both know what we want, and we both will fight hard to get that, yes?"

"I suppose," he spat, rolling his eyes and looking away at a small insect that buzzed around the ceiling, finding it interesting that a mosquito had found a way to survive in space, much as he hated the damn little things. Maybe it will mutate and suck out her brains or something gross like that, he thought with a wicked smile. It bothered Relena to see that smile there, and the slap across his face sure let him know that. 

"I'm talking, Mr. Maxwell!" she near shouted at the still ignorant boy before her. "You are so rude!"

"American nature," he sounded back, ever quick to the wise-ass remark. 

"You know, you were ever the lucky one," she was back to what she had been yarning on about before, reclining back in her chair, her knees no longer pressed against his, much to Duo's relief. "He was almost always with you. I followed him, you followed him… and he followed you…. Some twisted sort of love triangle, don't you think?"

"Now hold it right there," Duo was shaking, his thick braid whipping around lethally behind his head as if it were a python. "Don't push it that far." 

"Well what else are we to call it?" she said with a shrug. "And you know, no matter what happened, no matter how hard I tried to get him to notice me, it was always his best friend first. He was too preoccupied with you to give love a single thought."

"Love?" Duo raised a brow, egging her on. He could see it in her eyes that his little remarks were making her seethe. "Since when was love a part of this discussion, eh?" 

"It always was," she hissed. 

"Jealous, are we?" He had to do it. It was one of those golden opportunities that one, particularly one as obnoxious and straightforward as Duo did not just let wander on by. "Why would we be jealous of dear sweet Duo Maxwell, hmm? Why would the former Queen of the World have to be jealous of her infatuation's best friend?" 

"Because it's so damn obvious that there is more than just brotherhood between the pair of you!" Her voice exploded like the flaming pyrotechnics used at a rock concert, sudden, loud and noticeable, her tone being even more shocking than the fact that she had just sworn (which Duo knew he had never heard her do before; he could have bet before hand that she did not even know cuss words existed, he found her so naïve) as she thrust the envelope forward, waving it under Duo's nose. She slammed her hand into the paper pouch and pulled out the negatives, thrusting them into Duo's face. "And these are old, predating even the Mariemeia incident. It's always been there! And it drives me mad!" 

Duo squinted, staring with shock at the negatives, his surprise at seeing them so great he barely even thought to make a comment about Relena going insane. Had his wrists been free, he would have snatched the things out of her hands and danced off to the lamp to get a better look at the moments caught on the glossy film, moments he was sure had been lost and forgotten some time ago. "Jesus, Mary and motherfucking Joseph! I could have sworn he'd burnt these years ago!" 

"Apparently not," she snarled, pulling them back. "One of Miss Stella's soldiers found them hidden behind a picture frame hanging in your apartment!" 

"Could have sworn we killed that guy," Duo muttered under his breath with a sideways glare. Nevertheless, the twitching feelings radiating from his chest would not go away, despite his present condition. Heero had saved these? Are we talking about the same man?

Oh yes, he remembered that day, that New Year's day after the first war with OZ had ended. It was so fresh on his mind, almost as if he had lived it in the not so distant past. It flashed across his vision, depositing him that day that lived in his fantasies for so many years and leaving the present far behind. 

"Trowa!" Quatre's smooth bell-toned voice rang out over the beach, carrying on the wind towards the green-eyed youth, as he pulled up to the house in a red jeep. "C'mere. We're all inside!" 

I recall sitting in the window seat at the front of the beachside house, watching with a very amused grin, as Trowa preformed a rather impressive balancing act, juggling a few tinfoil wrapped dishes, his car keys and four neatly wrapped packages as he made his way up the stone path from the driveway towards the front door of Quatre's California home. One of many, sure, but the dear little blonde boy certainly wasn't limited in the money area, and he wasn't about to hold out on his best friends, especially when this was the first time we would ever have to enjoy each other's company together. Sad to say, it was also the last…. 

"Hey guys," Trowa said cheerfully (well, as cheerful as Trowa could get) as Quatre opened the door for the circus boy. It probably had something to do with the fact that it had been Quatre to greet him. Pleasant…. I had definitely grinned at that, watching the two stare at each other dumbly for about three seconds longer than de rigueur. They got an arched brow from me, obviously interested at the exchange. Flushed faces, quick turns and movements as Trowa quickly walked into the house, setting his things down on the table sitting beside the door, Quatre quickly bustling off to do something in the kitchen. That little maneuver earned the Arabian boy another smug grin from me, since I knew culinary master Wufei would never let anyone help him cook, especially his courteous host. That would have been an… injustice…. Laughs. That was something that we heard a lot more of back then, even if times had been a hell of a lot rougher. 

"Ah, Duo Maxwell," Trowa had said with a small wave after standing in awkward silence on his tiptoes in the front hall, hands somehow thrust deep into the pockets of his tight jeans. He always had been quite the acrobat….  

"Trowa Barton," I said with a goofy look on my face as I mimicked him. He smiled faintly at that. It wasn't the forced kind of smile that you saw on Heero's face. It was a genuine little smile, rare but still genuine. "How the hell have you been?" 

"Duo, it's been barely a few days since we last saw each other," he said seriously as he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Leaning over the arm, he gave me another one of those weak smiles. "You can be such a moron sometimes!"

"Hey, only Heero is allowed to make derogatory remarks about my intelligence, Clown," I joked with another laugh, which (much to my surprise) was complimented by Trowa's own quiet chuckles. 

"Speaking of Heero, where is he? Quatre said everyone was here," Trowa asked, resting his chin in his hands. 

"Sorry, buddy, but that's a trade secret," I'd retorted with a wink. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you. The man's out, wandering by himself. Didn't want to be bothered until dinner, he said." 

"Ah," Trowa nodded simply. 

I had taken to staring back out the window. Beyond the silhouette of Trowa's jeep and Wufei's motorbike, each vehicle outlined in the intense orange of that excellent sunset (one of the most beautiful I've ever seen, though it's not like I've been to Earth enough to say that there are many to compare it to), I could see the blue ocean gently lapping up on the sandy beach, washing over a trail of lonely footprints… Heero's footprints…. I was busy wondering to myself where perfect soldiers went when the war was over and they needed to think, when Trowa broke the odd silence again. It was unlike him to speak so much, but I guess my silence was even weirder than him carrying on a conversation. 

"So what's Chang whipping up in there?" Trowa and I may not have been particularly close, but he knew me well enough to figure out what kinds of things I liked to talk about. Food, life, sports, video games, food, comic books, the sky, food, and a bunch of other random useless things that only I could have taken interest in. 

I grinned. "Some good Chinese shit, I'd wager. Personally can't wait. I love all kinds of food, particularly Oriental stuff. Hn, but I think he's making a cake for desert. Ah, strawberry too. Quatre's request," I sent another wink his way. "Clever how he knows just what you like." 

Trowa did nothing but turn bright red, cross his arms and turn around, sinking deep into the cushions with embarresment. I could still see that tuft of golden brown hair sticking up from the couch, but that was about it. Bingo. Got his number pegged. Haha, hook, line and sinker. 

"So what's with the packages?" I asked. After getting over my initial glee at pinning Trowa with his feelings towards a certain Arabian individual, I felt kind of bad about being so up front about it. Better ditch that odd silence. It's weird enough with Heero, but guys who I barely see… shit…. 

"Late Christmas gifts," Trowa shrugged as he straightened up again, though that red was still visible underneath that cascade of cedar coloured hair. "And some treats from Catherine. Brownies and stuff." 

"Oh," I said with a big grin. Two things I absolutely adored, food and presents, sitting naught but a few feet away. "So what'd you get for everyone?" 

"A camera for our blossoming little photographer," Trowa said with a meek smile at the mention of Quatre. Always seemed to come back to him, I noted. "Honestly, I really didn't know what to get for the rest of you. I let Catherine choose. I'm really no good at that kind of stuff. Think she bought you a leather jacket or something."

"No way," I gawked. I'd never dreamed of ever owning something that nice. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy to think that someone would think so much of me. "I don't even know the woman. How cool is that?" 

"I gave her a little… insight." 

"Hope you weren't too incredibly biased," I said with an evil smile. "Because then I would have to get Heero to kill you."

"I wouldn't put it past either of you," he retorted. He grinned a scathingly cynical smile in my direction as he spoke. "It's not as bad as your gutter logged brain would like to think. Long brown hair, big dumb purple eyes, kind of obsessed with death, loves black clothes, loud, chatty, flamboyant, weird paradox between lively and dark… American…" 

"Everyone's always trashing the good old USA," I frowned indignantly. "Just jealous, I guess. Not everyone can be perfect."

"Thought that was Heero's forte." Admittedly, the man wasn't half bad with language, though his voice kept that deep unwavering tone (and no, it was nothing like Heero's way of speaking). It was more than I could have gotten out of Heero at the time anyway. Guess it felt nice to actually talk to someone for once, but even then, it just wasn't the same. It wasn't Heero. Even in silence, he was strangely comforting. I'm supposing that's what happens with best friends…. 

"Hey! Hey guys!" Wufei's sharp voice cut through the dead air. "Get your lazy asses in here! I said now! Dinner!" 

"Some people just never change," Trowa said with another smile at me as he stood and started to walk towards the kitchen, scooping up his parcels and plates on the way. 

I leapt up after him, noting that I was still quite a few inches shorter than him. I was about to bound into the kitchen after him, when I remembered that a very important element was missing from dinner. "Hey, give me a second. I got to go out a retrieve our resident lost boy." 

Before any of the others could say a word (I really didn't need to hear the commentary; even way back then, they were always joking about the relationship that Heero and I had, between pet-names and an almost magnetic attraction to one another, which is why it's understandable I was so quick to poke fun at Trowa. See, I'm the victim here.) I was out the door and running down to the beach. My bare feet slapped the receding tides as I splashed along the water's edge, following the trail had left along the way, trying to land my foot into each of his foot prints as I went. It's not like I needed to; he had told me where he was going anyway.

I saw him a few meters further down the beach, just standing there, eyes drowning in the vast expanse of ocean and sky before him, as if he were waiting or watching something. The sun had just about sunk beyond the hazy horizon, leaving nothing but a pale golden pool of colour in its final location, the flecks of yellow splattered on the pastel blue waters. The stars were peaking out above and the crescent moon had taken on her pale glow, the beginnings of what could be an exquisite nighttime display. 

"Hey, aren't you hungry?" I shouted cheerfully as I practically skipped over to him, jumping on his back and playfully wrestling him around a little. "'Fei's finished obsessing over just how much garnish to top his hotter than hell chicken, so we can eat now." (An image of this moment had made it to that forbidden roll of film, somehow.)

Heero had reached up and grabbed my arms with his tight iron grip, as if he were going to try and pry me off, though he made no such move to do so, just contented to rattle me silly. "That's good. I suppose you've been sent to bring me back."

"Yup," I laughed, suddenly tackling him onto the damp sand, landing him very succinctly on his stomach. "I got stuck on Mission Get-Heero-To-Mingle-With-The-Living 'cause I was the only one who knew where you'd gone. Inside information, if you will." 

"It wouldn't have been that hard for them to find me," Heero said, spitting out a mouthful of sand. He was reaching for my braid, which lie out awry before him, twisting the little black band from around the tail with a painful jerk. He really did know how to piss me off, not that I didn't deserve it or anything. I could tell he was a little annoyed at my playfulness, but then again, he was always annoyed with me and quite frankly, I didn't give a damn. What was it I was saying about magnetism? Opposites certainly attract, folks. How the hell else could you explain this freakily twisted friendship, huh? Thought so.

"Maybe not," I rubbed noses with him, still laughing like someone who had smoked one too many joints… not that I ever had or anything. Heh, so that was a lie. Thinking lies doesn't count, now does it? 

The water was washing over the pair of us, lifting my hair and toying with the long chestnut strands before dumping the now wet and salty mass in a slick mess all around the two of us. He tried to stand up, sending me rolling down his back and into a heap, lying on my back with all my hair spread out and floating around me in the shallow rinses of water as they tumbled back into the sea from which they came, only to be replaced with yet another as a sequel wave would crash down on the beach before the wake of the old one had even gone. Leaning on his side, propped up on one muscled elbow, he'd lain there, grinning at me with that self-satisfied air of his, those damn beautiful waves pouring over us. (Quatre really was pretty good at this photography stuff; he had this on film too.) 

"Have a good walk?" I asked, brushing a handful of sand at him. One of those rare smiles crossed his face, much to my surprise, true and voluntary. Maybe if I were Quatre, I would have enjoyed Trowa's smiles more, but I wasn't; I was Duo, and I would enjoy seeing my best buddy smile better than even seeing such a thing from God. 

"Yeah." Always those simple remarks, though I figured that with time, he would be able to give people responses that were over two syllables in length.

I lifted a chunk of my hair and draped it over my chest, saying with mock disgust. "Goddamn, Yuy, look at what you've done. Are you aware of what a pain this will be to wash?" 

"Then you should cut it," he said. Yeah, and his answers were always the logical ones. Maybe that would change too. Creative thought never killed anyone before. Look at me. I'm still alive (luck is luck, my friend) and I'm the most out-of-the-box thinker in this whole damn universe. 

"Right, and while I'm at it, I'll slit my wrists, gouge out my eyes, tear my heart out and feed my liver to the dogs." I hadn't said it in seriousness, but he seemed to take it that way. He always took things too damn literally, I had thought, though he has gotten a bit better about all that. 

He grabbed me by each arm, pinning me to the soft sand at the elbow, hovering over me in the dim light, the whites of his eyes glowing just like the moon above. Only faint splashes of colour were able to define his features, painting his lower lip, the side of his nose and one cheekbone, his shoulders and the top of his hand. "You won't do that, will you, Maxwell?"

"Do what?" I was confused by the comment, being as I had meant it as a joke. He knew how much I loved my hair, and I figured he would have at least had the sense to get the metaphor. 

"Cut your hair and slit your wrists," he said, pressing me deeper into the sand. "You won't… change, will you?" 

"Only if you wanted me to," I smiled up at him, innocently. I decided I would let his mind figure that one out on his own. Yeah, so sue me. I had trouble coping with my emotions back then, no matter what kind of philosophical crap I try to dump on everyone else. I loved him back then. I always loved him. Shit, I loved him even when I pulled the trigger on him the first day we met. Don't ask me how or why; I couldn't even begin to explain it. 

"What if I told you to never change," he asked, grabbing my black Hawaiian Island Creations tee desperately, distorting the shirt's printed logo image of the woman pressed against a surfboard. I had never seen such a frantic expression in those eyes of his before. Even in the darkness, I could see the cobalt blue orbs shining with angst and resolve. "What if I said that I wanted to be able to remember you just like this, and that when our paths cross again, I would want to be able to put the memory with the person. I don't want to meet you again and find you different." (Guess again, what happened to this. I could see why Relena was so pissed at these pictures; being there might have driven her to suicide, I bet)  

That had been quite a bit for me. I really was not used to hearing him say so much to me at a time. But the more I thought about what he had just said, the more it frightened me. Now it was my turn to sound frenzied. I rose up, using all my strength to get the perfect soldier on his back. Placing a restraining forearm over his chest and another planted firmly in the sand beside his ear, fingers weaved into his unruly short hair. My own hair now fell in curtains around our faces, hiding us both from view. (This was another one of the seconds that Quatre had managed to capture on film; I never did get the chance to ask how he managed to do it) It could have been mistaken for a kiss; the photograph sure as hell looked that way. I'll say right now that I could only wish to have been so lucky. 

"Heero, are you going away again?" I asked. I think I had almost started to cry about then. I really didn't want him to go. I never did. I always felt so damn worthless when I was alone. And yeah, I was always alone whenever he wasn't there. 

"Yeah," he said softly. I almost blew up and died of a heart attack right then and there when he reached up to touch my cheek and wipe away the tears puddling in my eyelashes. I know, I know, I always say boys don't cry. But that's a joke. I cry like a fucking waterworks. "So that's why you have to tell me…. Will you always be the same? When I finally come back, will you still be Duo? My Duo?"

If it were physically possible to flood out the ocean, I did it right then. My tears were rolling down his arm, dripping between his fingers and pouring from my eyes in a rainy torrent of passion. I knew I would miss him so much. I didn't want him to leave me again! I hate being lonely. I think he knew that too. 

"Always," I said softly, clutching the sand in a tight fist. "Heero, why would I have worked so hard to get you to be my friend, and then change on you? No matter what, I'll always be your same Duo, still stupid, still loud, still running, still hiding, but never lying." 

He smiled and let out a sound that could have been a laugh. This Heero was like an entity bottled up inside that damn perfect shell. I loved it. I wanted to see more of this Heero, and I was going to make sure it happened. "Good," he whispered, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb, running the calloused pad over my smooth skin. "I fought to keep my friends safe. I want them to stay that way. I want you to stay that way." 

"How is that?" I was practically sobbing like a three-year-old girl. "How should I stay?"

Heero looked thoughtful, still gently rubbing my cheek, his other hand idly playing with the coils of my hair that wound around us. There was a light shining in Heero's eyes that was distinctly warmer and less distant than I had ever seen them. He was being as sincere as he could have ever been. Ever…. 

"Be like the ocean," he said in his mysterious monotone, his words more magical than anything he had ever spoken to anyone before, I was sure. That sweet voice was so dark and beautiful, it drowned out the seagulls' cries and the water's roar, the moan of the wind and the rest of the universe. The whole fucking universe could have imploded right then and there and I would have been none the wiser. "Stay wild and free, always crashing on other shores." He suddenly rolled over, pinning me beneath him again, his nose rubbing against my cheek, near his thumb. (I really have to hand it to Quatre; he's a talented young man) "Stay beautiful, and stay Duo." 

"Hee-chan," I said softly. Was that the first time I called him that? Probably not, but it was the first time he noticed it. He didn't make a big show about it like he eventually started to when I moved in but…. 

He slapped a hand over my mouth, his fingers pressing into my soft white skin. "Don't say anything. Don't say a word…. Just promise me that you'll stay free. That way, when I come home, I can be free too." 

"Yeah," I had said quietly, leaning on his head. "I promise." 

"Good." He rolled over, collapsing on his back beside me in the sand, landing with a subtle splash in the receding waves, his eyes meandering back up to the limitless skies above. 

I watched as he propped himself up on his elbow again, etching something into the sand with his forefinger. "Duo and He—" the waves rolled up the beach and washed it away before he was finished. He was attempting to try again, when I caught him by the wrist, stopping his hand. The water spilled over our hands, entangled in my hair and covered in sand. "Don't seal our promise like this. The ocean may be wild and beautiful, but it won't keep our promise. It's too free spirited. Swear by the stars, Hee-chan, because heaven is immortal. Write our names up there, and it will stay forever." 

"You're right," he said in that calming voice. That was the first time he had admitted that I was right. That was another thing I knew bothered him, my being correct about that kind of thing all the time. He rolled on his back once more, raising his hand over his head and tracing into the air with his thumb, "Duo and Heero – Always true to our dreams" as a shooting star sailed above us. I could tell that's what it was because I could read his lips as he did so. He didn't think I was so good at that kind of shit, but I was better at a lot of things than Mr. Perfect Soldier liked to realize. 

It was also… the first time I heard him laugh. And not that insane "I'm gonna blow some shit up" laugh, but a real human sounding laugh. Heero Yuy was… a human. His laugh proved it. There was a soul in there yet. 

 Then he sat up, offering me a friendly hand as I too got to my feet. As we made our way back to the house, the only things on my mind was the salty wet disaster my hair had become and where the unexplained spirals of footprints that now adorned the beach had come from. 

No one said anything about the extended leave of absence Heero and I had taken. Obviously, we had been much longer in returning to dinner than expected (much to chef Wufei's dismay) though no one seemed to mind it so much. Seemed weird to me at the time, but maybe they just all saw something that neither of us fools did at the time. At least one fool has figured out what that was… though God knew what the other fool thought about that day… or anything for that matter.

 After the excellent (though somewhat cold) meal, Quatre had ushered us all into the kitchen, where Heero had proceeded to lift the cake off the countertop, attempting to peacefully bring it back to the table. Of course I couldn't let him alone. I wanted a premature taste of that cake, though the dark death glare that Heero shot my way as I reached for the dessert he had held high over his head was certainly not letting me anywhere near it. Trowa was gathering a stack of small dishes, and I noted that the creep was stealing icing right off the top of the thing without Heero's notice (he was too busy giving me the evil eye). Quatre had managed to get a good picture of that too, and somehow was still in the shot. Very talented young man, that…. 

And I'll never forget the way it all ended, that cheerful little celebration. Heero was gathering his things at the door and was about to walk off, never to be seen again (at least, that's how he had seemed to intend it at the time), when he turned to his slightly built little Arabian host and demanded the roll of film with the two of us on the beach. My jaw hit the ground that such a roll existed (I swore we were alone, though it would explain the odd silence at dinner); Quatre and Trowa seemed shocked that Heero even knew they had been spying, and Wufei was just… Wufei was Wufei. Reluctantly, Quatre had unloaded the camera and handed over said roll of film to an awaiting Heero before he stormed off into the night. The next time I saw any recollection of the get-together was when I moved in with Heero much later, and saw the small collection of photos on his wall, minus a few certain shots of a few certain people on a certain beach. Could have sworn those were gone forever… but I guess…. 

In any case, it was a year before any of us saw or heard from him again. Then Mariemeia, a brief meeting, before his abrupt parting (so like him), and before I knew it, I was down and out, left for dead and rotting with nothing to my name but a damn tin radio and an old baseball, waiting like gutter trash for my sad angel to find me again and be free. 

"Mr. Maxwell!" He felt the harsh impact of a pistol bashing against the side of his face, snapping him from the memory. He suddenly recollected where he was and his current situation. "It would be nice if you stayed in the present!" 

"Now why would I do a silly thing like that, staying in a place so close to you?" Duo screwed up his face as he snapped his witty retorts at Relena faster than machine gun fire. "Maybe you're the one who 'ought to be called tenacious, Miss Relena. You just don't give up!" 

"I worked hard to convince the people that peace was the only way to live, worked hard for everyone but myself!" she shouted hoarsely at Duo. "For once, I want something for myself! Now I have time to actually have a life! And I want a life with Heero! Why is that so much to ask!?"

"Because he doesn't love you!" Duo found himself screaming back at her, his voice curt, swift, and laden with all the pain of a cracking whip. "You who worked so hard for peace; you're going to throw it away just like that? Look at what you're doing! This goes against every ideal you ever stood for! Do you know how unbelievably scathing angry Heero will be when he finds out! He always admired you for your perseverance and fought two wars to protect innocence like you! And now you're going to throw it all away!" He was thrashing about so much that Duo could feel the thick ropes beginning to fray just a bit. 

"Duo…." She was suddenly lost for words. The shocking realism and truth in Duo's words struck her hard. But she had dug herself deep, why stop? She kept strong in her position. "Duo," she said again. "Are you saying that he would rather you?"

"I'm not saying anything," Duo retorted defensively with another squirm. This sitting in one spot without the luxury of freely moving his limbs was driving Duo to a state of borderline insanity. "He's my best friend, no matter how deeply I feel for him. Nothing you or I can do will change that, Relena. He will always want to stay with me. Maybe he would be more willing to spend time with you too, if you would let him breath on his own once in a while. He doesn't need someone to follow him like glue; he already has a shadow." Duo grinned at that, his eyes twinkling enigmatically. 

"But I love him," she said softly, almost humbly, the wild rage she had been spewing in Duo's face for the past few minutes suddenly vaporizing into thin air. "Shouldn't he love someone who loves him? Shouldn't love be returned?"

"Yes, yes it should," Duo said, his voice still twanging with a bit of aloofness. "But you aren't willing to accept friendship. Relena, not all love is the passion of lovers. Love can be between friends. It doesn't have to be so extreme all the time. You're too much like him, you know? It's always all or nothing with you guys. Can't just accept the little things. The feelings you have for Heero are manifested from your desire for something new and exciting in your life. I can understand that, I guess. The life of a politician doesn't seem particularly thrilling and a person like Heero, kind of dark and mysterious, well, that would certainly add some dimension to a fairly dull existence. Seems like that in your efforts to attain that spice for that bland life you had been leading, I think you just became carried away with it all and let Heero become your world. Relena, can't you just let him go? I understand you wanted to give your life volume, Relena. I've tried to do that as well." 

"But he couldn't kill me!" she protested. That had always been her sole argument, the one thing that convinced her of the love she was sure he possessed for her. "No matter what, he could never pull that trigger!" 

"He couldn't kill me either." Duo's mouth turned up slightly in the corners, his eyes drooping a bit into a sad expression. "He told me once that he had let a mission go totally out of control. Destroyed more than just a base…. He accidentally wiped out an entire colony sector, killed many guiltless uninvolved people... killed a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and her dog…. He doesn't want to kill any more innocents. He doesn't want to kill anyone like you." 

"Oh," she said softly. She thought about his words… and refused to believe that Heero's feelings stopped there. She was to adamant in her cause. She wanted him too badly. And even if she should have listened to someone as close to Heero as Duo, she was not about to let him slip away so easily. If he thinks that he can just explain it all away… that his chatter will make me give up… he's sorely mistaken…. 

"Relena?" He saw that light creeping back into her eyes, that dark frightening alien light…. 

"I won't have it!" Her voice cracked as the shrill scream reached its peak. Duo wished he could have found a way to plug his ears; he was certain that he was going deaf. 

"Oh for God's sake, get over yourself!" Duo found himself shouting back, bouncing the chair with a loud wooden rattle against the metal floor. "Why can't you just accept Heero as he is? If you loved him, wouldn't you just want him to stay the way he is? Forcing him to love you wouldn't make it true! You can't make someone love you on command! You have to earn it!" 

"I can earn it!" Her mouth was in a tight crease, her words coming out between her teeth. It looked painful to have to spit out words that way. 

"And you think this is the way to do it?" Duo looked smug as he stared up at his captor. He did not try to move around as he had been before, nor did he tack on some tawdry rejoinder to the comment. He just let it hang, allowing the words to sink into her head. He knew there was not much he could do to sway her in her quest for Heero, but he hoped that one day, she would understand the significance of what he was trying to tell her. Maybe one day, she would be… happy…. 

She said nothing. 

"His loving you would be like having a fling with… Marilyn Monroe or something. Way too much limelight for him," Duo continued after a long pause, Relena barely even able to look up from her feet to see his face anymore. "Relena, you know how hard it is for him to accept people. He likes to do his own thing. He'll be the one to let you in, and would resent you all the more if you try to force either yourself or him into anything. You should know that relatively well, Miss Relena." 

"I don't need someone like you telling me how to feel or how another feels about me!" She was almost evil with her snarls. Duo could swear that this was some kind of demon who had taken over Relena's body. Sure, she had been a little annoying and a bit of jerk towards him, but she would never try to hurt anyone… he didn't think. "But now that all that is said and done," she was turning around and walking to the desk as she spoke, "I have no need for you, Duo Maxwell. The war is over, the Gundams are gone, Heero loves me… so there's no need for you!" 

She was pulling a gun from one of the drawers. Duo squinted his eyes shut as he felt his life flash right before his eyes. This is how it's going to end, then? Not even on the battlefield, but here, tied up on a chair with a pacifist-gone-nuts about to blow my head apart with a fucking gun! Visions of the times Heero and he had spent together during the war, after the war (scenes from that California beach crept back to mind), his friends Quatre, Trowa and Wufei as well as the myriad of other people he had ever met or known, dancing in his head and whispering goodbye. Heh, here I come, Solo, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen; here I come now. Death is coming home. 

There it was, that cold gun's muzzle pressed against his forehead. He could feel her hand clattering about nervously as she tried to steady the weapon between his eyes. Faintly, he heard the click of the hammer being drawn back, and then the clacking sound as she prepared to pull the trigger. 

The bullet exploded from the barrel, but when no pain connected with Duo's head, he opened his eyes in surprise. Does Death not hurt then? Then he realized that he was still in that cramped little shuttle office, still tied to the chair. Nothing had changed… or had it? Looking down, he saw Relena, covered in her own blood, lying in a crumpled mess on the floor, still breathing faintly, a gunshot wound in the back of her shoulder. His eyes slowly meandered from the carnage on the floor to see someone who he never thought would come, but knew was the only one who ever would. "Heero, you shot her…." 

"Oh God…. Yeah, I did." He staggered into the room, the gun falling from his limp fingers as he made his way over to the chair. Deftly, his fingers flew over the ropes that held Duo's hands behind his back. 

Duo let out the deepest most grateful sigh of relief anyone ever could as he flexed his sore arms. He looked down at the solemn Heero who was now pressing a cloth against the wound he had created in her shoulder. "You weren't thinking, were you?"

"No," he breathed, mopping up the blood. She had long since fainted and had no idea that Heero was even there. "I knew that a friendship with someone like you would end up being my end. Look, I've just shot the Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs!"  

Duo looked up at him as he bent over to untie his ankles. His eyes radiated with curiosity as he asked his next question, a simple one, yes, but one that had no simple direct answer. "Why?" 

"I heard you singing, and I knew that if you were making such a commotion, something had to have gone wrong," he was explaining as he tied Relena's jacket around her arm in an effort to stop the bleeding. "And then I heard her screaming at you and you screaming back…. I was so worried something might get way out of hand."

"You sure as hell were right," Duo said with a faint smile as he sunk down on Relena's other side, pressing the cloth into the wound so that Heero could wrap the jacket as tight as possible around her. "She almost killed me. And here I was thinking that I was the expendable one." 

"Liar," Heero whispered faintly. Duo's eyes were round with shock when he heard that, and the look he was giving Heero sure as hell showed that. "When it came to it, I just let my instincts take over, and I shot her."

"So worried over me," Duo flashed him a classic wide grin. "How sweet." 

"Hn," was all Heero could respond, purposely avoiding Duo's eyes. He picked Relena up gingerly as he stood and began to walk towards the door. "Hurry up, Duo. If I'm correct, we have two minutes to get back to the ship and get out of here before your explosives hit zero."

Duo got back to his feet, starting to take a step after Heero, and finding, much to his dismay, that his ankle was twisted into a knot of searing pain. But understanding the urgency of the moment, he decided that pain was just something that would have to come second, escape being somewhat more prominent on his mind right then. Limping as quickly as he could after Heero, they started to make their way back to the hangar. The minutes seemed to creep by almost agonizingly sluggish, and it seemed as if the world was passing by in slow motion. He could hear the dull sound of the mines starting to go off in the ship's hold, the force of the blasts going off one by one sending groaning shudders throughout the entire cruiser. The panicked screams and hustling of the soldiers were lost on the two of them as they dashed onwards with the Vice Minister in tow, her life slowly slipping away, only adding to the tension of the moment. They had just made it to the hangar and Heero was boarding the ship, when Duo found that he just could not hold himself up on his injured ankle any longer. And as he slipped, falling to the floor with a muffled thud, the world went black. 

—O—


	9. Rain King

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel

Part VIII ~ Rain King

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

—O—

Heero had laid Relena down in the back hold area of the little shuttle, and was about to go to the cockpit, when he realized that there was something very important missing. "Duo?" he said to the empty shuttle as he left the place where he had put Relena. "Duo? K'so!" He swore loudly and banged his fist into the shuttle's hull as he realized that something had happened to his partner. 

He could hear the sound of gunfire, his mind being so warped by the horrible things that could have possibly happened to the one best friend he had ever had in his entire life, that he felt almost blinded and stupefied by his fear. Leaping back off the ship and into the hangar, the sound of explosions resonating throughout the quaking vessel, Heero looked franticly about for any signs of the braided American. 

"Goddamn, Duo!" Heero saw the unmoving black clad form lying in the middle of the floor, smoke from the explosions starting to waft into the hangar. Heero pressed his oxygen mask to his face, squinting through the dark smoke, trying to find Duo once more. Groping through the encroaching blackness, his only light coming from brief flashes of yellow light as another mine went off, the explosions nearer and nearer all the time, his hands soon found Duo's still limp form. "Duo, Duo, wake up, wake up for God's fucking sake!" 

No reaction from Duo, despite Heero's repeated smacks over his pale cheeks. Duo's head lolled back as Heero lifted him up into a sitting position, still occasionally backhanding the unconscious boy in an effort to awaken his friend from this deathlike state. Seeing the usually lively American in such a helpless condition sent chills down Heero's spine, despite the cold of the space cruiser. This isn't happening. Duo is not dying! Almost as if some higher power had orchestrated it just right, as those thoughts were running through his head, Heero felt a low pulse undulating within Duo's lithe form. It was a steady heartbeat, quiet and a bit slower than normal, but still enough to assure Heero that Duo was going to live. And then the horrid realization of another frighteningly loud explosion brought Heero careening back to reality. We won't make it. This is the end…. What a shame that I…. 

"Hee…." The voice was small and tangled in a fit of coughs. Heero glanced down at the quivering boy in his arms. "Heero…. You came back for me…." 

"Shh," Heero whispered softly as a mass of electrical wires burst out in a flurry of flame and sparks overhead. "Shh, Duo, I'm here. It's okay." 

"Did you kill her? Stella, is she dead?" Duo whispered into Heero's chest, his fingers curling around the tight fabric of his spacesuit. 

"Yeah," Heero said, his voice hoarse. The ship seemed to begin to sink as the mine Duo had laid on the fuel tanks burst with a great shuddering bang and the crackle of gasoline fires. "Mission complete." 

"I'm glad," Duo said softly. Heero felt his cheeks burn somewhat red as Duo cuddled closer, his eyes still pressed closed and spurting small tears. More coughs as he spoke again in his weakened voice. "Hee-chan, now we can go back to L1 and things can go back to the way they were a couple weeks ago. And we'll be better friends than before, because this whole ordeal has done nothing but bring me closer to you. All I want is to be at your side, even if I'm only hiding in your shadow." 

"It's over, Duo. It's over," Heero found himself mumbling subconsciously. 

 "Nothing is over, Hee-chan!" Duo gripped Heero tighter. "The both of us are still alive! If you're thinking that you're just going to sit here and hold me until we die, you've got another thing coming. I don't give a shit that I can barely see two centimeters in front of me. I'll be the one to kill you before this damn ship explodes if you don't get off your ass right now and fly us out of here!" 

"So much for being on the injured list," Heero said quietly, the traces of a smile crawling over his handsome features.  "Your mouth is obviously still working, even if you can't walk." 

"So help me!" Duo found himself using Heero as leverage to halfway stand up, waiting for Heero to also stand for more support. Draping an arm around Heero's neck and resting his head on his shoulder (and blissfully ignoring the pain ricocheting through his body), they made their way back to the Preventers ship. He said in a softer tone as they went, despite the chaos around them, "Why would you want to throw your life away, when there is still so much left to live for? We have a chance, so let's take it! It would be better to say we tried before we go than to just die, knowing that we let it happen willingly. It's almost as bad as suicide." 

"Duo," Heero managed as he lifted Duo into their spacecraft. The chestnut haired boy had to resort to dragging himself along the floor to the cockpit as Heero hoisted himself into the spacecraft after him. Suddenly, Duo felt a familiar pair of strong arms lift him like a baby and carry him the rest of the way, gently strap him into his seat and stroke the top of his head almost lovingly. "Duo, you're right. Always right." 

"I know," Duo smiled at Heero as he watched him jump into the pilot's seat and grasp the thruster levers. "Hope you aren't rusty, Mister Ace Pilot! We're not quite heroes yet!" 

The ship throttled forward, sailing out amongst the stars with a trail of white plasma feathering out behind the sleek aircraft as it narrowly escaped the faltering star cruiser. A quick glance behind them displayed the ship scattering into a starburst of fire and metal scrap, a fine display for the L3 colonists. Not only because of the beautiful patterns the flames traced on the star flecked black canvas, but because of the life, freedom and purity that had been preserved because of that ship's demise. And that made Duo's heart soar. 

—O —

"When I think of heaven,

(Deliver me in a black winged bird)

I think of flying down into a sea of pins,

And feathers, and all the other instruments of faith and sex and God,

In the belly of a black winged bird.

Don't try to feed me,

'Cause I've been here before,

And I deserve a little more. 

"Oh and I belong in the service of a Queen.

I belong anywhere but in between.

She's been crying; I've been thinking.

And I am the Rain King."

Relena's eyes slowly fluttered open, her vision focusing on the sterile room around her. Everything around her was white, the walls, the sheets, even the pale translucent curtains billowing around the open window. The only dashes of colour she could make out was the bunch of dark purple flowers sitting in a glass vase beside her bed and the dark silhouette of Duo, sitting on the windowsill behind the slightly transparent curtains, one leg dangling outside the window and the other bent up inside the window, his black booted foot pressed up against the wood frame. He was singing, just like he had been… where… when had that been? She could hardly remember what had happened to her, or how she had come to lie in this hospital bed with her arm in a sling, barely mobile. 

"Duo?" she found herself saying, though her words fell upon unhearing ears. He just kept singing, his eyes playing across the sea's pale blue horizon outside. It was a hazy dark day, rain drizzling down, spraying an uncaring Duo with its cool refreshment. 

"I said, 'Mama, mama, why am I so alone?'

I can't go outside,

'Cause I'm scared that I might not make it home.

Oh I'm alive, but I'm sinking in. 

If there's anyone home at your place,

Darling, please invite me in.

Don't try to bleed me,

'Cause I've been there before,

And I deserve a little more.

"Oh and I belong in the service of a Queen.

I belong anywhere but in between.

She's been lying; I just keep sinking.

And I am the Rain King."

She struggled to sit up further and tried to get Duo's attention again. She could hear the almost downhearted strain in his gentle voice, wondering why he was so sad. Anger, resentment, those were things she could understand if he wanted to feel that way towards her, particularly after what she had done to betray the Earth for her own selfish wants, but this unhappy wistful near-tears sort of air, this was nothing she had ever expected, not from Duo. 

"Hey, I only want the same as everyone.

Mister Henderson just keeps waiting for the sun!

It seems night endlessly begins and ends,

And ends and begins and ends.

After all the dreaming, I just wanna come back home again."

"Please, just say something," she was hurt by his blatant ignorance of her presence. She was not used to being pushed aside by anyone. It hurt enough when Heero gave her the cold shoulder, but when someone like Duo, a cheerful happy soul who was quick to talk pleasantly to anyone in spite of how that someone regarded him was giving the silent treatment, she knew there was something wrong. She had never seen Duo's darker side, the true face of Shinigami, the shadowy being that lived beneath the smiling mask, and this display of Death was certainly a bit shocking to her. 

"You're awake, finally," he said at last, his voice emotionless and cold, sounding almost like the perfect soldier himself. She could not see what kind of face he wore for the curtain swirled around his body, gauzing her view.  "You… don't have to worry anymore, Miss Relena. Earth is safe again."

"Duo…." He was ignoring her again though, his mind back on his song as soon as he had finished his quick and callous words. It seemed that Heero had rubbed off a little on Shinigami over the years as well.  "Where am I?"

"Preventers hospital in the south of Italy," he said simply, still staring out at the rain. "Room 333, restricted wing." 

"Oh," she said, sinking back into the pillows. They were back on Earth, and it seemed that the government was going to do their best to cover up the whole incident as far as she was concerned to the best of their ability. Having been involved with the media herself, she knew how they tended to blow things way out of proportion. And this was something that was disgraceful enough on its own. She almost felt tears of her own pouring out of her eyes to think that in a moment of carelessness, she had gone against everything and anything she had ever stood for, everything she had ever believed. 

"But when I think of heaven,

I said, when I think of heaven,

When I think of heaven,

I think of you; do you think of me too?

"When I think of heaven,

(Deliver me in a black winged bird)

I think of dying.

Lay me down in a field of flame and heather.

Surrender up my body to the burning heart of God,

In the belly of a black winged bird.

Don't try to bleed me,

'Cause I've been there before,

And I deserve a little more.

"And I belong in the service of a Queen.

I belong anywhere but in between.

She's been dying; I've been drinking.

And I am the Rain King."

He looked up, peeking past the curtain, his large indigo eyes shining with a glimmer that Relena could not quite put a finger on. Her own line of vision followed his to the door, to where she saw the slim and certainly saddened outline of Heero Yuy, waiting to be allowed into the room, a long black coat swathed over his crossed arms. Duo sang the last line of the old song, looking straight at the Japanese boy, his face still unreadable. 

"So won't you please come in out of the rain?" 

Heero strode in the room purposefully, sweeping right by Relena's bed with hardly a second glance as he made his way over to the window, dropping Duo's leather trench coat over the back of a chair that sat beside the room's spare bed. Leaning against the wall, he was able to see Duo from the corner of his eye, watching as the American sighed wistfully, his gaze still lost amid the falling raindrops. At long last, Duo spoke, though his eyes did not turn from the sprinkling rain. "Look, Hee-chan, it's real Earth rain. It's actually raining! I never thought I would…." 

"Hn," Heero made the noise in the back of his throat, his own thoughts muddled and confused. Here he was, a mission successfully completed, even if their survival had only by a fluke, and he was still feeling that strange clutch in the pit of his stomach. 

"Reminds me of that time, you know," Duo was saying, despite Heero's meager response. "When you found me on the streets again, remember? I know you probably don't; didn't expect that to be as important to you as it was… for me…." 

"That's not true," Heero said quietly, his own eyes finding something profusely interesting about the wood floors of the ancient hospital building. "I remember that day. That was a good day." 

"Oh yeah?" Duo was suddenly interested. He was no longer watching the rain, but rather had his large purple eyes fixed on Heero beyond the fluttering curtain that separated them. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, blood pulsating in his ears and shooting through his body in violent floods. He hoped to any god who might have been listening at the time that Heero was trying to say something, something acknowledging that unspoken friendship between the two, even though Duo knew in his heart that he wanted to be so much more for the Japanese pilot.  

"Yeah," was the whispered answer. Heero found himself oddly silent through this conversation, but not in his usual cold way. It was more like there were no words to really communicate with one another, considering the whole situation, what with Relena lying there with a gunshot in her shoulder and an quite beat up Duo. He was not even sure why he had come to visit, but he figured it had something to do with spending the last night floating between restless sleep and jittery conscious awareness in the hospital's waiting room while Duo stayed in Relena's room all night. Heero knew that Duo had found some way to pin Relena's condition on himself, even though they both knew that the reason Relena was lying there with a critical wound in her arm had been her own fault. He could hardly bear the sensations of uncertainty zinging through the air between the Preventers, the hospital staff and just about the rest of the entire damn world. 

"What do you remember about it?" Duo asked, twiddling his thumbs around idly, just for some form of distraction from the awkwardly solemn moment. He had dressed in his usual once more, the black ecclesiastic collared shirt, black pants and knee high combat boots, and all the buckles from his shoes to his belt seemed to jangle with his every slight shift, the tiny noises seeming to occupy the vast majority of the strange silence. He had not wanted anyone to see the other damage all over his body. There was more than just the twisted ankle to account for and he felt lucky that the only additional injury he had to explain was the wound on his head from where the soldiers had beaten him. 

Heero sucked in a breath and gnawed his lower lip. There was a question that he had hoped he would never have to answer, being as the sentiments and memories that he often associated with that day were things that he had never dreamed to feel, particularly towards Duo. He thought that he had let those emotions drop, but now that he actually had to mill over it in his head, he realized that there was more love of the braided moron left there than he was ready to accept himself, much less talk about, with Relena in the room no less! He decided to be as concise about replying as he possibly could. "It was one of the best days of my life. I found someone I thought had been lost forever. I was almost beginning to think that war had been a good thing, since war is what brought me such excellent friends like you. You know I… I really did miss you." 

"I know," Duo almost sighed, his eyes closed as he leaned his head backwards to rest on the window frame. "It can rain forever. I don't care. It reminds me of you." 

"Because of that day?" Heero asked, turning his head to face Duo, no longer resorting to sideways glances at his friend from the corner of his eye. He figured he should not have to feel uncomfortable around Duo. It was strange but he rarely did, except in instances when Duo would look at him with a look that seemed to dictate so much more than just friendship. 

"Among other things," Duo said slyly, his mouth spreading into a mischievous grin. He turned his entire body so that both his legs were draped outside the window, tapping against the brick wall with his heels in a rhythmic pattern as he leaned out the window, the rain falling merrily on his head and wetting his hair. A memory of those kisses shot through Duo's mind, and he could almost taste Heero on his tongue once more, a flavor that the rain could restore with great ease. "Water makes me think of you. So many different kinds of emotions from one kind of element, trying so hard to be heard, but misunderstood by the rest of the world." 

Each raindrop would plummet downwards, falling upon Duo's long chestnut pleat and running in a slick trail down an individual strand of silky hair, Heero found himself noticing, as he stepped from his spot beside the window to a leaning position upon the windowsill, head also peeking outside into the damp rain soaked atmosphere outside. "What do you mean?" he asked, really having no clue as to what Duo was going on about.

Duo closed his eyes again, flicking his head back with a little flurry of water inside the room, showering Heero's back and the foot of Relena's bed. All this time, she had been watching the exchange with red eyes, seething at the attention Heero was giving Duo while at the same time a nagging voice in the back of her head was telling her that this was what made Heero happy, not her. She looked to her side at the purple flowers beside her, noting for the first time a yellow post-it note plastered to the side of the glass bottle they sat in. I'm sorry, Relena. We both are, and if you can find it in your heart to forgive us, we can forgive you. –Duo (Heero too) PS Hope you don't think the flowers are too ugly; it was all Heero could find. Beneath the message was a crude drawing of what she supposed was to be a teddy bear. She smiled weakly, noting to herself that the yellow streaked flowers were indeed rather beautiful, despite Duo's sarcastic little note, and looked back at the pair at the window. Duo was fingering his braid whilst Heero flopped over the windowsill into the rain, drumming his fingers steadily on the top of Duo's boot. 

"Duo?" Heero asked, his fingers coming to a stop on his shoe, simply gripping the toe as he spoke. 

"Yep?" 

"Why do you stay?" He did not look at his friend as he spoke, keeping his eyes on the rain outside as he waited for an answer, his other hand wrapped around the old baseball he had received from Duo. He had been tossing it to himself for nearly all of the past night, the simply action being the only thing that could keep him from worrying about Duo and even Relena before the whole thing became to extreme for him to bear. 

"Well I really felt bad about what we had to do to Relena and I just can't help but feel that—"

"No, not about staying here, though I will admit that was going to be my next question," Heero cut him off, now toying with one of the buckles on Duo's boot. "About staying with me.  I want to know why! I'm cold and uncaring and still you stay! Why?" 

"I told you," Duo reached down and pulled Heero back into the room by the collar of his shirt. Heero leaned on one elbow, turning to look Duo straight in the eye, almost dreading what the braided boy would have to say. "I love you, Heero. Beyond brotherhood." When Heero was silent, Duo took that as a cue to just keep talking. "I wish you could understand what's happening to my heart, Hee-chan. It might be okay for you to close your eyes and wish for all the things you don't want to face to just rush on past you but me, I'm different, Hee-chan. You and I both knew that perfectly well before I ever had to voice it. I can't survive on stolen kisses and accidental touches alone but… but like I said, I'm a soldier still, I guess, and I'll do what I have to in order to carry on." 

"I see," he said quietly, turning to look at Duo, his eyes misted with the haze of confusion. The rain did the only speaking for some time until either of them found words to break its unyielding chatter. 

"Could you allow a fool to be in love with you?" Duo asked at long last, watching Heero, even his most minute movements found by Duo's acute vision. 

"If the fool isn't stupid enough to realize that he's in love with a machine," Heero said in a forlorn voice as he buried his head in his hands, his thick brown bangs feathering between his fingers. Duo could have sworn he heard the Japanese boy sobbing quietly into his palms. 

"No, not a machine, just a soldier who has lost his direction," Duo reached forward to pull Heero's hands away from his face. "Don't do that, Hee-chan. I can't see your beautiful eyes when you cover your face like that." 

"My eyes…?" He peered at his reflection in the window's glass, realizing that he had never really looked at his eyes before, never noticed that river of dark blue that flowed around his coal black pupils, the fine lines of a paler blue that were penned within those cobalt rings, or the way his thick black lashes curled slightly up at the corners of his slanted Oriental eyes, much like an elf. 

"Oh yes, your eyes are magnificent," Duo gushed, scooting forward on the windowsill as so he could be closer to Heero. "Eyes are the window to the soul, have you ever heard that? You must have a beautiful soul to go with such beautiful eyes, Hee-chan." 

"I don't have a soul," Heero had started to say when he felt Duo's lightning quick hands of a thief shoot forward and catch his chin, forcing him to turn and look at Duo once more. 

"You're a dreadful liar, you silly bastard," Duo was smiling warmly at him, his thumb stroking Heero's soft cheek affectionately, the delicate flesh warming beneath his touch. Duo could almost swear he had seen a pale blush dusting the perfect soldier's features as his thumb played back and forth on his skin. 

It seemed to the God of Death that his luck to be at an all time high, considering that he was still alive and that their mission had been completed (more or less), Duo decided to push the limits. He leaned forward and kissed Heero gently on the forehead, barely lifting his lips from that sweet skin as he let his mouth creep down the gentle slope of Heero's perfect nose, where he laid another fragile kiss before pilfering Heero's lips for his own in a desperate and longing touch. While Heero was not exactly kissing him back, the stoic young boy was not resisting him either, allowing Duo to let his passion flood in the torrent of his swirling kiss. 

Relena was still watching this exchange with disbelieving eyes. She had not been able to hear anything either of the boys had said to each other, their voices had been so hushed and secretive, as if the words they were speaking were meant only for their ears and not even God had the right to listen in. Her eyes had dilated to small pale blue circles as she watched Duo lean forward and plant a series of kisses upon a seemingly willing Heero. She felt her heart twist and convulse at the sight, realizing for the first time that Heero could barely stand her holding his hand, more or less a kiss. He had never let her do that to him. And that was not the worst of it. She found herself almost relieved that he seemed so occupied with Duo. Perhaps… perhaps Duo was right…. Maybe he was just a desperate hope I was clinging to. But still I… I can't help but feel like it should be me over there…. So why…? Why is it that I…? 

"At least I won't have to die alone," Duo flashed Heero a strangely cryptic grin as he pulled away. "I have you here!"

"What are you talking about?" Heero stared at Duo intently, his eyes narrowing into that classic Yuy death glare the Japanese pilot was so fond of shooting at his paradox of a friend. "I don't like it when you say things like that, Duo. It's kind of… scary…." 

"Yeah?" Duo arched a slim eyebrow over one blue-flecked indigo eye as he thoughtfully nipped the skin inside his cheek with his teeth. "Well death is a part of life, my dear boy. Might as well get used to it."

"You still have a long time to live," Heero said in his usual bland voice, stating what he thought to be the obvious truth. His eyes became tiny slits wreathed in thick eyelashes, the piercing Prussian blue of his irises shimmering from beneath his thick dark bangs. "You promised you wouldn't kill yourself. Don't tell me you lied to me." 

"Ah, so you do remember that day as well!" Duo smirked. Gotcha again, Heero. "Nevermind though. I would never dream of inflicting a premature death upon myself. It's all just some wicked accident that I'm still alive anyway." 

"You always like to say that," Heero said, his eyes still thin, though his mouth was curled in a definite smile that told Duo that he was just trying to try his nerves. Heero had gotten pretty good at that over the years, Duo had to admit, and not just with the whole mission/soldier/serious thing. Rarely was his commentary that harsh 'get the hell away from me or I'll kill you' sort, more genuine and meant for humour. It was one of those joking sort of jests, the kind that Duo loved being victim of, particularly if his tormenter was one Heero Yuy. Hey, you reap what you sow, he chided himself. 

"They found the photo negatives you nipped from Quatre that time, you know," Duo said, his expression echoing the crafty look in Heero's eyes. The sudden widening of the ex Wing pilot's eyes proved to Duo that he had captured the other boy's interest. "Heh, yeah, and you had me going like you had shredded those. Looks like someone doesn't like to forget so easily either." 

"I… I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them," Heero said quickly, his hastened words not being a lie, just not the complete the truth. "That had been a good day too. You were… I… just forget it." 

"Ah! A new ploy! Sincerity!" Duo laughed. "Don't forget that day, Hee-chan. But I suppose if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine by me. I'll just let my dirty little mind do all the work and make up whatever you wanted to say. Let me warn you, I just might quote you on it later."

"You're twisted," Heero said, his thin lips still in that mysterious smile as he gave Duo a playful elbow in the gut. "I suppose I can't hold it against you. You're off in a world of your own."

"Eh, it's okay. They know me here," he quipped without delay, his words never failing to come quick. He winked childishly at Heero. "So…." 

"So?" Heero sighed, staring back out at the rain. A low rumble of thunder could be heard over the hills. "Hmm, that should make you happy, Duo. A real thunderstorm." 

"Yeah," Duo let out a pleased little moan as he watched a crackle of lightning flicker across the sky. 

Heero could not help but note to himself that the mysterious young American sitting in the window beside him had begun to unfurl a bit, letting him know more than he thought possible with those three little words. And though Heero had this feeling like those words meant quite more than he understood at the time, he could not quite pinpoint just what it was. He was confused, just as confused as he had always been. He decided to just get what he had planned to do initially out of the way. Walking back over to the chair where he had laid Duo's trench coat, he lifted the heavy leather garment and picked up the small transistor from where it had fallen on the seat. "Here," he said, offering Duo the radio, returning to the window. Duo looked over his shoulder to see Heero holding out the transistor and smiled gratefully at him. 

"Hey, thanks Heero," Duo spun around, leaping off the windowsill and stepping towards Heero, doing his best to keep off his bad foot and conceal the pain. "Guess I won't be lonely tonight. Can't sleep right without music when I'm alone. Best rest I ever had were those times way back when you used to hold me until I fell asleep." He could feel a crimson blush creeping through the skin over his cheeks, and he was sure that his entire body was flushed bright red. Heero had never been one to be openly affectionate, but during the war, when Duo had the worst of times getting a nightmare free sleep, Heero had always been the first to put his arms around his frightened companion until he fell asleep on his shoulder. 

Heero remembered those times as well. He glanced briefly over Duo's shoulder to see what Relena's reaction to that would be, though it seemed she had fallen asleep. If it were not for the slight twitching of an eyebrow, Heero might have actually fallen for the ruse, she was feigning slumber so well. 

"Just… just take it," Heero said quickly, shoving the radio forward again, the metal device slamming into Duo's chest as he thrust it at his friend. 

"Eeeish, oww," Duo grimaced, buckling over a slight bit and gripping his stomach as he doubled over in pain. 

"God, Duo!" Heero recoiled his hand like a spring, tossing the radio aside onto the other bed as he went to grab Duo. "What's wrong?"

"Just a little… hard…." Duo winced, trying to force a smile. 

"I barely touched you, you idiot!" Heero snapped, his worry over his friend practically dripping out of his ears as he guided Duo over to the spare bed. With one fell movement of his hand, he wrenched off Duo's shirt, causing the American to let out a low growl of discomfort. Heero's eyes first grew wide with surprise and then narrowed to deadly slits that beamed nothing but anger when he saw the field of bruises that littered Duo's torso. There were even the remains of sloppily healing wounds on his arms and over his chest. Heero gritted his teeth, his rage at Relena for allowing such a thing to happen surging around him in an intense aura that seemed to make the air in the room thick. He turned to glower at her 'sleeping' form. He knew she was aware of the death glare he was sending her way and he hoped it damn well shook the life out of her. "What did they do to you?" he questioned Duo, who lay there with his eyes tactfully averting his friend's as he chewed his lip in an effort to suppress the now-obvious pain. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Didn't want you to worry," Duo managed to say with a weak grin as Heero went about fingering each of Duo's bruises, watching the American's face for a reaction to judge how severe the injuries were. 

"That's a lame excuse," Heero said in his simple curt tone. "I'm going to get one of the nurses to look you over. You're obviously in no shape for bounding around like that. How long has it been hurting? Is the pain constant or is it off and on?" 

"Sometimes it hurts more than others, but it always manages to hurt a little," Duo said honestly, not wishing to lie to Heero. He had never lied in his life before, and he figured he did not want to start now.

"You lie still then," Heero commanded, pushing Duo back into the flat hospital pillow. "If I come back and I see you've moved off that bed, you'll have a whole new list of injuries to add to the ones you got on the mission." 

"I love how you are so threatening even when you're trying to do something nice," Duo squinted his eyes shut and stuck out his tongue with a childish smile adorning his cherubic face. "I guess there's no stopping you. Go to it before I die then, if you're so worried." 

The corners of Heero's mouth quirked at the strangely funny comment, despite its morbid phrasing, as he turned abruptly on his heel on his quest of going find a staff member to examine Duo. He had known that Duo had suffered some form of abuse while in captivity, but he had not realized the damage had been that bad, that crippling. Duo for his part had never let on that he was in pain of any kind until Heero had unexpectedly touched him like that. If even little nudges like that make him buckle over, there is certainly some serious stuff going on there. I hope he'll end up okay…. He frowned at that thought, wondering why he was so worried over injuries that were sure to heal in a few days. He would have never made such a fuss over something like this way back when he and Duo had first met, but now, he found himself always fawning over Duo, making sure he was perfectly alright. He used to like to tell himself that it was because that when Duo was happy and carefree, he would make sure that he was feeling that sense of freedom too. But now he was no longer sure that silly justification was the only reason he cared so much for Duo's well being…. 

There was a thin sliver of moon hanging in the black sky outside the window. Relena could see it barely etched against the sparse dark blue clouds that were painted across the heavens as she lay in the hospital bed, watching the only image that would calm her raging emotions. But no matter how calming the moon was, it was also cold and did not respond to the sad stories she had to tell. Glancing down from the window, to the more immediate outline of Duo's bed that sat just feet away from her own, she could make out his barely moving body, curled up his side. It's my fault he's like that, she said to herself, beating her conscience up mentally at the notion that she was the cause of the near-death of a man who had helped to attain the peace she had sought so desperately. And now all I've done is push them both away from me, no matter what they say. They'll never look at me quite the same way ever again. 

In a chair between the two beds was Heero, toppled over the arm on Duo's bed, his head resting beside the American's in a peaceful slumber, hand wrapped tightly around his friend's. Relena found her eyes magnetized to that link between the two, seeing the way Heero's fingers were curled so possessively and yet at the same time, delicately, about Duo's slender hand. She could see their foreheads barely touching on the one pillow, their bangs falling over each other in a mixture of different shades of brown. He'll never hold my hand like that…. He never would have, I guess, and now I know he never will….

Her train of thought was interrupted as Heero let out a low groan in his sleep, rearranging himself in his chair and rearranging his head on the pillow, pulling Duo's hand closer to his own body. "Duo," she heard him mumble amid his shifting. "You'll be okay, Duo."

She wanted to just fall asleep and ignore the scene before her. It hurt too much, and even though she had heard that sometimes the truth hurt more than a lie, it was starting to dawn upon her that the infatuation she had for Heero had been naught but a wicked lie. She had been living a lie…. 

"I know you don't like it," Heero was muttering now, still moving slightly as he went on whispering in his sleep to the gently snoring boy on the bed. "But I had to do it… shoot her that is."

"Why?" Duo was speaking now. His eyes were still covered by his masked by his dark eyelids. Whether or not he was talking in his sleep as well, Relena could not tell, but she was listening intently now, unable to tear her ears away from this hushed conversation. 

"She was the vision of innocence but…." 

Duo let out another low snore as he shook his mane of chocolate hair, the barely braided tresses catching the silvery blue moonlight as the danced over his back and fell over the bed again. So he had been sleeping…. 

"Innocence almost killed love." His words were breathy and almost nonexistence, as if they were the words spoken in a tenuous dream that would shatter with the slightest breeze. 

Relena realized that she had been biting her lip so hard that blood had begun to drip down her chin. In his subconscious, Heero had no idea what he was rambling about, but she remembered reading somewhere that the subconscious put together the thoughts and truths of the mind to form what was commonly labeled as a 'dream.' Heero's subconscious was whispering to him about love, and the sleeping Japanese was wording his thoughts to the one who obviously was alighting in his mind's eye. 

And it was not she. 

"Miss Relena," she vaguely heard a voice in the fog that surrounded her half-asleep mind. Someone shook her gently and spoke again. "Hey, Miss Relena, wake up." 

She forced her eyes open, the blurry image of Wufei beginning to focus in. He was bent over her bed, already full clad in his Preventers uniform, prodding her good shoulder gently in an effort to rouse her. 

"You need to eat breakfast and take your medication," he was saying as she sat up, her eyes falling upon the steaming bowl of cinnamon covered oatmeal beside the bed. "You don't want that wound to start hurting again, do you?"

Beyond the bowl was the vase of flowers and the chair Heero had been sitting in the night before. Then she realized that the bed beside the chair was empty, Duo's trench coat was gone and there seemed to be no trace that either boy had been there the night before. "Wufei!" she exclaimed, sitting completely up straight now, despite the shooting pain in her shoulder and arm. "Where's Heero? What happened to them?"

Wufei sighed, dropping down on the other bed as he folded on leg over the other. "They left very early this morning to catch a flight back up to L1. The sun hadn't even been up by the time they'd gone." 

"Oh," she said simply. She reached for the spoon lying beside the bowl and began the slow process of feeding herself one handedly with her non-dominate side. 

"Did you think it would have been easier if you had seen them off?" Wufei beat her to the quick, stabbing her thoughts exactly. He always had great intuition that way. "This has all been very strange for everyone. I don't think anything like this has ever happened before."

 "Please don't remind me," she groaned between bites. "It really doesn't make me feel good thinking about what I did."

"No, maybe not," Wufei said with a little forward nudge of his head, his thin black eyebrows arched as he spoke. "You may regret your actions, but you should be able to learn from your mistakes. If you forget what you did, then it only leaves room for you to make the same blunder once more. Tell me, Miss Relena, have you learned from your mistakes?" 

"A little, I guess," she put the spoon aside, suddenly losing her appetite. She quickly reached for the two caplets sitting beside the glass of milk that had come with her breakfast and downed them before she went on. "I feel like I've lost a part of me. I don't know how I will go on without... Heero…." 

Wufei looked at her quizzically, resting his chin in his hands. "You loved him that much? Are you sure?"

"Duo said he thought he was my way of escaping," Relena said softly, thinking about the words Duo had spoken to her while he had been in her keeping. She twisted the blankets in her fingers nervously at the thought, knowing how hard the delicate memory was to think about. "I almost feel like he was right, now that I think on it." 

Wufei closed his eyes, images of a certain young black haired girl from his past rushing through his mind. "Love is not always something that is obvious. Perhaps what you felt for Yuy was love. Maybe your love was an escape. But whatever it was," he opened his eyes once more, the murky black pearls staring over the space between the beds at her, "do you love him enough to let him go?" 

"Let… go?" 

Meilan danced across Wufei's mind once again, reminding him what it felt like to be in love before he spoke again. It would be unjust to misguide her; I must choose my words carefully. "You could love someone very much, but sometimes, things aren't always meant to be. You could love him enough to want to be with him, and I think it would take a strong person to want to love, even if that love was not returned. However, I think it takes a stronger person to let go of the one they love if it really just isn't meant to be." 

"Wufei…." She could see in his eyes that the words he was speaking came not from years of ponderous logic, but from his heart, a heart that might have been deprived of love for many years as well. 

The expression chiseled onto his hard face looked longing and almost sad, like if he were recalling a very dear and important memory as he went on with what he had to say. "I loved someone once, a very long time ago. Though it took me a long time to realize too late what love was, I had to let go of her. She's the only one I ever really loved, and I love her still, but I had to let her go. The gods took her away from me. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I've learned to move on with my life. I can't dwell on the past when I have an entire life in front of me to live. I hope you realize that as well, Miss Relena." 

"God has not taken Heero away from me!" she said almost desperately, begging as if Wufei had the power to change what Heero felt in his heart. 

"But God has given his heart to someone else," Wufei responded, those dark eyes shining with the vast intellect that they screened. "You would have to be stupid, blind or both not to see that he loves Maxwell." 

"They're like brothers!" Relena insisted. "Wufei! You were in the war with them! You know, they're like brothers, aren't they?" 

His gaze falling downwards once more, that reminiscent look crossing his features, he let out a low chuckle. "Maybe if you only walked by them on the street and saw Maxwell laughing that stupid laugh of his and Yuy trying hard to ignore his antics, yeah, you might say they were like brothers. But if you fought side by side with them and took time to know them, you would soon see that there was much more to that relationship, even if they were both thick enough not to realize it. It seems that the world seems to notice things like that before the two people ever do." 

"Huh?" Relena could not see what Wufei was thinking about, and his words proved to be nothing more than a mystery, alluding to some particular image in his head. 

"Seeing the way Yuy was making such a big fuss about the contusions he found on Maxwell yesterday made me remember a time when the three of us were captives of OZ together," he was saying, his expression now glassy, as if he had left the present and was no longer aware of the sterile hospital room or the wounded Vice Minister lying in the bed. "Yuy was doing his best to act like a perfect bastard, not saying much and just staring darkly ahead of him as if he wanted to kill something. Maxwell, well, he was doing his best to act like that annoying bubbly knot of cheer he likes to use to cover up when he's really feeling hurt inside, while I sat in the corner, meditating and just watching. I had never really spoken much to either of them, and what I knew about them was from databases and things passed along by word of mouth. I could tell you right now, Miss Relena, I learned the most I ever learned about the both of them during that time." 

"Wufei, what are you getting at?" Relena sort of whined, wondering where he was trying to go with this seemingly pointless story. Wufei had always been the sort to make a story more than just a retelling of events, but a lush philosophical image that most certainly held meaning of some kind. 

"Shh, Miss Relena. Just listen," Wufei put a finger to his lips to emphasize his request before he continued the story. "Heh, Yuy seemed to think I was either not paying attention or asleep at the time. I remember watching him from beneath half-lidded eyes as he took the loudmouth in his arms and silenced him with lying the back of his hand over his mouth before he spread the idiot out over his lap and checked his body over carefully for injuries. He was very gentle with him, his hands playing over Maxwell's near limp form in a tender way that you would never expect from someone so cold. It was almost as shocking as when he let Maxwell sleep with his head on his shoulder all night, as if it were the most natural thing in all the world. It was there, even then, Relena. It's still there. It always will be there. Yuy cares for Maxwell more than anyone, and it would take a moron not to notice it. Too bad the both of them happen to be the biggest morons I've ever met in my entire life." 

Innocence almost killed love, the words Heero had spoken in his sleep the night before rang through her head. She had almost killed Duo… she had almost killed his…. It all was starting to become a dismal reality. 

"Relena," Wufei rose, seeing the look of hesitance and fright illuminating her girlish face, walking to the foot of the bed and leaning on the footboard. He said her name again, his voice definite and assertive. "Relena, I want you to listen to me. One day, you'll meet someone who will be charming and perfect and wonderful just for you. Maybe he hasn't come along just yet but there has to be someone out there amongst the stars who can make you happy. My love has already returned to those stars. That doesn't mean that they won't send me another. I will wait for her. She'll come to me." Wufei nodded and stood back up, straightening his Preventers jacket. Before he left the room, his hand resting on the doorknob, he said reassuringly as if to help dry the tears forming in Relena's eyes. "He's out there, somewhere, Relena. Think of how many moments have passed you by because you were so caught up with something that just wasn't meant to be. Open your heart up to the world. There is so much out there if only you would look." He smiled faintly. "I think it's time innocence met adulthood. Don't let life just go by like that." 

She could only nod dumbly at him. 

Before the door closed behind him, the Chinese boy stuck his head into the room and said in a comforting voice, "You shouldn't feel like anyone has the right to tell you how to experience life, but you should be able to understand for yourself when you 'ought to just let things go. I'll ask you again, do you love him enough to let him go?"

Relena let out a heavy sigh and spoke the one word that she knew would change her life forever, the one word she thought she would never say, but knew in her heart that she meant with every fiber of her existence. 

"Yes."

—O—


	10. Lay Me Down

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel

Part IX ~ Lay Me Down

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

—O—

 Heero carried his wilting burden carefully up the stairs towards their apartment door. Duo had been sleeping for most the journey, the aftershocks of the whole mission probably just catching up with him. Leaning the peacefully snoozing American on his shoulder, he balanced between keeping Duo from sliding to the floor in a crumpled heap and letting the weight of Duo's trench coat and the duffel bag, covered in Preventers logos and stuffed with a few miscellaneous articles of clothing such as Heero's jacket and Duo's leathers, plus Heero's laptop, the baseball and Duo's radio, of course, carefully packed away amid the soft cloth. 

"Duo, just… rest here for a bit," Heero muttered to the sleeping boy as he laid him on the low to the ground double bed in his room. Flinging Duo's coat over the back of the wooden chair that sat beside the desk, and dropping the bag to the floor nearby, not even bothering to unpack the clothes inside, quite out of the ordinary for someone like Heero. The nerve-wracked Japanese boy yanked the chair out from under the desk and collapsed down into it, his head crashing forward onto wooden tabletop, eyes sliding closed with fatigue. "You… you really are much quieter when you sleep…."  Heero mumbled into his arm as he felt sleep caress his eyelids. As he began to truly tumble into the world of sleep, he could not help but think how much Duo's silence reflected the a calm that had seemed to be lost to the American and a frightening quiet that reminded Heero far too much of death… and Duo's death was just something he refused to accept. 

He was lost in a dream again, one where he felt the world slip from around him, sending him plummeting from his heavenly position amongst the stars. He found himself wondering why he still felt so empty and removed, even after the mission had been completed and was now no more than a memory of his past. Why this feeling of emptiness…?  Wings of long white feathers that had once kept him hovering out there in space were suddenly falling to pieces as he made the plunge down towards heaven knew what, each creamy plume Always true to our dreams from his back the further and further he descended. Squinting his eyes closed, for the first time in his life, truly frightened as to what would befall him, even in this dream world, he pretended that it would not matter what happened to him, like he was the perfect soldier again… even though he knew such a thing was a lie. Perfection had been marred with emotion, and Heero was starting to wonder if it had really been worth living all his life in such a barren existence all these years, never feeling much for anyone until now. Until…. 

Suddenly, he felt the surge of crashing downwards come to a raging halt. No longer falling and now secured in what felt like a pair of very strong arms, Heero let out a breath of relief, feeling as safe as he ever had in the possession of this unnamed saving god. Won't have to die, not yet…. Won't have to be… afraid of dying yet…. 

He jolted awake, forcing himself upwards into a sitting position. Winding around in the chair, he could see the neon digits glowing 23:42 on the clock beside the bed, setting Duo in a strange reddish glow. The clock had been turned so that it almost directly faced the crumpled shape on the bed, the numbers reflecting in the large amethyst hoped irises of Duo's eyes as he stared right into the crimson lines dashed upon the clock's face. 

"You're awake?" Heero said, startled, realizing that Duo's eyes were wide open, the numbers glowing in scarlet dashes in his eyes. 

"Yeah," Duo whimpered feebly, as if it hurt him to talk. 

"Still in pain?" Heero asked, a little alarmed by Duo's weakened tone. He had not made it seem like he was hurting that much before, even after Heero had realized Duo was covered in darkened bruises, purple enough to match his eyes, and that his ankle was twisted. 

"Kind of," came the hissed reply, brief in words. It was not a cold sort of tone, just forced, as if it truly did hurt for him to talk. And if Duo was having trouble talking, it was safe to say that there was something very, very wrong. 

Heero got up from the chair and dropped himself at the foot of the bed, moving Duo's injured foot into a more comfortable position. "Anything you need me to do?" 

"No," Duo half groaned, half whined, his voice muffled by the pillows he buried his porcelain face in. He was silent, little whimpering noises barely audible from the depths of the soft cushions Duo was near smothering himself with. Then he said in that weakened sounding voice, "Yes." 

"What?" Heero's voice, though still unwavering from that one baritone note, was not unkind, if anything, imploring. 

"Radio," Duo whispered. 

Heero smiled faintly, ready to comply to his barely mobile friend's wish, and got up, making his way over to the duffel where he had packed the little transistor radio. He laid his laptop upon the desk and pulled out the radio and the baseball, bringing both over to the bed. Setting the radio down beside the clock, he settled himself on the edge of the mattress, gingerly turning the baseball over in his hands. "Aren't you going to turn it on?" he asked Duo, who still seemed entranced by the red numbers shining on the clock. 

"No, it's… okay," Duo answered, turning slightly so one large jeweled eye was now watching Heero. "I know my music pisses you off. It's fine if it's just there. Just seeing it helps me to think about stuff." 

"You'd rather talk about what's on your mind with an inanimate object than share it with me," Heero pretended to sound hurt, though the almost playful light in his eyes and the smirk on his face sort of blew his cover. 

A pillow came flying over Duo's body, nailing Heero in the shoulder as it whipped by so quickly, it took a second for him to realize what had happened. "Aw shut it, Hee-chan! You know that's not true at all." For a moment, it almost sounded like a completely unhurt typically bouncy and oozing with cheer Duo. 

"Guess you're not so bad off that you can't abuse me," Heero said with a light chuckle. 

He felt a very tight grip wrap around his stray wrist, ripping the support out from beneath him and jerking him down onto the bed beside the prostrate Duo. He could feel Duo's warm body nearly pressed against his back and the American's ragged breath fanning gently on the back of his neck, toying with the mahogany chunks of hair that fell over his nape. Between each soft mouthful of air, Duo managed to say, before trailing off and nearly dropping into another nap, "Guess not but…." 

"But?" Heero tried to roll over on his back, but the sparse area between the edge of the bed and Duo's body allowed him little room to do so. Not only that, but the way Duo had his arm pinned above his head would not have allowed for a very comfortable shift in positions either. "Duo?"

"I'm still awake, Hee-chan," he murmured, his breath now so hot against Heero's skin that he could swear that Duo had actually inched closer to him in those past brief seconds. 

"Aa," Heero was able to make a sound of agreement, once again lost for words. 

A short silence ensued between them, as so frequently it seemed to when there was nothing to say, or when each boy was lost in his own individual thoughts. Heero found his mind wandering to thoughts of the strange peace he felt when so near Duo, and even though they were not speaking to each other with words, there seemed to still be a mutual feeling of understanding and communication between them. Duo, meanwhile, was wrapped up in his own revelries, drinking in the subtle bliss of having the most beloved person in his entire life so close by. 

"Hee-chan?" 

"Aa?" He made that sound again, this time begging for Duo to speak instead of finishing off his words.

"Don't leave me," came the feeble whisper. "Don't ever leave me alone." 

"Duo, what are you talking about?" Heero finally managed to free himself of Duo's tight hold and rolled himself onto his back, half hanging off the side of the mattress, there was so little space. Flinging his far arm behind his head, the other sandwiched between their two bodies, Heero said, "Duo, when you say you won't leave me, take it that I won't leave you either. I… I would never abandon someone I…." Heero turned his head to look at Duo, who was still sprawled on his stomach, half his face buried in the downy pillow, one large unblinking plum toned eye watching him with the most intense curiosity. The way Duo brought his hand over top of Heero's seemed to be all the reassurance he needed, and he said no more, realizing that Duo understood. 

"Goodnight, Duo," Heero said quietly, beginning to push himself up into a sitting position. "I'll just be asleep in your room. I hope you feel better in the morning." He was about to slide off the bed, when he realized that Duo had grabbed his hand once more. "Duo…?" 

"Don't… leave me," Duo choked back a tiny sob, his long fingers wrapping tightly around the bottom of Heero's hand. Heero followed the line of his arm, down to the hand that Duo had locked in his unrelenting grasp. He could not help but notice the way Duo's fingers were so slender and perfect, like a china doll's hand that could break with the slightest touch. He had never realized what a delicate creature Duo was, also noting for the first time how dainty his wrists were, despite the faint scars that still cuffed them, or how slim his arms were, almost feminine. He really was quite a wiry boy, with a long neck and narrow hips, his outlandishly beautiful eyes and wide plush lipped mouth making his face almost elfin in appearance. "Don't go… please, Hee-chan," he said again, dragging Heero from his trance. "Can't you hold me, like you used to? Just this once, please?" 

It was getting harder and harder for Heero to resist those pleading eyes of Duo's. This time, he almost felt himself seem to go weak at the knees and collapse right back on top of him, those huge wine coloured eyes almost intoxicating as they danced in the darkness, casting a light of their own. He felt this sharp pang run through him, almost as if the soldier's instincts in him were still trying to pull him away from affection, despite how close he had come to Duo over the years. "Duo, it's… it would be strange to do that now… for both of us." 

"Please," he was still begging, tugging desperately on Heero's hand like a small child. 

Heero could see the frightened lost little boy screaming for some love behind those strange eyes. No matter how cheerful Duo acts, Heero was beginning to realize for the first time, he's just as afraid as I am. 

"At least kiss me goodnight then, if you won't stay," Duo's fingers loosened his surprisingly strong grip on Heero's wrist. "Like Sister Helen used to, when I couldn't sleep. She'd say, 'Duo, there's no need for you to cry. The hurt will go away tomorrow.' And then she'd kiss me, right here," Duo laid a pair of fingers on his forehead, still lost in his memory. "Then she'd tuck me in and it would actually seem like everything really would be okay." He looked up at Heero again, his mind returned to the present moment. "So can you make everything okay, Heero?" 

"I don't know if I can do that," Heero sighed wistfully. He was about to slowly make his way back to the desk and at least sit there until Duo went back to sleep when he saw those childish eyes watching him sadly, and at that, he could not refuse his friend's wish. "But I can surely try," he amended, leaning over and planting a chaste kiss on Duo's brow. 

Duo let his eyes fall closed as he took in the feeling of Heero's mouth pressed against his skin. It may have been only a friendly gesture, but Duo found himself lost in the feeling of having Heero so close. It really was crazy of him to even hope that Heero might fall in love with him the way he had with him, but Duo had never been one to give up on crazy dreams. Putting pain after passion, his fingers slowly crept over the blankets to where Heero had planted his hands on the edge of the mattress, covering the tense knuckles with his gentle touch. He could have sworn he almost felt Heero weaken a bit at the elbows as he did so. Suddenly, he decided not to care, and that if he had always banked everything on chance, it would be a wretched time to stop. Before Heero could even register what had happened, Duo had flung one arm around his neck, his other hand creeping beneath Heero's chin as he wrenched the Japanese boy upon the bed, sending him lolling all over him. Once more, Duo found himself with his mouth frantically driven against Heero's; pouring out that desperate hope Heero might understand his love. He soon found himself waged against Heero in a match for dominance of the kiss, much to Duo's shock, as the two boys wrestled over the tangled sheets, each taking his turn at pinning the other and forcing down with his tongue and lips in a reckless mêlée for supremacy over the other. 

"Hee-chan," Duo purred in a soft voice against the corner of Heero's mouth as he pulled away for a moment before being mercilessly thrown onto his back again, Heero atop him once more, their tongues battling once more in another fiery kiss. 

At long last, though the time seemed quite fleeting to Duo, Heero yielded and pulled away. Even in the dark, the piercing whites of his eyes conflicted against the now subdued tones that swam in his Prussian eyes as he slinked off the bed, his gaze never leaving the heavily breathing American stretched out on his bed. "Goodnight, Duo," he said quietly as he rose to his feet, smoothing his tussled shirt and his pants, which had become sloppy during the brief moment of passion. It had felt so right, almost too right, throwing reason away to the wind. He remembered something Duo had said once, a long time ago, something that went along the lines: The very essence of love is uncertainty. That's what makes it love. 

"I still…. Goodnight Heero," Duo finally gave up on trying to get Heero to watch over him all night. What do I have to worry about? He'll be right over in the next room so if I need… I… I…. 

"Duo?" Heero was standing in the open door, the pale light from the kitchenette spilling over his shoulders into the darkened bedroom. "Duo, are you sure you aren't in any pain? Because if you are…."

Duo considered lying about it for a brief moment, only to drop the idea as soon as it came to mind. "It doesn't really hurt… not anymore," he said with a sheepish grin. It was probably one of the truest things he had ever said in his life. "Not on the outside anyway." 

Heero narrowed his eyes as he hung there in the doorframe, his suspicion that Duo was trying to hide something from him shooting like arrows from a crossbow across the room. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" Duo cocked his head slightly to one side as Heero swept back into the room and gave him a little nudge, as if to tell him to roll over. 

"Pretend like you're okay when you're practically dying on the inside," Heero explained as he fell on the bed beside Duo. Reaching over the space between their two bodies, he pulled Duo close in an embrace reminiscent of those times back in school, during the war, when Heero would comfort Duo on his nights of unrest. "It's not something I like to see, my God of Death upset, that is. Makes me feel like the universe is out of balance or something."

"Oh but it already is," Duo protested, cuddling as close as was physically possible to Heero's body. He gripped Heero's shirt it tight fists as if he knew that Heero's holding him had some sort of catch. "It's not like you do any better. Doesn't take an idiot to notice how hard you try to hide your heart. I think it's a godforsaken miracle that you haven't bloodied your lips, you're biting them so damn hard all the time, you know?"

"So it's duly noted, then," Heero commented blandly, though Duo could sense the attempted warmth behind the words, something that made Duo almost want to shed tears of joy. "I'm afraid, Duo."

"Of what? We've completed our mission," Duo said, letting his eyes slid closed as he took in Heero's heavy scent, noticing how perfectly he seemed to mold against the other boy's finely muscled frame. "So there shouldn't be anything to be scared of anymore. You should be able to sleep well now, Hee-chan."

"That's not the kind of thing that scares me," his words fell out between husky breaths that fanned out over the top of Duo's head, tossing the loose strands of hair that had fallen free of his braid across the pillows. 

"Are you still afraid of my friendship… my… love?" Duo ventured tentatively, almost afraid of what Heero would say in response. There was the faint warmth of a now familiar reddish colour rushing to his cheeks as Heero did nothing but hold him closer in place of words, whispering some comforting form of a goodnight into the mess of Duo's loosening hair. Duo found himself falling asleep feeling as if there were never any other place for him that could be more perfect than here in these arms. 

It happened that way for quite some time, Heero sleeping nearby Duo, often in the same bed, as the American boy's injuries slowly started to heal. While his eventual recovery was a great thing, considering that it would allow Duo some more movement (because quite frankly, the restraints of not being able to be all over the place for someone as lively as Duo could prove to be quite a problem), Duo could feel nothing but a small air of sorrow, knowing that he would miss Heero allowing him to cuddle all night long. He often found himself curled up against Heero's side in the middle of the night, wondering if the boy sleeping beside him felt more for him than he let on. The fact that Heero was willing to enfold Duo once more in that possessive grip that the American boy was sure had been forgotten with the war was enough to let Duo's mind wander with the possibilities. So it's probably not true, he would always end up reasoning before nodding back off, but it sure is nice to dream that it might be…. 

It all could not be avoided, of course. Soon Duo was able to walk on his foot once more and he no longer had that ripping pain undulating through his body whenever he tried to move. Heero helped Duo move all the things that had managed to migrate to Heero's room over the course of the past few weeks back to their rightful owner's ruinous domain and next thing Duo knew, everything had been shot right back to the way it always had been; short dark and silent slaving away on his laptop in his darkened bedroom whilst Duo tried his hardest to be noticed. It was like nothing had ever happened. Duo could almost see every deep conversation the two had ever had not only during their time working on ASTROPHYLL, but throughout their entire lives together, seeping down the drains to be washed far downstream with the rain. 

He wished he could be back on Earth again, even if it were just for a moment, so he could taste the rain once more and be reminded of the kisses he had captured from Heero's mouth. Then, he decided, I can die happy, because I don't think that I will ever get much closer to Heero. I came so close to cracking that hard shell of his pride, and I thought I might actually have a chance to make him understand but… it seems like the tides have washed it all away again, just when I was about to succeed…. 

—O—

The apartment was virtually screaming with the silence it bore, despite the fact that its two occupants had since returned to living there as they used to before their mission flew up. In the dark of his room, Heero had hidden himself away with his laptop, barely daring to come out for even meals. Duo was not even home either, and still, Heero found himself holed up in that dark bedroom, working like mad on his computer, the only light he had seen in quite some time being the machine's dim glow that basked his features in pale white streaks. As far as official mission reports and other data that had to be thrown together, Heero had nothing left to do. In fact, he had been wasting away just upgrading and running system checks on his machine for nearly a day and a half now. Since Duo had healed up enough to get around on his own, Heero had gone to hide, crawling back further into the underground caverns of his emotions. 

Kneading his forehead with his sweat covered palms, Heero milled through his thought for what seemed the thousandth time that day. So he let me sleep with him again, he reflected, his mind at a wicked state of mental unrest as memories of past nights during the OZ days leapt back into his contemplations. It meant nothing then; why should it be any different now? He slammed his head downwards against the table in frustration, so aggravated by the sudden stream of confusion, (a sense which Heero certainly was not used to experiencing), that he barely noticed the slim bruise that began to form above his eyebrows where flesh had made contact with the edge of the desk. It was just a comfort, no more than an escape back then, when we'd sleep in each other's arms. That's all… that's all it… is…. He let the mantra swell through his head, trying hard to force the sentiment into reality, though he was beginning to realize that it was far from true. 

Absently, his hand snaked to the bowl of ripe green grapes that sat beside his laptop, grabbing a few in his nervous grip as he fumbled to get them to his mouth, eyes never leaving the enticing shine of his computer screen. I can't… I can't love him…. 

"Emotion has no place here!" he said out loud to the computer, his grape-free hand tracing the Preventers logo that adorned his desktop screen. 

"Still thinking like a soldier, even after all the danger's over, I guess," Duo voice penetrated the silence. 

Heero had been so involved with beating his anti-romance ideas into his head, that he had not even heard Duo walk into the apartment, much less into his room. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Duo leaning in the doorframe of the bedroom, arms crossed over his chest and one leg hanging over the other, the corona effect of the light blasting in from behind him making Duo look like he was standing in a halo. All Heero could make out were the whites of Duo's innocent looking eyes watching him from the room's doorway like a cat that was sizing up its prey. "I thought you were going to be out late at D's tonight."

"I was," Duo answered as he stepped into the room, closing the door gently behind him as he began to pad quietly over towards the desk in his bare feet, "but everyone thought I still looked a wreck. Manager told me that I could just ease myself back into things at my own pace, no need to rush. I was still going to hang out longer, but the whole gang literally forced me home. So here I am." 

"Oh," was all Heero could answer as he quickly turned away from the approaching form in the dark. If he had spoken any more than that one syllable, he was sure Duo would have been able to detect the tinge of delight that Duo would be able to keep him company again. No matter what sorts of lies Heero had been feeding himself, he was beginning to realize how lonely he was without Duo around, even more so after this last mission than ever before. 

"I'm really not that bad off anymore," Duo was saying as he pawed around Heero's chair, resting one sensuously leather-clad hip against the edge of the desk and leaning most of his weight on the fingerless gloved hand that he laid upon the wooden tabletop. "I don't know why everyone was making such a big fuss over me. I always could mend well, you know?"

"Yeah," Heero choked out, still staring intently at his screen, refusing to even give Duo a remote glance. One look had tended to send Heero reeling into a myriad of strange thoughts and feelings that he felt it would be simpler to just ignore. This soldier, who had merely laughed the idea of dying away to the wind, was running scared from the love of his best friend. 

"'Specially when I have someone who takes care of me so well," Duo practically purred with a little smile spread across his pale coral lips. Had there been more light in the room, or had Heero actually bothered to give Duo the tiniest upward stare, he would have seen Duo's dark red tongue slip between his teeth and moisten his lower lip. 

Heero froze as Duo said those last words, those mischievous little doubts about just how much he cared for the braided American going wild with wolf whistles and war whoops between his ears. Slowly, he resumed typing, the warmth that had swallowed his flesh beginning to ebb away. Soon his fingers were flying quickly as they had been a moment before, one hand stopping only long enough to grope for the grape bowl once again. Lucky for Heero there was such poor lighting in the room, the computer's backlit glow and the colony's meager nighttime simulation mingled with the ruddiness of the streetlamps below hardly enough to illuminate the fierce red flush that had washed over Heero's cheeks. A brief memory of Duo kissing the hollow of his neck back when they were in school together, during those old OZ days when they were naught but tormented soldiers, suddenly attacked his senses. He remembered feeling almost inebriated and reassured at the same time by the American's affectionate little touches. 

"So what'cha up to?" Duo asked, turning so that he was resting all his weight on both hands now, each planted firmly on the side of the table as he leaned over to try and get a glance at Heero's computer, pretty little ass stuck out in his leisurely posture. He had noticed how jittery Heero had been as of late, and he was not quite sure if it was something he had done or otherwise that had made his Japanese love so tense. He had seen Heero get somewhat nerve wracked after missions in the past, so Duo just pinned it all on that without another thought, not even considering what else could possibly be running along Heero's thoughts. 

"Finishing up some extra dossier work," Heero found his words jumping out quicker than he could even think them in the longest sentence he had spoken to Duo in nearly a day. "Nothing that exciting really. Maybe you should go fix dinner or something."

"Already ate," Duo grinned, the saliva on his lips from his incessant licking glittering in the wretched light. Watching Heero make another dive into the bowl of grapes he went on to say, "But that doesn't mean that I can't still be hungry. Share the wealth, buddy!" 

Heero nearly bit his tongue in surprise as he popped one of the small round juice filled orbs into his mouth when he noticed Duo sliding over the tabletop, unknowingly stretching himself out in a very suggestive sort of position as he reached for the grapes, his head cradled in the crook of one arm as he plucked a few from the stem. The ex Wing pilot found his eyes flicking up over the top of the screen at the curve of Duo's hips so finely accentuated by the tight leather of his pants. 

"Mmm, good stuff," Duo was drooling as he stole the entire bunch for himself, hanging the cluster of grapes over his head as he pulled each green marble fruit from the stem with his teeth and a good deal of tongue. Not that Duo was working very hard at making himself scream sex, but with the way Heero's mind had been toying with him for the past few weeks, plus the added knowledge of how much Duo cared, only seemed to prove to Heero that there just might be some deeper feelings than just friendship drifting around for the chestnut haired demon that lay on his desk. When that realization surged through Heero's mind, he found himself unable to tear himself away from the bit of Duo's tongue as he gently tugged the fruits into his mouth with his teeth and the way his ripped tight red shirt seemed to hug his slimly muscled torso, his eyes unable to look away from the whitish tan flesh that peeked out from the shirt's tears. 

Duo laid the grapes back into the bowl, a few still in his hand as he took to catching them in his mouth, each fruit captured deftly on his tongue with every toss like the whole process were the simplest most natural thing in the world. Heero, finding his snack back in reachable territory, absently went to grab another handful of the pretty wine tasting berries.

"Duo," Heero said suddenly, his hands hesitating once more. The fingers stopped dancing over the keyboard and his other hand twiddled a lone grape between his fingers nervously. "Have you ever lied to me? I know you always say that you don't but, have you ever lied?" 

Duo drummed his fingers on the tabletop, his upper arm winding forward, the grape pressed between their two palms as he took the hand into his. "Lie? What reason do I have to lie? I would never lie, least of all to you."

"So you wouldn't just be telling me things in an effort to make me talk," Heero was not quite sure as to what he was trying to get out of this sudden question, but the urge had come to his head, and he had been to wrapped up in other thoughts to quiet the impulse, another action that was quite alien to the perfect soldier, one who usually thrived on discipline. At Duo's perplexed expression, Heero tried to clarify. "I mean, the things you tell me, it's because you mean them, right? You don't want anything from me?"

"My love is no lie," Duo reprimanded, gripping Heero's hand tighter, threatening to squish the grape between the flats of their hands. "Love doesn't need anything in return, Heero. That's why… that's why it's okay if you don't love me back, so long as you will allow me to love you. And that's all I want." 

"No strings? No loopholes?" Heero was trying to see what Duo's expression was in the dark, but finding his vision strangely clouded as Duo laced their fingers together. "You don't need anything from me?"

"Believe what you want to believe, but that's the truth," Duo said sincerely, the grape finally exploding in their grip as he clasped Heero's hand even tighter than before. Gingerly, Duo dragged Heero's hand across the desktop to his mouth, proceeding to gently lick the grape's sticky carcass from Heero's fingers, the action drawing Heero from his chair and forcing him to lean a bit over the wooden expanse. Between gentle licks, Duo kept speaking in his softened purr. "Love with strings attached isn't love. Love, real love anyway, is selfless and overthrows life and even death. I love you just for you, nothing less. I really don't care if you understand or not, but…." He found his voice trailing off into the night, the rest of his sentence lingering with ambiguity as he returned to gently kissing Heero's hand, occasionally drawing his fingers into his mouth an sucking gently as he fell into the lazy verses of a song. 

"Our love is like water,

Pinned down and abused for being strange.

Our love is no other,

Than me alone for me all day.

Our love is like water,

Pinned down and abused….

Hey!

"All over you, all over me.

The sun, the fields, the sky.

I've often tried to hold, 

The sea, the sun, the fields, the tide.

Pay me now.

Lay me down.

Oh yeah."  

A quick glance from beneath his elfin eyelashes revealed a surprisingly unresisting Heero, who's eyes were half closed and lips parted just enough to suggest that he might be enjoying Duo's worship of his hand. Even the slow way he withdrew his fingers from Duo's gentle grip was enough to suggest that he had found pleasure in the moment. Suggestion fell into confirmation when Heero's hand traced its way back over the desktop, another grape pressed between his index and middle fingers, offering the ripe emerald berry to Duo's half open mouth. Once more, Duo took to inhaling each of Heero's fingers as he guided the grape into his mouth, turning the fruit over his tongue as he went back to his butterfly kisses, singing between each gentle lick. 

"Our love is like water,

Pinned down and abused for being strange.

Our love is no other,

Than me alone for me all day.

Our love is like angels,

Pinned down and abused…." 

After a moment's pause, feeling strangely muddled by the bullets of subtle contentment shooting up his arm, Heero spoke again, cutting off Duo's almost seductive singing, his voice sounding both confused and enlightened at the same time. "Duo," Heero suddenly reached back and slammed down the laptop's screen, his eyes sparking even though the main source of light in the room had been cut off. He suddenly had this desire to be kissed by Duo again, just to prove to the warring emotions inside who indeed was the victor. Heero said his name again, his voice dropping into an almost lust filled growl. "Duo." 

"Hee-chan?" Duo looked up, his teeth clenched around the middle of the grape Heero had just fed him, the look on his face dictating how bemused he was by Heero's sudden change in temperament. 

"Duo, I have to know," he sounded almost pathetic with the begging tones laced in his voice. "I have to know for sure what I feel." 

"You've discovered that you can feel, then," he said softly, propping himself up on his elbow, hips shifting in a tantalizing way with the clatter of chains and metal studs. 

"I have to know if it's what I…." he was whispering so softly that even Duo could not make out his mumbles, the rest of the Japanese pilot's words were lost to the night as he paced around the desk to where Duo's booted feet hung over the edge of the oak desktop. Crawling up onto the desk as well, positioning himself in such a way that he was holding himself above Duo on all fours, his lips barely inches from the other boy's grape juice slathered mouth as he continued to speak in a low husky voice, his breath feathering out over Duo's reddened and rapidly warming face. "I have to know if you're what I… what I want…." 

"Well I know what I want," Duo said with a breath heaved upwards in a puff of warm air that broke over Heero's face as he brought his gangly arms up to wind them around Heero's slender neck. "What I want is you." 

"Still?" Heero could not help but ask, his heart fearing for a moment that Duo would take back his feelings the next time he spoke. He was so petrified by the idea of someone actually caring for him as Duo did, but he was even more afraid of the fact that he might actually love Duo in return. Worse than that still was the feeling that, after a while, Duo really would just give up on him and walk out of his life, nevermind how tenacious the braided idiot could be, leaving him all alone. "How could you…?"

Duo silenced him with a light kiss as he murmured against Heero's trembling lower lip, "I don't know. It's a mystery." 

"Too many old movies," Heero said with a soft chuckle as he somewhat clumsily re adhered his mouth to Duo's. "Too much talking," he managed to get out before Duo yanked him closer than he already was, (if that were physically possible) to crush their lips together again. Heero found himself letting out a little moan as Duo started to roll his tongue against Heero's slightly ajar mouth, delving against the hot skin with little probing licks, finding to his satisfaction that Heero was actually kissing him back this time, with passion. 

"Is this what you want?" Duo whispered into Heero's mouth as he paused to take a tiny breath before bruising Heero's lips with another fierce kiss. 

"Will you just shut up?" Heero said in a tone that could have been mistaken for a snarl had Duo not known him as well as he did. His lips fell upon Duo's jaw and neck as he muttered a feeble explanation for his sudden forwardness against Duo's delicious skin, "I… uh… still haven't decided." 

"You really are a rotten liar," Duo giggled against Heero's cheek before rolling his head back a bit to allow Heero more flesh to kiss. "Always were, probably always will…. Heero…." 

"What?" Heero pulled himself up, finding those demonic little voices in his head swearing at him profusely (in a vast selection of languages to boot) for drawing away from the haunting beauty beneath him. 

"Oh well, whatever, nevermind," Duo shook it off, his hair tumbling looser as he made the movement with his head. His braid was starting to fall out of its thick brown twist, the individual brown pleats of chestnut hair spilling over the side of the desk, nearly tracing patterns on the floor. 

"Hn," Heero made his ever-useful response to Duo's evasiveness as he sat up straight, his legs still flung out on either side of Duo's slim waist. 

"What are you doing? Kiss me again you idiot!" Duo smiled widely as he grabbed Heero's green shirt, dragging him back down on top of him. Heero found himself entangled in Duo's long arms and lost in the sweetness of Duo's kiss. His attentions were no different than they ever had been, but this time, when Heero felt Duo so close, there seemed to be something else. Something that felt so much a part of him, he could swear it had been in his soul for quite a long time. Whether or not this something was an emotion, or Duo's essence, the bond they shared, Heero was not quite sure. Perhaps it was even a blend of both. No matter, it felt more and more right with each touch. 

"That's enough, for now," Heero said softly into Duo's ear, giving the tender lobe a tiny nibble, curiously tasting the honeyed flavour that seemed to be drizzled wherever Heero's lips explored. He removed himself from atop the desk and Duo's body, returning to his wooden chair that sat in front of the neglected laptop. 

He was just lifting the monitor up, his other finger reaching for the power switch when he was suddenly shocked by the drowsy Duo who sat bolt right up on the desk and banged the computer closed with an almost invisible flash of his quick hand. Heero, even with his stellar reflexes, barely had time to rip his hand from the keyboard before Duo smashed the screen down again. "Heero, I…." 

"Nani?" Heero questioned, his confusion at Duo's sudden actions forcing him to subconsciously take cover behind his native language. 

"I… Heero, listen," Duo shook his head, his hair threatening to fall completely over his face, the chestnut torrent still weaved into only about a third of the braid. He crawled over the desk, pushing the laptop out of the way as he took its spot, his legs dangling on either side of Heero's chair as he reached forward to place a hand on each of his shoulders. "Heero, sometimes, things are only beautiful if you love them enough."

"Duo…." Heero looked up at his longhaired friend, his own calloused hands inadvertently creeping to a rest atop the slim ones that lay upon his shoulders. 

"But you know," there was a small tear in the corner of Duo's eye that he tried to wipe away without Heero noticing as he bent forward, leaning his forehead against the other boy's, "sometimes things are so beautiful, you love them too much." 

Heero lifted a finger to Duo's eye to wipe away the droplets of salty water forming upon those thick lashes, distorting his jewel-like eyes with their glassy wetness. "Don't cry, Duo. Why are you crying?"

"I can't help it, Hee-chan," he started to sob, rubbing noses with the Japanese pilot sitting before him. "I love you too much. More than too much." 

"Why? How?" Heero asked for what seemed to be the millionth time in all the years spent together as Duo slid off the desk and deposited himself into Heero's lap. 

"You know that I could never find the words to tell you, or even begin to explain," Duo said, sucking back his sobs bravely, determined not to allow Heero Yuy see him cry. "Could you ever find the words to explain how you feel? You never could before, and now, neither can I."

"Maybe you don't always… need words," Heero reflected quietly, his fingers playing across Duo's bony knuckles. "It should just be that sudden… spark…. Like a phoenix or something from the ashes."

"My poetical obsession rubbing off on you, Hee-chan?" Duo said with a tiny smile, weak and still dripping with that regret, nevertheless simple and truly a genuine Duo grin. 

"You were irritating at times, loud and brash. Everything I couldn't stand in a person," Heero said in an equally soft and gentle voice. "But you nevertheless always seemed so optimistic, no matter how much it killed you on the inside. You always tried to make everything alright for everyone else." He grinned faintly in the darkness. "My only love sprung from my only hate." 

"Come again?" Duo could have sworn he had just died and gone to heaven. Had Heero just said that he loved him? More specifically, had Heero just quoted Shakespeare? 

"I…." he trailed off as he reached up to wrap his arms around Duo's slender neck. He lovingly pulled Duo downwards, and soon found his lips against Duo's once again. These kisses were beginning to become something that Heero would not be able to live without, the taste of Duo like an addiction or drug. Duo was pressing against him, his legs hooked around the back legs of the chair, hands still pressed clingingly into Heero's shoulders as he leaned into a loving kiss from the one person he never dreamed he would. 

Reaching back for a grape, his mouth still crushed against Heero's wanting lips, Duo whispered, "Yeah Heero? You what?" He slid the grape between his lips, turning it over his mouth with his quite talented tongue before he swooped down upon Heero for what seemed the zillionth time, unable to really get enough as he let the grape roll into Heero's mouth as he gently pried the perfect soldier's lips open with said gifted tongue. 

Chewing the fruit thoughtfully as Heero reclined back in the chair, Duo leaning forward as he did as so their chests could stay against each other. Heero almost seemed to melt beneath Duo's body as they just stayed like that for a few moments that seemed to last an eternity and at the same time, rush by in milliseconds. "Duo…." 

"Shh," Duo breathed into Heero's ear, hushing him with his heavy breaths. "You don't have to say anything. I know." 

"Do you?" Heero whispered into the darkness. 

"Of course I do, Hee-chan," Duo murmured against Heero's shoulder. "What do you take me for? An idiot?"

"Quite frankly, yes," Heero said sardonically. He could feel Duo quaking with laughter as Heero said that. That beautiful little smile crept to Heero's lips again, happy that these moments could please Duo so. Then a thought crept across his mind. Though he had meant to keep it to himself, he found that his mouth was moving anyway, his conscience barely aware of the words as he spoke them. "Duo, if you know, then how is it that I don't?"

Duo rubbed his forehead against Heero's neck affectionately. "I think you know as well. You're just afraid to admit it." 

"Duo?" 

"Uh huh?" 

"Could you…." Heero could feel himself faltering with the words, feeling awkward and unsure of how to go about asking Duo what he was about to. After a war of battles and death that failed to waver the perfect soldier, Heero had never felt as afraid as he did right then. "Could you show me? Help me be able to admit it. I don't want this uncertainty." 

"No? Well, love, I don't want that either," He could feel Duo laying kisses upon the juncture of his neck and shoulders, his warm lips sliding down his collarbone to kiss the hollow at the base of his throat. Slowly Duo rose, padding around the chair as softly as one in combat boots and creaky leather could as he examined each detail about the Japanese boy's appearance, details which Duo had memorized and knew by heart. He let his arms fall in an embrace around Heero's neck and shoulders, burying his face into the mess of his love's hair. "What shall I show you?"

"A-anything you want," Heero practically gasped as Duo continued to whisper in his low bedroom voice. There was something about the way Duo spoke that seemed to bring out a wealth of suppressed primal hormones in Heero. 

"Oh anything, eh?" Duo sincerely liked where this was heading. He decided a round of good old teasing never hurt a soul, and being an expert on such practices, Duo figured it would be as good a time as any to exercise his skill. "Anything can mean a lot of things, Heero. What kind of anything do you want?" 

"Anything to do with you!" Heero found himself moaning as the loose encasement of Duo's arms slid lower around his body, soon wrapped around his waist in a loving embrace. 

"Me?" Duo purred, his cat-like growls starting to make Heero wish that he could free himself of the bondage of Duo's arms and jump the American boy right there on the floor. "Hmm, me…. What could we do with me?" 

He could no longer deal with it. Ripping Duo's fingers apart, with one fluid motion, Heero had flown from the chair to a kneeling position before Duo on the floor, staring the other boy right in the eyes. Their lips were inches apart, eyes drunk with the sight of each other. Heero had never in his life felt like he could not live without this need for Duo, but the realization that a life without Duo was just about as good as suicide was beginning to make itself more and more prominent in the head of the perfect soldier. 

"What are you thinking about, Heero?" Duo asked suddenly, his eyes seeming to liquefy into pools of dark purple coloured wine. 

Heero chose to keep his silence, not wanting to admit to Dup the strange feelings for him stirring inside for fear it would make him seem weak. He settled for collapsing forward into Duo's lap, his arms falling around Duo's slim waist as he pressed his cheek against the muscled stomach beneath the red shirt. 

"Heero?" Duo laced his fingers in the sloppy jumble of hair that fell over Heero's face. "Say something? Please, tell me what you're thinking." 

"No words," Heero mumbled into the ripped crimson shirt, his lips accidentally brushing flesh as he spoke. "I don't have the words…." 

"Of course you have the words," Duo chided softly. "There are always words. It's just being able to say them. Are you brave enough to talk to me Heero Yuy?" 

"No," he breathed. Duo could feel Heero tensing up in his arms, curling up in a fetal position, arms still clamped tight 'round his waist. "I can kill, I'm an ace pilot, math wizard, computer genius but I… I'm afraid of letting people know how I feel."

"You know, Heero, it takes so much pain away when you open up," Duo said, his hand running up and down Heero's spine gently, as if to console the now shaking boy in his arms. "There are a lot of things I always wanted to do, you know? I know a few of 'em were a bit farfetched and fantastic but you know what I always wanted most? You know what I always wished for, one every falling star I ever saw?"

Even in his silence, Heero spoke volumes. The light nuzzling against his stomach seemed to Duo to be Heero's way of urging him to go on. 

"I wanted to be with you," Duo finished with a little nod to himself as if to affirm it. "I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out what the void in my life was. I never really noticed at first, how I always seemed so empty whenever we weren't together, nevermind how rotten you can treat me at times. But you know, after a bit, I started to notice how much more complete you made me feel. Admitting it all to myself was easy enough, but goddamn Hee-chan, do you know how hard it was for me to admit my love to you out loud? Do you know how long it was gnawing away inside?"

"Gnawing?" 

"Yeah, gnawing. More like tearing," Duo nodded again, pulling Heero up so that the Japanese boy's head rested upon his shoulder. Duo cuddled his head against Heero's cheek as he continued. "I felt so much release when I finally got the courage to say it. Does that make me braver than you, Heero?" 

"Much more so," Heero breathed against Duo's neck, his breath now hot and seemed almost lust-filled. Duo closed his eyes, taking in that feeling, one he swore he would never forget. "You're a hell of a lot braver than me. Everyone I know is." 

"God, you know I hate liars, Heero Yuy, and it seems you've made a nasty habit of it," Duo chastised in a very innocent and playful manner. "Do I need to be a freaking clairvoyant to figure you out? So cut the crap, stop victimizing yourself and tell me what the fuck is going on in that head of yours!"

Heero paused, unsure of how to even begin to address Duo's request. At last he managed to stutter a few words he hoped conveyed his present state of mind. "Confusion, unrest, loneliness, unhappiness, regret…." 

"Is all you can come up with sad words like those?" Duo asked, his voice sounding worried that Heero might actually be a hell of a lot more depressed than he ever let on. "What about serenity or joyful? Are you really so sad?" 

"I dunno," was the automatic whispered reply, so hushed and quiet it seemed as if Heero were trying to keep it a secret even from himself. "I guess I want to be happy. Err, Duo…?"

"Yep?"

"Promise to keep a secret?"

"Cross my heart, hope to die," Duo said with a little laugh, ruffling Heero's hair affectionately. It was so rare when Heero was willing to open up like this that Duo would damn well promise to sprout wings and fly to the moon if it meant that Heero would talk to him like a normal human being. 

"You make me happy." 

Duo let out a series of short disbelieving breathes as his eyes wandered to the ceiling that hung shrouded in the darkness above as he crushed Heero closer to him without even realizing just how tightly he was pressing the Japanese boy to him until he felt Heero let out a tiny whimper for air. Releasing him with a rushed "Sorry Heero," Duo went back to trying to regulate his suddenly erratic breathing. 

"S'okay," was all Heero was able to mumble, his face buried into Duo's stomach once more. "I'm the one who 'ought to be sorry, for saying something so stupid." 

Duo jerked Heero to his feet and pushed him to the bed, sitting him forcefully down, the slender American's surprisingly strong pair of hands forcing him down into the mattress. Bending forward so he was staring Heero straight in the eye as he spoke, piercing violet locked in a battle against defensive Prussian. "Don't you ever say that admitting your feelings is stupid!" 

"But it sounded so…."

"Who the hell cares how it sounded? Not me!" Duo was near yelling at Heero, his obvious stand on the issue very apparent to Heero in the way he spoke. He could not quite recall another time that Duo had spoken to him in such a way that demanded such command. There was something in the way Duo held him in place like that, something about the way his eyes seemed to flicker a thousand different shades of purple as he spoke, as if a violet fire were set alight in those crystalline hoops, that seemed to say to Heero that this was not something he could brush off as lightly as other 'Duo-isms', as Quatre had once affectionately coined Duo's endless monologues.  "Heero Yuy, if your heart tells you to do it, then by golly, do it. And if your heart wants to say it, then say it. Even if you don't think that anyone is going to care, you should always say what you're feeling. It's bad enough to lie out loud, but way worse when you start lying to yourself. Don't ever lie to yourself." 

"Too bad I've been lying to myself for God knows how long," Heero answered, his almost unreadable glare fixated on Duo's dancing eyes, shining from beneath his thick eyelashes. "How does the truth sound, Duo?"

"Hmm, dunno exactly. But it feels like this," Duo said after a moment of thought, leaning forward to nip Heero's neck with his lips. Another kiss fell upon his jaw, slowly meandering back to his lips. "Or like this," Duo mumbled in his mellifluous low voice against Heero's mouth before kissing him hard again, the passion practically bruising Heero's lips into bloody ribbons. Heero could do nothing but melt into Duo's kiss, his body and his mind working in sync for once, telling him that this was ever so right. "My love is truth, Hee-chan." 

Heero could only nod dumbly in response, his mouth still way too preoccupied with Duo's to even try to minister a reply of any kind. 

"You're always creeping around in my head, Hee-chan, with that damn smirk on your face," Duo murmured as he finally pulled away once again, cradling Heero's lax form in his arms, his head buried under Heero's chin. "I always felt like you would be the death of me, you know? It's weird to think that at the same time, I always prayed you'd be my saving grace."

"Everything about you is such a paradox," Heero commented into Duo's shoulder, his voice soft and muffled by the warm red fabric. "Would your love be a paradox too?" 

"I think I told you this before," Duo said with that knowing smile of his, "but when you love someone so much it hurts, there's only room for more love. That's the only paradox my love has. I have only more love!" 

"Is that what this pain in my chest is?" Heero asked, his hand fluttering over his heart. 

Duo's hand found its way to rest upon Heero's knuckles, his other hand guiding Heero's other hand to lie upon his heart. "You feel that?"

"Uh huh." 

Duo smiled as he kissed Heero again, pushing the Japanese boy backwards onto the bed. His hands slid from Heero's breast to the mattress, planting themselves firmly above Heero's head as he dragged himself further up the bed, Heero's lips following his as if they were adhered to his with glue. Duo could feel his skin tingling with excitement as Heero's arms crept up around his neck, crushing their kiss even closer together. Once again engaged in that old war for supremacy over the other, they battled each other upon the mattress, rolling atop one another, taking turns pinning each other beneath a searing kiss. It was Duo who ended up the victor of this skirmish however; Heero was left pinioned beneath the braided boy above him, who now reared up with a playful little growl, his legs straddling the Japanese boy's slim waist as he pulled the restrained Heero's shirt from the confines of his jeans, toying with the green hem and mischievously pondering aloud what he was going to do with his captive. 

"Hmm, now what shall we do with my new plaything?" he purred like a great tiger as he shook his head about seductively, letting his hair fall completely free of the braid. Heero had never seen this aggressive side to Duo, and he had to admit, he was entranced by the way the little kitten had transformed in mere seconds to a growling jungle cat. "Little Heero said he wanted to play with me? What could we do then, hmm?" 

"Teach me," Heero managed to gasp before he gripped Duo's collar in a tight fist and yanked him back down atop him. The way Duo's slender body almost seemed to mold against Heero's like a warm blanket against his flesh, the pair of bodies seeming to drown in the sea of the American boy's waves of chestnut hair, crashing around them in luscious torrents. 

Duo's tongue was curling around Heero's ear, exploring and savoring as if it were all some dreadfully realistic and cruel wet dream that he would be torn away from at daybreak. He let a heavy breath fall over Heero's ear, clouding over the Prussian eyed pilot's cheek in a veil of spicy warm air as he whispered in a sultry voice, "Teach you what, Hee-chan?" 

"Teach me," he stifled a low groan as Duo gently rotated his hips against Heero, a sly grin painted in the darkness upon Duo's delicate face. As the American slowly began to grind harder and more wantonly against Heero's slightly quivering body, the young stoic pilot murmured up to him, reaching up to wipe the tiny remnants of his tears away from his Duo's makeup painted eyes, "Teach me, please, how to love, Duo." 

"Well now, little Hee-chan," Duo was speaking in that low purr again, still whispering tantalizingly into Heero's ear. "That's a very open-ended request. Any fool could teach you the physical aspects of love but it's another thing to teach the emotion love."

"Oh," Heero sounded almost dejected at Duo's answer. 

"But to tell you the plain and simple truth," Duo went on in his needlessly suggestive bedroom voice, set a tone that was near driving Heero mad, "I think you know plenty well what love is, and you don't need me to do any more explaining. Think I've covered pretty much everything I know about the feeling codenamed 'love.'" He chuckled, his whimsical laugh like a wind chime stirring on a dark gloomy day. 

"Understanding would mean that I could recite it to you in words," Heero said tautly as he melted beneath Duo's almost sinfully sexy form. "I have no idea how to even begin to explain what I feel." 

"Ah, that's it," he said softly against Heero's ear, the feeling of his warm coral lips fluttering against the sensitive cartilage as he spoke sending heated shivers down Heero's spine. A hot lick that traced its way over the top of his ear and swung around to fall upon his cheek with the added sensation of those same enticing rosy lips before he spoke again. "That's what love feels like. It's just blossoming inside, waiting to be nurtured. It'll make you want to just forget everything and sail into a beautiful oblivion where nothing else matters except love." 

"God Maxwe—Duo," Heero heaved against the lithe body that held him clamped to the bed as he went on with his little play kisses. "How do you know so much more about me than I do?"

"Not that hard," Duo shrugged as his mouth fell upon the place where Heero's shoulders rounded up into his slender neck. "It's written all over your face."

"Written? What?" Heero sounded confused, his instincts slowly starting to pervade over rational thought as he turned his head to the side to allow Duo's desirable lips more access to his neck, cushioning his cheek in the plush pillows piled beneath them. His hands were slowly snaking up Duo's arms, his fingers tracing every tiny detail of his longhaired god's build as they made their way to a resting place upon the bony rise of his shoulder blades. 

"I'm sure you'd know exactly what I mean if you bothered to take a damn good look at yourself," Duo was saying, though his words were almost intelligible between his breathy kisses. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? Do you even know what the hell it is that makes you so wonderful?" 

"No."

"Well neither do I," Duo answered as one hand slid up Heero's slim torso, caressing the hard muscles that were so tensed beneath his love's blushing skin. "But if you figure it out, you gotta tell me. You're such a mystery, even if I've spent a good part of my pathetic existence trying to figure you out." 

"Ah, Duo," Heero pressed his head back into the mound of pillows as he felt Duo's lips begin a seductive journey along the path his fingers had just traced. "You know me better than anyone ever bothered to know me; better than I ever bothered to let anyone know. Didn't matter how much I tried to hide behind the mask. You were always able to leave me open." 

"Love'll make you weak like that," Duo buried his nose into the slight curve where Heero's narrow hips melted into his slender muscled torso. "Fair warning and all." 

Heero smirked at Duo's wry sense of humour, trying his best not to laugh out loud. Suddenly, he felt Duo thrust himself hard against his body, once again pressed atop him and pushing him hard downwards into the luxurious mattress of Heero's bed, whispering into his clavicle. "Hmm, Heero, my little Hee-chan, please, let me show you how to love anyway. I want to…." 

Heero sucked in a breath, understanding what Duo was requesting and finding that he wanted nothing more than to be one with the braided boy, the one person in the world who seemed to understand and love Heero for who he was. Duo did not care about his flaws or his mistakes and was only able to love every detail about Heero Yuy. "Duo…." 

"I want to show you how beautiful love his, Hee-chan," Duo let his large violet eyes shine in the darkness upon the dull brilliance of Heero's Prussian ones as he spoke, the expression washed upon his face saying more than his words ever could. 

It all seemed so right to Heero. It was about then that the perfect soldier threw discipline out the window, for the birds, and tightened his arms about Duo's shoulders, wrenching the surprised American boy on his back, tresses of chocolate silk rustling out in undulating ripples through the shadowed room as the longhaired boy was tossed over. Driving Duo's head back into the soft pillows with a ferocious kiss that was passion soaked enough to bruise those pale lips, Heero let out a heavy gasp as his roommate ripped the green cotton from around Heero's body, throwing the scraps of what was once his tank top over the side of the bed. Heero watched with fascinated eyes as the remains of his shirt fluttered to the floor, his body realizing for the first time how close Duo was to him. Duo reached up to let his slender fingers affectionately slide around Heero's cheek. Gently kissing the pale knuckles of Duo's hand, Heero said in a low bedroom kind of voice, "Show me, Duo, how to love."

And years later, Heero still felt the smile that shone up at him through the darkness right then was the most amazing and inviting smile he had ever seen carved on a human face, a smile that would chase away all his pain, no matter how hard the rain came down. 

Tangled in a maze of limbs and rivers chestnut flavored hair, the two lovers lay pressed as close to each other as physically possible. Their lovemaking had been sweet, it had been wild, and it had lasted a good portion of the blissful night. Now the faint glow of the dimly lit nighttime colony spilled into the window of Heero's bedroom, drenching a lithe pale body entwined in the possessive arms of another with mussed dark hair. 

Heero laid a small kiss on Duo's temple and rocked him back and forth in his arms as he muttered something softly into Duo's elfin ear. "Ai shiteru, Duo." 

Duo slowly found himself tumbling to his waking life slowly, his eyes opening leisurely as his senses began to kick in again. He could feel Heero's arms tightening around him, could still taste his lover on his tongue, smell his scent clinging to the air and his skin, hear his breathing in the early hours of the morning. Eyes focusing once again, he found himself staring groggily into a pair of wintry Prussian eyes, warmed over with the spring of a new world. "Heero," he murmured sleepily, shifting around a bit in the tight encasement of Heero's unrelenting grip. 

Heero said nothing, just smiled, knowing how much Duo liked to see that as he let one hand fall away from his lover's body to brush some long strands of beautiful spun chestnut from his porcelain face. Duo rolled over on his back, throwing an arm behind his head, the other resting on his chest, rising and falling with every breath. Heero, unwilling to be separated from Duo, even for a moment, adjusted his position so that he was somewhat sprawled on top of Duo's chest and could keep his one arm around his love's neck, the other absently stroking chocolate hued hair from his face. 

Duo spoke at length, his voice lazy and erotically drowsy. "Hmm, Heero, who'd have thought that Death could humble the perfect soldier? Never thought I'd live to see perfection beg for Death like you did." A wicked smile crossed Duo lips. 

With a gentle smile, he flicked Duo's nose affectionately, "Heh, I had no idea that Death could feel so good." 

Duo chuckled quietly at that, cuddling closer to Heero and his comforting warmth. 

"Heero?" Duo said suddenly after a few long moments of blissful silence that seemed to rush by like seconds.

 Heero's fingers stopped sailing through Duo's hair, falling upon his cheek tenderly. "What is it Duo?"

Duo smiled, his face the very picture of tranquil happiness. Shaking his head slightly, he admonished himself. "Aw, nevermind, Hee-chan. It's silly." 

"No, tell me," Heero urged, pressing his lips against Duo's other cheek. He had grown to love the sound of Duo's voice, and no matter what the longhaired American had to say, no matter how unimportant or small, Heero liked to listen, just for the sheer sake of hearing that voice. 

"Aw, I was just wondering if you ever looked at the moon," Duo said wistfully. Then his question melted into his many-toned laughter, shaking as he did so. "I'm sorry Heero, that was stupid. I just… always wondered, that's all."

"Wondered what?"

"If you ever looked at the moon," Duo said again. He laid a hand atop Heero's, rolling himself closer, their naked chests pressing against each other, hair rolling down his back in a glistening chestnut brown river, as Duo went on rambling whatever was on his mind. "It's just, well, when I first met you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I liked to lay and watch the moon when me 'n' the Sweepers were out at sea. After I met you, one night, while I was stargazing, wondering how long I'd get to see the moon like that from Earth, I couldn't help but think of you, and if you ever liked to do the same. I mean, it sounds silly, but I had taken a lot of comfort in the fact that if you looked up at the moon, well, we'd still be looking at the same moon, no matter where you were. I really missed you when we weren't together, Hee-chan." 

"The moon," Heero murmured as he closed his eyes, trying hard to remember the few times he had seen it hanging like a silver pendant in Earth's night skies as opposed to the barren graveyard it seemed to be when floating nearby in a battle wracked Gundam. "Yeah, sometimes I'd look at it. Ah, but during the war, it was just… there. Now when I see the moon, I think more about its beauty, and how it felt to fly there and escape."

"Really?" 

"Uh huh," Heero nodded sleepily. "But I don't need to escape anymore. There's nothing I have to run away from anymore."  

"Yeah?" Duo was intrigued. It was so rare that Heero opened up like this and to hear him talking so freely was like music to his ears. Much like Heero liked the sound of Duo's voice, so Duo liked the way Heero sounded when he spoke. The way his voice was so low and somewhat monotone and nasal, never wavering except in moments like these, when emotion began to surge through his normally systematic thought patterns. 

"I got you," he answered sincerely, burying his forehead in the crook of Duo's neck. "I don't have any emotions to hide from anymore. They're all out there in the light, thanks to you my little Shinigami." 

"You're such a sap," Duo said in a playful tone, ruffling Heero's messy long bangs affectionately. For once, Heero did not seem to be irritated by the action and actually smiled as Duo went on playing with his hair. "You don't like to admit it, but you're a grade A, drippy, romantic sap." 

"I learned from a master," Heero jokingly stuck his tongue out at his lover, which earned him a sloppy kiss on the forehead. A contented sounding laugh rang from Heero's slightly parted lips before he sat up and slid from beneath the slightly dampened sheets, his warm feet hitting the cold floor with a quiet thud. 

"Hey, where're you goin', Hee-chan?" Duo's voice was suddenly wrought with worry and paranoia, a voice laughing in the back of his head that he would have allowed himself to be used so easily. 

"I have to go out," he said plainly as he pulled a pair of tight blue jeans from a drawer and slid into them deftly before throwing a new tee shirt over his head. 

"So that's it then?" Duo said, collapsing back onto the bed, his eyes staring blankly at the blackness above. "It's just sex and then run?" 

Heero had made it to the other side of the room by this time, standing in the dim outline of the doorframe as he looked at Duo with a vacant expression masking his true emotions. When Duo's eyes fell upon Heero, the Japanese boy looked away, almost as if he were ashamed to look Duo in the eye. 

"Are you that humiliated by me?" Duo was trying hard to smile, thankful that the lack of light in the room concealed the tears beginning to well in his eyes. "You can't even look at me?" 

"It's no that at all Duo," Heero was trying to say, regretting his abrupt movements from the bed. It had nothing really to do with their night, simply that Heero had to get up for work early. So perhaps he was rising a few hours than he would have normally, but he needed an excuse to be on his own so he could think. He just needed time to gather his thoughts and organize in his mind just exactly what his feelings for his friend were. "I… I just need to…."

"Go on then," Duo made a little shooing motion with his hand, his head now turned to face the open window on the opposite wall of the room. "Have your quiet thoughtful moment. I won't bug you." 

"You understand Duo?" Heero was bewildered that Duo seemed so able to empathize with the tumult in his heart, despite the way his American lover kept his face hidden in the shadows as if he were afraid for Heero to look upon his face and see his true heart. 

"Sure," came the almost distant reply. The saddened American tried hard not to wince as he heard Heero pad towards the door and slip into his sneakers in the little front vestibule. Squinting his eyes shut was the best way for him to avert tears as the apartment door slammed shut behind him. Maybe he really is confused… but I just feel like I was used. Why do I feel like this? 

His fingers lay upon the slight depression in the mattress where he and Heero had lain, knotted in each other's arms in their lovemaking, the spot still warm with his body heat and his pillow still laced with his musky scent. 

And why is that I can't be mad at him? Why do I… still love him anyway, no matter what he does to my heart? 

Heero leaned his head against the steering wheel of his car, mired in his own thoughts. He had not driven anywhere, simply climbed into the driver's seat, not even bothering to start the engine. He no longer had the heart to go off on his way anymore. What have I done? I fucking made love to him and then walked out. Did I… break his heart by doing that? 

Looking up at the three arched windows above, the three that peered into their living room he could see Duo's outline crouched in the windowsill, watching him. He noticed he had pulled on a pair of dark blue boxer shorts, his hair sloppily pulled back in a messy ponytail as if he had practically dragged himself from the bedroom to his new spot. And all that time, he had not taken his eyes of Heero once. 

"Shi—it!" he screamed into the silent night air. A few birds were startled from their sleep and fluttered from beneath the gutter along the top of the building in shock. Heero watched them go, the somewhat chubby doves soaring away towards the metallic colony roof in a shower of down and feathers. Free and forgotten, the birds tumbled on their way, without a care in the world as to what anyone else thought of them, able to be whatever they wanted to be and go wherever they wanted to go. Through bleary eyes, he watched a pair of oval teardrops splatter on the bottom of the wheel, the first tears he had cried out of remorse in heaven knew how long. "I love him. I really do…. The braided baka made me fall in love with him!" 

"The braided baka did what?" Duo's voice chirped up with the sound of the passenger door of the car opening and slamming shut. 

Heero whirled around to stare at Duo, who had somehow managed to slink from the window to the car in perfect silence. Then again, what else could be expected from everyone's favourite Shinigami? "Duo! Demo…." He slipped into a low grouse of Japanese, incoherent and meshed together as if his sentences were just one great long word. 

He shrugged, trying hard to look innocent as if he had not heard anything that Heero had said to himself. "But what? Stop muttering in Japanese. I'm kind of rusty and it's hard to figure out what you're talking about with you rattling on at sixty words a second. Hey come on! You're making my mouth look bad!" 

Heero looked up from his tightly clenched fists, staring out down the street ahead of him. Then he slowly turned his gaze to fall upon the sweetly smiling boy beside him. Duo put a reassuring hand on Heero's shoulder and patted him affectionately. Slowly, Heero's palm slid from the steering wheel to rest upon Duo's knuckles, his fingers tightening around Duo's as if to comfort both of them. 

"S-suteki da ne, Duo?" Heero managed to smile weakly. Shyly, he pulled Duo's hand to his mouth and laid a gentle kiss upon his knuckles. Then he bent forward and pressed his lips against Duo's in a softly, giving Duo the most gentle and sweet kiss he had ever received in his entire short existence. "Ai shiteru." 

"Oh Hee-chan!" Duo practically leapt out of his seat to fling himself into Heero's arms. He had not caught the first bit, but if there was anything he remembered how to say in his lover's native tongue, it was 'I love you.' 

—O—


	11. Epilogue Name

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain Soaked Angel

Epilogue ~ Name

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper 

—O—

"Heero?" Duo practically fell into the front door with his arms loaded with three stuffed grocery bags. Heero had suckered him into doing the week's shopping, insisting that he had some important business to take care of. "Heero, are you home?"

There was nothing to answer Duo's calls save the sound of music playing softly in the background. Duo shrugged it off and stumbled to the kitchenette to put his groceries away, singing along to the song wafting on the still air. 

"There's a lady who's sure all the glitters is gold,

And she's buying the Stairway to Heaven…."

Things had become so different between he and Heero since the very first time they had met. Duo found himself paused with a tin of hot cocoa halfway into the cupboard as he reflected on his messy haired lover. With a smirk, he pushed the tin onto the shelf and closed the cupboard door as he remembered the dodgy arguments he and Heero had once had, each trying hard to act like neither wanted to put up with the other. Aw that's a joke, he thought to himself. I liked being with him all the time. I never could resist him. He was always in my thoughts, practically my oxygen, like he was in the air. A few giggles erupted from his mouth as his musing went on. So I took a chance! That's what Shinigami's about! Thank God I did! He went on like this for quite a bit more as he finished unpacking. Stepping from the kitchen, still singing aloud, he decided to wander off to his room to sleep away the afternoon until Heero came back home. 

"And it makes me wonder… Ooh…. 

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know.

The piper's calling you to join him.

Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow?

And did you know, your Stairway lies on the whispering wind?"

Pushing the door open, noting how the music had grown in volume the closer he stepped to his room, he deftly swept to the black painted chest of drawers, ripping out a loose tee-shirt of a dark red colour, the words "3, 2, 1, let's jam!" printed across the back. He never slept in this room anymore, just used it as a place to keep his things, and (to quote Heero) a place to trash. Just then, he heard the front door opening, signaling Heero's return. As he looked up, his eyes fell upon a new and yet strangely familiar sight. It was the stereo system that he had been ogling for almost a year now, sitting on the table beneath the window, quietly playing one of his old Led Zeppelin CDs. 

"I figured you'd like that," came Heero's distinct low voice. Swiveling around on his heel, practically twisting the carpet around as he did so, Duo turned to find Heero leaning in the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and a knowing smile faintly carved upon his face. 

"Hee-chan? You did this for me?" Duo's mouth was agape as he stared at the shining deep blue eyes of his mysterious lover.  A silent nod from Heero was all Duo needed before he launched himself headlong at Heero, sending the pair of them flying out into the hall as he tackled him to the floor. A series of sloppy kisses fell upon Heero's face. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" 

"Whoa, Duo," Heero was trying to speak but having quite a difficult time between kisses and cuddles. 

Duo sat up on Heero's stomach, looking at him questioningly with those giant adorable eyes of his. He blink a few times, confused at Heero's sudden terseness. "What's wrong, Heero?" 

Heero shook his head, offering a warm smile up at Duo. Such an expression on Heero's face was all Duo ever needed for an apology and he soon found himself swooping down upon his Oriental lover with all the grace of an affectionate pussycat. 

"Oi, Heero, I do hope this isn't a bad time!" a sweet recognizable voice floated through the still open front door. Duo, his lips still latched to Heero's, twisted just a bit and let one big purple eye slid open as so he could see who was standing in their foyer. 

"Of course not!" Heero gasped as Duo pulled himself up into a sitting position, both eyes now wide with disbelief and who was standing there, a pair of suitcases at his feet and a brown paper bag loaded with what seemed to be a lot of gift wrapped boxes and cakes. 

"Goddamn! Quatre Winner!" Duo bounced from Heero over to Quatre and enfolded the little blonde Arabian in a fierce hug that held all the affection reserved for one who had not been seen in an eternity and sorely missed. "What're ya doing here? How's Trowa? Have you been well? It's been, what, near two years?" 

Almost jealously, Heero crept behind Duo, one arm snaking between he and Quatre, pulling his American love close as he muttered quietly in his ear, low enough for only Duo to hear, "Mine." 

Duo leaned back out of Quatre's arms into Heero's, a jovial grin plastered on his face. "Aw, why're you here, Q-chan?" 

"We were invited," said a deep voice as the front door opened a bit further revealing a much taller Trowa, clad in a black turtleneck and tight light blue jeans. "Heard it's someone's twentieth birthday," he smiled the widest Duo had ever seen in all the time he had known the Latin clown. There was another suitcase in his hand and a few more bags loaded with goodies and presents, obviously the product of Quatre's lavish spending tendencies. 

"Ah, good work with the groceries, Maxwell," Wufei said, appearing suddenly from the kitchen, a large cookbook in his hands. "What would you like for dinner? I'll make you anything you want." 

The light of realization crept over Duo's face when he saw his old friends standing before him, each with a genuinely pleased look upon his face. He spun around in Heero's arms, looking into his eyes with a knowing look on his face as Heero tried his damndest to look as if he knew nothing. "You! This was all you!" He threw his arms around Heero's neck and burying his face into the crook of his neck as he practically sobbed. "Oh God, Hee-chan, you're the best, best, best ever!" 

Heero could feel his shirt starting to get damp as he brought his arms around Duo's waist to pull him closer. "Happy birthday, koi," he said softly into Duo's ear as he placed a kiss on the side of Duo's head as the others crowded close to embrace each other in a large group hug, finally together again. 

The day had been so exciting for Duo, easily the best birthday he had ever had in his entire life. It was actually the first time anyone had really gone out of his or her way to celebrate it before, and he was shocked that anyone aside from himself actually knew what the exact date was. Now Duo stood in the middle of the apartment, smiling at Wufei who was snoring contentedly on the couch. Quatre and Trowa had holed up in Duo's room. Duo was more than happy that Heero had arranged for their friends to stay the rest of the week with them. It had been so long since they had all five of them been under one roof together, like the family they once had been. 

Heero had retreated to sleep only five minutes ago. He had been about to join his lover when he suddenly exclaimed that he had forgotten something. He quietly returned to their bedroom, cradling the item he had gone to retrieve. With a quiet click, he closed the door behind him and padded over to the bed, setting the little flower encrusted radio he had kept since he was a small boy beside the old baseball he had given Heero on his side of the bed where he would surely find it in the morning. A yellow post-it note was stuck upon the tiny little speaker of the transistor, scrawled with Duo's somewhat messy hand. He had gone digging through his stacks of books for a Japanese-English dictionary earlier that day to look up that phrase Heero had mumbled in the car the night before. Hee-chan, it said, I know that this is nowhere near as generous as the stereo you bought me but… I want you to have my little tin flower, okay? Suteki da ne? You know, it really is wonderful… Heero…. Love, your D-chan. 

And Duo kissed Heero's brow, feeling it twitch beneath his lips, a sure sign that someone had only been pretending to be asleep as he slid between the sheets and curled up next to his rain-soaked angel. 

"And she's buying the Stairway to Heaven…." 

—O—

And even though the moment passed me by,

 I still can't turn away.

'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose,

You tossed them all away.

Letters that you never meant to send,

Tossed or thrown away.

And now we're grown up orphans,

That never knew their names,

And don't belong to no one,

That's a shame.

You could hide beside me, maybe for a while.

And I won't tell no one your name.

And I won't tell 'em your name.

Scars are souvenirs you never lose.

The past is never far.

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?

Did you get to be a star?

Don't it make you sad to know that life,

Is more than who we are?

You grew up way to fast,

And now there's nothing to believe.

And reruns all become our history.

A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio.

And I won't tell no one your name.

And I won't tell 'em your name.

And I won't tell 'em your name.

I think about you all the time,

But I don't need to sing.

It's lonely where you are.

Come back down.

And I won't tell 'em your name.

—O—

Owari 


	12. After Word Rambling of a Misunderstood ...

Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel After Word 

Hey there, my sadistic friends! Can you believe it? It's actually finished! Hurrah! There is nothing better for me than the feeling of actually finishing a big ass story like this! Wait, I lied, (dammit!) there is something better! Let me know what you think! Same deal as always, love, Jimmy Hendrix, the Stairway to Heaven, food and whatever accepted gracefully. My e-mail is _PiccoloZ73@aol.com_ if you so feel the need to drop me a line. 

And I guess I really ought to give song credit or else I'll feel like a louse being as more than half this damn thing is music. Gomen, once more. Wait, too late…. Nevermind. Anyway, music kudos to: 

Lorna Vallings – "Taste"

Blind Mellon – "It's Not Sane"

SR-71 – "Non-Toxic" 

The Goo Goo Dolls – "Acoustic #3"

Boxcar Racer – "I Feel So…."

Green Day – "Poprocks and Coke"

Incubus – "Favourite Things"

Lifehouse – "Where I Wanna Be"

Santana (w/ Eagle Eye Cherry) – "Wishin' It Was"

Incubus – "Summer Romance (Antigravity Love Song)

Incubus – "Stellar" 

The Goo Goo Dolls – "Big Machine" 

Counting Crows – "Rain King" 

LIVE – "Lay Me Down" 

Led Zeppelin – "Stairway to Heaven"

The Goo Goo Dolls – "Name"

I love all these songs (I bet you can guess what my two favourite bands are, hehe) so I bet you've probably realized what a random person I am. No really, I actually had some show tunes in here before I figured that the general populace would not be so approving. Anyway, have fun! I really hope you liked my story, and keep an eye out for more Gundam wonderfulness! (I can't believe I've only just started to write about Gundam when I've liked the series since I was in the freaking sixth grade!) 

PS On a totally different note, I'm so sorry about Zelda. I was working on a sequel to Interview with the Princess, but it was deleted off my computer. So I'm kind of taking a break from Zelda ('cause I'm still so pissed that over seventy pages of Link goodness was deleted off my hard drive!). But don't lose hope. I promise as soon as I'm inspired, I'll get it out there. So keep an eye out for The Birch Tree Wand!

_Okay, now _really_ ja ne!_


End file.
